AN: This was a challenge issued by sl8011 towards Fobwatch. In the end, we both decided to co-write.
Chapter 1: Here We Go Again
It had only been a few months since he'd arrived when she broke the news.
In frustration of not having a sonic screwdriver to fix things with anymore, he'd tried to whistle ultrasonically at an annoying leaking tap to connect it to the sink when he heard it.
'Rose?' he yelled, dropping the knob and sprinting to the study.
There she was, in front of the laptop, with her fists pumping the air.
'DOCTOR!' she screamed at the same alarming frequency that had caused him to come; Rose came racing over and hugged him until all the air was squeezed out of his stupid, human lungs. He gasped.
'Rose? What's wrong?'
'Nothing!' she roared back. 'Nothing's wrong! Everything's brilliant!'
She gave a long garbled monologue about... Well, he actually had no idea what it was about, because he didn't get a word. Grinning confusedly, he led her into the kitchen to calm her down with a glass of milk.
Rose Tyler tipped the contents of the tumbler down her throat and face, the creamy liquid dripping down her chin and pooling onto the dark granite. And then she grinned and hugged him again.
'Doctor, I've got something to confess,' she told him nervously when she let him go.
'What?' he said, eyeing her warily, unsure whether it would be rude to wipe the off the milk currently dripping down his suit.
Her smile was so enormous he was sure it would crack her face in half. Oh no, that would be terrible. Imagine all the blood. Doctor, concentrate!
He shifted his attention back to her. This behaviour was highly unnatural of her. Had some alien invaded her? He wriggled uncomfortably at the notion.
'Doctor? Concentrate!'
'Yes?'
'I am so excited, Doctor!'
'Really?' Now he was getting excited.
'I have the ultimate treat for us!'
'What is it?'
'WE'RE GOING TO JAPAN!' Rose screeched at top volume.
'Brilliant! Wait – what?'
'We're going to Japan!' she repeated. 'We're going to live there! My job application was just accepted!'
'What?'
'I filed it ages before you came to this universe...they didn't reply, so I thought I wouldn't get it, but I did!'
'What?'
She wiped the milk off her chin and poked him.
'I probably owe you an explanation, Doctor. You see, it was quite a while since I was left over here. And during that time...well, I got into anime.'
The Doctor could not stop staring. Was this really Rose? Rose? Anime? Japan? What?
'I know it sounds a bit mad,' she continued, 'but I really liked it, and I learnt the language and everything, and I'm going to be a producer.'
It didn't sound a bit mad. It sounded very mad. Madder than he was mad. And he was the maddest person he knew. Aside from his...original.
'But...but what about Torchwood?' he hedged.
Rose wrinkled her nose. 'Who cares about aliens when there is so much more?'
The Doctor was completely flabbergasted. Was this really Rose? Wait – he'd been thinking that before. Maybe a Slitheen had gotten her. Shut up, brain.
'But I can't just leave everyone here vulnerable to alien attacks just to go to Japan with you!' he cried.
A very long and very loud argument ensued next, one that included a lot of broken crockery, complaining neighbours and insults to both aliens and anime. But it did end eventually, and when it ended, Rose's path led to the production of Japanese animation, and the Doctor's path led to the nearest hotel.
A year later
'Please,' the Doctor begged, 'it doesn't have to be like this.'
It was one of the more weird aliens he'd encountered. It looked like a nose with legs, and was known as a Lavedium.
The Lavedium scoffed. 'You're sounding like a romantic comedy male protagonist.'
'I can help you!' the Doctor cried. 'Just leave this planet.'
The nosey alien made a face. 'No, I won't. This planet has a wonderful mixture of land and salt water to clean out my nostrils. I've got a hundred spaceships waiting for my command in your stratosphere, and you are the only thing in my way. So, sorry, half-Time Lord, but I may have to get rid of you. Don't take it personally.'
This was getting quite dire. The Doctor frantically looked for anything to delay the Lavedium, but to no avail.
And then he spotted it. A small metal bin. There was no time to waste – nimbly dodging the enormous nose, he lunged for the bin. Hot air breathed down on him, and he looked up into a huge nostril. With all his might, he stuffed th–
Smash.
'OI, YOU! NOSE! GET A HANDFUL OF THIS!'
A lethal round of automatic gunfire spat at the Lavedium from the broken-down door, splattering the enormous nose with its own blood. Slightly shocked, the Doctor crawled away from it, still clutching the bin.
'Stop! Stop! Stop!' he choked out at the gunner. 'Don't kill it!'
However, in all the swirling dust, heavy gunfire and nasal blood, his words were smothered into nothingness.
Eventually, the noise faltered and the bullets ceased, and a woman's voice came through the dust.
'Hey, you! Are you OK?'
The Doctor frowned. He'd heard that voice somewhere before, but it sounded a bit different.
'Hey! Answer me! Are you dead?'
Very different.
He got to his feet, tossing the bin aside. The dust was starting to settle, and the sight before him shocked him out of his very mind (an incredible feat, as his mind was rather large and there was lots of room).
'Sarah Jane...Smith?'
But she wasn't. It was only her parallel version, but it couldn't have been more different. Her appearance was very similar, but a bit younger, perhaps, and it ended there. Her clothes were all made of black leather, as if she was about to shoot off on the motorcycle behind her. It did help that there was a motorcycle parked right behind her. But the Doctor's hugest shock was the sight of the two positively enormous and lethal-looking automatics in her hands.
'You've heard of me?' she asked, casually flipping the guns back into her holsters.
'Er...'
She strolled over to him.
'You shouldn't have killed it, you know,' he blurted just as she was about to stick her hand out.
And the gun-toting, leather-wearing, motorbike-riding parallel version of Sarah Jane Smith made a very non-Sarah Jane-ish face.