Canvas
"Dan! Which shirt do you like better with this suit?" Phil, still in a t-shirt and sweatpants, held up two dress shirts on hangers. One was a calming, overcast gray, and the other was a royal sapphire hue.
Sitting on his bed, criss-cross style, I inspected both shirts. "I don't know. Hold them both up?" Phil held each shirt in front of his body for a few seconds. The decision was easy. "The blue one, for sure." It brought out his eyes more.
"Alright, thanks, Dan! You're the best." Without warning, Phil pulled off his t-shirt and threw it onto his bed, beside me. I could never say anything, but I sure could look. The fair, even skin that covered his torso reminded of fine porcelain china. I admired the way his muscles created slight shadows on the canvas of white, the change in texture begging to be touched. I imagined what it would be like to touch and stroke his skin, his body, his hair, his lips, his everything whenever I wanted to, freely as lovers do.
"Dan?" I woke up from my daydream at once.
"Sorry, what?"
"I should match my socks for this, right?" He smiled down at me as he put on black and gray argyle dress socks, that were found in the very back of his drawer. He had owned them for years, but they were in perfect condition.
"Of course! I've never seen anyone with rainbow mismatched socks at a serious business event." I giggled, taking one of Phil's pillows in my arms as he finished dressing. For most of the parts I rolled over on his bed and looked away, but now and then I snuck a peek at Phil's masculine figure as he put on the suit that fit him perfectly. By the end of it all, he looked like a model straight out of The Bazaar. Ruffling his hair modestly, he asked if he was ready enough to go. He had no idea how handsome, no, how beautiful he looked in that suit.
"Stunning." The word slipped out of my mouth, but I don't think Phil caught it as he put his phone and wallet in his pockets, looking around for anything else he would need for the night. A faint tap from the door was heard throughout the flat, and Phil answered it quickly.
Behind the door stood a doll-like woman wearing a black, jersey, cocktail dress that was the perfect length and cut to complement her lean, tall figure. Her face and blonde hair were so perfectly customized and perfectly placed that it was hard to believe she was real.
Feeling underdressed in my own house, I stood and waved at the boudoir doll when she stepped inside the door. "Dan, this is my friend, Annabelle!" She smiled as I shook her hand, observing the craftsmanship that was required to decorate her long, rectangular nails. Phil had told me earlier that he met Annabelle's father, an important businessman, in London. The man immediately took to Phil's charm, and asked him to attend this event with his beautiful daughter. Phil had accepted the invitation, secretly motivated by fancy food and free drinks to go.
Annabelle returned to Phil's side, which was normally my place, and hooked her tiny arm around his, looking up into his gorgeous face and asking if he was ready to go. I couldn't help but notice how good they looked together. They looked really, really beautiful standing there in our flat, dressed to the nines against the white wall. Their angelic presence ached my heart, and when she touched him I felt like I was being ripped apart.
"When will you be home?" I asked. Phil looked to Annabelle for an answer, and her soft voice said "around midnight," so low that it was nearly a whisper.
"Call me if you need anything, okay Phil?"
"Of course, Dan. Same goes for you. I can come home any time, so don't hesitate if you need me, alright?"
"Yeah, have fun."
"Thanks Dan. See you."
Phil and Annabelle left the house, shutting the door lightly behind them. I immediately started pacing around the flat anxiously. Seeing Phil with Annabelle, without them even saying anything, filled me with so many unbearable emotions.
Loneliness, jealousy, fear, all of these were packaged together and emptied into me at once. I felt so alone at the flat with Phil going to a big, fancy event. I felt so jealous of Annabelle because she got to enjoy Phil for the night, and got to admire how handsome he looked and show him off in public. I felt fearful because deep in my mind, I knew that Phil and Annabelle would be a beautiful couple. All of these thoughts caused their own type of pain, overlapping with each other until I eventually gave in to that gradual exhaustion.
I returned to Phil's room and retook the pillow I was holding in his bed, rocking back and fourth, comforting myself and mindlessly trying to relieve the stressors that ate me alive. What if she kisses him? I held the pillow tighter. What if she takes Phil away from me? These concerns were so real that it hurt to admit them. Though Phil and I weren't dating, I felt a certain territoriality over Phil, and I felt personally offended whenever someone else gave him attention.
