Author's notes: I don't own stuff. Marvel might.

This is my first published work, so bear with me - I casually write while stuck in traffic, so updates should happen every two or three weeks.
Primarily an avengers story I write for fun, but may or may not have some cameos here and there. See if you can spot them (If you can't maybe I'm just trolling you).

This is a casual work, so please judge it as such. However, feedback will probably be read and appreciated.

Thor grinned in satisfaction as the tree slowly tipped and fell. The onlooking crowd, however, had a different reaction. It wasn't that the asgardian had now leveled every tree in sight. It wasn't the fact that he'd been using them to make a long house. It wasn't even the fact that the crowd consisted of police officers who had been pleading for him to stop for the better part of an hour.

It was the fact that this was all happening in Grand Central Park.

"But why not? " he'd asked. "This New York is my home now, and there is no other place left to build! "

The NYPD, present in its entirety, heaved a collective sigh. The racket of pointed guns shifting as dozens of officers facepalmed filled the park. As they had all learned not to get in Thors way after the zoo incident, nobody had the courage to challenge his logic. Finally, the chief spoke up.

"Can't you rent a place? Or Shack up with Stark? "
At this, Thor pushed his arms to his hips in his most proud "hero pose", puffing out his chest, prompting most of the female officers, and exactly 6 of the male ones, to swoon as he exclaimed that "a true man makes his own home. "

As far as the force was concerned, that was the end of it. Thor was simply too bullheaded to be taught common earth logic, and too powerful to be challenged. At least that was until a golden - red suit of steel landed on front of the chief of police. Much to their shock, however, he completely ignored the golden-haired deity happily dismantling the park into a house, and rather turned to face the chief of police.

"Guys, what the hell is going on here? The streets are chaos. Like, chituari found their way into my tequila chaos. Did - did you realise that with all of you guys here there's NOBODY keeping order in one of the most aggressive cities in the world? On game day? I've had to deploy my peacekeepers! "

The chief was dumbfounded. When he'd called for everyone to the park it didn't occur to him that posts were abandoned. "Th-Thor's wrecking the park to build a mead-hall..." he managed weakly.

He'd lost Tony with those last two words. He raised an iron - clad finger at the chief as if to say "I'll deal with you later" as he turned to walk toward the impromptu construction site.

"Thor! What have we got here? Our new drinking spot? "

"Aye, as soon as the bar is stocked. But this meager forest runs low on lumber!" he said as Tony fell in sync with him, taking the opposite end of the tree and placing it on the lodge as if this was perfectly normal.

Tony grew silent for a moment. "Jarvis says the best trees for something like this are a few hundred clicks north of here. I can grab a few dozen if you want?"

Thor grinned. "Aye! And summon the others, if this is to be a group effort! And ale! "

"and Ale!" Tony called back enthusiastically as he took off.

Tony grinned. "JARVIS?"
"Yes, sir. "
"Get the cap on the line. Oh, and get veronica in position over, what was that place called? "

"Yellowstone Park, sir. I'll patch the call through presently, sir. "

Steve Rogers was on his nineteenth lap around the lake when a fully geared up Falcon flew past him, calling "on your left! " as his mechanical wings carried him past.

He stopped in his tracks. "You've GOT to be kidding me, " he sighed as he assumed a track - running start position. He launched himself forward, leaving a small crater in the ground behind him, dashing ahead at blinding speed. "on your six, " he called as he ducked directly beneath his flying fellow avenger.

The race had begun. As peace-loving as the captain was, he was as competitive as any of the avengers, which, unfortunately for most of the common people of the American continents, was a lot. Like the amount of trouble Thor caused at the zoo, lot. The Falcon had heard Rogers pass under him and acknowledged that this was a contest. He flew level with the captain and said "Three laps past starting at that tree!"
The victory conditions were set, and so we're the rules - the standing rules of all Avenger contests: "No facial shots, anything else goes. " Sam Wilson swooped by the captain. Kicking his shoulders to launch himself ahead while slowing the captain down.

Rogers lost his balance, tumbling though a nearby fence, and into the house behind it. Two shocked teenage girls gaped as the American hero stood up in the remains of their family kitchen. He grabbed an apple, winked, saying "ladies, "nodding as he dashed out after his opponent. He'd eaten the apple by the time he'd caught up, and detoured a good fifty meters (in two seconds) to deposit the core into a nearby trash can. He tried his best not to destroy anything else at that speed, running up a bent tree and jumping at the Falcon. Sam had seen this, shooting the base of the tree, causing it to fall as the Cap jumped. Tumbling as the he fell short, Rogers, in his typical fashion opted for a cleaner approach. He ducked his head down, and sprinted for all he was worth. Which, again, was a Hell of a lot. Falcon saw a man-shaped blur pass him, getting a huge lead on him as he heard a garbled "onyurleft" over the wind that he'd kicked up.

