Sleepless Moon

Robert had his hands shoved deep in the pockets of his coat as he walked towards towards the woods. The snow hadn't fully melted yet and nights were still cold.

Since he had moved to Alicante these nightly walks had become a necessity, almost a ritual before going to sleep. People can laugh now but the reason for it was the lack of noise inside the house.

Robert turned on his witchlight when he reached the woods. He didn't precisely need the witchlight since the sky was clear and above him the full moon shone bright as if it was watching over something. But he felt better with it than without it.

Back in New York it had always been noisy. The city itself was very loud of course but the Institute as well. There was always laughter, crying, arguing, running around. Even if you weren't in the same room as the other person you could still hear them and so you didn't feel alone.

Robert was sure, that nothing was as lonely as an empty residence and so he escaped it whenever he could. There were a lot of things to do during the day so it wasn't difficult to not be inside but in the evenings and during nighttime it was very difficult. He would always try to hear Maryse's breathing when she was sleeping soundly, Alec and Jace whispering or trying to sneak around in the house, Isabelle's laughter and even the sound of Max turning the pages of his books. But he couldn't, which lead to weeks of insomnia.

These walks tired him out enough to avoid laying awake in bed and thinking about his family and other things he missed. His brain would finally let him sleep.

Some minutes had passed now since he had realized that something was following him.

Robert stopped and sighted. Really?, he thought and took out his blade, turned around quickly and he couldn't believe his eyes. There he stood, with his dark curly hair hair, and, judging by his face, almost as surprised as Robert, Michael Wayland.

"Michael?"

"You can see me?" Michael swallowed. "Wow, that's a first..." He laughed. It was a hesitant, uneasy laugh.

"You're dead... You should be dead," Robert said because he didn't really know what else to say.

"Oh, I am dead. I'm a ghost." Michael was clearly nervous. His hands were restless and his stare waited for Robert's reaction.

"Ah," Robert nodded in understanding. He just wasn't capable of saying more.

Michael started smiling. "You know, I was always picturing, what I would say to you in this kind of moment... but now I just... can't think of anything..."

"It's alright, I suppose not many people can... and it's a bit cold out here. You want to come to my house to talk?" Wasn't it strange, Robert thought, how he could feel an instant connection with Michael again as if nothing had happened? And yet, talking to the ghost of Michael Wayland was probably the second best thing that had happened to him in months.

Michael grinned. "Are you inviting a ghost into your home?"

"Call me stupid, but for the past weeks I have wished for a poltergeist to infiltrate my home so badly," Robert said kind of exhausted and started to walk back. Michael waited, unsure what to do now. Robert stopped now, realising his partner wasn't following him. He turned around and said a bit inpatient: "Come on now, or do you want to stay behind?" Michael was surprised but nodded and they started walking back.

"Sorry, Rob" Michael said after some time. He touched Roberts shoulder, which Robert felt as a cold chill. "About your family and everything that happened..."

"So you know" Robert smiled sadly.

"Well, you know, people talk" Michael stopped to kick away some snow in his path. "I didn't like listening to most of it, but it was the only way to hear how you were doing. But it must be so horrible for you. You were never alone before. You always had people by your side."

Robert flinched. That had hurt. But it was true. Robert really was incapable of living on his own. The moment Michael had spoken it out loud, it had become true. And that was exactly why it hurt so much. Why did Michael have to spill it out for him? Why couldn't he just leave Robert oblivious? A bit bitter Robert replied: "What? It's not like they're dead. My son has even kind of started to forgive me for being a lousy father"

"You only wanted to protect him in your own way. You didn't mean it like that."

Robert raised his voice. "For what kind of saint do you take me? After all I've did to you. All I always did was to protect myself from anything complicated! Because I always cared about what people said about me and my family!" He was yelling now, although he didn't know why. "I don't even know, if it was my decision to fall in love with Maryse or if I just thought that because everyone said she's hot" If Michael wasn't a ghost he would have grabbed him by his shoulders and shaken him. But as things were now all he could do was shake in anger about his own confusion.

"Stop that right now, Robert Lightwood," Michael said determined and added softer: "You really loved Maryse. You shouldn't doubt that for one second, because when you were busy looking at her, I looked at you and saw it. Besides, if you had never married Maryse, Isabella, Alexander and Max would never have been born. I know a few people who would've been upset over that" Michael made a quick pause and started smirking "Namely the warlock, who dates your son" Michael added and ruffled Roberts hair as Robert became calmer. "His name is Magnus Bane," Robert said after a while.

"Huh?"

"The warlock, who dates my son. His name is Magnus Bane."

"You don't address him with 'the warlock'?"

Robert sighed. "He's a good man for Alec, I suppose. He'll make him happy"

"That he's good goes without saying. I'm not too sure about that 'man'-part, though..."

Robert smiled and they went silent again for a while. Robert realized that Michael's steps didn't make any sound while they were walking.

"What about Jonathan?" Robert asked after a while of walking in silence.

Michael looked up to the starry sky. "He went beyond"

Robert looked at him with disbelief. "Alone?"

"Of course," Michael said proudly, "he's a big boy after all"

"True, true" Robert smiled. "And you stayed behind? Why?"

Michael didn't even take a moment to think when he replied in a clear voice: "You"

Robert knew that honest look on Michael's face. It was was the look he had trusted so many times in the past and the look that had changed their relationship forever. He remembered that big training room when everybody else had left. Robert had been frustrated since Maryse only had eyes for Valentin. Michael's hand on his back and his voice whispering "Can't it be me? I love you more than her. Can't you choose me?" with the same honest look on his face and he remembered his eyes widening and his hands shoving Michael away in shock, while thinking about what his father would've said if he ever found out. "Don't ever come near me, you disgusting freak," he had said and ran away.

