Hi there, so this is my first story, well first story that I've actually had the guts to publish, so please be nice but honest. And please forgive the mistakes. Rating may change between T and T+. I don't know what else I'm supposed to say, stuff is easier when read. Oh yeah….

Disclaimer

I don't own anything, well except my imagination. But if I did own Victorious, it would be EPIC!

CHAPTER ONE

TORI POV

"TORI!"

That's my sister, Trina, she does this every day, when I say this, I mean wake me up with her ear murdering thing she calls a singing voice, and if that's not enough she has to wail my name every morning coz guess what she's my ride to school. I don't have a driver's license yet, I mean I try to get one but every time I try 'it' happens.

What's 'it' you ask, well maybe I should start from the beginning, my name is Tori Vega, am 17, the youngest of 2 daughters, my parents are David and Holly Vega, my dad is a cop and my mom is a …. Well, I don't really know what my mother does she just wakes up and leaves where she goes I don't know. My elder sister well , I don't really have the energy to talk about her right now, truth is I don't really don't have energy to do anything these days. Anyway as I was saying, am 17 and I go to Hollywood Arts, the greatest school in LA, I have great friends, my life generally should be awesome, I say should be because deep down am very sad, suicidal thoughts kind of sad, I don't when this started because am definite I was happy during the showcase but somehow along the way I just lost it, at first I thought it was just a phase, so I just kept pretending to be happy but every day it got worse, and I have to put a huge effort to pretend to be someone I was before, happy, and basically that's 'it', and whenever 'it' happens I have to try really hard to convince myself not to end it all, so a car is not really a good place to have suicidal thoughts, pretty messed up huh.

Pretending to be happy sucks all of my energy that I don't have any left to do other things that I used to do like singing, star in plays or even get a driver's license.

TORI!

There we go again, I better go before she starts banging on my door.

BANG BANG BANG!

Jesus Trina am coming.

"Hi Toriiiiii!"

"Hi Cat howsit going?"

"Ooh my brother once said howsit going to his hamster"

"So what happened?"

"Nothing, well see you later."

Typical Cat, I wish I had the energy to laugh at her stories of weird brother but these days am hanging by a thread, barely keeping my cool so my family and friends won't know what's happening with, they can't find out am unhappy they'll think am ungratefully, almost every 17 year old wants to experience the life am living.

RING RING!

That's the final warning bell, I must have been lost in my head again well, I better get to class.

"Tori! Thank you so much for gracing us with your presence, this is the fifth time you're late this week, mind explaining?" Sikowitz asked me in a friendly tone.

"Am so sorry, Sikowitz.."

"Of course she is." Jade said in her usual sarcastic tone.

"Jade stop, and Tori please take a seat." Sikowitz said friendly as usual.

I was walking to my seat with my head busy as always, I didn't see Jade put her legs in my way, I tripped and my life was changed forever. I don't know if it was the pain of falling or because I hadn't eaten breakfast 5 days in a role or maybe I couldn't keeping my internal misery to myself anymore, and so I cried.

JADE POV

The door opened and I quickly turned my head disappointed to see Cat, I don't what's up with her but Vega has been acting very strange lately, and not that I would admit it but am actually worried about her. The door opened again, and Sikowitz suprised all of us by actually using a real door not a window. Even though I was happy that our lunatic of a teacher might actually be getting just a tiny bit of his sanity back, I had one half latina to worry about, this is the fifth time she's late this week.

"Damn it!"

"What?" Beck asked me.

"What!" I snapped. I know he's just trying to be a good boyfriend but I'm too busy thinking about Tori here, yeah I call her Tori in my head and it deeply upsets me just how much effect she has on me. And you know what sucks, she doesn't even know it, she doesn't have to do anything to get my attention, she just has to be there, and I'm gone. Which is why I try so hard to make her life a living hell, to convince myself she's just another person. Jesus, not even gets to me like this by far.

"It's just that you said damn it." Oh he heard me, I was so pissed worrying about Tori that I didn't realize I said damn it aloud, well loud enough for Becky dear here to hear, he's just been super nosy lately. But I don't blame him because I've been pretty distant lately, yes you guessed correctly, worrying about Tori.

"No I didn't."

"Jade I heard you say….

"HEY!" I didn't give him chance to finish, I really have more important issues to deal with here. The door opens again and I mentally swear that if it's not Tori I'll kill someone, a lock of chestnut brown hair shows first before a face with the worlds perfectly shaped cheekbones shows and I know that I can rest now.

