She couldn't believe a year had passed already, that it was all over. A slight sadness crept over her when she realised that everything she had strived for had been so feeble, and she finds herself regretting many of her actions before senior year, and particularly the ambitions she held. She laughed quietly behind everyone as she remembered a time when the most important thing in her life was becoming Prom Queen, and the smile remained when she realised she had become a new person; a person that she was proud of. She looked around at everyone near her, and smiled as the best memories of each one of them filled her mind. She remembered how proud she was of Santana when she finally admitted to Quinn that she had feelings for Brittany, she remembered Sam and his ridiculous impressions that never failed to make her smile, she remembered Brittany's face at the first motocross race Quinn had attended when she came in first place, she remembered them all. A few stray tears trickled down her cheek at the memories; now that they had graduated they were heartbreaking. But as her eyes found the train window, a wide grin spread across her face.
Rachel stood looking at them all, waving as tears flowed freely, and whilst it broke Quinn's heart it also made her incredibly happy to see that Rachel's self confidence had been restored, and to know that her dreams were slowly coming true. She watched as Rachel waved to each one of them, before finally making eye contact with her. Her heart skipped a beat when she noticed that some of the sadness in Rachel's eyes had died the moment she looked at her, and that made Quinn laugh slightly as she sniffed, and waved back at Rachel.
And then suddenly, there he was; the socially inept giant. He blocked Quinn's view as he ran, no - stumbled, to catch up with the train as it began moving. She saw the sadness grow again on Rachel's face, and that made her anger boil. She scoffed at the boy's ridiculousness; did he really think it was all about him? She was saying goodbye to all of them! Yes, he may be her boyfriend, but really? Some of them would hardly get the chance to see her again. Santana must have noticed Quinn's distress, as she reached down and squeezed her hand, before looking at her and smiling. "I know, he looks like a confused seal struggling to make it to the sea," Santana joked, and Quinn just half-heartedly chuckled in response, maybe Santana didn't get it.
After the train left, everybody just stood there for five minutes in silence. Quinn wondered if they were thinking about Rachel, or if they were finally accepting that this was happening, that they were all going their separate ways. Brittany was the first to break the silence, as she bounced over to stand with Quinn and Santana, "Wow, it's suddenly so quiet, I wonder why?" she chuckled, as she wrapped her arms around Santana. She didn't mean it offensively, it was just the truth, and Brittany knew that everyone would eventually miss Rachel's constant chatter. A few people laughed, and then everyone started speaking amongst themselves.
Quinn, Santana and Brittany begin to speak about their plans for the future, and Quinn notices that Brittany is looking more and more uncomfortable as Santana discusses hers. "Well, my mum's basically just dumped me with a crap load of cash and she says I can use it for New York instead of college, but I'm starting to consider that Louisville scholarship I got," Santana says, "Y'know, because like, after watching Lady Hummel get his dreams crushed without having a backup plan, I realised It's probably a good idea." Santana pauses and looks as though she's considering something, before Quinn says, "Well yeah, I think that's an awesome idea." Yet she frowns slightly, and her eyes flick between Santana and Brittany, paying specific attention to Brittany's expression. Santana then breaks out into a smile, and bangs her hip into Brittany's playfully, "But I can't go anywhere without my baby can I? So my main plan is to stick around in Lima for a while, and help Britt Britt the best I can with her senior year before we pop on over to the big apple," she beams. Brittany's face changed the second Santana uttered the word 'but.' "I love you," Brittany mutters, and then suddenly the pair are in full make out mode, and Quinn has to look away.
Annoyingly, her eyes catch Finn, who's still moping at the end of the platform like a lost puppy. She rolls her eyes, really? She's coming back soon, she's just checking out NYADA and she'll be here for the summer, what is with him? He starts walking back towards the group, and Quinn sighed as she realised he was about to start talking. "Guys..." he started, and the chatter died down slowly, Quinn turned back to face Brittany and Santana, and she let out a chuckle when she saw that Santana was equally annoyed. "I'm joining the Army," he finished. Everyone gasped, except for the ex-cheerio's who looked like they couldn't care less. "Whales can join the Army?" Brittany whispered, so only Santana and her could hear. Quinn grinned, and Santana had to cover her mouth to muffle her laugh.
Everyone was surrounding Finn now, giving him hugs, telling him he was brave, asking why he'd decided that and saying that they would miss him. Quinn's bitter irritation grew with each passing moment. She didn't want to listen to this. Finn wasn't brave, he was fucking stupid and she didn't understand why everybody idolized him. Within the last few days of graduation, the Glee juniors actually sang to him alone instead of singing to all of them. As far as she was concerned they were all idiots, she loved them all to pieces, but they were stupid. It wasn't until her brain had stopped ranting to itself over how much of a prick Finn was that she realised what he had said. She had to admit that joining the army was pretty brave, and she spared him a small amount of compassion, before her heart began to jump a little faster. "What about Rachel?" she asked, finally coming out of her haze. Everybody turned to look at her, before looking back at Finn just as quickly. His face fell instantly, and Quinn's heart sped up a little more, knowing what was coming.
"I set her free," he stated, as though it was that easy. Quinn's face went through several expressions in a short space of time. She looked confused at first as she wondered how anybody could possibly break up with Rachel, then she looked sad as she realised that it wasn't Rachel who had ended the relationship, before looking hopeful, and finally she masked her face with a blank expression before people noticed. "You kept Rachel in a cage?" Brittany asked, purely to lighten the mood as she could tell that people felt uncomfortable. "No, you idiot, we broke up!" he snapped, and then all hell broke loose in the form of Santana Lopez.
