Disclaimer: I don't own anything. The plot's too overused to claim hahahahhaa. No, seriously.
Time is closing on me , I wanted to live , I wanted to see more things , to sing more songs , to do so much more than I have ever done but more than anything … I want to see my beloved happy …. I don't want to see him hurting …. I don't want to see him sad….
I thought of what would happen when I die? Would he miss me? Would they remember me? Would somebody leave a space in their heart for me? I have so many friends; I wish they would remember me. I wish they also think of me as they're friend. I have a family, maybe I wasn't a good child but I loved them, I always did and I still do. I wish they know, I wish they can hear my thoughts. I wish they can see how much I love them even though I'm rude , I'm selfish , a liar ,a disappointment, a very bad child. I love them, every night I prayed for their happiness, for them to be okay I said I'll pay any price maybe this was a part of it but I won't regret praying for that if it means their happiness. Yes , I knew everything I was, I knew and hate myself for everything I am, every time I shout or tell them anything rude , I hate myself more and more and more. I'm very sorry that I'm a huge disappointment. I wanted to be the best. I wanted to show you only my good sides but I just get frustrated , I get so sad when I can't then I end up shouting and venting out my madness on them . I know I'm the most insufferable child you ever had so I'm sorry, but always remember that I love you, that I always wish the best for all of you.
I want to complain about everything, my life , my attitude, my failings, my….everything , but I can't because I don't want them to pity me , maybe a little of me does but I wouldn't be happy with pity , they wouldn't be happy to hear these words from me that's why I'll pretend , I'll smile , I'll do my best to give them the most calming feeling I can if they're hurt , comfort them when they're sad and fool around with them to improve their mood but I'll never ask them to share mine , I'll be selfish and keep it all to myself , I want everybody to read this I know that it's the reason why I'm even typing this, it's the reason why I'm here putting everything I want to say in this letter , to have somebody read it , I can't speak well , I don't even have the guts to say all these in front of them. I'm afraid … of everything , of them rejecting me , of people hating me , of my parents being sad when they read it , of the time when I die , of thinking about what will happen afterwards. But I know one thing … no matter how much I wish of anyone to hear me… I will never , ever , ever lean on anyone anymore , I made the mistake once maybe twice and I saw how they tried, to cheer me up , to make me smile maybe it was fake sympathy but at the very least I want to believe that it was true until I can. Then when they hate me for knowing all of the lies I've said , when they know all the secrets I've kept , that's the time when I'll pull away from them , the time when I'll distance myself and go back to the me that I knew , the me that was cold , the me that was a lesser disappointment than I was right now , the shadow of my entire being.
Every time a friend comes near me I want to cry and let my feelings loose I want to tell them every thought I have, I want them to tell me that it's okay, that I'll be fine, that they'll be here beside me until everything ends, until this dream ends…but I knew …this wasn't a dream …it was the reality. I wanted to scream, to cry, to just breakdown and end my sufferings …
Maybe this is redundant but hey what to do these are my thoughts I just thought maybe if I write it here I wouldn't want to say it to anyone anymore and I wouldn't cry anymore and I wouldn't be so upset about it.
If ever someone reads this I have one request, tell my parents and my friends "thank you for making me feel happy and being there for me and I'm sorry, so very sorry for everything…I love all of you"
"What the hell is this?" I couldn't breathe; I could feel my heart shatter as I read through the letter. Is this the reason why he's so depressed? I grit my teeth as I stomped through the hallways, determined to find the writer of this letter that just seemed to emit negativity.
I finally find the room of my lover, that idiot who wrote letter; such an atrocity! I swung the door open, unfazed by the loud bang that followed the motion and what I saw outraged me.
"S-sasuke! What are you doing here?" he asked as he hastily hid his hands behind him but ihe was one move too late
"What the hell are you doing?!" I wrenched the makeshift knife out of his hands, threw it away and hurriedly tied my handkerchief on his bleeding wrist. Then I ran to his bathroom to take the first aid kit. My hands shook as the tears well up in my eyes. Had I been one moment late, he could've done more damage to himself. He could have died. I was horrified by the thought.
'What if he tries again?' I snapped out of my trance and ran back to his room and sure enough I saw him taking the temporary bandage off and holding that cursed cutter.
"Naruto!" I screamed in anger and concern. I saw him flinch and shadows seemed to cloud his eyes as he looked up to me. His face was full of sorrow and…defeat.
"Sasuke..." He sounded so broken. I kneeled in front of him, cupped his face and embraced him. I wanted him to feel safe, to feel my love.
"Naru, please don't do this anymore. I can't bear to see you like this. You can talk to me, tell me everything that's bothering you. I'm sure we can work on it" his trembling increased and I was startled when he started heaving and crying with such force that it shook me to the core. He cried with such agony that I didn't know he was keeping in him. I just held him against my chest, offering him words of comfort all the while.
Time passed and his sobs died down as he fell into slumber, the day's events taking its' toll. That night I slept while holding him tightly in my embrace for fear that when he wakes up he might try to do what he had done earlier once more.
That morning I woke up to the gentle rays of the sun and to the soft hum of my partner's breathing. It amazed me that in spite of the fact that he had been in such turmoil yesterday, his face remained that of an innocent child's while he was asleep. He stirred and I saw a pair of blue eyes open unto the world and when it looked at me, I felt my heart melt.
"Sasuke, I'm sorry about yesterday. I just…I just felt so depressed. I don't know what's wrong with me I just feel so sad and I couldn't take it anymore so I..I tried to…uhm" He stopped and I knew that he was uncomfortable with just the mere thought of what he had wanted to do yesterday.
"It's okay, we'll go to the counselor today, we'll talk things through and we'll help you find what's wrong and we'll resolve it. Do you think we could do that?" I asked. My hope obvious in the way my eyes shone.
"I..I don't want to go to a shrink…" of course he doesn't. Nobody wants to.
"We're just going to talk to him and he's not a 'shrink', he's a counselor. I'll be right beside you the whole time you know? We don't have to tell your family if you don't want to. " I said as I ran my fingers through his golden locks and kissed his forehead.
"Fine then, but you'll have to treat ne to ramen!" I saw the fire in his eyes blaze and I knew that this is a good start. Though we still have a long road ahead of us before he truly recovers, I know that we'll get through this.