"If I don't get you, Mister Monk, someone else will."
As he stood in front of the bathroom mirror, Adrian Monk briefly recalled the nightmare he had involving Steve Wagner.
The nightmare was understandable. Not so much because years ago Steve Wagner was the infamous astronaut who committed murder while in space. As Mr. Monk deduced back then, the murder was accomplished through use of a paralyzing drug, a doll, a remote control and a garage door opener.
No, the dream was understandable because Monk recently learned Steve Wagner had escaped from prison.
Oddly, Monk was not that worried. For one thing, he knew his good friend Captain Leland Stottlemeyer would be at the wedding along with police officers from San Francisco and Pasadena.
For another thing, the location of the wedding had been changed, last minute, to Pasadena. This was in part to throw Steve Wagner off. But it also made it easier to incorporate Monk's new friends from Pasadena into the wedding.
Those friends were good at improvising weddings. They had done it once before for Howard and Bernadette. They were helping Adrian and Diane do it now.
So again, it wasn't odd that Adrian Monk was not that worried. What was odd was that he was using someone else's bathroom. And he was okay with that.
This became more understandable when you considered the bathroom belonged to Sheldon Cooper, who was every bit the cleaning freak our Mr. Monk was.
Furthermore, Sheldon had done an extra-thorough cleaning job on this bathroom since it once belonged to his friend Penny. "Not exactly the poster child for hygiene," Sheldon once said during a Skype session.
The two had met the previous year when Monk solved a mystery involving Sheldon and Penny. Since then, the two had talked about their love of cleaning products, over what Monk called "the Skype." (Yes, our Mr. Monk had learned to use the Internet, which he said made him want to "L-O-L out loud.") Through this, Monk had also become friends with Sheldon's other friends.
Once he finished brushing his teeth with boiling hot water (which Sheldon graciously provided), Monk stepped into the next room. There, someone stood before him.
"Mister Monk, since it's your wedding day, we got you a present."
Wearing a goofy grin, Howard Wolowitz held out a flat colorful object. Leaning over, Monk made a face as he studied it.
"Don't worry," Sheldon said. "It's wrapped in plastic."
"And I'm wearing a glove," Howard said. "Two gloves actually."
"Why?" Monk asked. "Is it evidence in a crime?"
"No, it's just for your comfort."
"I appreciate that."
"I knew you would." Sheldon let out a quick little gasping laugh.
Nevertheless, Monk, all decked out in a black tuxedo with black tie, gingerly accepted the plastic-wrapped gift.
"It's a comic book," he said in a tone both mystified and slightly judgmental.
"Yep," Howard said with a smile and a nod, and maybe a bit of pride. "It features a story in which Superman marries Lois Lane. It's an imaginary story."
As he frowned, Monk squinted slightly. "Aren't all comic book stories imaginary?"
"Yes," Howard said uncertainly. "Except this one isn't real."
"None of them are real."
"What I mean is, it didn't happen."
"None of them happened."
At first, Howard was silent. Then, bowing his head, he let out an exasperated sigh. When his head shot back up, he said, "It's a story about a wedding, okay? Just focus on that."
Here, Leonard Hofstadter jumped in. "Look at it this way, Mister Monk. An imaginary story represents a possible future for Superman and Lois Lane. Just like there are many possible futures for you and Diane."
"And they'll play out in multiple universes," Sheldon said enthusiastically. "Maybe in one universe, Superman and Lois Lane are actually at your wedding. Or the entire Justice League!"
"And Batman is my best man," Monk said, just a little droll.
"Or the Flash!"
"If you say so, Sheldon."
"I say so."
Holding up the comic book, Monk grinned. As he did, his dark eyes seemed to shine. "When I was a boy, my mother wouldn't let me read comic books. Or have any fun, really. I'll look forward to reading this."
"Oh, you can't read it," Sheldon said. "It has to stay in the plastic."
"It actually is more valuable if you keep it in the plastic," Leonard said.
Monk made a face. "What fun is that?"
"I have extra copies I use for reading," Sheldon said. "I'll give you one of those."
"Good idea," Raj Koothrappali said. "Read the old copy, keep the new one in plastic. If it grows in value, you might need the money, Mister Monk. That way you can pay your assistant and also stock up on bottled water. Whatever brand you drink now."
Howard leaned in toward Monk. "Or you might need the money for a bunch of little Monks."
