The biggest lie they ever told you, and believe me you hear more lies then truth in these days we live in, is that Hitler killed himself near the end of World War 2. In actual fact, Hitler let Eva Braun poison herself, poisoned his dog, and then went over to his bathroom mirror to take a look at himself, and shaved off his mustache. Now that he was completely unrecognizable, he walked out to the outside world, and no-one tried to kill him because they didn't know he was Hitler.
Hitler trekked through war torn Berlin and on throughout Europe, living as a homeless vagrant and surviving by robbing shops and random strangers for food, until he eventually reached his secret submarine base which Mussolini had constructed for him, at the bottom of Italy.
From there, he took his submarine all the way to the United States of America, where he has lived to the present day, posing as "Rolf Schicklgruber", a harmless German immigrant. He lives alone in present day LA, and has since become fluent in English, both written and verbal….he keeps a low profile, doesn't involve himself in any far right organisations, as he doesn't want to bring any attention to himself.
If you saw Hitler today, you would notice he shows no physical signs of aging…those few in his inner circle speculate why this is. Some say plastic surgery, others say black magic rituals involving the sacrifice of nubile young women to dark deities' mankind was not meant to know.
You might be saying to yourself now "What? Hitler's dead, you idiot! The government would never lie to me!" Well, that's where you're wrong, you foolish pleb. The truth is the allies never found Hitler's body…..so they covered it up, claimed he killed himself. They knew the unrest it would cause and the distrust that would fester in the hearts and minds of the public, if they thought Hitler was still alive…so they placated the public with a comforting lie and swore everyone involved in the conspiracy to secrecy. The authorities are still on the search for Hitler to this day, albeit only barely, as the consensus is at this point that it's a wild goose chase, that he must be dead by now. They've still never found him. It's amazing what shaving off a mustache and never growing it back can do.
So soak all that in….Hitler's alive, thriving, and the number one fan of the Power Rangers….this is his story.
Chapter 2
Hitler loved the power rangers, he watched their show religiously, it was as much a part of him now as his Antisemitism. Indeed, it was the only thing that soothed his soul, after day of day of his growing anger at the success of Jews in America, after World War 2. The fact that Jews now had their own country in the Middle East pissed him off even more. All that good work he had done, for nothing, thought Hitler.
Whenever he saw Germany in the news, he had turn off the TV, so that he would not smash the TV in a fit of rage. It disgusted him, how many minorities lived there now, and how the German people had turned his back on him, were now ashamed of him and had turned their back on everything he had done, like a bunch of ungrateful rats. He wanted to see these new Germans gassed as badly as any Jew…..the only thing that gave him hope was that a lot of Germans still had the decency to hate foreigners. It was a refreshing antidote in his mind. Political Correctness truly is the worst thing since the creation of Judaism, thought Hitler.
All this anger had to be vented somehow, so Hitler would often go down to his soundproof basement and rant and rave to himself for hours on end…it didn't do much good, the anger never really went away, it was embedded in his heart and infused into his essence. His hatred was as vital to him as any organ in his body. Hitler's only other respite, was posting on 4chan, which he enjoyed immensely. He felt right at home among its user base.
Hitler was currently enjoying Kyoryu Sentai Zyuranger, the latest series of the famous reality show which broadcasted the Japanese Power Rangers adventures as they happened. Sometimes Hitler would pretend the monsters the power rangers were beating up were secretly Jewish, which made him erect, and that was hard enough to achieve at his age. Hitler admired the Japanese for their Nobility, Honour, and Ethnocentrism, and shows such as this reminded him he made them honorary Aryans. Josef Mengele, who lived in Hitler's basement, once called Hitler a Weeaboo, so Hitler cut off his left thumb with a katana.
Chapter 3
Hitler tended to avoid Comedy, as there were too many Jews in it, but today he needed a pick me up, so he tuned into the Comedy Channel. Suddenly, he saw the most astonishing advert. It was a commercial for the American spinoff of Power Rangers, and they were recruiting! They were holding Auditions in Angel Grove, California! Hitler had to be there…..the Power Rangers were only holding try-outs for three more days.
The next day, Hitler took a flight to Angel Grove from LA. Then he got a Taxi to a random house, where the power rangers were holding their auditions…he was waiting in the Queue now, along with the contenders. Hitler was so anxious, he really wanted to impress these guys. What if he fucked up?
In front of him in the queue was a Rabbi. Hitler did his best to repress his anger and not have it show on his face. Hopefully the Jew won't try to start a conversation, thought Hitler. Luckily for the rabbi's sake, he didn't.
It was the Rabbis turn now. Five minutes later, the rabbi came out, looking defeated. It was clear he failed the audition. Hitler tried not to smile. Now it was Hitler's turn.
Hitler walked into the audition; it was the houses backyard, with stereotypically green grass. At the bottom of the yard were all the American power rangers sitting behind a table, with Tommy, Zack, Kimberley, Billy, Trini, and Jason all there. Hitler Beamed with delight at the sight, with a slight ounce of annoyance at the back of his mind due to one of the American power rangers, Zack, being Black.
Jason was the first to speak "Okay, Rolf let's see what you can do. You're gonna fight a few robots, and if you kick their metal asses hard enough, we're gonna let you on the team. "
"Yes, Sir!" Replied Hitler. Tommy pressed a button on the table, and suddenly the middle of the backyard revealed itself to be a grass covered metal platform, suddenly lowering further and further into the ground. Now the middle of the background was a big black square gap. A minute later, the platform rose back up again. Now it had 5 robots on it.
Chapter 4
Hitler knew how he would defeat these robots….by channeling decades of pent-up Aryan rage and pretending they were Jewish. The robots approached, they were the classic goofy cartoonish boxy looking stereotype of a robot, looking like they had been designed by a mad scientist from a Saturday morning cartoon.
Hitler Ran over to the first robot, he did a spin kick to the head, knocking the robot to the ground and then he stomped on the robots head while it lay on the ground, crushing it completely. He then grabbed the two robots behind that now destroyed one, and smashed each robots head together with such force that both robots heads exploded. He then kicked the fourth robots legs out from underneath it, and stomped on its midsection until it was caved in. this proved too traumatic for the robot in question, and its lights in its eyes died out, as the its circuits fizzled and cracked before finally breaking completely as a shower of sparks flew from the same midsection in one last hurrah. Now it was nothing more than a glorified pile of scrap metal.
Hitler stared the last robot dead in the face, before calmly kicking his entire right leg through the middle of the robot, with the bottom of his leg poking out through the other side, effectively impaling the robot on his leg. "You're a Fucking Kebab, Mate. You're finished" said Hitler, before the robot exploded on his leg, with no ill effects on Hitler.
Imaging the robots were Jewish had really made it more enjoyable for Hitler, he had got too into it though, he had almost screamed out that the robots were "Filthy Yids" in the middle of it before his better sense prevailed and he restrained himself from saying it.
The power rangers were astonished by Hitler's performance. "Way to go, Rolf!" said Kimberly. "Schicklgruber, you're a bona-fide badass" Said Zack. "That's Right Rolf, You've made the team…..fuck the rest of them, they ain,t gonna do better then you. You're now officially a power ranger" said Jason. Hitler wept tears of joy right on the spot. "Jesus, man, this must mean a lot to you" Said Zack surprised. "Its all I ever wanted" Said Hitler through the tears. "That's good to hear. Meet us here tomorrow at 2 for training" said Jason, informing Hitler. "Ill see you cool cats tomorrow then" said Hitler, hoping his hip use of the slang would endear him to his teammates.