AN ARGUMENT
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or institutions referenced below with which you are familiar.
Summary: From the same universe as An Offer. Some days, relapses into old habits are almost inevitable. MM and AD with lots of references to others.
Minerva McGonagall did not consider herself a smoker, her current position however, trying in vain to light a cigarette in the freezing north wind, might have given a stranger the wrong impression. Her hands were shaking, more with anger than anything else, but whatever the cause, she was having little success.
"Here, let me" Albus said, stepping out onto the top of the Astronomy tower. He placed himself strategically as a wind break, and proffered her the small flame he had conjured in his cupped hands. She paused, considering her options; what she really wanted to do was to tell him to bugger off, or perhaps just storm past him and leave him standing there like a prat. Instead though, she leant in and lit her cigarette before turning her back on him and going to stand by the parapet. She savoured that first lungful of smoke, exhaling slowly as she felt the nicotine begin to course through her blood. It had been a long time but she welcomed the sensation like an old friend.
They stood in silence until she had finished. She ground out the butt on the cold stone, absently transfiguring it into a white petal and watching as the wind picked it up and carried it away.
"Come now Minerva," Albus began gently, reaching out a hand to place on her arm. "it's freezing out here and you have damaged your health enough for one day." Any calming effect that the cigarette had had was rapidly dissipating.
"Get your hand off of me." she ground out, forcibly shrugging his touch away.
"Minerva…"
"Don't Minerva me Albus!" she snapped, then sighing she pinched the bridge of her nose and reached back into the pockets of her robes and pulled out the cigarette packet. This time she managed to light one first time. "We've had this conversation already Albus, in your nice warm office, and it is painfully obvious that you're not about to change your mind so why don't you just go back down stairs and join the party and when you go to bed tonight I hope you sleep with a sound conscience."
"It's not as simple as that." his voice predictably hardened.
"What? As simple as leaving an infant in the hands of those who will despise him, who will not provide for even his most basic needs?"
"I have told you already that it is for the best, for the greater good."
"Well I've heard you use that phrase before and we all know how well that ended."
"This is different!"
"How Albus! How is it different?"
"You need to trust me Minerva."
"Six years ago you told me to trust you, told me that it was for the 'greater good' that we not expel Mr Black for that unconscionable prank." After the incident with Severus Snape, Albus had been concerned that removing Sirius Black from the school would result in him being forced back into the Black family fold and all that entailed. As it turned out, not making him face the consequences of his actions certainly didn't seem to have helped but they had already rehashed those events in the light of what had happened the previous night.
Minerva grieved the loss of the Potters as much as anyone, but it was Severus Snape whose young face she saw harden as he lay there in the hospital wing being told that Black had been assigned detention for the rest of the term. It was his face she saw when she had found him lying outside the castle gates the night when he had been driven almost from his mind with the guilt of what he had done. He had been barely twenty. There was no doubt in her mind that the life he was now living would be worse than anything Azkaban could offer almost anyone else. Tapping the accumulated ash off of the end of her cigarette, she lifted it to her lips and inhaled down to the filter.
"Severus had already travelled too far down that road," Albus said, apparently having followed her line of thought. "he was lost to us already but he has started to atone for his actions." Albus said
"You are using him Albus," she said with a sigh, "just as you are planning to use the Potter boy."
"It is not like that Minerva."
"Do not treat me like a fool Albus. I may not like what you are doing but that does not mean I do not understand why you are doing it. Perhaps I just think you need to be forced to reconsider this path you are so set on every now and again." Minerva avoided looking her friend in the eye as she drew deeply on her cigarette, before blowing the smoke down wind and away from him.
"And that is why I need you around, my dear." he said ernestly.
"Do not try and flatter me Albus," she replied with a tired smile, "if I had any belief that I could actually influence you, I lost it today."
"You do influence me, my dear, more often than you might believe."
"But not when it really counts though, do I Albus?" She asked softly, looking up and into his eyes.
"Someone must make the hard decisions, Minerva."
"Or so you would have us believe." she countered flippantly.
"I would hate to loose such a dear friend over this …"
"Oh do stop being so melodramatic Albus." She said throwing her hands up in the air, and turning away from him once again. "I am angry Albus, with you and with this situation but you know that I am hopeless at staying that way. I will simply cope. I have tried to change what I can and what I can't, I will simply have to find the grace and fortitude to withstand."
"There are some times that you make me feel remarkably humble Minerva, you are a truly extraordinary woman." Sometimes Minerva felt like she was hitting her head of a brick wall with this man.
"Do not put me on a pedestal Albus, I am not above hexing you for the way you've behaved today and I will certainly be the first to admit that I have made mistakes." she continued much more quietly, "I am not entirely convinced that allowing you to leave Harry there today was not one of the bigger ones but I have not been able to change your mind and for some reason I cannot fathom, I will not go against your wishes."
"Minerva…"
"You have many gifts Albus, knowing when to stop talking is not one of them." Albus opened his mouth to say something but then stopped, his mouth open and leaving him looking remarkably like a fish. She pushed that thought aside, and once more reached into her pocket, wrapping her hand around the familiar cardboard box.
"I wish you wouldn't." Albus said quietly, as she tapped out the last cigarette.
"It's been a long day, in a long month, in a long year Albus. I stopped smoking when I came to work here I am however a grown witch and perfectly capable of making my own decisions."
"I only meant that you are exhausted and that you are unlikely to be able to sleep at all if you consume any more nicotine now."
"I think I've already crossed that line," Minerva said, with a rye smile. " besides, I have a lot of conscience wrestling to do." A wistful expression clouded his eyes for a moment before she continued. "Go downstairs Albus, I am going to finish this," she lifted her now lit cigarette. "and then I will go to my quarters and yes you are right, I will probably sit up all night, but I do promise that I'll join you for breakfast."
"I look forward to it, my dear." This time, when he placed a hand on her shoulder she didn't shrug it off but instead enjoyed the familiar weight and after a moment, Albus let go and turned away. As she heard the sound of the door behind her close, Minerva took another drag and wrapped her arms around herself as the wind rustled her robes around her.