Smiling uncertainly, Monk put the comic book inside a perfectly packed suitcase. "I appreciate you guys thinking of me on my wedding day."
"We appreciate you getting Sheldon out of that mess," Leonard said.
"He may irritate us at times but we still don't want to see him go to prison," Raj said.
"That's true friendship right there." Monk's assistant Natalie Teeger entered the apartment holding two bottled waters, one of which she offered to Monk. With her was Penny, whose last name was so long and unpronounceable (like that of many people in the building) that Monk and Natalie, along with the guys, just called her Penny.
"Oh, Natalie. Hello once again." As Raj rose, traces of discomfort, it not blush, appeared on his brown face. "Please don't be insulted if I don't hit on you. You're too nice a person for that. It's a compliment, really."
"I'll accept that compliment, Raj. Namaste." Natalie lifted her water bottle in a toast. Then she looked around the room. "You seem like a great bunch of guys."
"We are," Raj said. With an uncertain look, he sat down.
"You've grown a lot, Raj," Penny said, raising a glass of (strangely, non-alcoholic) orange juice. "So have you, Mister Monk."
"Thank you, Penny. Be careful not to spill that."
"I'll be careful. But hey, if I spill, I've got you and Sheldon to clean it up." Penny laughed, a loud riotous laugh.
"Don't even joke about spilling things," Monk said in a slightly nervous, and ominous, voice.
"So, Penny," Howard said. "Mister Monk probably doesn't know. How'd you get involved with a bunch of geeks anyway?"
"Inquiring minds want to know," Raj said playfully as he leaned forward.
For Sheldon, there was a slight shaking of the head, almost as if doing an involuntary double take.
"Hold on now. Inquiring minds want to know about science, not Penny."
"Tell your story, Penny," Natalie said sharply.
Smiling, Penny put down her cup and leaned in. "There is something you guys don't know."
"Does it involve a killer gorilla? Because we already know that."
"No, Sheldon. This is before that. When I lived in Nebraska."
"It can't be very exciting then."
"Let her tell the story, Sheldon."
"Thanks, Natalie. Okay. So before I moved to Pasadena, I was on this reality show with a bunch of geeks. Before I might have just ignored guys like that. But then I discovered they could be really great guys."
Smiling and raising her cup, Penny glanced around the room. "I think that's one reason I was open to being friends with you guys."
"Don't forget I invited you to lunch when you moved in," Leonard said, lifting his chin.
"Yes, you did," Penny said, putting her arm around him and squeezing. "You were so brave. I'm so proud of you, sweetie!" She spoke in the kind of voice one reserves for babies or pinching the cheeks of children.
"Shucks," Leonard said.
Penny lifted her cup toward Monk. "I'm proud of you, too, Mister Monk. My new friend."
"Not new, Penny," Sheldon corrected. "We've all known Mister Monk over a year now. Honestly, Penny, where would you be without me?"
"I don't know, Sheldon. Happier? More at peace? More content?" Penny broke out in a broad joyous smile. "I'm kidding! I like having you in my life, Sheldon. And you, Mister Monk! And you, too, Natalie." She grasped Natalie's free hand.
"Honestly, does a wedding day have to mean all this sentiment and mushiness?"
"I'm afraid so, Sheldon."
"Mister Spock would not approve."
"Don't worry, Sheldon. You're still very robot-like."
"Thank you, Penny."
"You're so robot-like, Howard could work on you."
"I wouldn't want Howard working on me."
"Why not? I'd upgrade you to complete Vulcan. And part Terminator."
"Oh!" Sheldon sighed excitedly.
"Anyway!" Squinting slightly, Penny leaned forward as she slapped her hands on her thighs. "I have to be honest with you, Mister Monk. You're a little like Sheldon."
"Oh?" Monk said.
"I don't think so!" Sheldon objected.
"Are you kidding?" Penny said. "You both hate change, you both like cleaning, you're both compulsive, you both have your fears. You're another Sheldon, Mister Monk! And I wasn't sure I wanted another Sheldon in my life."
"Trust me, you don't," Howard said.
"One Sheldon is more than enough," Leonard said in a casual almost bored matter-of-fact tone.
"How could you have too much of me?" Sheldon asked. "It's like having too much sunshine or happiness. Or science!"
Penny laughed. "What I was trying to say was I value the special relationship I have with you, Sheldon."
"Well, of course you do."
