The Russian Patient
"And now for the last subject," Doc took a quick if possibly unnecessary look at his clipboard, "mister… Tachanka?"
Tachanka stood in front of Doc who was seated behind his desk. A platter of various cheeses and a bottle of wine sat atop various medical documents.
"You don't need to act like you've had other subjects, I've been waiting outside for the last forty-five minutes." Tachanka said.
Doc paused for a moment, looking away from both his blank clipboard and the imposing Tachanka, "Oui, let's be on with it then."
"Let's" Tachanka replied.
Doc flipped through several blank pages on his clipboard before finding his questionnaire.
Quickly filling out the name portion, Doc started, "for the documentation and consent portion, what is your motivation to be part of this experiment?"
Tachanka's reply was quick and blunt, "Vodka, I'm dangerously close to sober and left the rest of my money in Vladivostok."
Doc replied with professional enthusiasm, "Ah, then you are drunk right now?"
"Barely."
Doc pretended to scribble down Tachanka's details, "And lastly you are aware of what we are testing today?"
"It's that medi-gun you never use, right?"
Doc paused again to process the insult, "oui, we are testing my revival gun."
Tachanka interjected, "I honestly have no idea what you're saying, your accent is too thicc. Can we just get on with it?"
Doc paused again, never had his professionalism been insulted so much, "But zen again," he thought, "I am not a real doctor, ozerwise I'd be Doctor Gustav 'Doc' Katep".
"Oui, could you please wait outside my office?"
Tachanka turned and left through the front door, audibly stopping just outside of the door's field of view. Doc opened a drawer on his desk and withdrew his revival gun, several probes, syringes, and a tape measure. Tearing the top off a baguette, he hollowed it out and dropped all his tools inside. Taping the top back on, he tucked it under his arm and left through the front door.
Catching Tachanka in his field of view, he said, "By the way, welcome to Rainbow Six: Laboratory division!"
"I wasn't aware that Rainbow Six had a lab division," Tachanka started as he began to follow Doc's brisk pace, "I guess it explains all the fucked-up shit they're producing."
Doc replied, "Oui, not everyone is pleased with what we produce. But come on, we made a fucking air-bender! How many holograms did you see before we came about? Laser turrets? That was us too."
The two walked side-by-side down the hall as Doc continued and finished his monologue. As they passed closed doors on each side the end of the hall came closer into view. It was a large room with a mirror occupying one wall while the rest were painted white. A large concrete wall was set on one side of the room with a large hole blown through it. On the floor a few meters from a wall was an explosive projectile with a hole shot through it. A sturdy-looking chair with arm and leg straps sat immaculately in the middle of the room facing the mirror.
"Please have a seat" Doc said ominously.
Without a word, Tachanka strode to the chair and sat himself down. Without moving, Tachanka let the straps tighten on his wrists and ankles.
Doc stood in front of him and beckoned to the mirror, "Ladies and Gentlemen… Mr. Clancy, I have here before you a willing and most importantly capable test subject."
Drawing the baguette from under his arm, he took off the top and poured its contents out over a waiting tray.
Hearing his medical equipment clatter on the floor, Doc paused before asking, "I missed the tray, didn't I?"
Tachanka replied in a harsh, blunt tone, "By about a meter, I'm afraid."
"You shouldn't be afraid, I'm a professional."
Tachanka narrowed his eyes behind his helmet, "I wasn't, but I'm getting more nervous with every passing second… Not like these puny straps could contain my might."
Doc bent over and picked his medi-gun off the floor, "I'm sorry did you say something? It'll have to wait, what I'm about to inject you with is a new chemical for my medi-gun called erectidal. You get it? It's because it brings you back from the brink of death and allows you to walk erect again!"
Doc paused for a moment to fiddle with the medi-gun, "you know, I've been trying to perfect this thing so that one day I might be able to compete with my old professor- "
Tachanka cut him off, "I really don't care, just hurry up so I can buy vod-"
"He refused to say his name," Doc continued, "only that he was a medic." Doc turned to look Tachanka in the eye, "if that isn't commitment then I don't know what is."
Tachanka let his head go limp and drape off the back of the chair, letting out a pained groan, "Just get on with it!"
"His German accent and white dove haunt my wet dreams to this day" Doc finished his thought as he aimed the medi-gun at Tachanka.
The gun let out a small puff as an aerodynamic syringe burst forth and embedded itself in Tachanka's arm. Both remained still and unmoved as if nothing had happened.
A few minutes passed and Doc let his arm hang down at his side, still clutching the empty gun, "Feel anything?"
"I don't understand why you tested this on me if I have no injuries. How are you going to determine its effectiveness at restoring vigor when I'm perfectly health-"
Tachanka stopped, he could feel the drug taking effect. His arm began to quiver, and his erectile tissue began to fill with blood. In mere seconds he was pitching the largest tent he had ever pitched.
Doc took notice and held his palm to his forehead, "looks like another screw-up with the lab. I wonder if they misinterpreted me when I told them to make erectidal."
Tachanka's other arm began to quiver as he felt his biceps swell. Soon his girthy arms were even girthier, until they surpassed human limits. With a simple flex, he burst from the chair straps and stood erect.
Doc moved the hand from his forehead to cover his gaping mouth. He held his baguette next to Tachanka's inhuman cock.
"I can't believe it, "Doc started, "it's as big as this baguette. I may be able to outsell Viagra and steroids with this."
Doc struggled to keep his eyes on the baguette. A few seconds passed and Tachanka's lengthy member and heavy breathing were too much for him to bear. Doc scribbled a few measurements on the side of the baguette before dropping it and grasping Tachanka's meat scepter with both hands.
Grasping firmly, Doc began to massage the fuck stick, getting lost in the rhythmic retracting of Tachanka's foreskin. Letting his head fall back until he saw the ceiling, Tachanka's vision began to blur. Feeling his whole body tense up, Tachanka felt his coconut-sized prostate flex. With a mighty roar of ecstasy that shook the very foundations of the Lab, Tachanka's cock hosed Doc.
Doc closed his eyes and opened his mouth, making sure to hold his breath. It was in vain, however, as Tachanka's powerful semen-hose shot too far, covering the mirror in what looked like a modern art-piece.
Having expunged his human-tzatziki, Tachanka felt his biceps relax and shrink back to their normal, tenderloin-like girth. Looking down, he saw Doc kneeling in front of him, still holding his mouth open in anticipation.
Reaching out and patting his head, Tachanka simply said, "That'll do Dockey, that'll do."
A quiet roar of applause sounded from behind that mirror as Tachanka left through the door.
Doc, in a fit of ecstasy, thought to himself, "Professor Medic, I've done it!"