I don't own Merlin. Or Star Trek. I'm using these characters for entertainment purposes only.
A/N: I wanted to write a very moving oneshot about gay marriage and my favorite boys but it turned into a massive fluffy crack fic. I really am just over the moon that in my state it is FINALLY legal for gays to marry if they choose to do so. I think my giddiness that love has won, at least on that front, is showing up in my writing. Oh well. Hope you enjoy it. Try not to take it too seriously.
A/N:I had to think of a way that Arthur/Merlin and Kirk/Spock could meet, when they're in different time periods and universes. This one is set in modern times for both sets of characters, so I guess it's an AU. Also, Kirk can't reveal that Spock's an alien in 2015, for obvious reasons. Arthur and Merlin don't know Kirk's dating a Vulcan. Ehhhh what? It doesn't completely make sense, but just go with it!
A/N: Kirk and Spock are dreaming about the ORIGINAL Kirk and Spock, who according to fanon, didn't get together until they were a lot older, after much heartbreak.
A/N: I think I'm using the trope where Arthur is a (loveable) asshole. That seems to be a repeated theme in my Merthur fics. I really enjoy writing that for some reason. Maybe it's because I find oblivious men to be hilarious.
A/N: I don't really think that someone is 'the girl' in a gay relationship. I just used it here because Arthur is always calling Merlin a girl in the show. It's used for comedic purposes only.
A/N: I had to look up what SCOTUS was. That's terrible!
.~.
What Happens When Gay Marriage is Legal in the US, or My Excuse To Write A Slash Crossover
.~.
London, England
June 26, 2015
"Arthur, guess what?" Merlin crowed as he stumbled through the door to their house. It had been a long day at work, and he was happy to come home to Arthur.
"Ugh," Arthur said, rather unintelligently. "I was trying to take a nap."
"Then you really don't know." Merlin was shocked. This was awesome - Arthur usually knew worldly news before he did.
"Know what?"
"That gay marriage is legal in America!" Merlin announced.
"Come on Merlin, tell me another one," Arthur sighed. "At least make this one believable."
"It's true," Merlin insisted. "The SCOTUS ruled this morning."
Arthur glared at Merlin. "What the fuck is a SCOTUS?"
"Supreme Court of the United States. It was a five to four vote, but who cares about that? It happened. It actually happened! I can't believe it!" Merlin prattled on. "Do you know what this means for us?"
Arthur sat up, curious now. Merlin sounded like he was telling the truth. But there was just no way that would happen. Well, not this soon, anyway. Some of those yanks were pretty backward.
Then again, Merlin was practically bouncing off the walls. He hadn't been this excited since the day gay marriage was made legal in their home country last year.
"Look it up!" Merlin suggested.
Arthur checked his smartphone and his jaw dropped. It was all over BBC news. Apparently as of June 26th, 2015, consenting adults that were of age in America could marry whoever they wished.
"You're telling the truth," Arthur said, almost dejectedly. Now, he was of course thrilled about the news but it also meant…
"I won the bet! I won the bet!" Merlin cried, running about the living room and jumping around rather excitedly.
"Merlin, that's not fair," Arthur complained. "I thought there was no chance that the Americans would approve gay marriage this soon. I was certain it would take another five years at least!"
"Now you have to clean the bathroom every two weeks for three months!" Merlin was quite gleeful as he gloated over winning the bet. He'd bet that the US would endorse gay marriage sometime between now and 2020. Arthur predicted it would be after that.
"I don't think those were the exact terms," Arthur tried, but then Merlin pulled out a piece of paper that spelled out those terms word for word. Arthur's bold signature was written at the bottom.
"Fuck," said Arthur. "Oh well. You win."
"Really?" Merlin couldn't believe that Arthur would give up that easily.
Arthur lunged for the piece of paper and then tore it to shreds. Grinning, Merlin pulled up a copy on his phone. Arthur tried to swipe Merlin's phone, but Merlin then informed him that stealing his phone would be useless, as he already gave one hard copy of their terms to Gwen, and one to Lance, in anticipation of this very situation.
"Merlin, I really really hate you," Arthur groaned.
"I know how much you hate me. That's why you married me," said Merlin with a smile, flashing his wedding ring at his husband.
"I can't stay mad at you for long," Arthur confessed. "Not today, when we had such a victory." He pulled Merlin for a kiss, and they ended up snuggled together on the couch. Merlin turned on the TV, where the news was reporting stories about the happy couples in the states that could now legally marry.
"Hey, guess who we need to call and congratulate?" Merlin said.
"Who?"
"Your friend, the hot one who kind of looks like you. What's his name... Jim? He lives in the states, right?"
"Yeah," said Arthur, narrowing his eyes at Merlin for the 'hot friend' comment. "He was born in Iowa, but then his job made him move to one of the states where gay marriage was banned."
