He couldn't breath. How could this have happened to her and not him? He was there when it all went down hill, literally standing right beside her. Watching her fall, watching everything he ever cared about in life fall to the ground. Now matter how hard he tried there was no movement, just silence. It was unreal, maybe he was stuck in a horrible nightmare. Who was he kidding, he knew this was real. As he stood there watching her motionless body lie in bed, Gibbs walked in.
"There's nothing you could have done. No one knew he was even there. Don't be so hard on yourself, you did what you could." He couldn't even look at him.
"I could have saved her. I could have done something. If only I looked up I would have seen him. It's my fault she is he-"
"No, DiNozzo, you're not responsible. She went in first, and maybe if you had gone in this would be you now. I don't think she could handle seeing you like this. She may have her strength with guns, but seeing you here would have set her off the deep end."
He knew Gibbs was right. She never handled emotional pain well, even if she denied it. "I don't know. What am I going to do. Seeing her like this, so broken and still. I feel like I'm going down with her."
"I have to grab a cup of coffee. I'll be back in 30. Take your time, Tony, and this time, be honest with her about how you feel like you are with me. I know she can hear you and she'll understand."
As he walked out of the room, Tony's eyes gazed upon Ziva. As she lied there his heart began breaking into a million unfixable pieces. He walked over to her, grabbed a chair and pulled it in close to the bed. He couldn't stop staring at her. The face that had always been smiling back at him for the past 7 years seemed faded, there was no smile on her face this time. He couldn't help but brush the hair off her forehead, gliding his head down her paled face. He grabbed her hand, surprisingly it was still warm as it was any other day.
He knew what he had to say, all he needed was the courage to finally tell her.
You can do this, he thought, You have told Gibbs this already and he approves, so why can't you just come out and say it already?
With one deep, ragged breath, he knew it was time.
"Of all people I had to give a speech to about my feelings, it had to be you. I just can't help but think of how funny it must be to hear me talking about me, what a surprise. But now, it's not longer about me, but what I feel about you. I can't believe it's already been 7 years since the first time I met you. I still remember everything, your dark curly hair and how you teased me about having phone sex. Man, those were the days. And here we are now, in a whole new relationship that I never thought would happen. Looking at it, how could I resist. You with your dark, inviting eyes that always seemed to had a hidden soul beneath or your smile. Oh, that smile. I would really like to see it again"
Enough with the dumb lines, get to how you really feel you egghead.
"Ziva, you are the one woman I fell for. I have never felt this way about anyone before and now seeing you here like this... It's like I'm dead inside. I can't just sit here and hope for the best, I NEED you awake to laugh at me, to tell me how dumb I sound right now, but most importantly, tell me everything is all right. I need you to tell me that you love me, Ziva, like I love you. I can't imagine spending my life without you, you have become my life."
Tears were streaming down his face. He couldn't continue, it hurt him to much inside. He could collapse right now from heartache, but he knew that's not how she would want him to handle this situation. He had to be tough, he had to prove he was going to be strong for her.
"All I want is to be able to see you open your eyes, just one more time. Maybe screw up one more idiom, but please don't leave me here alone like this. I love you Ziva, I love you so much. Please, please stay with me, I'll never let you go"
He knew this was becoming hopeless. The doctors even said her chance of survival was slim, but he wasn't going anywhere.
He held tightly onto her hand, squeezing it gently until suddenly, her hand squeezed back. Weakly, her eyes opened and were set on his face, and small smile appearing on her washed out face.
"I can promise you, Tony", she whispered, "I'm not going to leave you here. I love you too much to let you go"
He couldn't believe it. A miracle, that's what it was, and if he learned anything form Gibbs, he wasn't going to take it for granted. Now as both of them stared at each other now words were shared, only tears slid down both of their faces. Tony smiled at Ziva, his eyes full of light again.
"If you were gone I wouldn't have anyone to help me prank McGee, and boy, would that blow"
She gave out a small, barely audible laugh, but he still heard her. As he leaned in to her face he whispered once more, "I love you and I'll never leave your side, no matter how badly you want me to", and kissed her.