Hey there everybody, this is just a blurb I had one night and wrote down while I was slap happy and drunk on lack of sleep. It isn't really meant to fit with canon, it's more like my own twisted version of how Finn could have met Huntress Wizard. Don't hate too hard, and enjoy it if you can!
Disclaimer: I own less than nothing. I own negative amounts of this amazing show.
Jake woke up early. Yes, Jake the Dog woke up… early. As unheard of as this may be, especially knowing the stretchy canine's lazy habits, Jake's reasoning made complete sense.
Jake whispered gibberish to himself in order to rouse his lazy bones out of his bed. With a final quiet slap to his face, he managed to drag himself out from underneath the warm, soft covers. And immediately fall asleep on the floor. Only Jake's front half was asleep, however, and his back legs continued to trudge towards the sheer drop to the lower floor. Jake's snores were matched by the footsteps of his back legs, and they eventually met the edge of the drop. Suddenly jakes upper half snapped back towards its normal position, and his body in its entirety began to fall down and hit several sides of the unnecessarily twisty drop.
"Ouch, Glob, Glob, OOF!" Jake came to a rest at the bottom of the twisted ladder, the thumps scaring him with the possibility of waking a depressed Finn. Ah yes, the depressed human boy. The entire reason Jake was awake at this UNGLOBLY hour. Why was he doing this? Because Jake loved his bro. And bros do stuff for their bros. Like waking up way too early and making their favorite breakfast to get them out of their sad times.
Jake heard a thump and a groan come from upstairs, and he knew that Finn was either temporarily awake, or his depression has invaded his head world. Either scenario would be upsetting. Making the best of the situation, Jake stood, rubbed the bumps on his head, and stretched to the kitchen. First order of business was cleaning the gunk and goo out of the pans littering the stove/countertop. Jake glanced between the pile of gloopy pans and the sink several times.
"Whoops!" Jake enlarged his arm and scooped the entire pile into his arm-sack, effectively dumping them out the window of the tree house. He was only holding the cleanest pan from the pile. "Must have slipped hehe."
A quick scrub and rinse was all it needed. "Whew! That's all the dishes done. Good job Jake," Jake looked around momentarily, and then stretched his butt into a lopsided version of himself, "why thank you."
A good ten minutes of prep later, the sun was starting to rise. As the blazing ball of light came over the horizon, Jake lit the stove top as well. The pan was heating up, and Jake took out the bacon he made the night before. The magical dog took a long sniff at the crackling butter in the pan. "Hmmm. It is just about ready for the first pour."
Everyone knows that Finn the Human loves his dog bro Jake, and vice versa. What they didn't know, however, was that Finn also loved Jakes singing and his famous Bacon Pancakes. Whenever Finn was feeling down as a kid, Jake would combine the two in an unstoppable combination of Finn happy potion. A potion for his ears and his stomach. This never fails. Ever.
Jake poured the first pancake and laid two strips of bacon on the batter, the special song that always ends Finn's sad times already playing in his mind.
Bacon pancakes, making bacon pancakes
Take some bacon and ya put it in a pancake
Bacon pancakes that what it's gonna make
Ba-con pan-caaaaakes!
Jake finished the first pancake, and spun his torso around to see Finn coming in to join the song…. But Finn wasn't there. Ever determined, Jake picked up the song, making extra arms to beat against the wood in a fun rhythm to get Finn in the kitchen with his bro. Eventually, Jake had an entire steaming plate of Finn renowned bacon pancakes, but no Finn. Jake sighed and slowly made his way back up to his buddy.
"Finn..?" Jake asked as he poked his head above the floor of their shared bedroom. Finn was lying on the ground, his back to Jake and obviously clutching onto something. Jake figured it was PB's hair again.
"Hey Jake, I'm sorry I didn't come down, but I'm not all that hungry right now."
Jake was starting to get really worried for his best friend, "C'mon Finn, you said last night about dinner too. You didn't even eat any of your Finn Cakes!"
