Authors Note: So I debated addingn this to my story Saving Hank but I have decided to have it as its own tale. I lost a classmate this week to cancer and the story has written itself. My friend was a 911 dispatcher so I am basing my image of Camille on her and what bits we have gotten from the show. I know characters are not quite the same as the show but grief has a way of changing People. Please review. I will probably continue this story but not sure if I have a set direction.
"Where is Voight?" Adam Ruzeck asked Antonio Dawson a couple hours after arriving to the unit and not receiving a new briefing on a case.
"Yeah...Erin is gone too...are they on some case we don't know about yet?" Kevin Atwater asked.
Antonio looked at Al before answering, "just get caught up on you paperwork and don't worry about it.
"what do you know that we don't?" Adam asked Al when he caught the head nod between the seasoned two.
"Just shut up and get to work." Al Olinsky growled effectively ending their conversation.
Jay was sitting back at his desk alternating between checking his phone and looking across the aisle at Erin's empty desk. He knew that she had gone to see Voight and to visit Camille's grave. It was the anniversary of her death. It was hard for Jay not to imagine what Hank was like as a family man before he lost his wife to cancer, what Erin was like as a child, what they were like as a family before Camille moved onto Heaven. He knew that later she would break down with him at her apartment when he brought her pizza and beers knowing that she had to hold it together with him.
Jay and Al shared a look and a sad smile, an unspoken agreement between the two of them not to speak of what they knew to the newbies until either Hank or Erin said something themselves. Their morning off was between the two of them.
Erin walked up to the gravestone to find Hank on his knees with his head in his hands. She stopped behind him and grabbed his shoulders and held him tight. He slowly rocked back on his heals and leaned into her, he knew she would be the only one there that day, Justin was away serving his commitment to the Army. This year it was just the two of them.
"Thank you for taking me in, not as your husbands CI but as your daughter. You were my Mother. You taught me what love was... you gave me a family." Erin whispered, only just loud enough for Hank to hear her. She said the same thing every year. She knew that Hank had gotten there at four fifty two in the morning and stayed there until she came at ten to thank her and to make him get out of the cold.
Hank slowly stood up and Erin wrapped her arms around his waist; something she would never even think about doing at work. But here, in the cemetery, they were father and daughter. Here they were family. Here they could share their pain, share their tears. Here Hank was able to show what he hid the other 364 days of the year.
"You ready?" Erin asked him. He shook his head and almost dropped back to his knees. Even all these years later it never got easier. "She loved you so much Dad...so much." She told him as she moved around so she was standing in front of him facing him and he wrapped his arms around her shoulders.
"I couldn't do this without you." He whispered, sniffling in her ear as he put his face into her neck trying to compose himself. She hated seeing him like this, this anniversary aged him every year and she didn't know how much more he would be able to take before his pain overflowed. Losing Nick she had been worried would push him over but then he was able to stuff it all back in.
"You ready to go to work?" Erin asked him ten minutes later, pulling her arms from around his waist and taking his hand in hers. After he nodded she gave a sad smile, touched the top of her gravestone and led Hank to her waiting car.
They sat in the parking lot in silence for a few minutes, the only noise from the clicking of Erin typing on her phone- to Jay, Be up in a minute. "Don't hurt him Erin. You know that kid loves you." Voight smiled at his girl.
"We are just partners Hank...your orders remember?" Erin said sarcastly.
"He is going to bring your disgusting pizza and crappy beer over after shift and you will cry onto his shoulders."
"You spying on me now old man?" She said squeezing his hand.
"Just know you are a heartbreaker Kiddo." He told her as he climbed out of the car. He walked around to her as she climbed out of the car, draping his arm over her shoulder she wrapped her arm around his waist. "Thank you Erin."
"People here would be there too if you would just let them. Everyone loved Camille." Erin whispered dropping her arm as they walked through the door.
Hank walked up to Trudy Platt and got a giant stack of files from her. "You are later this year than you usually are." Erin's head snapped up at Hank as she saw tears filling his eyes. "I think about Camille often Hank, she was an amazing woman."
