Author's Note: I wrote this oneshot for my girlfriend, who likes to squee at Spemily, and firmly believes that there is more to their relationship than meets the eye.
After the incidents on the night of the masquerade ball, the four girls settled in the Hastings barn. Spencer brought a bottle of makeup remover, cotton balls and four of her biggest tops downstairs. The girls silently changed out of their dresses and pulled the tops over their underwear.
It had been an exhausting night. Without any conversation, they settled on the sleeping bags and pillows all next to each other. Hanna and Aria fell asleep almost immediately. Emily, in Spencer's oversized UPenn sweatshirt, sniffed awkwardly. Spencer opened her arms, beckoning the girl for a cuddle.
Emily all but launched herself at Spencer, burrowing into her chest, her arms clinging around Spencer's back. They lay together that way, Emily crying softly into Spencer's shirt. "I can't believe she's gone, Spence," she told her friend.
"I know, Em. Neither can I," said Spencer. She kissed the top of Emily's head while she stroked her hair. They fell asleep that way, with Spencer's fingers tangled in Emily's long black hair.
Mona was A. And Maya was dead. Spencer decided that the two events had to be connected somehow. Mona lured them away from Rosewood so one of her minions could murder Emily's girlfriend. It was a wicked twist that the struggle with Mona resulted in the girls' delayed return to Rosewood, so Mrs Fields, and not Emily, who ended up finding Maya's body. Spencer sighed. She couldn't help wishing that with Mona's confinement at Radley Sanitarium, Maya's murder would be Rosewood's last.
Spencer climbed the steps to the Fields' home's porch. She had promised to spend the afternoon with Toby, but her boyfriend cancelled last minute, saying that a job opportunity had just come up. Spencer spent the afternoon reading at home, until she remembered that Emily was leaving for the Habitat for Humanity build in Haiti in two days, so she took the opportunity to see her.
If Emily would even see anyone. It's not like the three girls haven't been trying. According to Mrs Fields, Emily kept herself cooped up in her bedroom and lived on soup and toasted bread rolls all summer. She only emerged to go to the bathroom. Mrs Fields, without the gentle yet persuasive presence of her husband, had given up on trying to get her daughter back weeks ago. When Emily announced that she was going to Haiti, she didn't even attempt to stop her.
Her knock on the door was answered by Mrs Fields, who smiled gently as she let Spencer in. "Hanna tried to see her a couple of hours ago. Emily didn't want to let her in, so the poor girl sat outside and told Emily stories about her cooking classes."
"I'll do that if I have to, Mrs Fields," said Spencer. "She's going away for three weeks and I'll really miss her. I miss her now."
Mrs Fields put an empathetic hand on Spencer's arm. "I miss her, too," she said. "Hey, it's getting late. Tell me if you want to stay the night, I'll get you some pillows to sleep by her door." She made a face, apparently realising how ridiculous that idea was. "I'll set you up in the guest bedroom," she corrected.
Spencer snorted. "I think we'll draw the line at talking to a door for hours and then going home, Mrs Fields, but thanks for the offer."
"Well, you go ahead now." A hand on the small of her back directed her towards the stairs.
Spencer climbed the stairs slowly and walked the narrow hallway to Emily's bedroom door. The Fields's house was smaller and older than her house and Aria's and Hanna's houses, but Spencer always felt it had the most heart. But right now, the hallway felt hollow. Clearly, the golden daughter of the family had a lot to do with that heart.
Her knuckles rapped Emily's door lightly. "Em? It's me," she said. "It's Spencer. I just wanted to drop by before you left for Haiti." There was no response. She decided to try a humourous approach. "You know, no one but your mother has seen you in two and a half weeks. Next thing, they'll be reporting Emily Fields sightings. Indicators: swimmer shoulders, long legs and glass in her hair." She chuckled.
Miraculously, Spencer heard feet thump on the floor, then the sound of said feet approaching closer. The door opened without a click, because this was the Fields' household after all - locks weren't allowed, but privacy was a common courtesy. Spencer came face to face with Emily, who was wearing threadbare cotton shorts, a baggy t-shirt, with her hair spilling messily over her shoulders. "Hi." Spencer didn't even realise that she was whispering.
"Do you wanna come in?" Emily asked softly.
"Do you want me to come in?" asked Spencer.
"Sure," said Emily. She let Spencer step inside the room before closing the door behind her.
Spencer fidgeted with her fingers as she stood in the middle of Emily's bedroom. "So," she started, "how have you been?"
Emily laughed mirthlessly. "How do you think I've been?"
"Okay, maybe that was a bad question." Spencer backtracked. "I heard about Haiti. That's awesome. I wish we had thought of it as a group and had a little getaway from Rosewood and A for a little while."
"Spencer." Emily hugged herself protectively. "I want to get away from everyone. If I had wanted you guys to come to Haiti with me, I would have suggested it. You know that."
Spencer did know that. "I would have wanted to keep an eye on you, though."
"I don't need you to keep an eye on me. I don't need anyone to keep an eye on me. I am tougher than anyone thinks," Emily said angrily. "I don't need you, Spencer."
"Then I guess I'll just leave," Spencer snapped. She made her way for the door.
"I loved Alison and they killed her. I love Maya and they got her, too. I need to be strong," Emily's voice started cracking, but she recovered. "I need to be strong so they know not to mess with me." She collapsed on her bed. "Spence, don't go." She patted the space next to her. "Can you stay the night?"
Spencer could feel herself softening. Emily had that way with people. "Sure," she said. "Let me just go tell your mom that I'm staying over. She was offering pillows."
Emily managed a smile. "I have a lot of pillows."
