In Rin's eyes, Nitori had always been weird.
He was always happy, he was always optimist. They had been living for almost a year in Samezuka, yet Rin had never seen him cry, not even once. Not even when he lashed out at him, using words that had brought anyone, Rin himself too, if they had been said to him, to tears. He just showed him that smile that had in it all the apologies of the world, regrets for not being enough for his Senpai, for not being able to understand him, for not being able to support and cheer him up, then he would get out of the room to go who knows where, just coming back a couple of hours later with his signature smile, the one that was able to melt everything, as if the argument from a few hours before had never taken place.
And for almost the whole year, Ai had kept on smiling in front of other people, being strong with himself. He kept on not letting anyone know his weaknesses.
By that time, december had come, Christmas holidays were approaching and the chats were all about holidays plans, where to spend them and with who. For Once, Rin was managing to have a quiet talk with his kohai, without lashing out on him. He was teling him about his plans for the upcoming days, telling him he would have spent them with his family and the Iwatobi crew.
But the problem was Nitori: he had been staring at a telegram he had received that morning from the hospital of the village her mother lived in. Lived, indeed. Those words communicated the little boy that he was alone, now. His father had left when he still was a baby, so he didn't even remember his face. He didn't have grandparents, nor relatives, since his mother was an only child, just like him.
"So... What are you going to do during the winter break, Nitori?"
The redhead boy asked, looking at the boy that was sitting at his desk. He received no answer.
"Oi, Nitori?!" He pressed, a bit annoyed, managing to have his roommate's attention.
"Uh... I'm sorry, senpai... I was distracted. What did you say?" Aiichiro answered, his voice loud enough to let the boy hear him.
It was so weird, Ai had always been so cheerful and lively, with his crystal clear voice.
"I asked you what are you gonna do during the winter break." He repeated, sighing, noticing there was something wrong with his kohai, not giving it much importance, marking it as a moment of tiredness.
"Ah... Uhm... I still don't know. I have to see what it will be of some things in my life... Senpai..." Ai sighed, as if he was about to say the most difficult words of the whole universe. "My mother passed away this morning... It seems she had a illness..." He whispered with a very low voice, but it was enough to let the red haired boy catch his words. He studied the younger boy's face, who had turned towards him, without finding the slightest hint of sadness.
Instead, his face had no expression.
And yet, The only time the two of them had talked about their own families, Ai had told him that he had a wonderful relationship with his mother, they stood up for each other, just like a team.
Nitori's words stopped Rin's train of thoughts.
"Senpai, I'm going out for a walk, I won't take part at today's training, I don't feel like it...". Once again, those words were whispered, as if Nitori's whole voice had disappeared with the arrival of that telegram. Actually, he had just lost the only member of his little family that still was alive.
Rin nodded, following his roommate with his gaze, as he stepped out of the room, going who knows where.
As it was to be expected, Mikoshiba asked Rin about Nitori. The shark boy explained how things where and the captain asked him to go and look for their kohai and confort him. Mikoshiba knew that Ai always tried not to be a burden for anyone, trying to face events bigger than him all alone. So he exempted the red haired boy from the practice, giving him that delicate task that should have helped him control his nerves and his rage.
And so, Rin got out of the pool, starting to look for his roommate. He walked across the park, along the beachside, many bakeries, thinking that the boy would have been there, eating sweets to get his thoughts away from what happened. Two hours had passed, until Rin reached a hill, whose green grass was cut perfectly and with a little grave in the corner, surrounded by pastel coloured flowers.
And there he was Nitori, curled in himself. Rin got closer to him, with little and silent steps, noticing, while getting closer, that that body was shaken by the sobs of someone who had kept inside a huge quantity of sorrow, too much for him as well, who always took on him the red haired boy's worries, who always cared about not interfering with his plans, who stepped aside even when he wasn't asked to, who didn't think of being worth being conforted in that situation.
"Nitori..." The taller boy whispered, now standing just behind him.
Hearing his name being called, the younger boy froze, slightly turning towards the one who had called him, revealing his face, straind by tears that had been there for at least one hour and a half. He tried to wipe them quickly, but it was useless, the more he wiped the tears away, the more these ran down his face. Rin sat next to him, feeling his chest tighten by seeing that boy, who was always happy, being in te middle of a crying spell, all alone.
"So... This is where you come, when you are sad...?" Rin asked, receiving a slight nod as an answer.
"This is my greatgrandmother's grave..." Ai started. "She died when I was very young, but since she lived here, while I'm from Hokkaido, I couldn't take part at her funeral. Since then, I haven't managed to cry once, not even for my own mother... And I felt horrible, senpai... I didn't even manage to cry for her... Every time you lash out at me, everytime I get out of that room, I come here... Because she's the only one I can show my every emotion to..."
Upon hearing those words, Rin's chest tightened more. He abandoned his pride and his frustration for once, making way to comprehension and solidarity, since it was what his roommate needed the most at that moment. He wrapped his arm around the little boy's shoulders, pulling him against his chest and rocking the both of them back and forth, softly, letting Ai cry out all of his tears. "I'm sorry..." He only whispered, holding that little frame against his body, as if he wanted to protect him from everything.
And they stood there, for a couple of hours, when the sobs had calmed down to soft snores. Ai had cried himself to sleep and he had done it in the arms of the one he looked up to, for whom he would have gave up everything even his own feelings.
Rin smiled softly seeing him sleeping, even if that smile was full of sadness and frustration towards himself. He was too blinded because of his own stress to actually understand how much pressure he had put on Nitori. And he didn't deserve it at all.
He picked the younger boy up on his shoulders, paying attention in not waking him up, slightly bowing in front of the grave, before going back to the dorms. In that same place he swore he would have paid more attention to Ai's feelings, without forcing him to go and hide on that hill to be himself.