Of meercats and moving forward.

PROLOGUE

After the Prom fiasco, Dave Karofsky had raced home in tears. Sitting in his room alone, pill bottle in hand, he thought about every moment that had resulted with him in his current situation.

His concern in freshman year when Azimio Adams had brought a playboy into the locker room and the pictures didnt appeal to him the way it did for the other boys.

And his horror when he realised his eyes lingered to long on the boys getting changed in the locker room and he wondered what they're muscles would feel like under his hands.

His inner turmoil turned outward in anger against the one person he knew could understand and possibly help him, Kurt Hummel. At that name Dave felt himself shudder and his grip on the bottle of sleeping pills tightened.

Just the sight of Kurt Hummel used to disgust Dave, from his skin tight jeans, to his perfectly styled hair, but not for the reasons everyone else had believed. Everytime Dave laid eyes on the boy was like a kick in the gut, a harsh reminder that he was different to everybody else. That the thought of a girls chest didn't interest him in the slightest and his thoughts turned to boys locker rooms and his sweaty half dressed team mates when he was alone in his room. In short that he was gay. It also reminded him of the fact that though he could admit he was gay (at least in his own head) no one could pick it. He didn't look like Kurt, his helmet headed boy toy or the few gay men he'd ever seen on tv.

He was hairy, big and chubby no matter how strict he was on diet and excerise, and he just couldn't get into the whole manscaping scene, a little trimming yes, but that was as far as he went. His style consisted of t-shirts, polos, jeans and sweats nothing fancy or labeled, he just wasnt interested and didn't get it. So that begged the question, who'd be interested in him?

He was a hideous monster only confirmed when he forced himself on Kurt. He hadn't meant it, honestly. He wasn't even interested in him in that way, he'd just lost control. He had needed help. His life was spiralling out of control. His anger issues had been getting the better of him and his bullying towards Kurt alone had spiked to dangerous levels. And then the boy had confronted him, screaming in his face, calling him fat and a coward, and he'd just lost it. The kiss had felt like a release, an out he'd needed. He just wanted help, someone to understand him, instead he was faced with a horrified look and he'd left. Only to be confronted by Kurt and his out of control eyebrows boyfriend in public.

He'd only gotten worse after that and was almost relieved when Kurt had packed his things and left. But instead he just felt horrible and more lonely then ever. His dad's dissapointment in him wasn't helping, infact it just made him feel worse.

His careful facade came crashing down around him when Santana dragged him to a coffee shop and told him she knew he was gay. And so he was blackmailed into the bullywhips, Kurt came back and Dave apologized. They'd even almost become friends.

And then Prom had happened. He'd felt terrible for Kurt and was so impressed with how the boy came back from such a cruel joke. He'd liked to imagine he would of danced with Kurt had the boy not started in on him about coming out. That's when he realised the joke was on him. Dave, with his sports, questionable looks and his sexuality, didn't fit in anywhere. He'd never be accepted into the land of rainbows and unicorns with Kurt and his all singing and dancing midget, and if the truth of his sexual preferences ever got out his friends would shun him, after beating the shit out of him of course. And so he'd run.

Dad,

I'm so sorry for all the worry and dissapointment i've caused you. None of this was your fault, this is all on me. Just know that I always loved you and always will...

Please forgive me,

Love Dave

And with that David Karofsky swallowed the hand full of sleeping pills, layed himself on his queen sized bed and shut his eyes.