People had to hold Santana back, as they usually do when she gets angry, and Quinn sighed and ignored it all so that she could feed the hope that had began to blossom in her chest.
Rachel wasn't with Finn anymore. Rachel was single, and Quinn was going to be the only person from the New Directions who she would regularly see once they were in New York. Finn was going to the Army and that meant he would never be in the way! Quinn grew more and more excited before fear slithered into her mind. There was nothing holding her back now. She promised herself that she would take the first chance that she got, but that meant so many things. That meant admitting her feelings out loud, and it meant exposing herself to all the dangers she could face, it meant that she would most probably have to deal with a horrible rejection, but most of all it meant change, and change scared Quinn so much. Change was what had caused her depression all those months ago. She'd lost everything, and all of the change had confused her and she couldn't handle it.
She remembered when she first realised that she had feelings for Rachel Berry. It was the day when Rachel came to ask for her opinion on her engagement to Finn. She had suddenly felt a feeling that she was very familiar with, but it was so much stronger, it was more than just jealousy. It was sickening and agonising and then it hit her. She realised why she had constantly teased Rachel, and she realised why she had never wanted her to be with Finn, and suddenly everything made sense. All Quinn could do from then on was try to prevent Rachel from going through with the plans, as she silently pleaded with her eyes that Rachel would understand. She had tried to settle for friendship, but each time they hugged all Quinn had wanted to do was lean into her and press her lips to the Brunette's. She had tried to force herself to accept the fact that Rachel would never want her, so she forced herself to support Rachel's marriage, even though it killed her. She had gotten a boyfriend, Joe, and she had slept with Puck again to try and force the pain away, but it only made it worse. Santana hadn't helped either with her snarky comments. Quinn had slowly began to accept that it was never going to happen, so she had repressed her hopes, but suddenly she was pulled back into all of the fantasies and possibilities, and she couldn't suppress her desires anymore. Her heart wouldn't stop its violent beatings, and she was already planning her course of action as she pulled herself out of her shocked haze.
She needed to come up with a plan, and fast. She couldn't have any romantic connections if she was going to pursue Rachel, that would make things too complicated. She mentally cursed herself when she realised that she'd have to hurt Joe, he was sweet. For Quinn, it was easier to have someone hate her once she's hurt them, rather than to see their mental conflict if they still love her. As well as this, she knew that Joe would carry on trying to win her affections, as according to him she was the first girl he'd ever liked in this kind of way, and it's always hard to shake those kinds of feelings. She had to make him hate her if she wanted to get rid of him completely. She needed to act fast... but how?
"-call her stupid again, I will cut off your puffy pyramid nipples and sell them in the local bakery along with your pathetically small penis. Oh yeah, don't think I didn't notice that epic fucking fail! It makes me wonder why Berry didn't dump your sorry ass the minute she saw it! Talk about sacrificial love!" Santana screamed. "Finn, you prayed to a sandwich, that's all I have to say about that," Brittany piped in, as Santana tried to steady her breathing. Quinn ignored the argument, as she crept over to Puck and whispered in his ear, "Come with me." She slid her hand down his arm slowly before grabbing his hand, she smiled slightly at the look on his face and pulled him towards the Station building. She put her arm round his waist and he did the same, before his hand slipped down to rest on her backside. She internally cringed before looking around to make sure that Joe had seen. He hadn't, so she giggled loudly before kissing pucks cheek. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Joe's head turn and grinned to herself. She abruptly turned when they reached the building, and swung Puck around the corner by his arm until his body was pressed up against hers. She instantly began kissing him desperately, partly because she knew that Joe would be there any second, and partly because she'd been feeling increasingly lonely since she realised she could finally have Rachel but she was not here. She didn't waste her time with gentle pecks, she just took his lips into hers before sliding her tongue into his mouth. He looked shocked at her abruptness, but he didn't protest against it. She pulled his face closer, wrapping her arms around his neck wishing that Joe would hurry up.
She was a little surprised when the whole group wandered around the corner. They all stopped at the sight of them, and she cursed herself mentally. Great, she thought, I'll never be able to shake my reputation as the club cheat. She kept her arms around Puck's shoulders and turned to face them, as Puck began kissing her neck. Uagh. She looked at their faces, and they all looked shocked, except Santana who looked amused, and Joe. Joe looked hurt and betrayed and Quinn only felt a small amount of guilt, but mainly she was happy that she could finally be free of deceiving herself... It was Rachel that she wanted after all. She'd also be setting Joe free, she had only been using him and that wasn't fair. For her, these excuses justified what she had just done, so her guilt didn't rise to the level that it should have. She tried her best to look ashamed, as Joe walked away. A small smile played itself across her face before she ran after him in false concern shouting his name.
When she found him he was angry, of course. She blanked out most of what he was saying (It was mainly about God and love and adultery) She just nodded, and kept saying "I'm sorry," before Joe turned to her and said, "Whatever this was," he pointed at himself and then at her, "It's over, I'm sorry Quinn. I liked you a lot, but it looks like you're not that into me." He then shoved past her and headed back to the group. She smiled and relished in her freedom. She could do it. She could get Rachel Berry to love her, and she could be with her. It was going to happen.