I noticed Phil's t-shirt on the bed, the one he teasingly removed in front of me. The memory of his bare skin stung in my eyes. Phil had no clue what he was doing to me when he showed himself. Bunching the t-shirt up and pressing it to my face, I inhaled deeply through my nose. The soft, teal fabric smelled like soap, cologne, and Phil. I felt so much safer in that moment, that I let out a sigh of relief.
The scent combination drew out a memory from months ago. The cologne I got Phil for his birthday left a mark on my brain that made me identify him to the aroma, even if someone had sprayed it into the air in a store. I always turned around to see if Phil was present.
"Dolce and Gabbana: Light Blue? Ooh, for men!" Phil chuckled and sprayed a small amount onto the gift wrap and inhaled. He made an approving "mm" sound and passed the scent around to the rest of the present friends and family, who all admired the cologne's smell as well.
"I didn't get that because I don't like the way you smell now! I mean... You smell good now, but that one made me think of you!" This was coming out in a painfully awkward way. Was I nervous? Why was I trying to make an impression on the heart of my best friend? "The smell was light and sweet, not too serious, and your eyes are light blue. I don't know, I just thought it suited you..." Phil gave me the most genuine, appreciative smile that I have ever seen on anybody. The kind that makes you feel like you just did something so great, that their whole world flipped upside down. The kind that makes your heart beat fast when you think about it, months or years from the actual occurrence.
"Thank you, Dan! You make my birthday special every year, ya know that?"
I continued steady breaths into the shirt as I laid on Phil's bed, eventually stopping to wrap myself in his blankets. Sometime between then and the time Phil got home, I lost myself in my thoughts and surrendered my body to slumber.
"Dan? Dan, are you awake?" I felt the t-shirt lift off of my face. Familiar fingers brushed my sides until my eyes fluttered open. I relished the touch, but it stopped as soon as my opened eyes met Phil's. "Hey, sleepy head!" Phil embraced me and, in my sluggish state, I snuggled into his chest and refused to let go. He allowed me to hold him for a while as I woke up, his big hands stroking my back in a slow, steady motion, as if he was petting a cat.
I felt myself drifting back off to sleep when one arm reached beneath my thighs and the other supporting my back. Phil lifted me up and carried me carefully to my room, taking the time to wrap me in a cocoon of blankets when he set me down on my bed. I rush of blood went to my head when Phil touched me.
"How's your girlfriend?" I asked him passive-agressively, consciousness returning to my body the more we talked.
"What girlfriend? I don't have a girlfriend." Phil ran his fingers through my hair once, curious as to what caused me to ask the question.
"Annabelle? So are you guys going to date now, or what?"
"She's fine, but we're just friends, Dan. I couldn't like her as more than that." Phil reacted calmly to my intrusive questions. I suddenly felt so much more relaxed, and happy. Just seeing Phil's face made me feel better.
"Was the event fun?"
"No, not really. It was actually really boring and it sucked. Good food, though!" Phil crawled into my bed and laid by me so we could talk. "It would have been a lot of fun if you went. The whole time I was wishing I could have brought you." I smiled as I heated up, his simple words having that effect on me.
"Phil?" I was blushing so hard by now.
"Yes, Daniel?"
"Can you sleep here tonight? I don't want to sleep alone."
"Of course. I'll go change out of this suit and I'll be right back." Phil leaned down and kissed my forehead before sauntering out of my room. My heart began to beat so hard that I was sure he could hear it from across the flat. The kiss' sweetness bubbled up inside of me and I felt so awake, so alive! I couldn't stand to be stuck in these blankets anymore, so I unraveled them from my body, letting the packed heat dissipate into the air. Sitting up, I rearranged the blankets as I waited for Phil.
Phil came back into the room in a pair of my black sweat pants and a clean, white t-shirt. He sat in my bed across from me, smiling and petting my head lovingly. "What's up?" We giggled together as he came closer and petted me more. I couldn't get enough of the feeling that shot down my spine when Phil touched me. Just the thought of him, his eyes, his arms, his everything, could make my body all agitated immediately. He grinned in response to my shivers, kissing me again on the head.
"I didn't realize how much I missed you back there until now. We've gone together to every event that I can think of. It felt wrong, us being apart."
"Yeah, it did."
"I've never wanted to rush home as fast and as much as I did tonight. You looked so upset when I left. I couldn't stop thinking about you, wondering if you were okay."
"You're so sweet," I buried my face into the crook of his neck. "I really love you, Phil."
"I love you too, Dan. So much that it hurts." Phil's fingers found my chin, lifting if up and planting a passionate kiss on my lips. Sparks flew, the kiss took my breath away.
