Adoring fans! Or not! Whoever's reading this, it's my new attempt at Frerard.

DISCLAIMINATOR: Don't own MCR or their adventures. This is just the ramblings of a teenage girl. Haaave fun.

I loosened the tie's stranglehold around my neck. God damn, I thought. Music videos suck! Especially when you have to wear a stupid tie and be a stupid schoolboy having stupid sandwiches thrown at your head.

I checked my watch. Crap. I still had a whole afternoon left of this. At least we got to be in a garage. Hopefully with air conditioning.

"Frankaaaay!"

I turned at the drawn-out version of my nickname to see Gerard. His uniform matched mine, although his tie was perfect. Actually, everything about him was perfect. His hair always stayed in place, while mine had a stupid, weird curl. He could wear a tie and still look perfectly godly, while I looked like a freak.

"Oh, uh," I swallowed. "Hi, Gerard."

He smiled and sat down on the grass next to me. "Where's your school spirit?" he asked, pulling on my tie, which was hanging around my neck, undone.

"Back in fifth grade where it belongs."

"Hey, that's no attitude for a schoolboy. Aren't they supposed to be like… enthusiastic and stuff?"

"I guess." I shrugged.

"Here." Gerard knelt in front of me and started to retie my tie in a way that didn't strangle me. He was kind of mothering in a way sometimes. Actually all the time. And to me especially.

"Thanks, Gee." I felt my face go warm.

"Anytime. So, do you blush every time someone ties your tie or is it just me?" Gerard smirked at me.

"Um, no. I was just thinking of something else."

"Ah, of course. I flattered myself."

I didn't know what to make of that.

Mikey came along then and sat beside Gerard. "What's up, guys?"

"Oh, not a lot. Just had to retie Frank's tie for him since he's too much of a baby to keep it on." Gerard punched my shoulder lightly and I smiled.

"Cool."

"Yeah. You?"

"I just tried out croquet. What the hell is the point of that game?!"

I shrugged. "Got me. All I know is you hit the little ball with the little mallet and get it in the little arc."

"Sounds like your kinda game, Frank!" Ray boomed from a few yards away. He was the tallest one in the band, and he liked to make that obvious.

"Ah, shaddap." I mumbled, crossing my arms.

Bob was walking along nonchalantly and, seeing where we all were, he came over too. "What's Frank so mad about?"

"He's pissed off 'cause he's short." Mikey said snidely. I shot him a look. Hopefully it was menacing.

"Hey, guys. Stop that. It's not Frank's fault that he's, um, vertically challenged." Gerard looked back at me, pride written on his face. I tried to keep myself from blushing, but that didn't work out so well.

We were told we had to go back to filming the garage part of the video, and I was extremely thankful to get out of my school uniform, no matter how nicely Gerard had tied my tie. Speak of the devil, he came jogging beside me when I was about to go change.

"Frank," he said, "do you have blushing issues or something? 'Cause you do it a whole lot."

I felt myself get even warmer. "Um, I probably do. And it's hot out and stuff…"

"Oh. Uh-huh." Gerard nodded, his usual smile plastered on his face. "Well, I should go get out of this stuff." He tugged his jacket and away he went in the opposite direction. I got a little bit sad, actually, and I had no idea why.

In the bathroom, I tugged on a black t-shirt and jeans, instantly comfortable. In the garage, Gerard was messing around with the microphone, burgundy shadows around his eyes. Defying my weak knees, I walked in and picked up my guitar. I felt more myself when I was playing it. I know it was unplugged and we were just going through the movements, but it was like home to me. I listened to the track, walking around and fake-strumming.

I'm telling you the truth, I mean this, I'M OKAY!

I hopped over to Gerard and kissed him on the cheek briefly. It would look pretty cool with the way the shoot was going. That was the normal explanation, right? Not that I wanted to get my thrill for a second, because that would sound desperate. So I decided to stick with explanation number one. No matter how falsified it was.