One lap left, Sam thought as he hit the throttle on his wings. He'd hoped to save fuel, but realised that to keep up with the cap, he'd have to go all - out.
"KRAAAAAAAAAAAAAKOOOOOOM!" Rogers covered his ears as the sonic Boom caught up with him, and the Falcon soared past him, windows blowing out the shops in his wake.

Sam knew that they were supposed to at least try to minimise collateral damage during these contests, but since the rule was unspoken, he'd never quite been sure how extreme the limits of "anything goes" were. Steve decided it was time to educate his ally, grabbing a brick clean out of the wall of one oh the shops, crushing it into a round shape, and putting all of his momentum into an incredible throw.

Sam couldn't figure out why his eyes had started watering, or why he'd lost control of his wings. Or the rest of his body, for that matter. As he skipped along the water to a relatively calm crash on the banks of the lake, it hit him.

Blinding pain. Incredible pain that was so unbelievably massive it had taken his brain a good ten seconds to realise just how much pain there was. The pain that only a brick hitting the balls at mach-2 could cause. Captain America calmly walked past the crash site a few minutes later, leaving over the moaning, wounded foetal-positioned avenger, quietly saying "on your left " as he walked to the finish line, whistling innocently.

Half an hour later, Wilson gingerly walked to the finish line. "Well played, " was all he could manage to say in his feeble attempt to salvage his masculinity. He sounded like he'd been huffing helium. As he put his hand on the tree, the Star - spangled banner started playing of the phone in the captains pocket.
"Really?" the smurf-voiced avenger teased.
Rogers shook his head as he answered.

"Captain America, freeing your oil since 1943. How may I liberate your day? " he said , grinning at the knowledge of who was calling.
"I'd like the 2 war for the price of one special, with an order of fries" Tony replied, deadpan. The captain could tell he was barely keeping a straight face. "What's the news, Stark? "

"Get to Grand Central, Cap. Thor's building a house!" he put him on speaker. "Building a house? On the edge of the park? "
"In it! "

A look of amazement crept over his face as he realised exactly what was happening. Of course Thor would do something like that. "I'll be there soon, " he grinned, hanging up. "No Way am I missing this. "

As far as Bruce was concerned, it wasn't the worst way he'd woken up. Sure, there were several goats that looked like they'd been bitten by sharks in the green field, and a suspicious amount of blood (goat, he assumed) on his chin, but at least he was on a nice goatskin blanket instead of on the grass. Not no mention the two gorgeous, stark-naked, amply breasted, smooth, caramel skinned women lying on either side of him, their hands interlocked on his chest.

That can't be right, he thought. I can't... Not without... Either these girls are incredibly flexible, or... Then he realised. Indian girls - he was quite possibly the first person, if not the first nerd, in history to have experienced a tantric threesome. He had to tell stark about this one. The question was, had they taken him out of the hulk state like this or was he already calmed down and simply forgotten the fun as he forgot most things after an incident.

As the girls stirred, he noticed a gold - orange probe floating towards him. Stark had designed a "post-incident communications package " to find him when he woke up. Though he was certain it had been designed to flake out on him at the worst possible times, thanks to Starks wonderful sense of humour, it had no qualms about bothering him now. A coat rack appeared out of either side of the probe, one holding a shirt, the other , pants. He waved the probe off, and it seemed pleased to leave him alone for five minutes until a projection of Stark appeared on front of it.
" 'sup buddy- Woah, what happened here? Bruce, you dog! " Bruce simply grinned. "I... I honestly have no idea. " He simply said. "I just woke up, and... "

"Well, props, man. And it seems you earned your red wings I the process, too. I respect that, a real man goes down any day of the month. " A look of confusion crept over Banners' face until he remembered the blood on his face. "Oh- uh, no, um... I uh, snacked on some goats apparently. But I, uh, am very interested to know what happened here. " the girl on his left trailed a finger down his chest, and lower than Tonys camera was programmed to EVER show. (again.) "You happened here, Bruce. And there. And there, and over there... " Tony was convinced she was just pointing randomly around the field. "Either way, buddy, you need to find a way to NYC. I can hook you up in a ride from Bangladesh. Should have you here in two hours tops. "

At this, the physicists eyes nearly popped out his skull. "Bangladesh? Where am I... What time is it - my watch says it's late morning but the sun is... How did I get here, I was in Hawaii!"

"Yes, you don't want to know, it's 6pm there and I have no idea. Just follow the probe. "
Bruce nodded. "Well, I'm in no hurry to get anywhere, as you can see. What's the hurry?"