"I know Jake, but I can't even pay attention to my stomach when my heart hurts… It's like my insides are having a fistfight bro," Finn said sadly, not bothering to look at the stretchy dog and only curling tighter on whatever he was holding.
"Oh, Finn" Jake moved next to his sad human and placed a single paw on Finn's shoulder, "I thought you saw Peebles as a friend now, why are you hugging her hair again?"
Finn was quiet for a time. "It's not her, Jake," Finn showed jake what he was holding; a small scrap of slightly torched tinfoil.
Jake knew the problem then. He knew Finn was still hung up on Flame Princess, and that he was going to stay like this until he got over her. Or… into someone else. Jake hatched a plan, much like the one to get Finn over Bubblegum. Granted, that's how Finn met the girl he's currently broken over, but nothing in Ooo comes without risks!
After what felt like an eternity of silence to Finn, he turned to see how Jake had reacted to what Finn told him. Instead of seeing his best friend, he only saw a stack of pancakes. For the first time in days, a small but sad smile appeared on Finn's face as he turned back towards his bed and continued to mourn his loss of love.
The Grassland of Ooo
Jake was taking long strides towards the Candy Kingdom, he knew that PB would be the biggest help with this matter. She knew EVERYONE, possibly because of the fact that she spies on them all but that's not the point. As Jake was walking, he saw LSP near a pond. Being the righteous hero that he was, Jake stopped to see what she was doing to see if she needed any help.
"Hey LSP! What's shakin?" Jake called out as his legs shrunk back down to normal.
"Oh hey Jake, you come for a free show? LOOK AT HER JAKE. She's lumping gorgeous," LSP gestured to the pond as she said this, and Jake followed her gaze expecting to see an elegant water nymph. Then… he saw the reflection. "Uh, that's rights girl," LSP posed for herself, holding various lumps all over her body. "You know you want these lumps, Jake."
"... Yeegh," was Jake's only response. In order to avoid being rude, Jake chose to remain silent on the matter. "I'm… going to go see PB now. Have a nice day LSP!"
As Jake stretched his legs to take off once more, LSP left the pond to continue the conversation. "Watcha seeing her for Jake, I've got all the lumps a man could want!"
Jake inhaled slowly. "I gotta go ask for a list of single princesses for Finn. He's down in the dumps, and I gotta get him back into adventuring shape."
LSP froze for a minute at hearing this. "Ohhh," she started much too sweetly, "have fun Jake," she drew his name out for an uncomfortably long amount of time as she floated off to the edge of the woods.
Jake just shook his head and continued on towards the Candy Kingdom. LSP was already on her phone. "Oh my Glob, Turtle Princess Shut UP AND LISTEN! Finn is like, totally on the market again, and I'm so going to buy him. No, you're right. He's going to buy ME. I knew he couldn't resist these lumps for long!"
Princess Bubblegum was finishing up her experiments for the day, calling it good early for a rare day out. PB was storing vials in a cupboard and slipping into her favorite pink sweater. As she was putting the last vial away, there was an explosion of sound… and wood-candy.
"PB PB PB! PB HELP IT IS AN ABSOLUTE EMERGENCY FINN IS SAD!" Jake screamed as he utterly destroyed her door in the midst of his entry.
Bubblegum, of course, was scared out of her mind and screamed as she tossed the vial into the air. The contents of the vial landed in between the screaming individuals and slowly melted through the floor. By the time Bubblegum regained her wits, it was too late to save the liquid.
"What the math, Jake? That could have killed us!"
Bubblegum just looked at the magic dog and searched for a sign of remorse. She found none. "Okay fine, what did you say about Finn? Is he in trouble?"
"Peebles. He's sad. Big time sad, he's still sore over Flame Princess and that whole shebang." Jake told her as he not-so-subtly kicked a potted plant over the whole made by the liquid.