"Tori, thank…" I pretty much blocked what Sikowitz had said, I was just too happy to see her, and to show that am happy I have to make a mean comment to her, she'll make a big fuss about it, Sikowitz will snap at me, we all laugh about it, everything is normal, it is some sort of unwritten agreement we have. Being the sweet person she is she says sorry, me on the other hand would have just walked to my seat.

"Am so sorry, Sikowitz." She says in that all so intoxicating voice, this girl will be the death of me.

"Of course she is." I say in my best sarcastic voice, Sikowitz snaps at me, but wait something is missing, Tori is quiet she didn't say anything, in fact she's just walking to her seat right now. See, this is what I've been trying to say, Tori is not acting herself, 'Could it be she didn't hear me, quick think of something to get her attention, quick she's coming your way' I tell myself. I put my feet in her way, this will surely get her attention, when she sees my feet in her way, she will definitely freak and my day will finally go back to normal. Uh oh she's not looking where she's going, she's not going to see my feet, she's going to ….

Everything happened so fast, by the time I realized that she didn't see my feet, she was already too close and I couldn't retract them in time, I didn't try to reach out for her, no else did coz they didn't expect it. I wouldn't have caught her even if I did, she's such a light weight that such a small bump sent her flying across the room, the whole class was quiet for a while, I'm sure everyone was just waiting for Tori to get up and scream at me or pull my hair or something and God knows I needed that like a drug addict does when going through detox . 'please yell at me, please yell at me' I kept going in my head but nothing, instead she cried.

TORI POV

"Tori?" Cat was the first person to talk to me after I fell, her voice uncertain and filled with so much concern, which is so unlike Cat, and just for a second I wish I could just reach out to her and tell her everything is fine, it's just a normal Tori-Jade dynamic day, but I had opened a door I couldn't close.

"Tori, please don't cry, Jade didn't mean to hurt you, she's just being mean old Jade." Beck says in his usual calm voice. I know Beck, I remember sometime when the old me would wonder where she gets her courage and I'd admire her so much, but now I'm sorta broken I don't know what broke me but everything seems to make it worse, even right now when you're comforting me, you're just making it worse, but it's not your fault. I'm just ungrateful, ungrateful for everything I have and this makes me want to cry even more.

Everyone tried to comfort me, including Jade and the shruggers but I just couldn't stop, I had opened a gate, and everything must come out before I close this gate again. I don't even know how I got to Lane's office, I only knew I was in his office coz of the weird smell of his air freshener or lotion, I don't know anymore, and I was still crying, I know my friends were worried sick about me but I just couldn't stop, I deserve everything that's happening to me but my friends don't deserve this.

JADE POV

5 HOURS! 5 freaking hours that she has been crying, and I'm responsible for that. I have never seen Vega cry before, matter of fact I once overheard that suckfish of her sister say that Vega doesn't cry not that I was eavesdropping or anything. Anyway I'm not the nicest person in the world, I have problems showing emotions except anger, Beck knows that, everybody knows that, hell I thought that Tori also knew that, I know that sometimes I just take things too far, it's just recently she's been avoiding me and I just wanted to get her attention, I know it's hard to believe but the last thing I want is to make Vega cry.

"Hey guys I just came from Lane's office, Tori is still crying." Andre announced his voice full of worry, he is very protective about Tori, he's like a big brother to her, I wonder if he noticed something strange about her.

"I just don't understand I thought Tori understood that Jade is well…. Jade." Beck said. Typical boyfriend.

"She flew across the room Beck, with what she weighs I'm sure she hurt herself pretty bad, I know you want to be a good boyfriend but how about a good friend to Tori?" Andre snapped at Beck.

"Hey I was just wondering…."

"Well keep it to yourself!" Andre interrupted Beck. "This isn't …."

"Guys, GUYS! This is helping Tori at all!" I yelled at both of them.

"What do you care, you're the cause of all these!" Andre yelled back at me. Wow this boy sure has guts, if not of the current situation and 70% of my brain saying that I deserve this, 70% bcoz well, old habits die hard, I would have flown him across the asphalt.

"ANDRE!" Beck yells at Andre. Again typical boyfriend. At this point Robbie was in tears and Cat was under the table covering her ears.

"What!" Andre is on fire today, I really admire his protectiveness over Tori but I have to put an end to this madness.