After the cameras were off, and we were packing up, Gerard confronted me for the second time in a day. "So," he said, "what was up with that kiss?"

"It looked cool, didn't it? You know, cinematography and such. Plus, it fends off the homophobes."

Gerard nodded at me, though it didn't look like he believed me. I disregarded him and put my guitar in the back of our van. "Yeah," he said at length, "but the homophobes don't have anything to be scared of… do they?"

I spun to face him. "Did you seriously just ask me if I was gay? Look, Gerard. One thing to help the feel of the video. Come on, dude."

"Yeah, no, I'm sorry. But you'd tell me, wouldn't you?"

"I'm not having this conversation, Gerard." I slammed the back of the van shut and walked away. I hated to come off as angry, but what else could I have said? 'Yeah, I've actually got this big gay crush on you and I kissed you because I really did want to. Fuck the video, fuck the band, it was selfish. So what'd you have for lunch today?' Pfft. Yeah. That'd go over well. I'd get a punch in the face and band demotion to roadie. Okay, maybe that's a lie, but they wouldn't treat me the same. Accepting as they were, that was one thing I had to keep to myself. I hadn't told anyone in my entire life, I think I could keep that up for a while longer.

"Dude," Mikey said, suddenly beside me, "what'd you do to Gerard? He's all mopey."

"I didn't do anything. He brought it on himself." I hopped in the back seat of the van and shut my eyes. It wasn't long before Gerard made his way into my head like always. I sighed and let my head fall back as my thoughts made their usual pattern. Gerard kissing me, my neck, my chest, making his way down to my hips, making sure to kiss every part of me. He'd have to flip his hair out of his face, and I would laugh. Though the laughing didn't last very long because Gerard was eager, and so was I. I managed to wiggle out of my favourite skinnies without even undoing them and he'd put his tongue-

"Frank?" A convulsion ripped through my limp body from someone shaking my shoulder. The someone from my fantasies, actually.

"Yeah?" I rubbed my eyes.

"We're at your place. Need some help in?" Gerard cooed.

"Nah, I'm okay." I lied, nearly falling flat on my face when I stepped out of the van.

"Come on, now. I'll help." Gerard leapt out of his spot and lifted my arm around his shoulders. I was too tired to care. He had also grabbed my guitar case.

My apartment building wasn't the nicest, and the elevator made a weird lurching noise, but Gerard didn't seem to mind. I hadn't cleaned up in quite a while, though Gerard didn't come in. He left me in my doorway.

"Get some rest, okay?"

"Yup." I mumbled.

Gerard turned around, then turned back. He hesitated, and then kissed my cheek like I'd kissed his. That was when I fainted.

I woke up with light from my far window streaming on my face. I tried swatting it away, though it didn't work. So I was forced to get up and put on some coffee. The coffee part was a-okay with me, it was the getting up thing that didn't fly so well. I was pissed off, and even coffee didn't make me feel better. I knew I had band practice at Gerard's place. I smiled a little at my mind's mention of his name. I smiled even more at the memory of how he'd kissed me the night before, but then common sense kicked in.

He was just being nice, Frank. I mean, really! He's a nice guy. Nothing more. He's straight, for God's sake! If nothing else, he's straight. And you're not. And that's kind of a bad situation but you have to make the best of it.

I sighed to myself. Of course, my common sense was right. It didn't matter that he kissed me. On the cheek, much like second graders do. I put my coffee cup down, picked up my guitar, and headed out the door.

Gerard actually had a house. A grown-up house with couches and proper tables and it smelled like vanilla. It was too big of a place for one guy to be living in, in my opinion.

When I got there, the rest of the band was midsong. Mid Hang 'Em High, actually. I listened quietly in the doorway, staring intently at Gerard. Even when we weren't on stage, he strutted about like a model. I do recall having to consciously not drool. Most people can do that in the back of their minds, but I cannot when I'm looking at him.

"Oh, hey, Frank!" Gerard beamed at me and waved when he'd finished singing. I did the polite thing and clapped. He deserved it.

