Golden Idols
"Do you know what's worth fighting for
When it's not worth dying for?
Does it take your breath away?
And you feel yourself suffocating
Does the pain weigh out the pride?
And you look for a place to hide
Did someone break your heart inside
You're in ruins"- 21 Guns; Green Day
Mello franticly scribbles down notes, copying from a biology textbook in the dim lighting of his desk lamp. He pushes a crumpled foil aside, creating more space to rest his scrawny arm. From the corner of his eye, he sees his alarm clock, showing the time:
1:30am
in bright red. He can hear the soft snores coming from his roommate, Matt, as he lay down, sprawled on his bed with his DS in hand.
Mello tries to evade the distractions and the constant urge to pass out. He needs to get the highest mark, he needs to beat Near for once and he needs to become L's number one successor. The urge will never recede in him. The will to crush others better then him will never die. He didn't know why, how or where did this desire come from, but he knows for sure, that he'll live it out.
Mello scrawls down a few more notes, battling exhaustion, lapsing in and out of consciousness every so often. He can't sleep, he won't sleep. But eventually he loses the battle, and his head lay down on his folded arms.
He eventually enters his dream. L's hunched figure appears before his own, small figure. His pale skin shone in the darkness. Near appears, hovering beside L; a brilliant white figure contrasting with the pitch-black surrounding. Soon, they both glow golden in the vast darkness. Mello reaches out to touch them, to grasp them, but they hover further away. Mello runs towards them, attempting to grab them, to reach them, to at least stand beside them, but as he got closer, their figures appeared farther and farther away from him. Mello cries out, wailing, wiping his tears away with his black, baggy sleeve. L and Near, they're so close, yet so far away. Reaching them was as impossible as chasing a rainbow.
L and Near slowly fade away, into the blackness, out of existence.
"L, NEAR!" Mello calls out.
No response, nothing but suffocating silence.
"Do you think you'll ever be able to surpass them?" A voice booms.
Mello looks around the pitch-black void with widened eyes.
"Do you?"
This time, he timidly nods.
"You aren't like them. You'll never be like them. L's a hero, your hero to be exact. He's the century's greatest detective, You're just a scrawny, little brat raised in Wammy's house, trying to follow his footsteps. You can't even measure up to Near! So why bother becoming like L?"
Mello clenches his fists.
"Yes, I can! I can be the number one! I'll do whatever it takes. If I can't make it, then I'll die trying!" Mello furiously thinks to himself.
"No, you can't. Give up the fight already. Your desire will eventually crush you and reduce you to nothing but ruins."
"L has done many great things in his life. He's solved thousands of near-impossible cases without ever showing his face. And Near, he's L's number one successor, he's the best of the best, he has the greatest potential to replace L. He's scored the top mark for every single exam he takes, and he's never studied for them before. What about you? How can you ever measure up to them, in your fragile, pathetic state? How?"
"I CAN, AND I WILL! I'LL NEVER GIVE UP, NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES!" Mello screams this time.
His throat burns, but he's succeeded in banishing the voice of doubt. The darkness eventually recedes, and he slowly opens his exhausted eyes, waking up to another day.
6:10-the clock reads.
He has 50 more minutes to study. He franticly crams every bit of information into his head, for he has one goal in mind-that is to reach the top.