Chapter 1

Derek Shepherd pushed the signed contract across the desk as the chief held out his hand.

"Its good to have you back Shep," Richard said shaking his friends hand and Derek nodded as he asked the one question he'd been waiting 365 days to ask.

"So how is she?"

Richard had no need to ask who she was he had been expecting this question from the moment he had answered his phone to hear Derek's voice asking for his old job back.

"Meredith's doing fine…"

Derek's pulse raced just at the sound of her name being spoken out loud instead of just rebounding around inside his head. The night they had parted he thought it had been the last time he would see the face of the women who had saved him, hear the voice of the women he'd fallen for like he had never fallen before. But here he was twelve months on with the divorce signed and finalized and aching with every part of him to see Meredith Grey again.

The memory of their painful goodbye had haunted him, how he had lied to Addison saying he was going back to check on his last patient when really they had both known exactly where he was going.

The moment Meredith had opened her door he had pulled her to him, wanting to imprint the feel of her to his memory to last him through the rest of his years. It had been her who had pulled away first, looking up at him as she stroked his face with trembling fingers.

"You wouldn't be you if you didn't try to make your marriage work and I do understand but it's just so hard… In a way I'm glad though as it means I wasn't wrong about you!" Her voice held all the heartbreak he was feeling causing tears to sting the backs of his eyes.

"Thank you …"

It was as both their tears had started to fall that Meredith reached up clasping his face with both her hands as she pressed the softest sweetest kiss he had ever received to his lips.

"Goodbye Derek."

"Goodbye Meredith."

He'd whispered brushing back her hair to kiss her forehead but the look in her eyes had chilled him to the core, at that very moment in time she hated him because he had made her love him and Derek saw it as clear as day.

"Please just don't hate me…" he said into her hair as he hugged her for the last time.

Richard watched the emotions pass over the handsome face and wondered whether he should be the one to break the news of Meredith Grey's new relationship before he heard it through the hospital grapevine.

"I worried about her so much, not a day passed without me thinking about her! I must have dialed her number a thousand times but I always hanged up after the first ring." Derek shook his head with a self mocking smile and Richard's decision was made.

"Meredith's in a new relationship Derek, she has been for the last seven months." Derek paled his eyes darkening with pain,

"Do I know him, is she happy?"

"Seems to be, its one of Dr Millers interns Jacob Harrison. Has all the makings of a great surgeon not quite in Grey's or Yang's league but never the less…" Derek didn't seem to be listening as he headed towards the door.

"Il see you tomorrow."

Though it felt like a cold fist had just ripped his heart out Derek had half expected the news, he hadn't wanted Meredith to wait for him and she was just too beautifully alluring to be alone for long. It was and had been obvious to him that someone with more sense than he would come along and snatch her up.

Anyway how was she or anyone else to know that moving back to New York to save his marriage was the same as putting a band aid over a bullet wound. He and Addison had both tried but even after as little time as a month Derek had known they were fighting a losing battle. Everything they had once took for granted was gone leaving an empty farce with both of them preoccupied with how easy it had been with other people. Derek would dream of Meredith at night only to feel the pain of parting again when he woke to find Addison beside him, but not only that he had felt claustrophobic in their Manhattan brownstone without the lake and land of his trailer. He wasn't the same man that had left Manhattan the first time around and he was unable to find his way back. After six draining months they had called time on it but though he had been all ready to fly back to Seattle his contract was water tight for the whole year.

Stepping in to the elevator Derek grinned at the small women with the hostile frown who had been holding the doors,

"Miranda Bailey aren't you a sight for sore sleep deprived eyes…"

"Your back then…"

"So I've been right all along in thinking that you would miss me!" He gave her his winning smile earning a reluctant one in return.

"Your still as dumb as when you left then, cos if you weren't you would know by now I'm not gonna fall for that narcotic charm and those overrated blue eyes of yours!"

"Ah Miranda I've missed you too, so how are your inter…" At this she raised her hand to stop him going any further before rounding on him causing Derek to grimace as he knew all too well what was coming.

"Oh no you don't, you left enough damage behind you so you will stay away from my interns especially Meredith Grey!" Derek tried to protest but Bailey wasn't hearing him.

"The whole hospital watched as she ate her heart out over you the poor girl was miserable for months pining over your dumb ass, but now she's back on track though her taste in men hasn't improved…"

Derek jumped on this, hope sparking in his chest

"You don't like him?"

"I don't like you much either but this ones a fool… He's so in love with her Grey could kill his mother and he'd blame his damn mother!"

It was her floor before Derek had chance to ask if Meredith felt the same way and for his own sake Derek wished she didn't. But there was one more stop for him to make before he could return to his trailer.

Expecting Jake, Meredith called out for him to come on through to the kitchen instead of waiting for her to answer the door.

"Meredith…" That wasn't Jake's voice that was the voice from her dreams, it was the man who said her name as if he tasted it. It was the man who she had thought she would never see again and as painful as that was she had learnt to live with that pain inside her even to start a new life without him.

Unable to stop herself from turning around from the sink she hungrily took in every change, his hair was shorter, he was thinner and there were new lines on his face.

"Derek…" Just saying his name brought back a million memories she had tried to forget, had it been only a year it felt like eternity since she had seen his face.

He had been the one to tell her he was leaving that day but the only reaction she had allowed herself to give him was a brief nod and four words

" Its for the best!"

When her whole being had screamed, wanting to beg him not to leave her but she hadn't instead she had walked away, keeping the façade up right till the night he came to say his goodbye. That night she had truly hated him, even though she had understood why he had to go with Addison she had hated him for making her fall in love only to leave her with nothing but pain and memories.

But now as she stood silently looking at him it was guilt she felt, because he was still her McDreamy and she still loved him when she owed so much more to Jake.

Jake had been patient, kind and he loved her as Derek never had, he was the better man for her. And though she loved him all she wanted was to love and want him as she did Derek.

"What are you, I mean how, Why aren't you in…" To hear her babble again was music to his ears making him smile for the first time.

"I've just signed a new contract at Seattle Grace, I wanted to tell you rather than you finding out another way!" Meredith tried to take it in but she couldn't think straight half of her wanted to jump into his arms the other to slap him for daring to do this to her.

"Addison… Are you still together?" She asked and the wanting to touch her became so hard to resist he had to bury his hands deep in his pockets.

"We're divorced she's in New York with Mark."

That one sentence seemed to hang between them and it was Derek with his eyes searching hers who broke the silence

"I missed you Meredith!" When no answer came he turned to leave and it was then she spoke

"I'm glad your back Derek!"

He nodded feeling his heart flip over as he turned his head to see her watching him with a soft light in her eyes.

"And when you look at me like that I'm more glad to be home than you can ever know!"

After watching him leave Meredith slid softly to the floor, she shut her eyes to try and forget the way he had smiled at her as if she was the only person in the world. But it was as if the image had etched onto the back of her eye lids as it was all she saw, half in frustration half in misery she let the tears fall.

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