Disclaimer: Although Iwish it was true,I don't own Shaman King. -.-

When you finish reading this, review! I'd like to see some comments.

Hao Asakura woke up to find out he was suffering from a major headache. He opened his eyes painstakingly slow, trying to adapt to the bright sunlight that was burning his face, and looked around. His observance of the area lasted for half a second, seeing as something had already blocked his view of sight.
A snobby-looking kid with dark grey eyes and a red band on his waist burst out in delighted giggling. He grinned widely and grabbed Hao by the shoulders, bringing him up in the boy's embrace. Hao grinded his teeth when he felt his bones crackling from the tight hug.

- Hao-sama! Hao-sama! You're alive! - The kid chirped happily and pressed Hao even tighter in his arms. A sound similar to 'Ghhkkh!' came out of the Asakura's mouth.

- Oh, Hao-sama, I thought that no-good brother if yours had killed you! - The kid continued to rejoice like having Hao in his arms was the greatest thing in the world. - But you survived! You live once again! The greatest shaman on Earth, Asakura Hao-sama, still lives to complete his--

Hao got fed up with that guy's nonsense and pushed him back. The kid stumbled backwards, releasing the weakened shaman from his grip. Hao fell on his back, staring angrily at the boy.

- What the hell do you think you're doing? - Hao exclaimed. - Who the hell are you anyway?

The boy was sincerely surprised to hear a question like that. His face turned into a mug of bafflement, cocking eyebrows upwards.

- But... Hao-sama... don't you remember me? - He pointed himself with fingers pressed to his chest. - I am Ashil!

Hao wrinkled his forehead to remember this strangely familiar name. It hit him five seconds later. Ashil was that show-off brat whom he had dispatched after Yoh's friends. He was the first one to go after Yoh in America, but...

- Wait a minute! - Hao babbled out confusedly. - I thought the X-Laws killed you!

The kid in grey clothes, like some kind of English prince from the end of the XIX century, strutted smugly and explained:

- Like I said, I am your strongest companion, Hao-sama! - A moment later he snapped with fingers like he had remembered something. - Oh, yes. And that man over there gave me a quick surgery and fixed me up in a matter of minute.

Faust VIII was waving a hand goofily behind Ashil. The woman in nurse's dress, Eliza, was standing with a first aid kit in her hands.

Hao felt like someone was playing a BIG joke on him. He was alive, Ashil was alive... what was gonna happen next?
The kid helped Hao stood up and grinned once again. The great Asakura shaman looked back and realized Faust and Eliza have disappeared with no trail like in some cheap American cartoon.

- Hao-sama, I love you so much! When I heard that Yoh had killed you my heart sank, but now when I look at you, I can live again!

Hao was beginning to seriously freak out from Ashil's behaviour. Sure, he was one of his most loyal followers who sympathized with him, but the shaman's behaviour was now reaching new, disturbing limits.
Almost as if he was acting like a...
Like a...
Like a...
Hao gulped.

- Ashil. - The pyromancer asked slowly and very, very carefully. - How do you feel?

The snobby-looking shaman blossomed in a broad, loving grin. He cooed out tenderly and ogled at Hao.

- I feel like I want to sprout wings and sour away to the highest clouds in the sky... my love!

Hao's expression was a pure example of stiff horror. He then noticed the soft sounds of a harp playing behind his back. The shaman turned around to see Tamao, dressed in her pink Kokkuri Angel suit, skillfully playing the harp, letting out romantic, yet extremely sappy sounds. Her spirits, Konchi and Ponchi, were floating calmly near her head. Tamao noticed the pissed gaze Hao had given her and immediately stopped playing the harp, then scampered away while blushing madly.
Hao fixed his attention on Ashil again. The boy was looking at him in a dreamy way, more commonly seen in a corny romantic movie. Something was sparkling in Ashil's eyes.

- Hao-sama, I love you! - Ashil burst out and fell on his knees. Hao recoiled in panic. - I've had a crush on you since the day I met you and I can't stop thinking about you even for a moment! I think about you while I sleep, eat, walk, fight, go to the bathroom, I dream about you twenty-four hours a day! I love you!

Hao's lower lip was shaking. He seemed like he was about to burst out in tears, not believing what he had just heard. He pointed Ashil with a shaking finger and stammered out:

- Then y-y-you are a... a... you are...

- I AM GAY! - Ashil screamed out happily, arms tossed up in the air and head looking straight in the heavens. He started laughing maniacally, even surpassing Hao's own ability to freak people out with the mad-genius laughter.

Lightnings flashed, thunders rolled, and Hao collapsed on his knees as well, screaming out a desperate 'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!' with outstretched hands, pleading for salvation from the dark skies. He then started pounding the ground with his hands, wailing and crying:

- Damn you! Why! Why? Why, damn you? WHY ME?

Hao was beating the hard soil, crying in his misery for about five minutes, until he heard an unrestrained laughter coming from Ashil. He looked up at the obviously-homosexual shaman to see him doubled up on the ground, laughing his ass off.

- Wha- What the heck are YOU laughing at? - Hao croaked out and stood up, his rage reborn once again.

Ashil somehow stood up, still shaking with laughter. When the last of his jolly sighs came out of his mouth, he wiped off the tears in his eyes and gaggled out:

- Hao-sama, you idiot! I was playing a joke on you!

For the first time in his three lives, Hao Asakura, the greatest Ying-Yang master and the most powerful shaman in the world, went bug-eyed. His jaw dropped loosely. He shut it tight when Machi suddenly came out of nowhere, also laughing the breath out of her lungs. Ashil and Machi leaned against each other's arms, now bursting out in laughter again, right in front of a dumbfounded Hao's sight.

- So you are not gay! - Hao checked for the last time, still keeping a decent distance from the snobby kid. Ashil finally calmed down, gently holding Machi by the arms. The redhead was grinning broadly at her master.

- No, he's not! - She chirped out. - He's my boyfriend since the start of the Anime!

Hao went bug-eyed again when Machi intentionally broke down the Fourth Wall of the whole show. He goggled even more when Ashil and Machi started French kissing in front of his eyes. The pressure inside his head finally reached its peak and he screamed out, all red in fury:

- What THE HELL Is Going On Here?

The two disengaged themselves from the tango of tongues and looked at the infuriated Hao. Machi giggled:

- Calm down, Hao-sama! We'll explain everything when we find a place to spend the night in.
- Yeah, there's no need to be such a spoilsport, Hao-sama. We were only having a little fun!

Machi told Hao to follow them. The love couple walked off in the vastness of the barren wastelands, followed hastily by Hao Asakura.
He moved up to Ashil once again. The shaman had braided fingers with his jolly girlfriend and was whispering something in her ear. He got distracted when Hao poked him impatiently by the shoulder and spoke out with all the authority of a man who had almost suffered a hear attack:

- So tell me... where are we going?

Ashil smiled.

- We'll find you a nice spot to rest, Hao-sama, and then you'll see what happens next.
- Oh, and Ashil...
- Yeah?
- You're not really gay, are you?
- Hao-sama!
- Never mind, just checking!

He sighed in relief and whispered to himself:

- Thank God, he's straight!

From the Author: Don't stand from your seats, folks! This fic is not finished yet:D

Chapter Two will arrive shortly!