"Elena"
Inwardly cursing himself at the way his voice cracks saying her name, flinching at how vulnerable he sounds. This wasn't the homecoming he had expected. Being stuck in Supernatural Groundhog Day Damon had accepted that there was no coming back especially considering the sole fact that Bonnie and he had been living the same day over and over again with no changes. Things however took a turn when Bonnie revealed that someone had finished the crossword puzzle. At first Damon had been skeptical even going as far as blaming it on her sleep cross wording, but then his assumption had been proven wrong the second Kai entered the picture.
With Bonnie recovering her magic and Kai explaining that they could come out of this hope had been restored and Damon had finally allowed himself to show his excitement because he was finally going to go home. Each time that Damon would close his eyes he'd be haunted by entrancing hazel orbs. Each time he was greeted to silence he would shortly be greeted to Elena's pleading cries to not leave her, and each time he heard them he was filled with deep regret recalling how he had made a promise to her that he'd return. Never once had Damon broken a promise to Elena even when she had decided to go back with Stefan he had stayed, even though every nerve in his body wanted to bolt he had remained in Mystic Falls and by her side because he had promised to never leave her again.
Bonnie and Damon spending twenty four seven with each other would get exhausting so sometimes they'd take much needed space, and each time they did Damon would allow his mask to slip and that ache to fill him. In moments like that he would think back to moments he had shared with Elena, the happy moments also known as what he and Elena had referred to as the summer of their lives, and it had been, but sadly like each season, summer ends and sadness kicks in, for them it was utter chaos and oh so many complications.
The showdown in the cave was enough for Damon to accept he wasn't going back and he sure as hell would never be seeing Elena again. He would always choose Elena, he knew that, but when it came down to it between going home and tending to Bonnie he had gone to her aid, because somewhere along the way through all this hell tolerating her had turned to caring for her, and he wasn't going to leave her behind, but unfortunately Bonnie had other plans. Once again Bonnie had proved to be selfless because before Damon even had the chance to process it she was reciting the spell and he was basked in a white light, and after that total darkness.
"This is ridiculous" he mutters holding back an irritated growl resisting the urge to break the door down, screw hiding his inhuman abilities if she wasn't going to open the door one way or another he'd be getting in.
When Damon had allowed himself to hope, hope turned to daydreams and though the dream was always different it still had the same desire, Elena. He'd picture standing across from her and she'd look away from what she was doing and their gazes would meet. Blue meeting brown, a flood of emotions crossing each of their features as they took the other in trying to let it sink in that the other was standing before them. Words yet to be uttered, but their eyes speaking volumes and then it would happen, that invisible force drawing them into each other and resulting in them crashing together. Twin flames coming together, their hands wrapping around the other, crushing their bodies to each other needing to feel their bodies mold together. The embrace would last a life time until one would finally pull back to look at the other, their hands reaching to frame the others face, muttering that person's name at the same before allowing their lips to connect, letting the familiarity hit them. The kiss igniting them and the kiss proving that one simple kiss had the power to bring them back to life again.
"Stefan gave me a cliff notes version of what you did" releasing a soft sigh as his hand now braces against the door "Ric told me you boxed up our love" silent for a moment trying to gather his words "but the kicker was them revealing that you had your love for me compelled away….each memory, moment and bump in the road that was responsible for bringing us together."
After Damon and Stefan had told their sides of the story Damon had told Stefan it was high time for him to have a worthy reunion with his girl. Damon had expected his brother to tell him go, but instead he had stopped him, the next statement from his brother's mouth causing Damon's entire world to shatter before him. She doesn't remember you Damon; she doesn't remember loving you those words alone knocking him causing him to have difficultly standing. It was in this moment were Damon had realized the homecoming he had dreamed of would now be a complete nightmare.