"Beck, Andre! Shut up and listen for a while OK! Look at what you're doing, you're making Robbie cry and giving Cat panic attacks, as if things are already bad enough. You think I don't know I started this? I blew things with Tori and I and I alone should pay for it, not Tori, Robbie, Cat or either of you, how do you think Tori is going to feel if she finds Cat under the table, Robbie crying and the two of you at each other's throats, am not trying to find a scapegoat here but am sure you'll all agree with me that she doesn't cry and whatever she's feeling right now is pretty bad, and she needs her friends now more than ever, can we all agree on that one?"

"Yes, sorry." Beck and Andre said in unison.

"Hey beck, sorry for ummm….."

"Yeah me too man, me too. Truce?"

"Truce." Andre bro hugged Beck.

"Robbie?" I asked Robbie.

"Yes." Robbie answered

"Cat, you gonna get up from under the table?" I asked

"Ooh one day my brother slept under our kitchen table." Cat started with stories of her weird brother, at least something was back to normal.

"And I make a promise in front of all of you, that I'll do everything in my power to make it up to Tori." I said earning a surprised look from Beck as I never make promises, ever.

"Cool, I Andre Harris make a promise to stand beside anyone who labors to make my muchacha happy." Andre says in a cool tone, this changes his moods swiftly, if anyone would have told me that a second ago he was ready to chop the head of anyone who hurt his muchacha. Seriously Andre should have been Tori's brother not that thing she has for a sister. "Say little red what happened to your brother?"

"What happened to my brother when?" Cat asked innocently as always.

"Well you said he slept under your kitchen table, what happen after?" Andre said.

"Ooh my brother once peed in the kitchen." Oh Cat, she never seizes to amaze me.

"No I meant uhh…. you know what forget it I don't even remember what I wanted to ask you." Andre said.

"One day my brother forgot to take his special medicine." Cat said.

"So what hap…ah just forget it." Andre said.

TORI POV

I woke up to a very soft knock, it was so soft that if I wasn't sleeping on the couch I wouldn't have heard it. My head was so heavy I was sure it weighed 200 pounds. I almost fell at my first attempt to stand up, so I took my time the second time and took careful steps to the door and carefully opened the door resting my head on the frame. I didn't look to see bcoz I knew who it was, I'll recognize that scent anywhere.

"Jade." I said

"Hey, how did you know it was me, you didn't look up?" Jade asked me.

"Your hair shampoo, I'd recognize it anywhere." I say as I slowly raise my head, I don't if it's my just my head or I saw a slight hint of deep regret on Jade's face.

"How are you feeling?"

"Like my head weighs 200 pounds, and not to rush you or anything, but I'll like to sit down now." I said as I felt that my knees were giving up on me.

"Sure, here." Jade said putting her arm under my pit around my back which was really helpful bcoz I don't think I would made it on my own.

"Why were you answering the door, where are your parents or Trina?" she asked me.

"I don't know I just woke up."

"Tori there's no car in the driveway, well except mine."

"Well I guess they've gone out."

"You can barely stand for two minutes, how can they leave alone?" Maybe I've lost my mind but Jade sounds really worried about me.

"Not that I don't appreciate it, but you're acting very nice, which is very unjade-like, did Sikowitz put you up to this…..oh wait are going to kill me?"

JADE

"Hey how did you know it was me, you didn't look up."

"Your hair shampoo, I'd recognize anywhere." She says and my heart does a million summersaults, but suddenly stops when I see her face. She looked really tired and her eyes were so red and swollen, I could never really explain the feeling of deep regret that washed over me, but I know I never felt that way before, hell I've never felt guilt before. Ever since she came to HA Tori had always had an effect on me and recently it became a craving of mine, that is why this past week she has been avoiding me, I did everything I could to get her attention.

"How are you feeling?" I asked her

"Like my head weighs 200 pounds and not to rush you or anything but I'd like to sit down now." She said looking very week, she could barely stand for 2 minutes which annoys beyond reason when I realize her excuse of a family left her alone, well not that mine is perfect but come on.

"Tori, there's no car in the driveway, well except mine."

"Guess they went out."

"You can barely stand for 2 minutes, how can they leave you alone?" what kind of people leave a person home alone like, I couldn't even think of doing such a thing, and well I'm Jade, and that says a lot, I clench the fist of the hand that wasn't holding Tori, and make a mental note to deal with that thing she calls a sister.

"Not that I don't appreciate it, but you're acting very nice which is very un-jade like, did Sikowitz put you up to this…." She swallowed hard and moved a bit, "…..are you here to kill me?"