It's 3am in Afghanistan. The wind is howling like ice whipping her skin. She's afraid to open her eyes incase they're there watching and waiting. She knows the only way out is to tell the truth but that's not how she was raised. She parted her eyes just enough to see him, lying there, trying to sleep on the hard cave floor. Jack. He shouldn't be here. Hell she shouldn't be here. But she left, didn't she?
Suddenly she opens her eyes again and he's there. Deeks is there but they've got him. He can't escape and she can't help him. He is looking over at her and mouths only something she could read.
"I Love You"
Then one guy pulls out a gun and ponts it at his head, muttering something in English so only Deeks could hear.
Bang.
The shot rang through her ears and there he was. Dead at their feet.
Kensi Blye woke up screaming at the top of her lungs. She felt as though she couldn't breathe. It was as if someone had hold of her lungs so she couldn't scream his name.
Deeks was dead. How could that be?
"Kensi," someone was calling her name. At least that was her name as far as she could remember.
"Kensi," there it was again. But there was no one else here. Just the Taliban, Jack and her.
She opened her eyes to realise that she was not in Afghanistan but in her boyfriends home. In Deeks' home. She was in his bead. In his room. In his house.
"Kensi it's okay. Just Breathe," a familiar voice was saying calmly beside her. It became easier to breathe and every time she heard that voice she could allow her whole body to relax from the tension built up inside her.
Just Count to Three, said the voices in her head.
She could feel a strong protective arm wrap around her back and a thumb stroking her side. She closed her eyes for a brief moment so she could allow herself to take it all in.
"It's okay Kens, I got you," there was again that familiar voice talking to her. Reassuring her she was fine.
She slowly opened her eyes again to find that she wasn't alone. He is here. Deeks is here! Deeks is alive! She turned her head to face him. Deeks was sitting up in bed with one arm around her while the other one was holding her hand, that she didn't even recognise he was holding until now. Suddenly the tears began to sting at her eyes as reality dawned on her. She had had a nightmare about her torture in Afghanistan and again Deeks had witnessed it all. Hell he even went through similar problems after the Sidarov case when Sam and Deeks had been brutally tortured. He could see the tears in her eyes, she could tell because like always, he pulled her into a tight hug. She practically melted into his body and let out a long needed shaky breath before gathering the strength to speak.
"It was really bad," the tears were evident in her voice as all the tension finally released out of her body and into the winter atmosphere around her.
"I know," was all he could reply while reassuring her that everything was going to be alright.
Right now she didn't care what he was saying just as long as he was holding her in his arms and never letting go.
"Deeks, I'm sorry," came her voice, muffled by his shoulder that her head was resting on.
Deeks pulled away slightly and looked her in the eyes with a confused look on his face, "Kens, why are you sorry? It's not your fault."
She knew deep down he was right. He was always right, although she will never admit that to his face.
"But it's my fault for having these nightmares and letting you see the way I crumble because I'm scared," she didn't know how else to tell him she was sorry and as the words spilled out, she felt like it was just a stupid excuse.
"Kensi. It's okay to be scared," he was holding her tight again and running his fingers through her hair, "but it's not your fault. I know what you went through in captivity. Hell I even tortured a blind guy just to get you back. But these nightmares are nothing to be sorry about. Ok? It's just your mind finally hitting overdrive because after weeks of late nights and stressful days your mind was able to sleep."
Finally after what felt like hours of tears rolling down her cheeks, Kensi started to relax. Deeks pulled the covers up over the both of them and with her trembling body still clinging to life in his arms, he laid down letting her head rest on his bare chest. Ten minutes past before she finally dosed off to sleep for the second time that night. After the events that just occurred, he was unable to fall asleep until his mind rested on the fact that Kensi wouldn't wake up with another nightmare tonight. As he lay awake he kept asking himself what happened in the nightmare that forced her to scream so loud. This was the first nightmare she has had that has caused her to scream louder than she has before.
Was it the whole nightmare or just part of it? Could it have been the torture or the ending?
The questions were flooding his brain into overdrive. Kensi has never screamed that loud in her life so why now. Right now he was worried about her but then again he always worries about her everyday. That's just how he rolls.
Finally sleep pulled him under its spell until six o'clock the next morning when the familiar smell of coffee, brewing downstairs, aroused him from his sleep. Kensi was still fast asleep, her sleeping form taking up all four quadrants of the bed like always. He kissed her forehead and not wanting to wake her, slowly removed himself from under the sheets and pulled on his white t-shirt. Deeks stumbled down the stairs towards the kitchen where he found his mother, Roberta, working away at breakfast.
"Late night Margoo?' asked his mother as she poured the boiling water into his favourite coffee cup.
"No, poor sleep," he replied as he gladly accepted the boiling hot drink.
"Was it a bad dream or a case that left you thinking?" his mother kept pounding him with questions until he replied, "No it was Kensi. She had a nightmare that was worse than normal so I was up 'till 4am coaxing her back to sleep."
Although Kensi was his girlfriend and lives with him now, he still hasn't told his mother about the torture she went through in Afghanistan or the torture he went through after the Sidarov case. He doesn't need his mum to worry or panic either so he decided to keep it quiet.
At first he thought his mum was going to ask, what was it about, but she decided against it and went back to her previous job of cooking her son and his girlfriend a lovely breakfast.
Kensi woke up at about 6:10 to the realisation that Deeks was missing and the smell of bacon and eggs frying in the pan wafting up the stairs. She figured he was downstairs cahtting with his mother so she got up and walked to the bathroom to pull on a pair of shorts so that she didn't walk out in her underwear. It was as though the smell of bacon was a force of energy that carried her to the bottom of the stairs. She was a zombie as she stumbled towards the kitchen, black rings under her eyes from lack of sleep. Sure enough there was Deeks sitting at the bench with a fresh cup of coffee, his hair a mattered mess as always, while his mother stood over the stove chatting about the weather.
"Morning all," she yarned while walking to the sink to pour herself some well needed coffee.
"Morning Kensi," Roberta paused looking up from her work noticing her face, "ooh you look like crap, honey."
She was right and Kensi knew it. She had to admit that even Deeks looked like crap but then again it was her fault after all. Silence cloaked the room as everyone tried to figure out what to say next.
"Are you ok?" Deeks asked Kensi first and she nodded her replied.
He didn't look very reassured but let the moment pass. He could probably catch her on their way to work and ask her then. Roberta walked over to the bench and dished their breakfast while asking, "So what was your nightmare about?"
Kensi didn't know quite what to say. Should she tell her or brush it off? Instead she just said, "It was about something that happened a long time ago."
Breakfast was eaten in silence apart from the occasional conversation about the news. After they finished eating, Deeks and Kensi got ready for work while Roberta finished cleaning up. They said goodbye, hopped in the car and drove off to work.
"Kensi I have never heard you scream so loud in my life. What happened?" he asked, concern clearly showing in his voice.
She was silent for a moment and he thought she mightn't tell him but then she said something that stayed with him for the rest of the very long day.
" I saw you die Deeks and I will never forgive myself if that ever happens to you. Why? Because I love you and I can't leave you."
His day was lightened up a bit after that and when they arrived at work he told her, "I love you too."
This was the first time they had ever said that to each other and he knew somehow that she would sleep well tonight knowing he had reassured her he still cared.