You self destructive, little girl. Pick yourself up, don't blame the world.
…
When she was a little girl her parents always told her to follow her dreams. She never knew it would be so hard. Not with so many damn Rachel Berry's around.
And no matter what she seemed to do, she never seemed to do it right.
If she stands up for herself, her boyfriend yells at her and everyone in Glee clubs hates her. If she sways in the background and cuts and sews the clothing and collects the props, everyone ignores her and still seems to hate her. If she doesn't get a solo, no one notices. If she does get one, no one cares.
Maybe she's just not good enough.
Maybe she made up that stutter, not because she was shy, but because she always wanted to have an excuse,- an excuse not to make it.
Because honestly, if she couldn't even get a solo in a high school glee club, how would she ever be able to get one on in a musical?
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So you've screwed up but your gonna be ok
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Maybe she shouldn't of called Rachel out like that. Because to be perfectly honest, Rachel was good. She was good, and she might even be better than her.
But she just was so sick of it. She needed people to know her name wasn't Asian, Tina Cohen-Loser, Asian Number 1 or Asian horror movie. It was Tina Cohen=Chang damnit, and the fact that not even Mike could understand made her so damn mad.
Wasn't he angry and upset he never got any solos except for a quick sway with Brittany at a competition? That he was used just to win? Wasn't he sick of feeling like a prop?
She was. She was so fed up with all of them and she felt so angry and upset and disappointed in her friends.
She lived, you know? She didn't just simply exist.
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He really loves you, you just don't always love yourself.
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After the whole 'Rachel Berry isn't better than anyone' fiasco, she really shouldn't of went of on Mike like that but she couldn't help it.
What kind of future did they have together if she could even mean something to a club? A damn high school glee club.
His father was right. Not about Mike needing to give up on his dreams, because he was so, is,- so, so talented, but about her not being good enough for her.
She wasn't good enough. If her life was a tv show no one would watch because she wasn't interesting or special or anything like that. She was plain, old boring TIna who used to be a punk turned to goth and now just simply goes along with the storm of people who run her life.
Does her life even have any purpose?
She knows Mike's going to be a famous dancer or choreographer or anything, she knows it. She can feel it in her every bone. She believes in him so much but sometimes she wonders why he believes in her.
Does he even believe in her? If he really did wouldn't he want her to have a solo? Was he afraid she'd screw up and embarrass him?
She screwed up before. She got a solo, Mr. Shuester gave it to her, to her. And she couldn't even reach the notes because she was so nervous. The thought of him sticking with her instead of Rachel didn't occur to her as actually siding for her, more as the fact that she was yet another prop in Rachel Berry's life.
So she yelled at Mike for him not siding with her but with Rachel Berry and that if he thought she was 'so special', he should date her.
Why did Rachel get everything and did she get nothing besides being slammed into lockers and the permanent role of back-up singer?
And even though Mike told her he loved her everyday and he'd give up everything to make her happy,- him going to college to follow his dreams made her even more anxious. He would probably meet a college girl with actual talent and a great smile and big boobs and blue eyes, damn blue eyes.
…
Think all the mean girls, that pulled your hair are barefoot now and pregnant there.
...
And the fact she couldn't even hate any of them for ignoring her and putting her behind everything and not taking her seriously just because she would never say anything about it because she was loyal and nice, and so, so loyal,- pissed her off.
The fact she could even be mad at them,- she hated herself even more for that.
The fact she couldn't even find the irony in the people who used to slushy her ending up in jail, like Puck, or ending up pregnant, like Quinn or having to give up the one they love because they love them, like Finn, because they were her friends now,- made her so upset.
They never even asked her for forgiveness, they just assumed she was over it. They assumed and assumed and assumed and she was done with all of it.
Even though she was friends with all of them, they'd never appreciated her. They didn't even bother to remember her name. Her damn name.
Why did all the loud ones get all the attention? Why did people remember Rachel's name, or Santana's? They even remembered Brittany's while all she ever talked about was her cat. All they ever bothered to call her was Asian.
She wanted to be recognized for her voice, for her talent,- not her ethnicity.
Why don't people bother to remember that her audition song was 'I kissed a girl' and just re-cover it like it never happened, or that she has rosacea or that she knows how to play the piano or that she's amazing at ribbon twirling?
Why isn't she worth to remember? Hell, did people even know she had swine flu during the Spanish songs week?
She was the only girl ever, not to leave glee club and still, she was the odd one out.
…
Now we know what not, to do again
...
Was it so bad she just wanted to have one standing ovation? Just one time that people would clap for her, clap for her because she was that good, that talented.
That she just wanted to feel the way Rachel did, for just once. Once? Was it that much to just ask for that one time she could feel special until she would end up as a Lima loser?
It wasn't, right?
So, there she went, lashing out at Mr. Shuester and all her friends because damnit, just because she didn't scream or yell for attention, didn't mean she wasn't as special or talented. And just because she didn't speak that much, didn't mean she didn't have a voice.
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All this time, you've had it in you
...
Because Tina is just as special as everyone. Just a small drabble.