These are the written journals of Revan, former Dark Lord of the Sith turned Prodigal Jedi Knight. The purpose of these written documents is for personal and medical reasons, as I do not know the extent to which my mind has been damaged. Yesterday and the day before, I have been seeing various doctors in order to further understand the damage I received when Malak fired on my ship on the fateful day I was captured by Bastila and her Jedi companions. The doctors told me, all the memories of my past life could come back immediately a whirl or I could forget everything I have become since I was enlisted into the Republic fleet. Furthermore, I should expect visions, like the ones I've been having since Taris to continue to happen sporadically.
Taris… on that planet I was just one more Republic soldier fighting against the Sith. Now I know that the identity on Taris was constructed by the Jedi council in order to keep the truth hidden from me: I am Revan, a Jedi Guardian within the Jedi order. Although I once tried to destroy the Republic, I rejected the offer of the dark side and refused to reclaim who I was before the Jedi captured me and rebuilt my mind.
The choice to reject the dark side resulted in Bastila Shan being redeemed from darkness, Malak and the Star Forge being destroyed, and everyone hailing me as a hero. I also learned that I had fallen in love and that my feelings were returned. Juhani and I talked aboard the Temple on the Unknown World and again on the Ebon Hawk after the victory celebration. The talks were long and short, painful and wonderful, and we both came to the conclusion that to deny our feelings and separate would be a mistake. I remember Juhani's words clearly, "Together, love, we are strong and we can face whatever the galaxy awaits us."
That conversation was the best thing that ever happened to me this week. Not only do I love someone and she loves me, but once again I proved Malak wrong. He said to me on the Star Forge, "Saviour, conqueror, hero villain: you are all things Revan, and yet you are nothing. In the end you belong neither to the light or the darkness. You will forever stand alone."
No Malak, only you will forever stand alone. Juhani, Carth, Bastila, Mission, Zaalbar, Jolee, Canderous, T3, HK-47, and I will always be friends and allies. Not only will I always have them to rely on, but I will never stand alone.
Entry 2, 2.5 weeks ABSFJust got back from a mission to take down an apparently last minute attempt by the remnants of the Sith to regain what they lost after the Star Forge was destroyed. Thankfully, they were stopped. Bastila, Juhani, and I boarded the ship in order to capture the ship's commander. Naturally, most of the personnel were shocked to find out that Revan is alive. Can't say I blame them, as I was shocked to find out she was alive! Thankfully, this realization caused many of them to step aside and allow the three of us to pass without much of a fuss.
On the upper decks we met quite a bit of opposition until we got to the bridge. On the bridge was an old woman surrounded by personnel. When she saw me she shouted, "Don't harm her! Don't harm her!"
I turned to look at her and said, "Very well. I place under arrest by the Jedi Order. You will all be escorted to the Harbinger and taken to Coruscant."
The old woman nodded, and they all left without question. She turned to look at me and said, "You are Darth Revan, are you not?"
I replied, "I no longer go by that designation. I am the Jedi Knight, Serea Starz and you are under arrest. Not only do we not have conversations, but we will certainly not dive into a part of my life that has been open and closed."
As she was escorted out I received a vision. I'm used to receiving these visions now as they usually happen at random. However, this one was triggered after meeting that old woman. The only time a person has triggered a vision was when I first met Bastila. This forgotten memory was of a woman who was in the library of the old Dantooine enclave and it looked like she was about to teach me about the force. I think I was a young girl at the time for I was standing and looking up at her.
I'd like to think seeing her in and having a vision immediately after was just a coincidence but it wouldn't surprise me if the two are linked. Furthermore, she had the same expression that my old assassin, Shadow now Sera Degana, had when I first encountered her on the Orion. Hmmm… Oh well, as I said she is a part of a life that I no longer live. I have better things to do than dig up old ghosts.
Back on the Ebon Hawk, Juhani and I finally got some alone time! For the most part we have been open but discreet about our relationship. For the most part, Bastila hasn't said anything other than that she's happy for us. Come to think of it, the Jedi masters haven't as much as brought it up once. Sometimes I want to believe that they have better things to worry, but then I realize that if they were to expel us they would have not one but two redeemed fallen Jedi on the loose in the galaxy, one of whom was once Darth Revan.
Entry 3, 3 Weeks ABSFDantooine- A planet that was once my home now lies in ruin. I went to see what Malak and the Sith did to her today, and I barely had the strength to completely tour the planet. As much as I would like to believe that Malak and the Sith are the only reason why Dantooine is a place of desolation, I cannot deny my hand in this. I was the one who declared myself Dark Lord of the Sith and lead my old friend down the path of the dark side. These acts ultimately lead to the destruction of Telos, Taris, and Dantooine...
My Sorrow:
A place of peace and healing
Is now a place of destruction and death
My once place of refuge is now the place of despair
How could such a terrible thing happen here?
It is because I fell to the darkness
I embraced countless droplets of power
Now my friends and allies have fallen to darkness...