"I'm not mad" he finally speaks again hearing a slight shuffle through the door "they told me you didn't handle my death well that you had done reckless and dangerous things that weren't you" choosing each word carefully. "I would have gone down that path too….probably leaving a trail of blood in my wake" realizing what he said he flinches as he remembers Elena only remembering him as a monster. "Losing you means I would have lost everything….because you are my everything" listening intently through the door hoping to catch some sound from her, but still only being answered by silence. "I wouldn't have lost hope though" he admits "I know Katherine is a sore subject to you….well everyone" a slight chuckle escaping him before he drops back too being serious "but I spent over a century trying to find a means to free her and I would have spent a century and more searching for a way to bring you back to me….because the alternative….the thought of never having you in my arms again….kissing you well it's too damn depressing to even think of."
"In my darkest of days I had lost my faith I thought that I would never see you again never come back home….but I'm here I kept my promise I came back to you" the vulnerability in his voice clear as day. "The universe has never been a fan of me it's gotten it's jollies in beating and kicking me down, but even in death nothing could stop me from returning to you" his other hand moving to brace against the other side of the door to steady himself "from loving you."
"I love you Elena" no hesitance in his words "I love you" he speaks again this time softer more innocent his fingers running gently along the wood of the door imagining it's her standing before him instead knowing he'd be trailing his hand over her cheek. "I once told you that you're my life and I meant that" closing his eyes "every breath that I take and every step I take is dedicated to you….I can only live my life knowing that I have you by my side….I'm yours Elena you are the reason that I can keep moving forward and not need to look back."
Every memory that him and Elena had shared and every dance in the physical and mental sense that had happened between them was now gone. It sucked more than anything, scratch that it killed him, but even that wasn't enough of a reason for him to give up, because he knew life without Elena would be no life worth living.
"Since you don't remember much about us I'll share something with you" his eyes opening again as they stare at the door in front of him. "When it's come to us there have always been bumps in the road…but ironically those moments only caused us to grow stronger….our love deeper. It hurts to know you don't remember the love you and I once had, but I will gladly remind you" hope now filling his voice accepting what's in front of him. "This could be our fresh start….a clean slate" a hint of a smile tugging at his lips "we can fall in love all over again….what do you think" he questions falling silent waiting for an answer, but never getting anything.
"Elena" saying her name again as it slips past his lips sounding like a mix between a blessing and a curse. "I know that you're in there" he states lowering his voice "vampire remember…not to mention I can see a shadow underneath the door" he's quick to point out.
Damon's head falling against the door resting his head upon it "please just let me in" not able to hide the pleading in his tone "please just open the door" swallowing hard trying to keep his emotions in check "please just say something."
Seconds, minutes maybe even hours pass by before he finally hears her soft spoken voice speak through the door, and the moment that she does he finds himself regretting his pleading, because the answer is enough to break him over and over again.
I'm sorry Damon, but I don't want that, please just go away
One blink between the dreams and reality of what he had hoped to play out. Rejection coursing through him realizing her statement pretty much translates to 'I'm happy with the way my life is Damon, without you."
This is what I came back for
This is what I came back to
Damon's palm resting against the door slowly withdrawing itself the second it balls into a fist getting ready to punch through the wood, but removing it completely before that can happen knowing it will only cause Elena to hate him even more "okay."
Pushing himself from the door he now stands in the hall his gaze focused on the door, but it's not the door he's seeing it's the truth standing right before him. All he had ever wanted was for Elena to be happy, and from the glimpses of her he had seen and the stories he had heard she had found happiness, and unfortunately it was without him.
Standing outside her door knowing he's unwelcomed, standing in this building suddenly feeling like an outcast and outsider he finds himself no longer having the strength to be here, swallowing hard "bye" and without another word he turns on his heels practically bolting away from her dorm room wanting to get the hell out of dodge.
With his haste to make a fast and much needed exit he's not paying attention to his surroundings resulting in him colliding straight into someone.
"Whoa" the stranger says "is this your first time walking man?"