Robert unlocked and opened up the door. With an exaggerating move of his hand he gestured towards the inside. "Be my guest."

"Nothing much has changed here, huh?" Michael said when he entered.

Robert smiled a sad smile and said: "Nothing much"

Michael already knew the way to the living room and Robert followed him.

"Angel, that place brings back so many memories!" Michael exhaled. It sure does, thought Robert and remembered how they used to play Hide and Seek or Demon Hunting in this room. They were always together, inseparable, the perfect two. It was almost as if they were meant to be. And as he looked into Michael's face he just knew that he thought the same.

Robert shook his head. "I suppose you don't drink?" He went to the bar and took a bottle of Whiskey out.

"What?" Michael turned around. "Oh,no, I don't. You know, kinda comes with the dead-thing." He smiled and sat down on the sofa, while Robert poured the Whiskey into the glass.

They sat there for a while on the sofa right next to each other and talked about meaningless things, until Robert suddenly asked: "Did it hurt?"

"Huh?"

"Dying," Robert said.

"You know, it's weird, I hardly remember. But I was burned alive so... most definitely yes"

Robert made a pained expression. "I'm sorry I wasn't there"

Michael smiled. "How should you know, that I was miles away dying in a burning house and if you were there Valentin would've probably killed you as well. It was easier, knowing you were save from him but I won't lie, there were still regrets. I would've liked to talk to you again, perhaps lie to you and tell you that I didn't mean it like that back then. I think you have already guessed it, a part of me has never stopped loving you and to not be close to you was always my worst nightmare since I was little – Robert?"

Robert was crying. He could not hold it inside any longer. "I am so, so sorry for what I have done to you. You're separated from your family because of me and only now I have a slight idea what you must've been going through"

Michael put his arm around him, drawing him closer and resting Robert's head on his shoulders. They sat like this for a while. Nothing was said and it didn't need to be.

This time it was Michael who broke the silence. "Have you ever heard something of 'Botan Doro'?"

Robert shook his head.

"It's a japanese ghost story. The story goes that a woman and a young girl with a lantern always pass by the house of a widowed samurai. He is immediately smitten by the woman and vows her an eternal relationship. From then onwards she would come to his house every night and leave before dawn. A neighbor got curious and one night peeked into a window, where he saw the samurai having sex with a skeleton - "

"I can't have sex with your skeleton"

Michael was clearly caught off guard and Robert even thought he saw something like a blush. If ghosts can blush that is. Michael laughed it off with a laughter that sounded a bit embarrassed. "By the Angel, what are you thinking, I wasn't suggesting you to have sex with my dead body. Besides, I was burned! There's nothing much to have sex with. Anyway, let's continue the story" Michael took a deep breath. "So the neighbor went to a priest and the priest warns the samurai of the danger he's in and puts a protective charm on the house. The next morning, the samurai is gone. But his corps was found later in the graveyard embracing the skeleton"

"How morbid", Robert mumbled.

Michael smiled. "But isn't it kind of romantic? He knew it would be dangerous for him but he went to meet her anyway"

Robert took another sip of his third glass of Whiskey."Well, once you go sleeping with corpses I don't think there's much hope for you"

Michael snorted and threw a cushion at him. "How unromantic can one be?"

Robert caught the cushion in midair. But he wasn't smiling this time. He just stared into the cushion and said: "Maybe that's why we grew apart... I really should've given her flowers once or twice" He then looked at the clock. "Angel, look at the time. I need to get to bed," he said, stood up and took the glass from the table.

Michael had to remind himself not to get jealous of Maryse. But did she have to always come between them even when she wasn't there? Of course she would always be the Number One in his heart. He knew that. He loved Robert that couldn't take his eyes of of her. But right now, she hurt him more than she did good. And Robert deserved something good.

Michael stood up and followed Robert upstairs into his room. Robert was already laying in his bed half asleep, when he came in.

Robert sure was trusting. Michael could've easily killed him right now and they'd be both dead. Cursed, but united for eternity. But as perfect as this sounded, there was a major flaw in this plan. Himself. Michael could've never hurt Robert. No matter how angry or bitter he was it just couldn't be done. He would've killed himself happily over and over again if it could ensure Robert's well being.

"I'll stay here as long as you need me," Michael whispered as he bent down to kiss his lips. That was the only thing he could take

"Michael?" Michael twitched nervously when he heard Robert's sleepy voice. "Can you close the window please? It's cold."

He smiled a little when he looked at the already closed window, but said "Sure" and walked towards it.

"Michael?"

Michael stopped again. "What?"

"Could you stay for a while?" It was barely audible so Michael couldn't be sure if he had heard correctly, but replied: "I'll stay as long as you need me"

Robert's breathing slowed down and revealed that he had now completely fallen asleep. When Michael sat down in the chair next to the window and looked outside.

The moon shone brightly that night. Just as it did in the night of the lantern procession 31 years ago, and just like then it illuminated Robert's face beautifully. Then, between all these lights, Michael had realized what just what exactly Robert meant to him and from then on he was constantly on a roller coaster ride between Cloud Nine and the Ninth Circle of Hell.

But he wouldn't have changed one second of it and would take the vow, to protect him and to shelter him from Evil, again and the forever sleepless moon was his witness.