Life excuses no mistakes
Disclaimer: I do not own any Characters of Hannibal by Mr. Harris
Follows book
M.
(My mother tongue is not English.)
I sit again in the darkened room, there is only a small point in the corner, which illuminates a whitish light. It is not enough to see, it is not too less to fear the dark. I am under construction, or reorganisation. Maybe both.I know where I am, although it gives me nothing but carelessness. How so? Maybe of the drugs Hannibal injects me regularly and the alcohol, which I consume from appetizer to desert vine.Most of the time, I have the feeling that I float, I stay carefree beside my body. From time to time, it happens that I wish this ends.
Clarice, you will wake up beautifully renewed. I am not very sure if you are really asleep, you never cease to surprise me. You offered me mockingly your breast, when I thought, I have you already under my command. We build your little memory palace and we work further on it, till it is expanded to a respectable size, where you will walk proudly through the corridors and halls for the purpose of musings.
We build my memory palace, he calls it, actually he builds it, and I have to watch. Is there another option? I don't know. He has the control, he is my master, but I like to puzzle him, like when I offered my breast, and he came to take my offer, no, my command, he sat like a good dog on my side on the bottom. I was his mistress while he enjoyed the taste of my nipple. He fulfilled his animalistic need. His teeth played and bit softly my flesh. Pleasure and pain washed me. Did he understood, that I wanted him submissive?
She thinks about rebellion, she wants to challenge me, I give her the pleasure to control me, so she thinks. It is a nice game we play. She smiles a little. Hmmmm, she begins to enjoy her new abilities I gave her.
I flow. My soul flows. My soul wants to fly away to places I never saw. I am a Starling, I can fly like birds do, just have to spread my wings. That makes me happy and I smile. I can leave whenever I want. But where shall I fly? There is darkness around me.
My little bird will learn what her new abilities are, she may feel surrounded by darkness; she may feel that there is no way out. Clarice, you will know, that this is a border in your mind. This is illusion, your illusion. There is no darkness until you don't want it there. I will show you what you are capable of, how rich you are inside of your stubborn head.
I don't like the nothingness, I float to my little memory cabin, there is the room where I visited my dad. Hannibal says, that I shall take the worthy memories into my palace. My dad is in my small cabin. What is with the rest of my life? I am not ready to trash it into a bin. I use my new ability. I build another palace. A second palace. I don't tell Hannibal. This will be my little secret. I keep there my whole life and biography. It is a bad life, but it is all I have.
M.