Chapter 1
Disclaimer- I don't own Hannah Montana. At all…
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"Oliver,"
"OLIVER"
"OOOO LLLL IIII VVV EEE RRR"
"What?!" shouted Oliver as he woke up from his sleep. Drool had become almost like a river on the valley that was his desk. Ahh crap he thought as he wiped the spew right off his desk and looked up at whom was speaking. Lucas thought Oliver as he saw his friend shaking him awake where he had obviously dozed off in geography class.
" Dude, you better have a good reason for waking me up. Alba was just about to remove her bra.
"Hey I thought we agreed that Alba was mine. Simpson J is yours,"
"Na ah Alba is mine. And so is Christian Bale."
"Tell me again why you want Christian Bale….Err… never mind"
" What I miss during Geography?"
"Somethin bout the Earth. You think after two semesters we would understand what the topic is finally about.."
"Yeah. Man I can't wait to ..yo wat's up Rico"
Rico the midget of the class just walked in. And he had a big smile. That meant only two things for Rico thought Oliver. He just had a really good day or he had a really good day and then went to jack off. I always wonder how long his….
"Oliver, keep your balls in your head, not on mine."
"What? And why are you so happy.."
" Guess who Samantha Brown just asked to the dance with?" asked Rico
"Fuck off!!!! YOU???" cried both Oliver and Lucas in unison.
"Heck no. She going with James Curtis. I'm going with Renee Watson"
"Then why…Oh never mind….Man" cried Oliver as he packed his things and sat on his chair mumbling to himself. Both Rico and Lucas looked at each other before grinning to themselves.
"Hey Big Daddy Oken, whom you taking to the dance?" asked Lucas.
"I was thinking of Samantha…"
"Come on, you Big Daddy Oken. You the man whom leaves ladies heartbroken is going to go to the dance with his own penis. Ah well I thought better.."
"What Rico? What the fuck you tryin to say..?
"'I'm sayin that you're a dork man. Plain and Lame."
"Whoa, he got you there dude."
"What, Lucas? What you tryin to say now?"
"Listen to Lucas. He knows as well as I do that you're a dork. Who's the last girl that you've been with? Becca the bitch. And she's a slut so that makes it worse. Now look at Lucas here. He got Hannah Montana to flirt with him as well as made out with two babes in school at the same time one of them being of course Lilly your pal. I here have got Miley to kiss me as well as made out with Potter twins"
"Hey, I thought they were faternal.."
"REGARDLESS, you on the other hand haven't so much as kiss a girl making your reputation after graduation to be Most Likely To Trade His Penis For A Vagina all the more likely."
"So you boys are saying I'm haven't been in the game?"
"Dude put it this way. You don't want to be the guy that has to wipe cobwebs from his dick every few years." Said Lucas
Oliver sighed. They are absolutely right. Why haven't I asked or gone out with anyone? Do I like girls? Am I gay? Did Charlie die at the end of Lost? Am I talking out loud?
"Yes!!" said Rico and Lucas together.
"Ok fine tell you what by the end of the school dance which is as we know it one month time, I Oliver Oken solemnly swear that I would make out with a girl"
'Whoa whoa, back up. You can't swear that. The girl could be a cheap slut for all we know"
"Yeah, the girl has to be chaste"
"Nice but hard to get"
"Virgin BUT Hot.With a hot body."
"Not bad in the boob department"
"Someone whom has a boyfriend."
"Wait, WHAT? Come on Rico there is no way I can.." but Rico cut him off
"Look, you want to go from faggert to hot stuff? Then its going to take one hell of a jump to get there so just let it be. Besides if she dumps her man for you, that's her problem not yours."
"In fact, I thinking only one girl." Said Lucas as he looked at Rico, smiling.
"Yeah who else. Miley Cyrus"
"Yeah Miley. She's hot sweet virgin and has a boyfriend by the name of Jake Gay Ryan. Game on I say.."
"Yeah, somemore she's your best friend. Look I know what you're thinking and we probably can't allow this.." said Rico
"Thank you." Cried Oliver ash e buried his head in his hands in relief
"Coz its too easy. No no not kiss Miley Cyrus. Do Miley Cyrus. Pretend she's Jamie Spears."
"WHAT!!!"
"But not like Jamie totally. I mean surely you don't want her pregnant." Said Lucas
"NO NO NO No nononononononononononono…. Miley no way.."
"Yeah I always thought he was a fag. Too bad I was going to make a bet with you" said Rico.
"Wait, wait…what kind of bet?"
"Oh well if you were to succeed I was going to let you have my hot dog shop at the beach. All yours"
"And if I Lose…." Asked Oliver
"Then you are going to have to suck the principal's stick. What say you?"
What indeed thought Oliver in his head. Either way I get to have a hot dog. Come on Oken be frank with yourself. Ha ha frank. I don't get it. Frank hotdog get the link? Huh?
Never mind. So, Miley? I don't know. I always thought Miley as a friend. HOT Friend. Okay hot friend but still I don't want to hurt Miley. Other than down there you mean. Yes..I mean NOOO. Come on we got to focus on what's important. I mean what's so bad. You get to lay Miley. Miley gets laid. Rico gives you his hotdog stand. Jake gets to get out of a relationship so that he can have sex with boys preferably Rico. You and Miley will be perfect. Who's going to get hurt? Have you forgotten the song? If we were a movie. You'll be the right guy And I be the best friend You fall in love with..
"OLIVER!!!" cried Rico and Lucas
"So are you game…"
"Okay Ricola…I Oliver Oken swears to la Miley Cyrus by the night of the school dance in 30 days. If not, I would have to suck the penis of Principal Ralph Jones which is rumored to be shorter my thumb. Amen"
"Okay Oken, Lucas. See you later. Don't forget the bet." Cried Rico as he left laughing.
"So Oliver how you going to get her? Any plans…"
"Yes in fact I am cooking up a plan right this instant.…" Oliver proceeded outside the class and into the hallway where Miley was giggling with Lilly and Jake. Lucas simply shrugs his shoulders and lay back near his locker to watch the action unfold.