A/N: So this is something that popped into my head the other day. I'm going to get the epilogue of If Love Was Enough out soon, but I needed to get this new fic started. I'm really excited about it.

This story is going to be told over three different time frames. Kind of like the new season of Lost. There's going to be a whole present, past, and earlier past thing going on. It might be a little complicated and confusing at first, but it will all pay off. This chapter especially might seem a bit confusing or contradictory, but it's all planned. So please stick with it and if you have questions just ask and I'll see if I can sort it out for you. The song used in this chapter is I Saw by Matt Nathanson.

And it's amazing

With the look in your eyes

Like you could save me

But you won't even try

And then you tell me again

How everything will be alright

Chuck and Sarah walked down the street hand in hand. They just finished their cover date, or was it a real date? He never knew anymore. It was a pretty nice evening. Better than a lot of one's they've been having recently. For the past few months Sarah had been very distant and short with him. He asked her what was wrong, but she just brushed him off and said she was stressed. They barely talked anymore and when they did they were usually fighting. Even on missions. He felt like he could never do anything right.

"The car is this way," he said as she turned in the opposite direction.

"It's a beautiful night. Let's walk. The OrangeOrange is only a few blocks away."

"I thought we had the night off?"

"We did, but Casey called and said he found something and wanted us to meet him at the Castle."

Chuck sighed, but followed her. He felt her squeeze his hand and looked down to her, but she wouldn't meet his eyes. Instead of worrying, he tried to savior the moment. He knew it would be the last good memory he would have of her. They all thought he was stupid. Chuck knew what would happen when they reached the OrangeOrange. They were going to take him to a bunker. He overheard Sarah and Casey talking about it the other day. It was probably why Sarah had been acting so strange. What really stung was the fact that Sarah was so willing to go along with it. The Sarah he used to know would go to any lengths to keep him out of that bunker and living as normal a life as possible. He wasn't going to that bunker. They could do whatever they wanted to him, but he would fight them. One thing was for sure: after tonight, nothing would ever be the same.

They got all the way to the alley behind the Castle when he stopped. He let go of Sarah's hand and she walked a few feet ahead of him before she realized he had stopped.

"What's wrong?"

"I-I just can't do this anymore, Sarah."

She tilted her head slightly and narrowed her eyes. "Do what?"

"All of it. The lying. The cover ups. The never knowing if I'm going to come back from a mission alive. Then there's the thing with us. I can't figure you out anymore and all this back and forth is killing me."

Her demeanor softened instantly and she looked at him full of concern. Damn, she was good at that. Sarah Walker was an amazing actress. Or maybe she really is concerned. Whatever the case, the look made him melt. Everything she did made him melt.

"Chuck, it's all going to be okay. I promise." The way she said it made it seem like she was reassuring herself more than she was reassuring him.

And if I told you

That I'm sorry

Would you tell me that you were wrong

Or would you hold me down forever

If I came to your for answers

"But it's not going to be okay. It never will be until I get my old life back. I can't live with being the intersect anymore."

Sarah took a step toward him, but he stepped back and she made no further move to comfort him.

"Where did this come from all of a sudden?"

"It's not sudden. If you haven't been so busy being pissed at me or dodging my attempts to talk to you then you'd know that."

She was slowly putting her walls up. He had noticed in the past few months, even when she was pissed at him, she still had her guard down. Now was a different story. The agent in her was coming out and the Sarah he knew was slipping away.

"I haven't been pissed at you and even if I was, you shouldn't let that get in the way of being professional. If you have problems you need to tell me."

"You're one to talk about being professional. You're the queen of blurry lines. And you're impossible to talk to when it isn't about drug lords or terrorists."

"Just because I don't want to keep talking about our relationship doesn't mean I'm impossible to talk you."

"Then why do you avoid the conversation every time I try to bring it up?"

"Because I can't keep talking about the way I feel about and not be able to do anything about it!" she shouted then looked to the ground trying to hide her emotions.

"But we can do something about it. We can make it work."

"Chuck, please don't make this harder than it already is. We've talked about this remember? You told me that we could never be together because you wanted a normal life and that I will never be normal. We need to leave it at that and stop brining up the fact that we . . . have feelings for each other every time it gets too hard to ignore."

And I saw

Pictures in my head

And I swear I saw you opening up, again

She did have a point. Chuck was just floored that she just admitted to having feelings for him. Still, it wasn't enough. He wished with every fiber of his being that it was enough. They stood in the dark alley in silence. The cold wind blew harshly against his skin and he had a feeling it would start raining soon. He had to stall. He needed to find a way to get out of here before Casey came out. He could handle Sarah, maybe even emotionally wound her enough for her to lose her focus and let him escape. Casey, on the other hand, would just shoot him without a moment's hesitation.

