I should of know the moment I started getting that annoying paranoid feeling.

I usually don't.

Unlike others who partake in my little hobbies.

I really should of know.

But I didn't really care in the moment.

My life felt like it was falling apart.

Normally I wouldn't be so dramatic.

But when the only guys that mean shit to you in your life decide to stop being your friend for pretty much no reason, you start getting the feeling.

Especially after you thought you were in love with one of them.

But none of that matter.

I stopped for him and all he did was abandon me.

He could of at least told me he was going to stop being my friend but no he just went and hooked up with the school slut who I hated. And then just started ignoring me.

Simple as that.

After everything we did for each other.

And because I was pretty much having a break down I went to the only comforted I knew how to find.

My heaven.

No one really knew how bad it was so when I stopped it was horrible.

I couldn't move for a couple of days because of the pain that was going through my body.

It's not easier to stop so many things and not feel pain. Especially if that is what you thought was the best part of your day since you were 14.

When he just left me hanging like that, I didn't know where to go.

He took his best friend, my best friend with him.

My other best friends were in as deep as me, that's what you get when you let 14 year olds have a platinum card when they already have everything they could want.

So I turned to my comfort foods.

Right, like there actually foods.

Might as well be I ingest them more, or use too.

So I went and got me my normal amount of candy.

It was a lot but I didn't even think twice since its how much I always used.

Maybe that was my first of many really bad mistakes.

But it just kept getting worse that night.

Amber and Sasha finally got me to answer my phone after three hours of nonstop texting and calling.

They knew I was upset.

The conversation wasn't one I was hoping for.

I was already feeling extrememly guilty.

That bastard always could make me feel bad about my self.

So I decided that I wasnst going to let him ruin me.

I told the girls to meet me at our favorite night club.

I was dressed with in and hour.

Nothing was feeling weird until I bent over to put on my thigh high boots.

My head started feeling dizzy and so I thought I was getting a headache.

Not once did I even think I could of taken too much, too fast.

I just got some asprin, my second big mistake.

I got in my awesome new Mustang that my parents didn't even know about yet because they were in Europe doing the same old shit.

I was speeding, but I didn't care, fast is good.

I reached the club and just threw my keys to the valet.

I waved at the bouncer, we were underage but it didn't matter when your daddy is a billionare.

He smiled and told me Amber and Sasha was here already and in the VIP section.

I hugged him and went in to find my friends.

They didn't even notice my swagger was off, or how I kept twitching.

They just noticed the usual signs of me being high as a kite.

We kept the drinks coming and after the second one I was feeling really light headed.

That's when I started getting paranoid.

I wasn't even considering I did this to my self.

No, I was thinking shit someone put something in my drink.

Normally that probably would have been right, I mixed my guilty pleasures all the time before.

But not after stopping for a month and then going back full force.

I told Amber I needed some air.

I headed out, passing by the bouncer and almost made it to the street when everything went black.

I have made many mistakes before but nothing compared to this.

My parents never knew how I was spending my money.

They didn't ever care.

Just so I didn't embarrass them.

I was just another trophy to add to the case.

But I knew that if I ever screwed up and they found out, things were going to be aweful.

But not like this.

I would of never thought I would wake up to find my mom sitting beside me filing her nails looking pissed off and oblivious to the fact that I just woke up.

Or my dad sleeping on the bed next to mine.

But when I tried to move I felt the needle in my arm prickle and I let out a whimper.

That caught my moms attention, much to my dismay.

She looked lethal.

Shit.

"Bella, I am so happy you are awake, we thought we lost you. But although we are happy, I am very disappointed in you. How could you do this and let it get out? We might just be some rich family from Texas but when their 17 year old daughter collapses in front of a night club, people start talking. I warned you that if you made us disappointed in any way then there would be repercussions." Every the one for nice mother daughter bonding moments Renee just has a knack for it.

"Really Iam sorry, can we just forget this happened and then you can go back to your always important vacation?"

"Right, you think this will all just disappear. Not this time, we ignored your skipping school and staying over other peoples houses more than at our own but this time you will get what you deserve." I just love how she thinks this is punishment to yell at me and that I deserve what she is gonna make me do. Maybe what I deserved was for someone to actually show an interest in my well being long enough to make it count?

"Fine whatever you say can we just get this over with so I can go see Amber and Sasha they are probably worried about me."

"Not this time Bella. This isn't going away like I said. You have two choices, I don't really care which one you pick but just so you know you have to tell me right now. No questioning, no second guessing, no nothing. I won't tell you details, you just have to pick." Always the nicest there is, always. God she is such a bitch.

"Fine, what are the options?"

How can Charlie still be sleeping through this? He is probably faking. Never one for confintation.

"Okay option one, rehab." Oh hell no. That is like a prision vacation or something. I just gave her a look to continue. "Option two, you move to Forks and stay with some old friends of your fathers."

That one didn't sound too bad.

Probalby some old deaf couple from when Charlie was a little boy and his parents made him get to know or something. My grandparetns are weird like that.

"Fine I'll go to Forks where ever that is. Now can I go see Amber and Sasha now?"

"Nope, your plane leaves in an hour. I already got the housekeeper to pack your personal belongings, you can just buy new clothes there."

WHAT!

"You can't just expect me to pick up my life without even a goodbye. How much more are you willing yoru own daughter to go through for your own selfishness?"

She didn't even blink. This woman is unbelievable.

I didn't argue anymore after that.

I didn't even talk.

I just ignored them both. I was right Charlie was just faking because once the nurses said I could leave he all but sat up with no look of him having just slept at all.

I am blessed with such awesome parents, really.

Atleast they got me some comfortable clothes to wear on the plane.

I could of used the jet, but they didn't want to leave me unsupervised.

Such hypocrites.

I am now sitting in my first class seat , in my Juicy Couture sweat suit and just thinking about how my life ended up getting to this point.

I am on a plane, alone. Just hours before was in the hospital, emotionally alone. And before that, I was constantly putting shit up my nose because it made em feel whole.

Comfort.

That's what I wanted. I've always know it. But never have had a way to get it.

Maybe it's a good thing this happened.

Maybe getting this new set of grandparents will help me feel something when Im not all fucked up.

Maybe I can find some comfort.