Survival Tip #1: Keep all weapons and defenses with you at all times.

"Uh, hi…" I said awkwardly when the door suddenly opened in front of me. And lo, behold a group of guys. Wow, how sexist. Isn't there a law against that? I've been here for 5 seconds, still at the doorway, and I'm already annoyed. Hmph, well, I guess I'm here. So it's okay…I think.

"Hello~" a creepy man with a green Mohawk said, stretching the "o." I don't know how or why, but he suddenly invaded my personal bubble. And it's hard to look away when he pretty much took up all your view.

Stare.

Stare.

Stare.

Oh, yeah. My parents taught me about this. When a creepy stranger tries to get close to you…roundhouse kick them in the face. So I did.

[Congratulations! You have followed Survival Tip #1! +10 seconds of living!]

"Oh, my! What a nice kick! So full of…power! Energy! And—"

"Alright, your turn's over, Luss," a long-haired man said, interrupting the Mohawk guy with both his words and his foot. Poor guy's skull must be crushed between the wall and those boots. Tsk, tsk. Oh well, I doubt he had a brain anyway. No loss.

"Oh, you're Squalo, right?" I noted. He just turned to me and made a face that said without words,"So what if I am?"

"Dino said his conversation with you on the phone went something like this:

?: VOOOOOOOOOOIIII!

Dino: SQU-SQUALO?

Squalo: Yeah, that's right! It's me, you moron! Listen, I got a couple of questions for you!

Dino: Uh…okay. (Why is he calling me?)

Squalo: Do you know any Cloud users?

Dino: Oh, yeah…one of my friends.

Squalo: Is he strong?

Dino: She is strong, yes.

Squalo: GIRL? ARE YOU SOME F***ING SISSY? DON'T YOU HAVE ANY GUY FRIENDS?

Dino: Yeah…

Squalo: Don't believe you. Alright, what's her name?

Dino: …Star Lo—

Squalo: Alright *click*

Dino: …"

Though Squalo remained silent, I've earned a cough from a man with scars on his face and a strange laugh from a blonde with no perceptible eyes.

"VOOOOOIII! THAT'S NOT HOW IT WENT!" he blurted, drawing all attention towards him. I remained silent. He released Mr. Green Mohawk Guy and walked over to me instead…with a sword.

"LISTEN UP, BRAT! IT REALLY WENT LIKE THIS," he (supposedly) cried.

Squalo: VOOOOOOOOOOIIII!

Dino: SQU-SQUALO-SAMA?

Squalo: Yeah, that's right! It's me, you moron! Listen, I got a couple of questions for you!

Dino: Uh, sure! Absolutely, Squalo-dono.

Squalo: Do you know any Cloud users?

Dino: Of course, Squalo-dage!

Squalo: Is he strong?

Dino: Unfortunately, Squalo-senpai, I can only suggest of a female Cloud user.

Squalo: GIRL? ARE YOU SOME F***ING SISSY? DON'T YOU HAVE ANY GUY FRIENDS?

Dino: My apologies, Master Squalo.

Squalo: Whatever! What's her name?

Dino: Star Lo—

Squalo: I can't stand anymore of your pathetic voice. *hangs up*

I stared blankly at Squalo. I think he said something…Squalo returned to the others and shouted something…I think. Finally, I thought he'd never leave. I pulled out my earplugs.

Survival Tip #2: When Squalo gets within a 10 feet radius of you, put on earplugs.

[Congratulations! You have followed Survival Tip #2! -3 weeks of deafness!]

"You said something, Squalo?" I smiled sweetly holding my earplugs visibly. Squalo was pissed .

"Can I have some of those?" Mr. Frog Hat asked blandly. I looked at him and shrugged. I tossed him a pack of earplugs.

"FRAN! YOU TRAITOR!" Squalo yelled. But Fran already had his earplugs in place. Squalo continued to yell. Is he stupid? He's wasting his energy yelling at someone who can't even hear him. Well I guess his finger-pointing and mouth movements must have meant something.

"Ushishishi…" the blonde with no perceptible eyes laughed next to me. He had swept silently to my side. Silently. Well, I'm glad someone isn't incredibly loud and annoying.

"Ciao," I said, turning to him with a small smile. Oh, wow a tiara. What a man. The only tiaras I've seen were on beheaded princesses and rich girls at their weddings (which I crashed). This is new.

"Nice tiara," I noted with an unintentional mocking smile. I earned a knife that almost hit my face, except I caught it…on the edge. Dang, I'm bleeding now.

"Crown," he corrected, still smiling manically. He slowly took the knife clasped in my left hand, cutting deeper within my palm. Ow! I quickly released my grip while wincing painfully. You bastard!

"Oh? The peasant is bleeding? Not the Prince's fault," he walked off, leaving me holding my bleeding left hand. What kind of…

"YOU BASTARD!"

"Ushishishi~. It's Prince. Prince Belphegor."

"What a name. I think I'll just call you Poser. It's shorter," I said. Damn it. Did I really want more injuries? Mental slap.

"She's right, Bel-sempai. You're just a wannabe," Fran said. Well, I'm glad someone agrees with me. But Squalo's still shouting and he hadn't removed his earplugs, so how does he know what we're saying? Gasp. Can he read minds?

"I read lips, not minds," he directed towards me. I don't believe him.

"Hey, kid," some guy with lip piercings called. Now what? Was he even referring to me?

"Cloud kid, name's Leviathan. I warn you, stay away from the Boss. Don't bother him and I'll let you live," he said. Apparently so. Well, that means I met everyone except the Boss. The Boss has to be the guy with the scars. Oh and what luck. I'm about to meet the Boss. He's right in front of me.

Stare.

Stare.

Stare.

It's déjà vu. But I didn't break it this time. The Boss did. He held out his hand silently…What do I do now? Uh…Damn it, I'm taking too much time. I took his hand and smiled nervously.

"Uh…Call me Star, Star Nimis Locke."

He let go of my tiny-in-comparison hand. You could at least give me your name…but he turned away and tossed me a roll of bandages. I caught it. Ah, dang, my hand's still bleeding…and I just shook his hand with it. Stupid…I think 10 minutes with Squalo turned you like this .I sighed. The Boss left. Great, I met everyone. Lovely. The Green Mohawk guy (Luss) took my hand.

"I'll help you with that~~" he said sweetly.

I sighed, too tired to argue. It took 10 minutes to meet everyone, but it felt like hours. If there's a God up there, tell him I found the devils.

[Congratulations! You have met the Varia! -70 years off remaining life span!]