Hello everyone! Now, before I get any annoyed comments, I am well aware that this is a crack pairing. That's why I put "is crack" in the description and didn't put Claudia and HG in pairing brackets-instead I put My,a and HG because while this doesn't completely center on them, I find them to be the future OTP for Warehouse 13. So, in the midst of watching season 4 of W13, this idea hit me. It was hilarious, and I know the show has a lesbian subtext, so...yeah. No hate please-yuri/lesbian content(only kissing and minor touchage), bad writing, humor, other things. Enjoy!
"Hey hey hey-why is the mistletoe here?" Claudia said, pulling out of Artie's hug and hopping over to her desk in a panic. "What's wrong Claud? The thing was here last Christmas, remember? You put it up!" Pete said, shaking off his coat. "Yes, I do remember that! You know what I also remember? That thing making HG kiss-" Claudia shook her head, grabbing her laptop and popping open the lid quickly. Pete looked at Myka, raising his eyebrows. "What, you don't remember? Pete, uhh...remember when HG was here last year and she-well, you know, she didn't know what the mistletoe did and we had just come in and-"
"I'm just saying that it'll nev-" Pete froze, grinding to a halt as he trailed off. "Pete, what are you..." Myka froze, raising her eyebrows in shock as she took in the scene before her. "Wha-will you two move out of the doorway?!" Artie asked angrily, shoving Pete forwards. "And stop gawking at whatever is-" Artie cut off, his hand going to his glasses as he observed the mistletoe glowing above the two girls in the corner. "Oh my..." He whispered, gulping slowly as he set his bag down. "D-d'you think that Claud w-wants-I mean, is she-could-HG is-" Pete sputtered off as Claudia managed to pull back for a second, taking a heaving breath.
"She most definitely does not want-" Claudia yelped as HG grabbed her face and pulled her back into a kiss, pressing her back against the wall. Pete blinked slowly as he observed the scene, telling himself over and over that it wouldn't kill to watch this for a few more seconds. Oh wow, HG must be a really good kisser... Pete thought absently as he watched HG press Claudia's head down. Myka blinked slowly, taking a step forwards as she watched HG pin one of Claudia's hands to the wall. "We-we should help, right? Uh, the mistletoe, we just have to-" Myka turned around, running towards the glove container while Artie set down his bag. Claudia suddenly whimpered loudly, shocking the other three agents as they saw her slacken some. HG pulled back long enough to grin, pulling Claudia's captive hands down behind her back with one hand and grabbing her chin with another. "That's it, darling," HG whispered, pressing Claudia back against the wall as she began to kiss her again.
"O-okay, wha-what just h-happened, Artie?" Myka said, frozen with one glove on. "Um, the-the mistletoe must've finally began affecting Claudia-if HG was the only one directly under it, then it would've started affecting Claudia after bit, and even then, it's only weakened her resistance, not made her-well, you know...happy about this." Artie said, pulling out a pair of gloves and a neutralizer bag. "Dunno why...if I were her, I would be really happy..." Pete said, grinning stupidly as he sat down in Artie's chair, watching with interest as HG worked Claudia's mouth open. "Pete!" Myka exclaimed, giving him an incredulous look.
"Okay, save that for later, Myka, right now we have to...well, save Claudia, I suppose would be the...right term." Artie muttered, raising one eyebrow in annoyance as he approached the mistletoe. "Myka, get ready to pull HG back when I say so. I think we can save them both the possible trauma if I time it right." Artie called out, reaching for the mistletoe. Myka nodded, steeping up to HG's back. Claudia managed to pull one hand free and banged it against the wall, trying to break HG's hold. "Now, now!" Artie yelled, yanking the mistletoe off of its hook.
Myka grabbed HG's belt, yanking her back and off of Claudia, who stumbled sideways. Artie stuffed the mistletoe back into the bag, covering his eyes as it sparked. "Never putting this up again...you three alright?" Artie yelled, peering through the bars(he's on that second-floor area in the office). "Yeah, we're good, Artie. Pete, do something useful and check on Claud." Myka said, releasing her hold on the rather confused HG. "What just..." HG spun in a slow circle, looking at Myka before glancing at the mistletoe in Artie's hand. She put two fingers to her mouth, taking a step back. "Oh god, it's a mistletoe...and I-oh bollocks, did I-" HG turned to Artie, then looked at Pete worriedly.
"Was-I didn't-" HG laughed nervously, looking at Myka, who suddenly avoided her gaze. "Oh my word-I'm so sorry, Myka, I didn't mean to-this is rather awkward, isn't it?" HG said, gulping nervously as she slowly backed away. "O-oh, no, HG it-it...um...it wasn't me." Myka said, tucking her hands into her coat pocket nervously. "Oh thank heavens, so I didn't really-wait, no, there's..." HG slowly turned back to where Pete was crouching, patting the back of a heavily breathing Claudia. "Oh that's almost wor~...not good." HG corrected quickly, straightening up. "U-um, should I just-or-" HG pointed back to the door, then to Claudia, looking between Artie and Myka.