We pulled back, maintaining eye contact and I kissed him again. His lips lead and danced perfectly with mine, over and over again until Phil's body was hovering over me. I moved submissively under him, exchanging body heat as his kisses moved off my lips and onto my neck.
His hands reached down to remove my clothes, breaking down the only barrier that stood between us. After taking off his own clothes, our bodies were moving in unison with our kisses, entangling legs and wrapping arms. Everything in this moment was perfect. The more I felt Phil, the more attracted to him I became. I wanted him so badly.
The night steadily progressed from there. Phil held my hands and my heart, whispering saccharine nothings into my ear as my inhibitions lowered farther and farther until they were nonexistent. We could not contain our confessions, so they repeated themselves uncontrollably into the air as we shared our first night together.
"Phil... I love you so much. I love you, I love you, I love you..." Was all I could muster by the end of it all.
"Dan... I'm so glad." He embraced me underneath the covers, my body trembling at the skin-to-skin contact. "I love you too. You amaze me."
Phil's lips found mine one last time for the night as we drifted off to sleep together, in my bed. Lovers, flatmates, partners-in-crime, Phil immediately became my everything, and I cherished every second with him.
I woke up the next morning to clear rays of sunlight in my eyes. I yawned and did a good morning stretch, but my arm hit something, or someone so I couldn't follow through.
Phil.
Phil was in my bed.
Phil was actually in my bed.
Sitting up with a jolt, my hands flew to my mouth with excitement where I contained a small squeak.
Phillip Michael Lester was in my bed! Naked! And we slept together!
And it was fun!
Even though last night's memories were clear in my head, and the proof was sleeping next to me, I had a hard time believing it.
And he told me he loves me! A bunch of times! And he was genuine about it too!
Still asleep, Phil rolled on my bed pillow and his fringe draped over one of his eyes. I tucked myself snugly back into the covers, rolling as close as I could to Phil. Once he, in his sleep state, felt my weight, one of his big hands found my waist and pulled me closer. Once we were as close as he wanted us to be, he pulled me into a hug and held me there for as long as possible. My eyelashes tickled his jawline as he slowly awakened.
Phil's blue eyes finally opened, the first thing he saw being me. "Good morning, Dan..." He kissed me lazily on the lips.
"Good morning!" My face blushed violently in response to the kiss.
"Last night, huh?" Phil's hand grazed along the curves of my body, pausing to rest on my hip bone.
"Yeah... That was fun, right?"
"Very fun. I hope you know that I truly love you, even when we're not messing around." Phil planted another kiss on my nose, and I immediately got goosebumps.
"I love you too, Phil!" I stared at his eyes, captivated by the blue ripples of pigment that undulated within his clear irises. He noticed me staring and smiled, running a hand through my hair.
"Starbucks?" He asked me after cuddling. Of course I accepted, so we both got dressed and stepped outside, taking the stroll into town that we had taken many times before.
Waking side by side on the pavement, I reached for Phil's hand, and he let me take it. Looking up at him, I could see that he was beaming with pride, showing me off to the rest of the town. He grinned at me, so I smiled and bit my lip.
"You're so cute, Dan."
Those words warmed me up more than my caramel macchiato would, but Phil got me one anyway. We took the table by the window, enjoying the city view and each other.
"Hey Phil?" I asked him between sips.
"Hmm?"
I suddenly felt nervous. I wanted to define our relationship, clarify what went down last night, and draw lines just so we would be on the same page about this. My nerves got to me, though.
"It's... Never mind, it's nothing."
"No, tell me." Phil took my hand in his, stroking it with his thumb. I didn't need any more convincing than that. Those eyes and his touch were very persuasive.
"I was just wondering... What are we? Like, right now. After all that..."
"Dan, truthfully, I was hoping we could date. I want to make something out of this. I meant it when I said I loved you. Didn't you?"
"Yes, yes I did mean it! I mean it now."
"Then Daniel..." Phil was suddenly standing, walking over to my side of the table, and getting down onto one knee like a prince. My heart fluttered. He took my hand once again. "Will you be my boyfriend?"
"Yes! Of course!" I was giggling like a little schoolboy when I accepted. Phil smiled and kissed me right then and there, a short peck on the lips for everyone to see. The room erupted in "AWWW"s.
"I think that they think I just proposed..." Phil started laughing so hard and covered his mouth, looking back at me. "Let's get outta here." He winked as he took my hand, leading me out of the coffee shop.