Dear Fred,
I don't think I've ever written a letter to you before – I don't think we've ever been apart long enough. Oh how things have changed.
Hermoine suggested I write this letter; she said it might help me 'come to terms' with your death. How on earth I'm meant to accept that my twin brother is gone forever I don't understand, but it can't hurt to try I suppose. Even if I do feel like a bit off a prat.
It's been a week since your funeral, since I sat and watched them lower your body in to the ground. Dad gave a really great speech about you, it brought a tear to nearly everyone's eye. I tried to do the same, I really did. Only when I got up there it was as if it was all a big joke, an elaborate prank. I couldn't bring myself to talk about you in the past tense, to admit you were gone. So instead, I stood up in front of nearly three hundred people and said that I loved you. That was it. That was all I could manage. Four bloody words. I love you Fred. I've only known you my whole life and all I could manage was four words. No harrowing speech, no amusing anecdotes, nothing. You deserve better. Deserved.
It still doesn't feel like you're truly gone. Too often, I leave sentences hanging in the air for you to finish. But you never do. Too often I go to tell you a joke, ready to hear your response. But you're never there. Too often I look in the mirror and think it is you looking back at me. But it never is.
I miss you Fred. I really do. I don't know how to be okay with this. Because, because it's not okay. None of it is. You gave your life for a cause you'll never see the fruits of. None of this is fair.
I'm going to stop writing now because I'm crying again. I do a lot of that recently, if you were around you'd be sure to mock me. Mum hates to see me with red-rimmed eyes and I can't bare to upset her more than necessary. If I cry, she cries and that is something this family could do without.
I will try and write another letter, I suppose it did help.
Until next time,
Forever your brother and Partner in crime,
George