Arthur had met Jim online, in a chat room for people who remembered their past lives and found the person they were destined to be with. Arthur and Merlin had remembered several of their past lives together, most notably the one where he was a king and Merlin was a sorcerer, and they all lived with their friends in Camelot back in the middle ages. They both believed that destiny had reunited them in this life, where love between two men was accepted where they lived.
Jim, it turned out, didn't remember past lives, but he had dreams about one of his future lives, about where he was captain of a starship and he got to explore strange new worlds and fall in love with hot alien guys. He and Arthur had become fast friends.
"He's got a boyfriend, right?" Merlin asked.
Arthur nodded, as an idea was beginning to form in his head. It was an inspired idea. He really needed to make this happen.
"I wonder if he'll pop the question today," Merlin mused. "That would be really romantic. Wouldn't it, Arthur?"
"This is going to be awesome! I'm going to prank call Jim using your phone," said Arthur ignoring Merlin's question. He was already dialing the number on Merlin's cell. "He won't know it's me with this number."
"Jim just found out that he's allowed to marry whomever he wants, and you want to prank call him?" said Merlin. "Way to savor the moment," he said, quite sarcastically.
"It'll be great because he'll be so distracted over the news, he won't suspect that it's a prank call!" Arthur grinned happily at Merlin, who just shook his head.
Jim eventually picked up and Arthur put him on speaker phone so Merlin could hear Jim as well.
"Hello?" Jim answered.
"This is Officer Merthur from your local police department," Arthur said, trying to sound as authoritative as possible.
Merlin had to admit, Arthur sounded quite believable. He was using what Merlin had affectionately labled his 'King Arthur' voice. Arthur used it at work a lot, or when they were role playing in bed. Merlin would die before he would admit it to Arthur, but he really enjoyed the 'King Arthur' voice. Only this time, Arthur was using an American accent. Merlin preferred Arthur's usual voice, but even with the funny accent, it was still hot.
"Is this Jim Kirk?"
"Yes?" Jim sounded a tad annoyed. Perfect.
"I was calling because you've hit the limit on unpaid parking tickets," said Arthur. "I'm going to have to ask you to come down to the station immediately or else we'll send someone to arrest you."
"Unpaid parking tickets?" Jim sounded the tiniest bit afraid. "Hold on just a moment."
Arthur and Merlin listened as Jim called out to someone.
"Spock! I thought you took took care of my parking tickets. What? You did? Check who's calling?"
"He totally fell for it!" Arthur sniggered.
Merlin sighed, completely used to Arthur's antics by now.
"Who the hell is this?" Jim cried.
"It's Arthur."
"And Merlin!"
"Oh. Officer Merthur - I should have known." Jim groaned. "Fuck you, Pendragon!" But Jim was laughing, so Arthur counted that as a win.
"We really just wanted to say congratulations about the ruling on marriage," said Merlin. "We're so happy for you."
"You really have that many unpaid parking tickets?" That was Arthur.
"Argh! Hold on." Jim soon came back on the line. "Spock says that the police can't call you in for unpaid parking tickets."
"Ahahahaha!" Arthur chortled. "We got you good."
"I had nothing to do with it," Merlin insisted.
"I know you didn't, Merlin," said Jim. "Your other half has a twisted sense of humor."
"No kidding," said Merlin. "If you don't mind me asking, who is Spock? I thought you said that your boyfriend's name was Grayson?"
"Spock's kind of his nickname," said Jim.
"When did you meet him again?" Merlin asked.
"It was by chance," said Jim, being purposely vague. "I fell in love the moment I saw his ears."
"Huh. That's exactly what happened to me when I saw Merlin," Arthur said with a straight face.
Jim heard an 'owwwwwww' and a "you prat" over the phone.
"Jim? You still there?" Arthur asked.
"I'm here."
"What's the story with Spock? Where's he from?" Arthur pried.
"Oh...uh… he's from somewhere really far away."
"Where?"
"I can't pronounce the name of the city," Jim admitted.
"Oh," said Arthur. "What does he do?"
"He's a scientist. He's also really awesome with computers. He's a genius!" Jim waxed poetic about his boyfriend.
"Are you going to ask him to marry you, now that it's legal?" Merlin just had to ask.
"Grrr," said Jim. "I was going to ask him tonight, but he asked me first We have rings and everything!"
"Jim, does that mean you're the girl in the relationship, since you got proposed to?" Arthur inquired.
"Hey! I'm not the girl," Jim defended himself. "Spock can't even talk about sex without getting embarrassed."
"Does he get more emotional than you?" Arthur asked.
"Uh, no. He's very good at suppressing his emotions. I always have to talk everything out,"Kirk admitted.
"That makes you the girl." Arthur was smirking over the phone.