They lay silently together in bed, not touching, when Emily turned on her side to face her friend. Her best friend. She had a special bond with Spencer even before Alison died. They were both straight A students and they were both athletic. Spencer understood the pressure of juggling commitments, while Emily served as Spencer's understanding sounding board whenever everything got a little bit too much at the Hastings household.
With all the stuff going on about A, they haven't done that in a while. "I'm sorry for snapping at you," said Emily. "We're all getting tired of A, but you just keep going and going. How do you do that?"
"I just don't like A hurting people I love, I guess," said Spencer. She shifted her position so her and Emily were mirror images of each other. "And I love you, Em. I hate to see you hurt like this."
Emily tried her best not to cry, but she realised how much she had been holding in since she discovered that Maya died. She started sobbing. Quiet sobs that evolved into large, consuming ones. Sobs that shook her torso.
Spencer started crying, too, but silently. Tears streamed down her face. She sniffled. "Don't cry," was all she could manage, before Emily's hands gripped the front of her t-shirt and pulled her in for a kiss.
Emily had kissed five people before Spencer. Four of them were girls. Emily knew that she was attracted to Alison, but she saw Hanna and Aria as a sister. She never quite knew how to feel about Spencer though. Oftentimes when Spencer would come over, she would busy herself at her computer because she was too confused at the effect that the brunette had on her, especially when she spent most of the time on Emily's bed, legs carelessly splayed out as she did her French homework.
Emily was sick of feeling confused. And she was sick of feeling terrible, so she let herself go this one time.
When Spencer started kissing her back, found the courage to press their bodies closer and her hands to wander over Spencer's bony shoulders. Her tiny waist. The back of her thighs. Emily dared to run her hands over Spencer's ass, and then she felt a hand on her chest pushing her back.
"Em," gasped Spencer.
"I know, I know, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done it," Emily said hastily. She started wiping the snot and tears off her face, and was tempted to do the same with Spencer's.
Spencer shook her head. "No, it's not that," she said. "What if your mom comes in?"
"Then we start sobbing madly and she'll think we're just holding each other while we cry."
Spencer seemed to accept that, because she leaned in to kiss Emily again.
Emily felt Spencer's tongue brushed against her lips, so she opened her mouth. She involuntarily moaned into Spencer's mouth when their tongues made contact. Emily felt Spencer shifting so she could lay on top of her, and she complied.
The brunette's hands frantically ran over Emily's hips and sides, and she gasped when she noticed that Emily wasn't wearing a bra. Her hands moved to the hem of Emily's shirt and slipped underneath, enjoying the feel of Emily's taut stomach.
Emily yanked herself away from Spencer. "What about Toby?"
"What about Toby? What's a make out session between friends?" Spencer said dismissively, before leaning down to continue the kiss.
They knew it wasn't just going to be a make out session. They weren't thirteen anymore and there weren't boys to practice for. Emily could feel Spencer's hunger. She felt it too herself. She moved her hands to Spencer's front and started unbuttoning her shirt.
"I've never done this before," Spencer said against Emily's lips.
Emily stopped, but let her hands linger where Spencer's newly exposed skin was. "What? Be with a girl? Cheat on your boyfriend? Both?"
Spencer ignored her comment. "Have sex," she said.
Emily's hands moved to hold Spencer around the waist. "You and Toby have never done it before?" she asked, surprised. She sat up so Spencer was straddling her lap, and her face was level with Spencer's chest. She tried not to get too distracted by her friend's dark purple bra.
"I don't want to push him because of the thing with Jenna and all," said Spencer. "Besides, I still don't feel like I know Toby well enough. We haven't even said 'I love you' yet."
"You haven't?"
Spencer shook her head.
"And what makes you think that I'd have sex with you?"
"I'd feel a lot more comfortable if my first time was with the person who knows me the best." Spencer's voice was lower, huskier than usual. She looked into Emily's eyes, and Emily noticed that they had gotten dark. Extremely dark.
For Emily, that was enough to unbutton the rest of Spencer's shirt, and push the offending item off the brunette's shoulders.
"I didn't do that because I was lonely," Emily said. She and Spencer were on their backs, flushed and naked, not making any contact except for Emily's fingertips lightly brushing the nub of bone on Spencer's wrist.
"Then why did you do it?" Spencer asked her. Her eyes were still firmly fixed on the ceiling.
"It's because I've always wanted to," admitted Emily. "I just didn't know until now."
"I don't know why I did it," said Spencer. "I have a boyfriend."
"Who happens to be one of my best friends." Emily pursed her lips. "Well, that was a bit of a stupid thing to do, wasn't it?"
Spencer laughed briefly. "No, I don't think it was."
Emily looked at her. "What do you mean?"
"I think that we've always loved each other," said Spencer. "In this weird way. But it's love, and it's stronger than what we feel for others." She sat up and started picking her clothes up off the floor to get dressed. "This has to stay between us though."
"So, you go back to Toby and I go back to being the girl with the dead girlfriend?"
Spencer shook her head. "It's not like that."
Emily was sitting up as well. She pulled her t-shirt back on, then dangled her torso over the edge of the bed in search of her underwear. "That's exactly what it sounds like, though." She put her underwear back on and sighed heavily. "Don't worry, Spencer. I won't tell a soul. You're my best friend and I'm not going to mess that up."
"You think A will know about this?" Spencer asked nervously.
"A's gone. We have nothing to worry about anymore," Emily said, as determinedly as she could, but her voice wavered momentarily. She flashed her best smile at Spencer while she pulled the blanket back on top of them, now both fully dressed. "Now, can you at least let me be little spoon?"
Spencer nodded gamely. "It would be my pleasure."