I was watching Beastly and I thought it'd be so cute to have a Kriatanna version, so here you go! Hope you enjoy it!
"And the next candidate for Buckston High School's Green Committee President, Kristoff Bjorgman!"
Everyone watching gave him a huge round of applause.
He happily stands up and makes his way to microphone, "True, or false? You are an aggressively unattractive person. Hatchet face, face-ache, face like burnt lego? Or did you only
just miss the beauty boat. Any which way, best embrace the suck. Beautiful people get it better. That's just the way it is."
The crowd applauses him yet again.
"So-So, what does this got to do with running for Green Committee President? Not much. Except, you'll never elect me 'cause of my commitment to the environment. I don't have one. I want this for my transcript", some laughter initiates.
"But what you got to ask yourselves is, should you vote for me just because I'm the rich, popular, goodlooking guy with the famous dad? And the answer is, hell yeah!"
Everyone in the audience roars with applause and whistling. Kristoff catches the eyes of a blonde woman who exits the room, giving him a rather devious look. He looks back at the audience and smirks.
"Palm of your hand, man,
palm of your hand!", his friend Trey said.
Kristoff's teacher approached them, "Stellar Angels in America essay."
"I appreciate all the extra time
you spent with me, Mr. Bernstein."
Trey coughs, "You hate that teacher's guts."
Kristoff shrugs, "Whatever it takes,
'til the college recs are in."
His girlfriend runs up to him, "Speech killed!"
Kristoff sighs, "Speaking of killing, you see that ball-biting, voodoo-tatted slut?"
Trey sighs, "But really, who gives?
Stick to my mantra
steer clear of the witch."
"I'll put it out of your head later", Kristoff's girlfriend kisses him and leaves.
Kristoff and Trey stop in their tracks when they see posters of Kristoff conpletely drawn on, "What the shit?". Kristoff sees the blonde woman he had seen earlier.
"Maybe it's just me, but shouldn't whoever runs the Green Committee actually care about things green?", she asks.
Kristoff cocks his head, "Or be green, like the rest of your facially disabled coven?"
"Throw it to someone deserving. Anna Snow's only going for Treasurer because she knew she couldn't win President against you."
Anna stutters, "No, no, no. I..."
"But I think we're all hoping that
in the privacy of the voting booth
your bandwagoneers will stop fearing for their social lives and make the right choice. And might I just add, wow! Looks are important to you!"
"They're important to everyone.
Except you, clearly", he taunts. She just smiles and walks away.
Kristoff walks up to Anna, "Appreciate the smear campaign and kudos to you and your bitchcrafty friend for staging a little coup, but if you wanted Prez, you shoulda had-"
"Actually, I don't want Prez, I don't know Kendra and I don't let others speak for me. But maybe that's just me being the defensive scholarship kid. So, best of luck tomorrow. And it's nice to finally meet you after three years". She extends her hand and he shakes it. After she walks away, Kristoff smiles.
Back at home, Kristoff was on his laptop.
His dad ran down the stairs, "How are you?"
"Not bad. Elections today."
"Great. No, not you. I was talking to my son."
"Did us proud."
"Yeah, all right."
"Experimented with heroin too."
"Terrific. Uh, wait, hold on. Jill, I got to go. Hey, I'm sorry, Jill got canned. Yeah, it's probably the way the baby ten looked on camera. And she's a big-boned girl to begin with. People like people who look good. Anyone who says otherwise is dumb or ugly."
Kristoff makes a face, "Who's Jill?"
"I told you about her!"
Kristoff shook his head, "I don't think so. And I know this because the last time we had a conversation that lasted more than five minutes was sophomore year!"
"I hear you", his dad gets frustrated with Jill, "Why don't you leave me alone? Oh, shoot. Hang on", he answers the phone, "Rob Bjorgman!"
Kristoff sees the house maid, Zola on the stairs, "What?"
"Nothing. I say good night."
"Why, 'cause you need to get home
to your sixteen children?"
"My three children live in Jamaica with their father, which you know."
Kristoff nods, "Do me a favor. Save the sob stories for your heart-to-hearts with Mr. Clean.
"You no vex me, you stoosh ginnygog!"
The nect day at school, Kristoff sees Kendra, the girl he offended the other day, "Don't think it was a landslide, if it makes you feel better. And... and I'm sorry."
"Is bullshit one word or two?", she asks uninterested.
