SPT: Hah. New pen name. It's been 2 years. bows I bring you the worst of fanfiction film/game/anime mashing with… FF7 meets Harry Potter.

Tifa: Goody.

Harry: Great.

SPT: You guys do know that this is all for a laugh? I can't stand it when two totally unrelated things are mixed up! And I hate Harry potter! How dare they kill Sirius!

Sirius: I'm not dead! I got better!

SPT: Only in my world. Anyway. I own no junk here. People own characters. I not own them is. May the force be with you.

Everyone: O-o

SPT: Let the stupidity commence! (I'd also like to make it clear that, due to certain magical elements, characters might not be… themselves. Otherwise the complete idiocy of this wouldn't work!) Oh.. and don't forget. I don't care if people are dead. shifty eyes

OoOoOoO

It was your bog-standard day at Hogwarts. The general mish-mash of castle was sitting there as usual in the atmospheric, less rainy then usual part of lower Scotland. People rushed about as if they had something to do, students nattering, teachers teaching, giant man eating spiders spidering. All in all nothing was amiss.

However, suddenly there was an explosion of swirling light on the 2nd floor, along an unused corridor, which made a rather strange noise not unlike a crisp packet being scrumpled up then exploding in a flash of swirling light. Out of this swirly-crisp-packet-noising thing fell a rather ruffled looking blonde guy with a sword that was WAY to big to lift comparing body and muscle mass to shear weight of metal. His hair was special. It defied the laws of physics itself. The guy casually picked up his sword and strapped it to his back, pulling off his shades. Then he frowned. A small crowd of short people had appeared around him waving sticks. He wondered if he had been thrown into some pre-school or something until an ugly old moose of a woman wandered around the corner and barked "Who are you? Explain yourself!" She waved a stick at him too.

Now, Cloud was a reasonable guy when he wasn't dealing death to monsters so he shrugged. "Something important's happening." He replied to the old crone, shoving past her. He heard a little kid asking "Who was that professor?" and Cloud sighed to himself. Oops. Two seconds on a new world and he insult someone of importance. He didn't bother shrugging as there was no one to see as he wandered down the corridor. No one that is except for a small platoon of small, stick waving children that looked far uglier then what he was used to following him.

As Cloud reached the huge staircase someone had thoughtfully placed smack bang in the middle of Hogwarts, a familiar voice reached his ears.

"Hmm.. I never thought that it would lead here." It said. Cloud looked round. Behind him, stood a tall man with long, black hair. His red cape was tattered, knee length and currently being chewed on by what looked like a cat. Cloud didn't really like cats. They usually attack him with something unexpected like Level 4 Death. He didn't like Level 4 Death. It stung.

"Vincent. There's a… cat? Eating you cape." He said after a moment as this was the most obvious of greetings. Vincent didn't really care and didn't do anything to stop the cat. It took the opportunity to purr suspiciously and rub itself against Vincent's leg. Vincent, once again, ignored it and spoke to Cloud.

"I asked a child here and this seems to be a school where magic is taught. I have not seen any Materia, however."

Cloud frowned. "Then how does it work?"

Cloud was never answered as a rather old guy with a long beard walked up the steps towards them. His glasses were semi-circular and he had a funny looking hat, Cloud noted. Vincent was silent.

"Welcome to Hogwarts!" Said the old man. The ugly female teacher that Cloud had encountered earlier appeared form no where and nudged the old guy. "Oh yes. Who are you?"

Cloud rolled his eyes; they didn't have time for this. "Cloud." He said, not feeling obliged to disclose any other information. "Your warthog—"

"Hogwart." Vincent corrected.

"—is in danger—What?" Cloud paused. "Isn't that what the Goblin King calls Hoggle in Labyrinth?"

Vincent rolled his eyes. "You're slow. You know Harry Potter books steal from everything!"

"Ahem!" The old guy cleared his throat. "I'm Professor Dumbledore and this is Professor Mcgonagal."

"Oh." Cloud didn't care really. "You'd better get everyone out of here." He added, trying a little bit harder. "Stuffs going down."

"Stuff?" Vincent said wearily. Cloud wasn't very good at this.

"Bad stuff." Cloud clarified to the confused professors.

OoOoOoO

Barry was top pupil at Hogwarts. He was good at magic and was in his fifth year. He wasn't a particularly remarkable looking person of average weight, average height, average hair colour (whatever that it), average personality and Really Good with magic. He was standing in the grounds, on a fieldy-bit looking at the Forbidden Forest and wondering about the centaur heard.

However, centaurs were the least of his problems. Suddenly, Barry-human became Barry-frog. The last thing he head was a murmur of 'frog-song enemy skill!' and he was toaded. He collapsed in a sleeping heap of frog, dreaming about eating flies. Someone behind him gave a laugh and left, but there was not a single footstep to be heard.

OoOoOoO

All done for now, to be continued! XD R&R please!