"Nope, n-nope, it's fine, really," Claudia said suddenly, standing. HG looked between Claudia and Myka then back again, swallowing. "Y-you sure? I really am sorry-" "Yea, yes, it's fine, really, let's just go put this back so I can go to my happy place and I-y'know, I really have absolutely no problem with what just happened unless you ever try it again while you're conscious. So let's just all forget that that happened!," Claudia said, grabbing the bag from Artie and hurrying from the room with a smile.
(flashback over)
"Oh yeah..." Pete said, smiling as Claudia typed away, trying to hide a growing blush. "Can we not mention that incident?" HG and Claudia said at the same time, glancing at each other before laughing. Pete looked between the two, watching Myka's expression-concealed curiosity. "Okayyyy, well then, if you two are so over it, then you won't mind me asking each of you some questions?" Pete said, waggling his eyebrows. Artie sighed, pushing himself up and walking out of the office. "I don't want to be here when you two kill him!" He called, passing Steve, who was walking in. "Why are you guys going to kill him? I'm sure it's justified, but why?" Steve asked, sitting back against the desk.
"Oh, yes, you weren't here last Christmas, Agent Jinks. Well, long story short, an artifact affected me and I...well, kissed Claudia." HG said, crossing her arms. Steve's eyebrows shot up and he laughed, cutting off when he noticed the death glares he was getting from the three girls in the room. "Just let Pete ask those questions," Myka said suddenly. Claudia sighed and HG shot Myka a look Steve couldn't decipher. "Ok, fine. One question each. What?" Claudia said, leaning against the desk with a disinterested face. Pete grinned, pulling up a stool. "Okay, since she volunteered, Claudia first. So, Claud, as someone who had previously only kissed guys-I'm assuming-" "You assume correct," Claudia interrupted, receiving a look from Steve. "Ok. So, in your opinion, is HG a good kisser?" Pete said, waggling an eyebrow as he finished the question with a flourish of the hand.
Claudia swallowed slowly, opening her mouth as her head came off of her hand. "I-I don't remember much about-" "You're lying, Claud." Steve said, holding a hand up to his mouth. Pete laughed while Myka closed her book, setting it aside with a disgruntled look. HG glanced at Claudia before looking at Myka, who was giving her an unreadable stare. "N-no, I swear, I don't remember how well she-or how bad, I just can't seem to get the details-it was fast, and artifact-induced-she was okay, I think, maybe-I would have needed more than three minutes to tell-" Claudia broke off angrily, standing and grabbing a paperweight as Pete collapsed in laughter, holding his side.
"For once, Claudia, violence is a tempting potential answer, but I would recommend doing that on your time off." HG said, watching as Myka leaned back in her chair and crossed her legs. "So, HG, now it's your turn. You ready?" Myka said suddenly, eyeing HG. HG nodded, letting out a deep breath. "Right. So not counting Claud, how many girls have you kissed in the last year?" Claudia looked away as HG broke out into what one might call a seductive smile. "Agent Bering, I believe you already know the answer to that question, don't you?" She said suggestively, shrugging her shoulders.
Pete did a double take from the floor, glancing from HG to the quickly reddening Myka. "I-I don't know what you mean, mind telling me the number anyways?" Myka said, looking away from Steve. "Only one, Agent Bering. I couldn't tell you the number of times I kissed her if I tried, or how many times she kissed me first, but...there is only one girl in my sights." HG finished, watching Myka's reaction-suppressed embarrassment, happiness, and relief. "Wait wait wait wait, are you...?" Steve stood, looking between Myka and HG. "What? Are they what?" Pete said, standing.
"Hey Jinksy! Y'know what? I just remembered that I needed to show you the Christmas isle! C'mon! Let's go!" Claudia said, dragging Steve from the office by the arm. Myka laughed in amusement as she saw the confused look on Pete's face as she stepped closer to HG. "Hey Helena, I believe I know a way we can answer both of those questions at once," Myka said suddenly, watching Pete run up the stairs to call for Artie. "Oh?" HG said, wrapping one arm around Myka's waist. "Yes," Myka said, grinning as she placed a hand in HG's hair and pulled her closer.
Ha ha! Claudia! So, anyways, wanted to get more...detailed with the kiss, but also wanted it to remain humorous. This is what happens when I whip a story up in under an hour. Enjoy the omake!
Omake-possible situation occurring 10 minutes after the flashback part, HG and Myka are alone in a storage space.
HG: Really, Myka, I didn't mean for that to happen, and when I thought I'd kissed you in front of them after you told me you didn't want-
Myka: No, really, it's okay, I guess I just was a little-okay, a lot suprised that you were kissing Claud, I mean, for a minute it looked like it was of your own free will, and you also were also really into it, like more than I've ever seen you before...
Myka trails off as HG suddenly grins, pulling Myka close to her and clamping one arm around her waist.
HG: Well, if you want, we could do a little...reenactment.
The End