Damon straightening himself out as he flicks his baby blues towards the guy he had bumped into noticing the smug smirk playing across his lips figuring he's amused at the little quip he had made. You don't know how easily I could wipe that smirk off your face Boy Scout….one simple flick and snap the thought tempting Damon especially considering his state of mind, and just as he's about to snap and fall back into being reckless he stops himself as he pictures Elena's horrified expression the night he had snapped her own brothers neck.
"Yeah" nodding his head managing a fake laugh "guess you could say that, I wasn't paying attention to where I was going" he lamely explains "just got through with telling someone goodbye you know how it is when it comes to women."
Nodding his head in agreement "yeah dude I do" the smirk that he had been wearing growing more "but lucky for me right now everything is smooth sailing" he says gesturing towards the two latte's in his hand "before you bumped into me I was heading to see this amazing girl so" pausing for a moment "I don't want to keep her waiting."
I'm not killing you I could easily reach inside of your chest and rip out your heart in less than seconds don't punish me by friendly chit chat I could care less about he thinks to himself. Eyeing the guy decked in red wearing a polo realizing from the embroider logo he's part of the medical study program alright Doctor Love lets skip the pleasantries and go on your merry way now "ah yes" nodding his head in fake understanding "you have fun then."
"Trust me I plan to" giving Damon a smirk that doesn't even come close to matching his I'm going to punch this guy in the face "have a good day man" withholding the urge to break his arm as he feels the guy give him a pat on the shoulder before brushing past him. Something about the encounter feeling off to Damon, not able to put his finger on it as he glances over his shoulder just in time to catch the guy taking a turn heading down the familiar corridor where Elena's dorm room is located.
No he tells himself knowing he's over thinking things, besides it's not like her room is the only room located on the floor, but even through his thinking process he finds himself curious. Needing to know the truth he turns back around trailing behind the guy he had bumped into, making sure to stay hidden from view. Keeping himself hidden in the corner Damon leans out just enough so that he can watch the guy walking past the rooms.
Please don't stop at her room
Please don't stop
Please don't s
The last of his thought unfinished as he watches the stranger halt at her door, his hand raising up knocking against the door, and less than a second later Damon watches in horror as the door swings open revealing her. Damon's stomach dropping the second he spots the smile lighting across her face that's my smile he thinks to himself feeling as if a knife or rather stake his been lodged straight within his chest.
The stake digging even deeper into his chest scraping straight against his heart as he hears the words he had been longing to hear from her directed towards someone else.
'Come In'
Not a second later he watches as the guy offers Elena a smile before stepping inside as Elena closes the door the moment he enters. Thankful that he's out of view Damon falls against the wall leaning against it, his eyes tightly falling shut to keep the tears that are threatening to spill. It had been hard enough to have the door closed on him, but to know she had also closed her heart off to him and seemed to be opening it up for another was enough to knock the wind out of him completely.
Damon had thought his time stuck in supernatural Groundhog Day had been hell, but this, this was hell. This was his personal hell because the woman he loves more than life itself, to the moon and back no longer loved him. No longer did she see him as the better man, but a monster. Those hazel eyes that shown with love no longer would be meant for him, and the mere thought alone of them shining for someone else caused the vampire to choke back a broken sob.
I will make it back to you, I promise
Here he stood in the flesh with his promise kept only she didn't want him back, and it killed Damon. Leaning there against the wall he allowed all hope to finally diminish knowing that the homecoming he had dreamed of in his head was now only nothing but a dream. It would never become a reality, because the future he wanted no longer matched with hers.
Being dead and being a world away from Elena he had thought to be the worst thing, but as he stood here he realized being within arm's reach of Elena was far worse, because the arms that longed to hold her would never hold her again.
Time and time again locked in that repeated prison Damon would wish to be alive again, but now for the first time he found he was wishing for death, because at least in death he wouldn't have to see her. He knew how this would work for him he'd tell himself to stay away, and hell he'd try, but then he'd slip up or the universe would make another joke out of him causing him to accidently bump into her when seeking out Alaric or Stefan. Even if he tried to escape her and steer clear of her deep down he knew he wouldn't because she was part of him, near or far made no difference because he'd carry her in his heart, always.