"Hi there. You guys sounded really good."

"Thanks! Ray had to play rhythm because somebody was late. How'd you sleep?"

"I never made it to my room, actually." I admitted.

"Really? Shit, kid. You must've been dead!" Mikey looked concerned.

I started unpacking my guitar from her case. "Nah. I'm alive, aren't I?"

"You know what I meant." Mikey murmured.

"Where'd you end up crashing, Frankie?" Gerard looked genuinely interested, I noticed, slinging my guitar over my shoulder and walking to my friends. And the amp where I could get all plugged in.

"Oh, um, my floor's as good a place as any. I literally just passed right out. You left, I yawned, then blackness." I plugged my guitar in and strummed a really loud E chord with a lot of distortion. "HEY! Who was fuckin' with my amp?"

Gerard shrugged, but nodded his head at Ray. Ray saw that and shot him a dirty look. "Sorry, dude. It's better than mine. I wanted to see what it could do."

"Your guitar's better than mine." I said simply, and it was true. Mine was a regular, alpine white Fender Strat. He had a really nice Les Paul. I was always jealous of it.

"Ah, whatever." Ray shook me off and started riffing around while I reset my amp to the way I liked it. It's hardly just turning of knobs, it's a science.

The rest of them played around with their instruments while I fiddled around with my amp. Experimented, really. I was really focused, but I felt breathing on my neck which made me turn around. Of course, the breath belonged to Gerard. "Hey, Frank. Can I talk to you for a sec?"

"Yeah. You're sure one for confrontations, aren't you?"

Gerard laughed. "I guess so. But uh, last night… I'm sorry if you got creeped out by my question. And my, err, kiss."

I blinked a few times, staring at my Tap Delay Time button, trying to process what he'd just said. He regretted kissing me?! Oh, that was nice. "It's okay."

"No, Frank, it's not. I'm too impulsive, and if it makes you uncomfortable…"

"I'm the impulsive one, remember? I kissed you first."

"But I kissed you back."

"I kissed you first."

"I know." Gerard got this weird smirk on his face.

"Yeah, but-"

Gerard took my face in his large hands and kissed me with a lot of force. I think I may have died, but I couldn't be sure. I attempted to kiss him back, but his lips felt like they weighed tons. All of a sudden, he pulled back abruptly and left me sitting there, speechless.

No one had seen us. Bob, Mikey and Ray were all jamming, not stealing a glance at me. Woah. What timing!

The entire practice, I wasn't myself. I messed up every single little chord progression, and I was off time almost every song. I knew that Gerard knew it was because of him. He'd look at me every so often with a look that said 'Frankie, play right!', but I couldn't. It was like my fingers were lead.

Ray and Bob packed their things and left, as they had lives to attend to. I apologized fervently to the both of them, but they shook me off. Apparently it 'wasn't my fault' and 'I was just having an off day'. Oh, if they only knew how 'off' my day really was.

Mikey, Gerard and I sat around; them talking and me not saying anything. I just sprawled out on a chair, looking at the roof.

"Frank?" Mikey asked, jolting me out of my semi-trance.

"Uh, yeah?"

"You don't seem yourself. What's the matter?"

"Nothing. I'm just… sick." I lied.

"Sure." Mikey said. Though he didn't sound like he believed me.

"Frank. Just tell him." I heard Gerard urge. Why would he want me to..?

"Tell him what?" I asked the ceiling. "I told him. I'm sick."

"No, you're not sick. I can tell when you're sick. Something else is wrong."

I felt my face knit up in confusion. Gerard wasn't making any sense. What was he trying to get me to say? "You know just as well as anyone what's wrong. Why don't you tell him?"

"Really?" I could practically see the shock on his face, even though I wasn't looking at him. "Okay. Well, Mikey, Frank here put the moves on me."

I shot up. "EXCUSE ME?! I wasn't the one who-"

Gerard held up his hand to shush me. I don't know why I closed my mouth. Something about that hand ebbed my anger. "And then today," he continued, "I kissed him when you guys weren't looking. So, I think Frank's problem is that he is in love."