"I mean, I suppose I could concoct him a remedy…"
"No PB! He doesn't need a fancy drink, he needs a lovable lady." Jake said as his voice dropped considerably by the time he finished his statement.
"And you came to me because…?" PB was really getting impatient. She was going to be late.
"I need a list of single Princesses for mah boy."
Princess Bubblegum didn't even hesitate. She walked over to her desk, pulled out a notepad, flipped through it for a few seconds, and ripped a page out. "Here. Now, I have to go, Tell Finn I said hi!" Bubblegum called out as she walked out her broken door.
Jake was distracted by the list and heard very little of her message. "Huh? Yeah yeah, 'now Finn said hi', gotcha." Jake's eyes scanned the list labeled 'Single Princesses' and smiled at a few names. He knew exactly what to do now.
At the Tree House
Finn sat up on his bed, his energy drained from the constant sad vibes. Finn stuffed the tinfoil into his shirt, and when it rested over his heart he finally felt comfortable enough to eat a few bacon pancakes. Even cold, Jake's food revitalized him. Finn stood, grabbed his flute, and climbed down to the living room. Sometimes music could soothe him, and Finn was currently in the mood for sad music. Making sure Jake wasn't around to hear him be sad, Finn played a single, low note to start his tune. Before he could get into the song trying to escape his chest via his lungs, however, there was a loud knock at the door. Finn debated not answering, but a second knock made up his mind.
"Oh heyyyy Finn, I didn't expect to see you here," said none other than Lumpy Space Princess. She was decked out in a see-through dress… well, grocery bag. Some sticky red goo was stuck to her lips in a mockery of lipstick, and Finn honestly did a great job at keeping his laughter and his breakfast inside of him.
"Uhh, LSP I live here."
"HAHAHA oh, Finn you're so funny!" LSP laughed at an awkward volume. When Finn didn't react, she quickly turned around and looked at her notes. Unfortunately, she had written them in ketchup and it was now smeared and useless.
"Uhh, yeah, thanks?" Finn was slowly closing the door as he spoke. He almost managed to get away before a foot stopped the door from closing.
"SO hey Finn I hear you're looking for a lumping good time with an even lumpier lady. Don't worry, you can take me anywhere you want," LSP told Finn as she posed in the now open doorway.
"Wha-what? LSP Who the math told you that?" Finn said, now worried for the safety of his peace.
"Jake did, duh. So what do you say Finn? Are you ready to feel TRUE LOVE?" the princess shouted in the boys face.
"I-I need to go! Bye LSP!" Finn said as he ran towards the woods with nothing but his flute.
"No, Finn! Get back here and lumping love me! You can't hide your love forever Finn, I know you want these lumps!" LSP watched him disappear. "Oh my Glob… did I just get rejected?" She whispered to herself.
The last thing Finn heard from the direction of his house was a strangled, "Ach, mah heart!" and then he was within the serenity of the woods.
With Princess Bubblegum
Bubblegum walked into the darkened cave, the sunlight at her back. As she stepped into the shadow, she instantly valued her pink sweater all the more. The temperature dropped almost immediately, and for some reason the seemed to be a cool breeze coming from the cave. A few more steps in and she could see around the corner, and a quaint little house was in her view. She had made it, albeit a little late thanks to Jake. The further Bubblegum progressed, the more details she could pick out. Lights were indeed on in the house, but not everywhere. Also, there seemed to be music coming from somewhere.
Bubblegum smiled as she whispered to herself, "Where are you Marcy?"
Bubblegum followed the bass for a while, eventually passing by the house, and she could faintly hear singing. She wasn't yet close enough to make out the words, but it was definitely the vampire she was looking for. She hurried her steps and saw her target floating upside down in the air.
Just as their eyes met, Marceline ended with a solemn, "Everything stays…"
Bubblegum walked over to the pale woman and looked up from the ground under the vampire queen, "It looks like I'm late to the show, sorry about that Marcy."