"No, it's not... And I want to make it up to you. I get two Green Party VIP passes. Scores you greenroom access, that kinda thing. Want one?"
She stops him, "What's the catch?"
"No catch"
"So I'd be like, going with you?"
"Yeah."
"What about your girl friend?"
"Deep-fried barbie doll, e-dumped me last night."
"Hey, I don't know what game this is, but I'll play."
"Really?"
"Everyone deserves a second chance. Besides, you know what they say about me, don't you?"
"Vicious gossip. And only idiots screw with witches."
She leans closer to him, "Careful now". She walks away.
Kristoff looks in the mirror to see himself in a nice tuxedo, he looks at the flower his maid bought, "Tell me you did not get a cheap-ass rose!"
"Them no have the orchid
"They didn't have it? I told you two weeks ago to order it!"
"You tell me yesterday, but listen. 'A symbol of humility', the white rose also say, 'I am loyal and worthy of you'". He takes it anyway.
At the Green Party, his girlfriend is furious, "WTF?"
"And it also means I am loyal and worthy of you!"
"Go blow a goat!"
"I'm sorry."
"The orchid was this year's yellow ribbon. It was a political statement. Thanks for making me look like an insensitive bitch!"
Anna watches from a distance, Kristoff approaches her, "I mean does it suck so bad?"
"No, it's... badass!"
"Did I ever congratulate you on treasurer? Probably never apologized for my aholian election behavior either."
"Well... two weeks ago was the first and last time you spoke to me in three years. So, um... no."
"Sorry on all counts. Got to slave here all night?
"Slaving all year."
"Work-study?"
"Yeah. I'm saving
for the Machu Picchu trip.
But my shift's almost over."
Kriatoff laughs, "Just in time for the real fun."
"Yeah, right."
"She blows it off. Too cool for school?"
"Definitely not. Just..."
"Not your thing?"
"That, and... well, that", she laughs, "What can I say? I'm substance over style."
"A dying breed", Krisoff states.
"Never too late to join."
"Think I already drank the kool-aid."
She smiles, "Always hope."
"Take a picture with me."
"What?"
"School newspaper."
A student with a canera approaches. "But I'll need to approve it
before it runs. Hold up."
Kristoff takes his whote rose off, "What else'll I do with it?"
"I'm worthy of you", she says.
"What?"
"What white roses mean. Lamecore, I know. And obviously not what I,
uh, thought you meant."
"No, it's just...", he places the white rose on her dress. He catches some glimpses of her, smiling at her beauty. The student takes the picture.
Kristoff sees Trey, "See you later."
"Don't be a stranger!", she says.
"What's with her?", Trey asks
"Pity mack."
"Cause you got a flesh-eater at 4 o'clock", Trey coughs.
"And here we go", him and Trey look behind them to see Kendra, "You actually bought it! You bought that I'd hook up with you the self-mutilated, tatted Frankenskank who publicly humiliated me, almost cost me the election? No dice, sunshine. But hey, you can buy a ticket. Or here's a secret. Sometimes they let you in just 'cause you're eye candy. She eye-candy?", he asks someone.
"Rules are she needs a ticket."
"Ah well, que sera, sera. Spanish for sucks to be an ugly cow.
"I only came to give you a second chance."
"Guess I blew it."
"I guess so."
"But Kyle? Best embrace the suck."
Kristoff begins to feel strange, he is entranced in her eyes for a while but then walks away.
It doesn't help when his girlfriend keeps dancing with him, "Relax. Kristoff, I already forgave you. Come on. God, you're sweating like a pig!"
"You see the way she looked at me?", he asks.
"So what?"
"I got to go."
"Kyle. Wait!"
He stumbles outside feeling more sick and more dizzy. He looks down beside a railing and gets more naseous.
"How are you feeling, Kyle?"
"Kendra? What're you doing here?"
"I'm here for everyone who just 'missed the beauty boat'."
"What?"
"And all the self-mutilating, tatted Frankenskanks."
"It was a joke."
"I didn't get it. But pretty soon, you will. You have a year to find
someone to love you. Before the tree blooms again. When the spring flowers bloom again, the year is up,
And either the words "I love you" will release you from the spell or stay like this forever."
"Like what?"
He suddenly sees his reflection on the buildind reflection, "No! No! No!"
"As aggressively unattractive outside
as you are inside."
"Wait!"
She disappears and the sound of her voice repeats in his head, "You have a year to find someone to love you. Or stay like this forever."