"I don't listen to music anymore.

Not really, because to me you were always music personified, the bell-like tinkle of your laugh, the way your body moved as if in dance, the melodic sound of your whisper as you told me secrets I swore to keep. But now? It hurts too much to hear a song I can never share with you...

So, I don't listen to music anymore.

I don't watch sunrises anymore.

It was always our thing, wasn't it? To sit hand in hand, & greet the glowing orb, watch the world awake all around us. And I loved it, how I loved it, knowing I had another day with you, 24 more hours with you by my side, assured of the fact that together we were unstoppable, & limitless, & anything was possible. But now? When the sun rises I know I have to face another day without you, 24 more hours of going nowhere, of endless limits, & impossibilities. And I'm so empty inside, hallow, & I'm just so, so cold, because even the sun can't warm me, not now...

So, I don't watch sunrises anymore.

I don't watch sunsets anymore, either.

Before, it was you & me, & talks of our day. It was laughter over shared adventures, & pride in the others victories, & I couldn't wait to tell the world goodnight, because then it was just us & our dreams, dreams that would undoubtedly come true, we need only dream them. But now? Every night is an endless nightmare, & I just want to wake up. I want to open my eyes & see you next to me, reach for you, only to find you reaching for me. I want to lay beside you, sleep in your arms, smell your hair, kiss your forehead, hold your hand. I want to dream with you, but that can't happen, not now, maybe not ever again...

So I don't watch sunsets anymore.

I'm not living anymore.

When did this happen? When did life become too terrifying to live? I know...of course I know when. When your heart stopped beating, suddenly mine stopped as well. And when you were no longer breathing, I couldn't catch my breath either. I was left alone, so alone & afraid. I felt abandoned, crushed, lost. But now? I know you didn't mean to leave me, you didn't ask to go. And you wouldn't want me to just be existing like this. God, Blaine, you always gave me everything, the very best of yourself. You deserve so much better from me. I want to do so much better for you...

So, I'm not going live like I'm the one who died...

Not anymore.

I'm not saying goodbye to you, Blaine. I'll NEVER say goodbye to you. What I'm saying is I'm going to have the courage to live again, in THIS life, until we can meet again one day in another, because I no longer believe this life is all we get. Not when I feel you waiting for me, watching over me. Not Anymore."

Blaine watches him from the bench that sat next to the first grave Kurt visited that day. It felt weird to go to his own grave, so Blaine stayed where he was, absent-mindedly tracing the letters on Kurt's mom's headstone. "Elizabeth Hummel ~Much Loved. Deeply Missed."

Kurt got up from where he had been kneeling on Blaine's grave, dusting off the dirt from his slacks. Before Kurt makes his way to his car, he whispers one last secret to Blaine, "I'm going to live again, Blaine. For both of us."

Blaine had been listening to every word, watching, and now he could see HIS Kurt again. Brave, stubborn, determined. Wiping a stray tear, Blaine whispers, "I hope so. I want you to."

He knows everything Kurt said was true. He was going to live again, and that is all Blaine ever wanted. Blaine can go where he is supposed to go now, because he knows he doesn't have to worry so much about Kurt.

Not Anymore.