The vampire righted herself in the air and floated down to the candy monarch, "It's nothing really, I was just… entertaining myself until you got here is all."
"It sounded amazing though, any chance I could listen in?" Bubblegum asked with hopeful eyes.
"Haha, sorry Bonnie, but I don't really give encore's to crowds this small," Marceline said as she floated level with the princess and started to direct them back towards the house.
Bubblegum uncharacteristically snorted through through her nose before she laid her head on her friend's shoulder, "I'm a genius remember Marcy? I'm sure I will find a way to get an encore from you."
With Jake
"Okay, since Apple Princess and Finn have never even met, first stop on my list is… Breakfast Princess," Jake said aloud, looking up from the paper to the large breakfast castle. Jake walked into the elegant first room and saw a maid working, so he naturally called out to her. "Excuse me, but could you tell Breakfast Princess that I need to speak with her? It's pretty important."
"Who are… oh! Jake! Jake the Dog, yes of course, of course, I'll be right back!" and the maid scurried off down one of the halls.
Jake didn't have to wait long for BP to arrive, looking slightly out of breath as if she had recently been running. Weird. "Hello, Jake, I heard you and Finn wanted to speak with me? Where is Finn?"
"Oh, uh, hello, m'lady, my friend Finn would be honored to have the opportunity to get to know you, and has sent me in his stead to receive your answer," Jake announced with a bow. He was using all his lady-tricks to sweet talk this princess for Finn. Of course, he knew it wouldn't work the first time but -
"YES!" Breakfast Princess all but screamed before composing herself, "I mean, I agree, as I would also enjoy more of the Hero of Ooo's company."
How the math did that work so fast? "Uhh, right! When will you be free exactly?" Jake asked the breakfast monarch.
"Now works, now is just fine," the princess responded quickly, seemingly eager to leave.
Jake knew better than to look a gift horse in the mouth and left immediately.
With Finn
Fin sat on a branch studying his flute. Usually, music would come to him, soothe him, but now he just seemed… empty. Jake was out playing matchmaker again, and the stinging reminder of the last time this happened was still pressed over Finn's heart. The stinging pain was almost comparable to the burning pain Flame Princess's lips would leave… 'No. I can't think like this. I need to be stronger. I NEED to grow up. To be honest with myself though, I would rather feel that burn for a thousand years than another minute of this… whatever this is.' Finn merely brought his flute back to his lips and blew gently as the notes seem to wrap themselves around the boy like a blanket.
The sad melody caused the birds and the nearby wildlife to cease singing and going about their business. All the ears in the forest were currently trained on this blond boy who could produce sounds that seemed to touch every creature. The low notes were complemented by higher ones in a way that made the song seem like it could go on forever. In Finn's mind, the pain he felt would also go on forever. Finn played for what felt like an eternity but stopped when he realized that there was another sound accompanying his moldy. Another flute.
"I never knew someone could express their feeling through music the way I did. The way we do," came a soft unfamiliar voice. Finn stared across the small clearing to the tree across from him and, sure enough, saw a woman. A woman clad in green, and utterly breathtaking.
Finn, being ever so elegant with his words, responded with, "... What?"
The green woman vanished, only to appear at Finn's side in a slight puff of magic. A wizard then. "You've been hurt, and you can talk about it through your flute. I've never known anyone but myself who could do that."
Finn thought about this for a minute, and deciding to believe the girl he asked, "What do you mean? I was just playing what my feels told me to."
"That's exactly what I'm talking about. I'm Huntress Wizard by the way," the woman, now identified as Huntress Wizard, told Finn.
"Oh. I'm Finn."
She smiled at the young hero, and he was compelled to return her beautiful smile with a smile of his own so genuine it felt foreign on his face. "I know who you are, Finn. Everyone knows the Hero of Ooo. What I want to know is, why are you so sad?"