Mikey's face was blank. The only movement was his blinking and the way his mouth twitched while he was biting his lip. I didn't even try and deny what Gerard had said. It was true, but I couldn't place why Gerard was acting so strangely. Unless! No. No, he couldn't. Though I decided to shoot my mouth off anyway. "You are, too!"

Gerard looked like a deer in headlights at best. I think I may have caught him off guard.

"Well, uh," Mikey rubbed his knees and sprang up, "I gotta head 'er. Good practice, and, uh, feel better, Frank."

Mikey was out of the house faster than I could say 'goodbye'. Gerard kept looking at me with his huge, desperate eyes. I wanted so badly to take back what I said to avoid getting hurt, though all I could do was stare.

"Yeah. So?" Gerard said suddenly. "What if I am?"

I blinked a few times. "Right." I snorted.

Gerard laughed along with me, but it sounded forced, and the look in his eyes hadn't changed. "What's so funny?"

"You- you're not serious!" I told him.

Gerard turned red, a huge contrast to his pale skin. "No, I actually am." he sighed. "God damn, it feels so good to say that after forever!"

I kept blinking at staring into space. Well, not so much 'space' as Gerard's expectant face. "I- um..." I stuttered, "well… God."

"Yeah. So, from what I've gathered, we're in…" Gerard trailed off, never breaking his gaze from me.

"I guess so."

"Hmm. What do two guys in… you know… uh, typically do?"

I thought back to my college boyfriend. It wasn't love, really, but we did have fantastic ways to spend our time. I got up and tried my best to strut over to Gerard. It's pretty difficult to be sexy when you're shaking like a leaf. I tried to steady my hands enough to take Gerard's in them. "They kiss." I suggested.

Gerard nodded and pulled himself up. It made me feel sort of short, and he had to bend down to kiss me, but it was a really nice kiss. Not like the time he forced himself onto me at all. It was… cute. Really soft, and I felt his tongue for the first time. I didn't worry about being quiet like I had to in my dorm room. I moaned in contentment, and Gerard laughed.

"What?" I asked.

"You make funny noises." Gerard chuckled to himself and continued kissing me.

I rolled my eyes and slipped my hand around his hips. I felt his hand creep around my waist and I had to keep my breathing steady. I know, you're not supposed to pant until you get past second base, but I had been waiting to do this for years. Gerard moved down to kissing and biting my neck. "You fucking vampire!" I groaned, but I didn't want him to stop. His only response was biting me harder.

As suddenly as we had started making out, Gerard stopped. I gave him a questioning look. He just grinned at me and slid his hand down into my back pocket. "What else," he squeezed his hand, "do two guys in love do?"

I gulped and thought back. "They, uh," -another gulp- "they…"

"Do they do this?" Gerard shoved me back onto his couch and straddled me, looking like a demon.

"They do." It took all my strength to keep my voice from quavering. I thought I did a pretty good job at sitting still, until Gerard took my belt off. Then I was practically seizing.

"Does my Frankie like it the nice way," Gerard folded my belt in half, swinging it about, "or the other way?" He cracked it against his hand.

"It depends on how Gerard wants it." I winked, actually scared out of my mind. Had he done this before?! I was supposed to be the experienced one! The one who'd been gay his whole life. Although today was all about discoveries…

"Gerard wants it…" He pursed his lips in thought. "The other way."

I nodded and tried to wear a sexy smirk. It felt right on my face, but I think my nervousness showed. Gerard may have noticed, or he may not have. He got up and took off his jacket, laughing to himself the entire time.

"What's so funny?"

"This. It's like… surreal. Y'know, I thought that I'd be horrible at this whole thing." He was sliding his shirt over his head in a way that was almost a striptease, "But I'm actually not."

I just stared. How could he be so confident?! He made a noise that might have meant he understood something, and laughed through his noise. "And I'm scaring you, aren't I?"