"Come on. We need to get inside," Sarah said finally breaking the silence. She waited for him to walk toward her and became impatient when he didn't move. "Chuck let's get this mission over with then I will talk to the General about giving you some time off."

He hated how easily she could lie to him. It was like she absolutely believed what she was saying. She made it sound like they would just walk into the Castle like any other day, Casey would tell them about their mission, they'd go save the day, and he'd make it back in time for his morning shift at the Buy More. Instead, they would shoot him full of tranquilizers and ship him off to a secure bunker never to be heard of again. After all they've been through; he still couldn't believe she would do this to him.

"Trust me Chuck, it'll be fine."

"That's the thing. I don't trust you."

He watched as her façade dropped in an instant. Trust me, Chuck. Trust me, Chuck. Trust me, Chuck. He repeated her words over and over in his mind. He had to trust her even though he said he didn't. Trust me, Chuck.

This had been a conversation he imagined in his mind a thousand times. He heard himself say those words to her, but he never pictured the look she would get on her face. In that moment, he knew the words stung the real Sarah, the one that wasn't trying to take him away. This was just as hard for her as it was for him. Still, he knew both of them would do what they had to do.

And I'm surrounded

You spill

All alive and brand new

And I'll forget about you long enough

To forget why I need to

"Chuck."

It pained him to hear how it almost killed her to say his name. Stop it. He forced himself to push all feelings about her out of his mind. He had to be strong. He had to think about survival.

"Don't make me force you to come with me."

She took another menacing step toward him and he pulled a gun hidden under his jacket and pointed it at her. The action startled him as much as it did her. After a moment she smiled at him.

"You're not going to shoot me."

"Don't be so sure. We both know I've been practicing and I may not be that good, but I can do some damage."

He tightened his grip on the gun, but Sarah didn't move. She seemed to be weighing her options. She clenched her jaw and glared at him. "Why are you doing this Chuck?"

"I know what you and Casey are up to. You're sending me to a padded cell. I won't go."

"That's not true."

"For once stop lying to me. Just tell me one thing. Why are you doing this?"

"It's what's safest for you and the country. Fulcrum has increased their efforts to try and find you. If they do you're not the only one who's going to be in trouble. The secrets in your brain will harm a lot of people. You know that. Besides, this is only a temporary solution."

"I won't go."

"You really think you can stop us?"

"Don't underestimate me."

Chuck noticed her snake her arm around to her back. No doubt to grab the knife she keeps hidden in her waistband. He aimed the gun at her arm and pulled the trigger before she got a chance to throw it at him.

And I saw

Pictures in my head

And I swear I saw you opening up again

Cause I would be heavenly if

Baby you'd just rescue me now

If Sarah was in pain, her face didn't show it. All it showed was shock. Her uninjured hand moved to apply pressure to the wound. Chuck moved back a few steps horrified at what he'd done. He just shot Sarah Walker. Not good. Don't freak out.

"Chuck, please put the gun out. We can talk about this and work it out."

"There's nothing left to say Sarah. You're either going to have to shoot me or let me go because I'm not going to that bunker."

"You know I just can't let you go."

"Then we're at an impasse."

Sarah started running at him, but he aimed his gun at her lower right leg and fired again. She dropped to the ground and this time screamed in pain. He tried not to let it faze him, but it did.

"I don't want to hurt you anymore Sarah." Please don't make me do this.

She grabbed her gun from her ankle holster and pointed it at him. His was pointed directly at her heart. They stared at each other, but neither made a move.

The days are

Drifting away from me

I still wake up

Burning through everything now

Chuck finally met Sarah's eyes. They were practically begging him to take the shot, to end this all for good. He was too much of a coward for that. The voice in the back of his head was screaming at him to do it. No matter what, you have to follow the plan. But he couldn't do it. He had done enough damage to Sarah already; he wasn't going to risk killing her.

"I'm sorry," he breathed praying for her to understand. He took one last good look at her, then turned and ran. He made it a block before he heard her gunshot ring out. That was it then. There was no going back.

Five years. All he could do was focus on that thought. Five years. He pulled Sarah's Porsche keys out of his pocket and climbed into her car. Chuck slammed on the gas and peeled out of the parking lot.

There was no going back.

And I saw

Pictures in my head

And I swear I saw you opening up again

I would be heavenly if

Baby you'd just rescue me now