Chapter 1 – A Visit Overdue

Hi, here is my next fanfic . . . This one is a little darker/ angsty than my other stories, just because I've have a rather large upheaval in my life, and it's left me a little . . . Elsa-y. Chapters will get longer.

Story idea given to me by Batman1809, thanks!

It had been four years.

Four years since the day Anna had knocked on Elsa's door and told her that they only had each other.

Elsa remembered. She had been sitting with her back against the door, knees drawn to her chest, and her room had been covered in white. She had listened to Anna crying. She had closed her eyes against the snowflakes falling around her. She had fallen asleep on the floor to the sound of Anna's breathing.

Now she was standing in front of her father's gravestone, hands interlaced and tense, her head down. Her eyes were dry.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."

The grey stone did not answer.

"And I'm sorry I wasn't there for Anna. I am, now. I'll never leave her side again. I was just trying to do what you wanted. I just wanted to make you proud. I wanted to be like you."

The sun was setting, and the ground was slightly orange.

"It's been ten years since the last time you touched me. I wouldn't let you, because I knew I would hurt you. But look." She laid a bare hand against the smooth grey stone. It remained smooth and grey. "I can control it now. I can touch you now."

The stone seemed to change colour, and Elsa looked up. The sky was awake, sending ribbons of colour from the peak of the mountains above them. It was muted, dulled by the setting sun, but the sight was still breathtakingly beautiful.

"I'll take care of Anna. Don't worry about her. I'm here for her now." Elsa took her hand from the stone, let it fall gently to her side. "I'll be there for her for as long as she needs me."

The stars were coming out, the world was growing darker.

"Where were you?" Anna asked through a mouth full of dinner, later that night. She had started eating alone, since Elsa had been mysteriously absent, and Kristoff was away for a week harvesting ice. "I couldn't find you."

"Don't talk with your mouth full." Elsa slid into her seat. "And I was just taking care of something."

"You work too much."

"I know."

"What were you doing?"

Elsa fell silent for a moment, then said softly. "I was talking to Papa."

Anna fell silent as well. "Oh."

She knew what day it was, of course. How could she possibly forget? But she had spent the day keeping busy, keeping her mind occupied, keeping her thoughts anywhere but on the calendar. She stared at her plate. "That's nice."

Elsa wasn't sure of that.

There was an awkward silence; there was always an awkward silence when their parents were mentioned. They never knew what to say to each other.

Elsa stood up abruptly.

"Whoa, Elsa, what are you doing?"

"I'm sorry, I have to go." She couldn't meet Anna's eyes.

"What? You haven't eaten, where-"

Elsa didn't stay for the rest of Anna's flummoxed speech. She went as fast as her dignity would allow, upstairs and into her room. Facing Anna was still too hard. Admitting her guilt was still too hard.

Elsa had never learnt to handle grief, and it weighed her down every day. This time of year was particularly hard, because this was the time when Anna's normally upbeat attitude took a nose dive and every time Elsa saw Anna looking subdued she could hear her voice saying 'It's just you and me. What are we gonna do?' and that was too much to face.

"Elsa?" There was a knock at her door. It was Anna, of course it was, because who else would it be? "I know you're in there."

And that sent another spike of despair through Elsa's heart and she just couldn't handle all this. She hated this time of year, she hated feeling helpless. Then she realised that she hadn't answered Anna, so now she was back to shutting her sister out.

It wasn't meant to be like this. This was the first year that the gates had been open. This was the first year that Elsa's heart was open. And she was still screwing everything up.

"I'm opening the door, Elsa."

Elsa jumped forward to avoid being squished. She just stared as Anna came inside and closed the door.

Anna went over to Elsa's bed, sat down and looked at her sister. She didn't seem angry. She just seemed . . . patient.

Elsa was still standing in the middle of her room, now she pressed her fingers together nervously.

"Elsa, I know you're upset."

"I'm fine."

"You're not. You're doing the thing again."

"What thing?"

"The 'conceal, don't feel' thing. Come on, do you think I can't recognise it after all these years?"

Elsa stayed quiet.

"I'm sorry if I upset you. I miss them, too." Anna looked calm and inviting, and Elsa edged towards her. "But . . . why are you so upset?"

"You got to hug them good bye."

That floored Anna, she clenched her jaw shut. Elsa edged a bit closer, then hesitated. She was leaning ever so slightly towards Anna, wanting contact, but she still wasn't confident initiating it. Anna did it for her, standing up suddenly and putting her arms around her sister.

"I miss them," Elsa whispered into Anna's shoulder. I need them. Because on my own . . . I'm not enough . . .

"So do I."

"Everything changed except for me."

"Huh?"

"The gates are open. The kingdom is different. You are different; you're older and wiser and much happier. But I'm still . . . just . . . me. Just a scared little girl, who doesn't know how to handle anything. I'm the only one who hasn't changed for the better."

"Yes you have." Anna said. "Last year we couldn't do this." She tightened her hug. "Last year we wouldn't even be having this conversation. Last year we didn't have each other. The gates are open, and so are your doors."

Thank you for reading.

Updates to this story will be sporadic, but should be every few days at least.

SpicedGold