Or they've fallen to battle
History will tell of Malak's attack
They'll blame him and the Sith for the Jedi Temple's fall
But that'll only cover the truth for so long
Eventually everyone will know that it was Revan that doomed all
Revan's fall marked Carth to lose his family and everything he knew
Revan's fall lead to Bastila Shan's descent into darkness
Revan's betrayal completed Malak's fall
And now Revan's fall has resulted in the end of Taris and Dantooine
Sigh, clearly I am still blind
This was not Revan's fall but mine
The Jedi are responsible for my memory loss
Because of them, the identity I'm trying to hold onto is false
No, I cannot blame the Jedi
They were not the ones who caused the light in me to die
No, it is only I who has caused this destruction and pain
No words can justify my mad quest for gain
I cannot deny who I was
I cannot deny the destruction I've caused
I cannot deny that I'm the cause of everyone's pain
I'm the source of the galaxy's sorrows
Entry 3, 1 month ABSFI got a message from Sera Degana today. It appears that she is doing well on the Orion with Mec Han'ic and Kobayashi. It is amazing to see how much she has changed since our encounter with her former Jedi Master, Solomon, in the Temple of Shadow on Korriban. It makes me happy to know that not all the Jedi who followed me to war became servants of the dark side forever. I only wish more could've been redeemed… I know that I'm the one who led them to darkness, but they had a part to play in their fall. After all, I never forced them to keep following me!
Sigh… That still doesn't change the fact that I was the one who started them on the path to darkness. From what I've read, my fall to the dark side started long before my first quest to find the Star Forge. I changed a lot during the Mandalorian Wars, and was no longer the Jedi Knight who went out on a noble crusade.
I formed the Revanchist as a faction within the Jedi Order who chose to disobey the council because we all felt that going to war and aiding the Republic was the right thing to do. Recently, I've had dreams of travelling to the places ravaged by the Mandalorians. I discussed the dream of my visit to Cathar with Juhani. She seemed proud that I chose to go to war in order to avenge her people and protect the innocents. She also asked what my thoughts of those years are now that I know the truth.
I told her that I don't know. Before encountering Malak on the Leviathan, I thought that Revan's decision to go to war was the biggest mistake she ever made. However, there is no pointing the finger at her now. Revan's past is my past and her bad choices were my bad choices. I cannot run or hide from, or explain away the truth any longer. I think I need to reconcile who I was with who I am now. If I want to move on as Serea Starz, I need to forgive and accept myself as Revan.
Sera just sent me a message. She wants to meet on Coruscant tomorrow and talk. I think I will meet with her… Perhaps she can help me through this reconciliation process by telling me about the Mandalorian Wars and helping me through my memories. For example, what happened at the Battle of Malachor V that rendered Sera unable to speak about it on the Ebon Hawk? What did I find in deep space that completed my fall to the dark side?
Entry 4, same night as entry 3 was writtenI cannot believe that I am writing two journal entries in one night! Then again, I have never had such a vision haunt my dreams. I hope I didn't wake Juhani in the midst of coming down here to write this entry and compose my thoughts. I believe that this was a vision from my past as Darth Malak was with me as we looked up towards a being that made my former apprentice look like the brightest being in the universe.
In the dream I was in a very dark room with a dark figure before me. I was wearing my traditional body armour and mask. Malak and I bowed down before a figure who was sitting on what appeared to be a throne. Finally this being spoke, "I can sense that my favourite Republicans have arrived."
I turned to my right to see Malak, before I sliced his lower jaw off, nod at me as way of signalling that I address. I turned and lowered my eyes and said, "You summoned us, your highness?"
The ruler replied, "Revan and Malak, you have been with us for almost a year and have been reasonably assimilated into our society. Now, I ask who is your master?"
Malak and I replied, "The Emperor."
"What is your relationship with the Force?"
"The force has and will serve us well."
"What code do you follow?"
"Peace is a lie, there is only passion. Through passion I gain strength; through strength I gain power; through power I gain victory; through victory my chains are broken; and the force shall free me."
"What do you think of the Jedi and the Republic?"
"They are the weak and unfit to rule the galaxy. They either bow down to the Sith, the true rulers of the galaxy, or face their own destruction."
The being smiled, "At last, you see. Revan and Malak are finally worthy to become members of the Dark Council as Dark Lords of the Sith. Do you dare try to prove yourselves worthy?"
After the Emperor said this, I wanted to say "no," and run from the room as quickly as possible. However, something almost seemed to push my conscience aside so that I was no longer a participant but an observer in the conversation. My old self replied to the Dark Emperor sitting on the throne, "We dare, master. What must we do to prove ourselves worthy of the Dark Lord?"
After I heard this, I awoke. Who is or was that person, whom I bowed down to and called master? I'd like to think that this dream was but a combination of recent visions and the dark taint within me. However, I know that this is not true. There is someone out there, perhaps an entire army, hell bent on the destruction of the Republic. Malak and I found them and they could be coming back at any moment… No, I must not panic or do something stupid. Instead I will meet Sera on a regular basis and we can talk about our past in depth, beginning with Malachor V.
In truth, I don't want to do this. Why should I investigate an old ghost and jeopardize the life that I am starting to live just as it's settling down and at peace? If I encountered this Emperor before, he is probably still alive and wondering what has became of Malak and I. Furthermore, he could still be planning an invasion… No, I cannot ignore this but I will not be hasty and jump to irrational conclusions and decisions. Unfortunately, only Sera has the answers I seek because she told me that she and all of the Revanchist and the ships under our command followed us into deep space and she knows what we encountered there…
Forgive me for bringing up painful memories, Sera, but only you have the answers to what the Emperor has planned for the Republic and how that included me.