"A little bit, yeah." I laughed at myself.

Gerard smiled, not like the sex demon he had been, but like the Gee I knew before we'd admitted ourselves to each other, and walked over to me. "It'll be okay." He kissed my forehead and sat beside me. "We'll go as slow as you want, alright?"

That made me roll my eyes again. I didn't want to go slow, I just didn't want to get killed and eaten. "Alright." I said, putting my hand on his thigh and moving it back and forth.

"Frank? I said 'as slow as you want'." Gerard pointed out uncomfortably.

"Oh? Am I scaring you now?" I offered a wink, not letting up with my hand.

"A little. God, we are no good at this, are we?"

"I think we're just fine." I moved my hand a little upwards. Not so that it was anyplace suggestive, but it was damn close. I noticed then how muscular his legs were, and I was fraught with jealousy and vanity for a second. As I kept my hand moving, like clockwork, I felt Gerard's leg flexing and relaxing. We didn't say anything, just looked at each other. I saw Gerard start to sweat, and his temperature rose.

"Are we gonna… do anything else?" he asked me tensely.

I nodded and pressed my lips to his, anticipating what was next. I sure as hell didn't know, and I had a feeling Gerard didn't either.

"Well…?" Gerard asked. I was kinda bummed we weren't kissing anymore.

"Well what? Making out is cool."

Gerard grabbed my shirt collar and pulled my ear to his mouth. "Not for me, it isn't." he whispered, sending shivers down my spine. I had no idea what to do, so I mirrored him. I tugged my own shirt off and Gerard moaned in approval. Though I don't know what he was approving. I'm fucking scrawny, and my tattoos emphasize the fact. Gerard would probably think I'm a wannabe or something. I'm not normally self-conscious, either. Damn it, Gee!

"Could you do me a favour?" Gerard asked me, rolling me onto my back so he could lay on top of me.

"Sure." I breathed.

"Never, ever wear a shirt again."

I laughed. Partly in relief, and partially from pure happiness. "Can do."

"Good." Gerard kissed my neck again, but moved lower. He made his way down my chest and my hips, just like I'd imagined. Only this time I could feel it, which made it a million times better. I knew I was breathing erratically and probably looking like a fool, but Gerard didn't seem to care. I kind of felt like an ingrate, what with Gerard doing all the work for me, so I flipped him over and copied what he'd done to me. Except I used more tongue. Hopefully he'd get the hint for next time. Wait, next time?! There wouldn't be a next time. Well, maybe…

Gerard's hand crept down by my face and undid his jeans. Oh boy. I wouldn't know what to do with it. "Uh." I whispered, mainly to myself.

"Oh, sorry, Frankie. You don't have to. I just thought I'd try."

"I will, I just… I'm hesitant because I've been in love with you forever and if I do anything too rash, I'm afraid that you'll just, I don't know. Leave me." I admitted bashfully.

"Frank!" Gerard sounded incredulous as he sat up to grab my face. "I would never, never, ever leave you. Don't you know that?!"

"I do now."

"Here. Sit next to me." Gerard patted the spot on the couch and I plopped down.

"Is this right, d'you think?" I asked, leaning my head on Gerard's shoulder. I reminded myself to ask him how he made his skin so soft.

"I think that it's absolutely fantastic, and you're the best kisser on planet Earth, but do I think that it's right? No. The rest of the band, if they found out, would…" Gerard shook his head, as if to clear a bad thought.

"I see. So should we?"

"Everything below the eyebrows is saying yes. But there's my brain. And it's just the ultimate party pooper."

"Ah. Mine, too." I sighed. Gerard's hand made its way onto my shoulder and squeezed it.

"Maybe we should," Gerard paused, looking like he was trying to find his next words, "take it slower than this."

"Yeah." I nodded and snaked my fingers through his other hand. He pecked me a kiss and rubbed my arm.

Sure, we were taking it slow for the time being, but I was still excited for when we'd speed up.