"Spoooooock," Jim complained. "Fix it."
"Greetings," said an unfamiliar voice. "I must ask you to refrain from insulting my future bondmate."
"What the hell is a bondmate? I thought you were his fiance." Arthur was so confused. "First SCOTUS and now this. Why am I always the last to know about these things?"
"I'd like to apologize on behalf of my husband," Merlin cut in. "At times he's quite the insensitive dollophead."
"What is a dollophead?" Spock asked. "Is this a human idiom of which I have not heard?"
"In two words? It means Arthur Pendragon," Merlin informed him, sounding quite smug.
"Very funny," said Arthur, glaring at Merlin. "Really original. How many times have you used that?"
"Including our other past lives? I don't know. At least fifty," Merlin estimated.
"Hey, guys." Jim got back on the phone. "This is kind of random, but we thought you might understand. We've been having really weird dreams lately. We're dreaming about us in the future, out exploring space and everything, and then we come across two guys who are slightly older and less hot versions of us that tell us that they had really tragic lives and didn't get to be together until they were a lot older. Have you ever experienced anything like that?"
"No," said Arthur. "That sounds absolutely insane."
"It does not! It sounds like you're describing an alternate universe," said Merlin, wanting to help, as Arthur certainly wasn't doing that.
"That's what Spock said," said Jim. "But that doesn't really help me much. Why would we dream about these guys? They aren't us."
"Maybe they showed up because they know you're destined to be together forever and they just want you realize your love for each other now instead of wasting your chance and not telling each other and keeping it bottled up inside for years and not doing anything about it," Merlin postulated.
"That was oddly specific," said Spock.
"I was a sorcerer in another life," Merlin said sagely. "Sometimes I just know things."
"So are you and Spock going to celebrate your engagement tonight?" Arthur asked.
Merlin was very proud of Arthur for saying something that didn't make him sound like a dick.
"Yeah, but we're just going to have a quiet night at home. I think we're just going to eat in and maybe watch a movie," said Jim.
"That sounds nice," said Merlin. "Again, I just wanted to congratulate you both. We're just thrilled, aren't we Arthur?"
"So who's going to be topping tonight?" Arthur asked.
Click. The phone went dead.
"Huh. There must've been some interference," said Arthur. "So, do you think we'll be invited to the wedding?"
Merlin smacked his forehead in frustration. "Arthur! Did you not hear Jim when he was telling us how reserved Spock is about sex? Now you ruined any chance we had about being invited to their wedding."
Arthur slowly had a very important realization. "Is that why you were being so nice to them?"
"No!" Merlin quickly insisted.
"Aha," Arthur said, sounding triumphant. "It was! You had a hidden agenda."
"Nu-uh," said Merlin, but he knew he was fighting a losing battle. He really was happy for his friends, but he was also really curious as to what a gay American wedding looked like. Probably it wasn't much different than a straight wedding, only it was two guys who got to kiss at the end. Hopefully they would have cake. And booze. Arthur and alcohol were always a winning combination.
Then Merlin's phone went off. Arthur grabbed it, saw it was Jim calling back, and answered it.
"Hello? Jim?"
"For your information, I will be topping tonight. Dickhead." It was Spock! Then he hung up on them.
Neither Arthur or Merlin was brave enough to call them back.
.~.
A month later, they received an invitation in the mail to Spock and Jim's wedding. Merlin and Arthur had no idea what it meant by they were invited to attend a 'bonding ceremony'. Arthur suggested that it might have to do with some sort of strange bondage sex ritual. Merlin punched him in the arm, but he'd secretly been wondering the same thing.
.~.
Arthur and Merlin attended Jim and Spock's wedding, which was just like a regular wedding only with two guys. (And Spock wore a hat for some reason.) After they said their vows, Spock put his hands on Jim's temples. This was when the bonding occurred, and they became of one mind. When Spock removed his hands, Jim looked ridiculously in love with Spock and just a little high. When it was time for them to kiss, they held out their first two forefingers and touched them together before they kissed on the lips.
Arthur and Merlin clapped along with the other guests as Jim and Spock recessed down the aisle, forever joined in mind, body, and spirit.
.~.
The End!
A/N: You guys have to watch Key and Peele's comedy skit about gay weddings. It's soooooooooo funny! This gay guy has to explain to a family what the difference is between a gay wedding and a straight wedding - which is not a lot! The best part was when one of the guys asked 'when in the ceremony do we sing Over the Rainbow'? I was rolling.
watch?v=rtgY1q0J_TQ
A/N: I'd love to hear your reviews from this. Was it funny or is that all in my head? Thanks!
A/N3: If someone actually cares and is reading this 100 years from now, half the things I said are probably considered homophobic in your time. Sorry about that! I had good intentions.