"Yeah, I don't blame you. It's just that me and Thor are building a bar smack - dab in the middle of central park. Come on by when you feel like prying yourself away. "

As the girl started kissing down Banners chest, making her way very low down, he laid back and said "five more hours," flipping the comm channel closed.

Natasha Romanov walked through the club. While trance music, strobe lights, lasers, and a marijuana-fed smoke machine weren't her usual scene, she had to admit these effects, combined with all the blood and bodies scattered around the place worked really well.

As she swept her leg across another club goer's face, sending him crashing into the bar, his friends all scattered, save for one. Natasha raised an eyebrow threateningly. "You want me to pull out your nipple rings? "
The shirtless trancer thought about it, looking her up and down, noticing the very tight catsuit and the effect it had on her very perfect body. She may have been trying to threaten him, but in reality it was a dream come true. "Oh, gross..." she trailed off as she jabbed his nose, putting him down as quick as possible. As he sank to the floor, he somehow managed a weak "call me " before a thud confirmed that he was down.

Natasha noticed a laser crawl up her chest, and quickly ducked behind a nearby table. "Oh, right. Trance club " she reminded herself for the eighth time. It was weird though, every time that happened, she swore the red laser dot was different to the others swirling through the smoke. But there was nobody conscious and/or alive left in the bar. Time to finish the job. She gingerly made her way over several piles of bodies, each arranged in rather dirty positions (it's important to enjoy one's work, after all) toward the VIP section.

As she made it through the curtain, she saw someone she most certainly was not expecting. "Barton? " she asked, wide - eyed. Hawkeye laughed as she took one of the myriad of shot glasses and put it away in one gulp. "Bit early to be drinking, don't you think? " The black widow shot him a glance deadlier than any bullet. "How the hell did you beat me here? Where's Trent?" Hawkeye grinned, waving an arm across the shot - covered table. "Bathroom with a groupie. We're old drinking buds. " Natasha sighed, throwing her wallet to Barton. She should have known he'd been too eager to take the bet.

"Hang on, she said, noticing the sniper rifle in the corner. Have you been pointing that thing at me this whole time? "
"I couldn't resist. You dive EVERY time! "
She snarled, putting away another armenian pimp-slapper with a flinch. "I swear this is the last time I'm racing you to a target. And the last time I do Stark a favour! " at that, her phone started ringing. Stark. She hung up.

Three seconds later, Barton's phone rang. "Barton. Yes. Ok... Yeah." he handed the phone to Romanov, who promptly hung up. "That was my wife. " She looked at him, wide - eyed, until the phone rang again. Stark. "You liar, " she said, finally answering the phone. "Black Widow, the ass that won't quit until your throat gets slit" she answered, deadpan. "JARVIS, could you get to work on that nosebleed, please"
"What? "
"Oh, nothing. Just handling a subsystem malfunction. "
"In your nose. "
Stark flinched. "Yeah, the nose on my faceplate. I'm in flight. "
Natasha grinned. "The mere mention of my ass gives you a nosebleed! "
"... I'm at high altitude. "
"Whatever. We found Reznor. Barton can handle the negotiations."
"Oh yeah, thanks, I meant to call you about that - the party is gonna be ON, my birthday, not the Saturday. You think that'll be a problem? "
Natasha rolled her eyes. "This is the last time I do you a favour, Tony. "
"Until you need another city block leveled. "
"I'll get Banner to do it. The zipper on this catsuit is a pretty powerful weapon... One flash, and it's all over... "

It was rare for Tony Stark to be bereft of any intelligent, witty, facetious, cheeky, snark, condescending or otherwise annoying responses. In this instance, all he could manage was, "that lucky bastard "

"Anyway, that's not why I called you. How far are you from central park? " Natasha placed the phone to her other ear, allowing Hawkeye to listen in as he leaned close. "Central Park? Less than a mile, " she looked at Barton, who nodded the affirmative. "Yeah. About a click. Why? "
"Walk over there, our local deity could use a pair of hands. "

Hawkeye grabbed the phone. "No offence, Stark, but whatever Thor's gotten himself into, we can't lift a tenth as much as he can. Are you also on your way? "
"Everyone is. But you're not needed to help lift, we need someone to bring beer. " Natasha raised an eye at her partner, glancing over at the intimidatingly well stocked, completely undefended bar. "
Barton grinned. "Oh, jeez, Tony. You're asking a lot - it's 10 am... Gonna be hard to find a place selling... "
Tony audibly sighed. "You two accidentally got the Pope alcohol poisoning at a nuclear silo. I trust in your resourcefulness. "
"You have a point, Tony, but it's not gonna be easy. " he passed Natasha a green, glowing bottle as he took a swig of his own. Natasha was grinning ear to ear. "All I'm saying is you're gonna owe us one. "