Finn wasn't sure if he could really trust her, but he wasn't getting an evil vibe from her, and his hero sense was usually right about these things. "Let's just say… I made a mistake with a girl. A HUUUGE mistake, and I haven't gotten over losing her."
Huntress Wizard glanced at Finn, who couldn't make eye contact while he spoke of the issue, a sign that he was either lying or deeply hurt by the incident. She chose to go with the latter. "Well, Finn the Human, sometimes mistakes are meant to be made. Sometimes, when you think you've lost something that you thought you can't live without, you actually gain the freedom to start living the life you were destined to."
Finn was struck by her words. Not only by the meaning it held for him, but for the fact that it meant she understood. She understood in a way that meant she has dealt with the same thing, if not something worse. "Dang girl, that's deep. What about you, Huntress Wizard? What was your thing taken from you?"
For a second her eyes softened even further, but before any words could escape they hardened again. "It doesn't matter, it's in the past, and I'm stronger than I was then. That's what matters."
Finn wasn't too satisfied with her answer, but something told him not to push the issue. "I think I'm stronger now, at least I hope I am."
There was a silence for a while, broken by a tentative question, "Finn? Would you still take her back?"
Finn smiled at the thought. "As much as I cared for her, she could have killed me and I'd take her back faster than I'd get back from the Land of the Dead."
The beautiful green wizard looked at the hero, "You're crazy, you know that?"
Finn let out a short laugh. It may have been short, but it was still a laugh, "I've discovered that being crazy may be the only thing keeping me sane."
With Jake and Breakfast Princess
Jake walked the distance back towards the tree house with relative ease, his stretchy legs eating the miles between him and his home. "Breakfast Princess, Finn is going to love you! In fact, just this morning I made his favorite breakfast, bacon pancakes. I bet he can't wait to meet you!"
Breakfast Princess looked at the magical dog for a moment before responding, "You don't think he'll be put off by the fact he at what I'm made of this morning?"
At that, Jake had a thought. A dirty, messy, albeit funny thought. 'I mean if he loves eating bacon pancakes so much, he'll absolutely love eating with… JAKE NO. Good thoughts here. Clean thoughts. That would get syrup everywhere hehe... Glob why am I like this.' "Uhhh," Jake started out loud, "nah. I'm sure he'll be fine."
At this point, Jake could see the house, and he felt Breakfast PRincess tighten her grip on his fur. His bro was gonna be in for a surprise!
Jake shrunk down to normal size and walked into the yard of the tree house with Breakfast Princess slightly behind him. What he did not expect, however, was a happy, smiling Finn outside on the bench near the pond with a girl Jake didn't know.
"Finn? What the stuff bro?" Jake exclaimed, astounded at Finn's attitude change. Finn was laughing.
"You were right, Jake, I just needed to eat some bacon pancakes! That always did make me feel better," Finn told his best friend. For some reason Jake chuckled and looked away before Finn continued. "Oh, by the way this is Huntress Wizard, I met her in the woods and stuff. She's cool." Finn went back to chatting with Huntress Wizard, giving her another smile and sharing a loud laugh.
"Jake. What is going on?" Breakfast Princess asked with a barely level voice.
"Uhh. Uhhh," 'Mother mother mother mother!' "Finn seems to be, uh busy? I'll take you home, maybe another day haha right? Yeah?" When Breakfast Princess started yelling words not meant for Finn's ears Jake wrapped her in a stretched hand and started booking it back to her kingdom. "Glib globbit I gotta hurry and get back to Finn now…"
Little did Jake know, Finn was already walking Huntress Wizard back to the forest and making plans to see her again at a later date. Little did Finn know that Huntress Wizard was already making plans to see him again, and again, and again.
The end! Or should I say… FIN? Okay sorry I know that was horrible. Anyway, If you made this far you must not have hated it too much right? It would be great if you could maybe drop a comment to let me know for sure though. Hope you enjoyed regardless and thanks for reading!