Erin put her arm back around Hanks waist before answering for him, "thanks. She was incredible. It is nice to know other people still think of her after all these years too." Hank reached his hand out and let it linger over Platt's before he grabbed it back and ran up the stairs.
Erin bolted up the stairs behind him and pushed her way through his office door after him and slammed the door shut her and closed the blinds. When she turned around she saw him sink down at his desk and he laid his head down with a thud. She knew he hated to be this way, especially at work, and to not have control.
She walked slowly around his desk and sat down on the edge. He leaned his head over so it was resting against her leg and she drew small circles on his shoulder. "It is different for you this year...that isn't a bad thing by the way."
"I lost my best friend Erin." He said so unccharicteristicly as he looked up at her with tears streaming down his face. She pushed him back in his chair and crawled onto his lap and she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and let him bury his face in her hair. She held him as his body shook and he chpled on sobs.
Meanwhile in the bullpen the atmosphere went to ice as Erin slammed the door shut after Hank ran past...those who knew Hank knew immediately this year was different. This anniversary was harder than it had been since she first passed...and only Alvin knew them then.
"Uhh guys..." Adam started.
"Mind your own damn business." Al snapped. "Jay you better fucking be ready tonight. Dawson can you do something with these two." He said standing up and walking into Voights office.
Erin looked up as the door opened and quickly closed behind Al. She felt him freeze and hold his breath. "Oh man..." Al mumbled realizing just how much worse this year was. Even the night Canille took her last breath he wasn't like this. "Please don't shut us out anymore Buddy."
"I miss her so much it hurts." He cried as a fresh wave of grief washed over him again.
Al walked around the desk and knelt down putting his arm around both Hank and Erin and he bent his head down and kissed the top of Hanks head. "I miss her too. Every toy drive, every Holiday, every birthday...every time I see Justin...every time I see you... she was your wife Hank but we all loved her..
They sat there a while as all three of them cried. They all said silent prayers and they tried to reassure Hank that it was okay for him to grieve. As he gained his composure back Al moved so he was sitting on the edge of the desk and Erin sat up straighter but kept her arm around Hanks neck.
"Well today has been productive." Hank grumbled.
"I think it was the most productive in years old man." Erin said and Hank gave her his secret smile.
"I think we should cut out early and go get a drink." Al told Hank.
Hank in turn looked at Erin who had laid her head on his shoulder. Something she had not even done as a child. "You going to be okay tonight Kiddo?"
"As long as you don't shut Al out. I know it hurts Dad but it hurts us so much more to have you shut us out."
"You of all people know I am trying...it's all a bit much for a creature of habit."
"I love you Hank...you know that. Promise me you will call the if..."
"He will be okay tonight Er. You go take care of you...I am sure Jay is out there pacing by now. Go throw him a bone." Al told her.
"Thank you Erin. For everything these last few months...years really. I will call you when I get home tonight." Hank promised her with a kiss to the temple. Such uncharacteristic behavior from both of them today but it has definitely not been just any old day.
Erin was nervous about leaving her bubble in the office. She would know that Atwater and Ruzek would have a million questions she was not ready to answer. When she walked out Jay's head snapped up and Antonio grabbed her hand. He wrapped her in a hug and whispered, "why is it worse this year?"
she rested her head on his shoulder and whispered back, "Nick, Justin is gone, Jin. Its Hank. He will be fine tomorrow. Just get everyone out of here so Al can get him out without anymore questions." When she let go she walked straight over to her desk and grabbed her coat.
"We are out early. Be ready to work by eight." Antonio announced.
"Is anyone going to explain to us what everyone else already knows?" Atwater asked.
"Maybe next year when you grow up." Erin remarked, nodding her hear to Jay.
"I'm not arguing a reason to cut out early." Jay said shrugging on his hoodie and wrapping his arm around Erins shoulder kissing her softly on the head.
"I don't think Voight condones that sort of behavior Halstead." Antonio teased.
"Today is different." Erin said sadly leaning into Jay as he led her downstairs. Erin went over to Platt and gave her a hug, "Ignore Hank when Al brings him down. We are all cutting out early."
"Jay you take care of our girl here. Camille was a great woman and made a huge difference in our department."
"You know I will." Jay said pulling her towards the door.