Author's note: This has been in my computer for months!
Words in this chapter: 712
She doesn't think about him in her every waking moment.
Definitely not.
Far from it, actually.
No, she tries to have a life. She wants to make something of herself. She does her job. She is not afraid to admit that, sometimes, she forgets his name and age. She looks after herself, and lets him looks after himself.
Dreaming about him, for her, isn't a regular occurrence.
If she said that, she would be lying.
She would definitely be lying.
She has the real thing. She doesn't need her imagination to fill in the blanks, there are none to fill. If she wants something, she gets in in reality, not in her subconscious. Why should she dream about him? What has he done to deserve it? She doesn't dare answer the question.
She doesn't run to him every time she has a problem.
She does the opposite.
It's true. She usually runs in the opposite direction as fast as her legs can carry her.
She takes care of her own problems. She is very good at keeping secrets. Asking for help is admitting weakness. She cannot afford that. She cannot afford compromising her position as leader. She cannot give him her trust, her heart.
Once upon a time, she dreamed of a white wedding.
It would be in the sun. She would be wearing a beautiful dress with a long veil. The groom's smile would only rival her's. They would be the perfect match. He would be tall and muscular. Almost like a prince.
She looks back and laughs.
She doesn't need anyone to make her complete. Least of all a guy.
Least of all him.
She doesn't love him. She can't.
He is an evil, soulless, a monster.
So what if she fits perfectly in to his embrace?
She can't forget that those strong hands had murdered hundreds.
So what if his face is perfectly sculpted, sharp, but graceful at the same time?
She can't forget that it also shifts to the face of a killer. That his teeth extend, eyes glow, and forehead becomes bumpy.
So what if he says the right thing at the right time, that he can calm her when no one else can?
She can't ignore the fact that the sweet-talking mouth helped him worm his way into the hearts of countless people, only to kill them in the end.
So what if he knows what she's thinking?
They think alike, and as much as she tries to deny it, she can't fight it. This has saved her in the past, as much as she tries to ignore it.
And what does it matter if he treats her like an equal, unlike all the others?
This is the treatment she has always dreamed of! He considers her a warrior, not a weapon. A woman, not a Slayer. She tries to forget that, and think of him as someone who considers people "happy meals on legs."
So what if he trusts her, even though he knows that she can kill him?
Yes, he did go to her in a time of need. He could have gone to a place where people willingly whore themselves out to vampires, but he didn't. He went to her, knowing that she would happily stake him. He was helpless and starving. She knows that he's the only vampire who would do so.
And why should she care that he could have killed her a thousand times over?
She doesn't deny that he's powerful. He has already killed two Slayers, and wears the duster of one as a trophy. Chip or no chip, he could have hired someone to do it. And when the chip malfunctioned, he could have done it. But he didn't. He didn't, and she tells herself it's because he can't.
So what if he's in love with her?
He can't be! He has no soul! You can't love without a soul. Angel told her that. It doesn't matter that he spent over a hundred years caring for Drusilla—that was obsession, not love.
So what if she loves him back?