"Mister Monk is pretty great, too," Natalie said, giving his shoulder a quick squeeze.
"Ow," Monk said.
"I'm glad I was able to add another friend." Sheldon made a gun with his hand and clicked his tongue
twice.
"Me, too," Monk said as he yawned loudly.
"Oh, I'm sorry," Penny said in a droll slightly mocking voice. "Are we boring you?"
"I had trouble sleeping," Monk confessed. He rubbed his eyes then made a thinking face. "When I did finally doze off, I had a weird dream."
"Interesting," Leonard said. "Doctor Walter Bishop believes that dreams can show us the future. Or at least a possible future. Kind of like that Superman story."
"Yes, the Superman story," Monk said absently. "Doctor Kroeger never said anything like that about dreams. No one ever did."
"Walter Bishop is on the fringe of science," Sheldon sniffed.
"You might like some of his stuff, Sheldon," Leonard said. "He has some interesting ideas about parallel universes and other worlds. He also says that if you dream about a possible future, you forget most of it." He made a face. "Kind of like my mom always forgets my birthday."
"She always sends me a card."
"That's great, Sheldon."
"Oh, sweetie," Penny said, giving him a hug around the neck while Natalie gave him a pat on the back.
"Oh, wow. Thanks. Both of you."
Penny also hugged Monk's neck. "Who knows, Mister Monk? Maybe I'll learn to love you the way I love Sheldon."
"Maybe," Monk said in a slightly strangled voice.
Penny then gave Sheldon a gentle squeeze.
"Not with orange juice in your hand," Sheldon objected.
"Yes, not that," Monk said.
Natalie approached with her arms out. "Oh, Mister Monk. It's your wedding day so I have to give you some wipes just before I do this." She not only hugged him but kissed him on the forehead as well.
"Okay, that's it," Monk said, spreading his arms. "No more hugs. For now."
"I second that motion," Sheldon said.
Ever since Monk found the man who murdered his wife Trudy, he'd gotten better as far as his fears and compulsions. But he wouldn't be our Mr. Monk if he didn't still have some quirks.
"I'm changing the topic now," Sheldon said. "So, Mister Monk. I do understand what you said earlier about your mother not letting you have any fun. My mother was the same way."
"We've always had that in common," Monk said with a nod.
"As well as our fear of birds."
"Our completely rational fear of birds," Monk clarified.
"Mister Monk has gotten better, but he still has some of his things," Natalie said.
"Sheldon has a lot of things," Leonard muttered. "Birds are the least of his problems."
"Don't mock, Leonard," Sheldon said in his usual slightly preachy tone. "Each year tens of people are killed by birds."
Monk held out imploring hands towards Sheldon, almost like a game show hostess gesturing to a prize.
"There. You see, everybody? A fear of birds is completely totally rational. We should all listen to Sheldon. He's a wise, wise man!"
While the others murmured their objections, Natalie laughed. "Maybe Sheldon is the 'they' in 'they always say.';"
Penny laughed while the others smiled and nodded. They all knew Mr. Monk's propensity for taking a common saying and insisting the exact opposite was true. Because, according to Monk, "they" say so.
At this point, Sheldon grinned while he crossed both hands over his slim torso. "You know, Adrian, maybe after you and Diane get married, I could live with you. And I'd bring Amy, too, of course."
"You can all live on Mars," Howard mumbled.
Monk made a face. "Thank you, Sheldon, but I don't think we'll have room for you or Amy.,"
"And you probably don't want a Sheldon or an Amy to take care of," Natalie said.
"Trust me, you don't," Penny said. "You really don't."
Leonard held up a hand. "I second that."
"It doesn't sound like a recipe for martial bliss," Raj said with a frown.
"Maybe it would be better if we all live together." Sheldon extended his lank arms to the whole group. They all shook their heads.
"Diane seems like a very special woman," Penny said.
"Way to change the subject," Leonard whispered.
"Thanks," Penny whispered back with a smile.
"Diane is very special," Monk said, his face so serene it was almost like he was glowing.
Penny leaned forward, hands clasped in front of her. "How did you two meet?"
"Her husband was trying to murder her."
"Of course," Penny said, making a funny face in which she pursed her lips. "I mean, if you were going to meet a woman, it would have to be that way."
"No speed-dating for you," Raj said.
"Her husband tried to throw her off the balcony of their hotel room. I was able to find the hotel room because she wrote on my back while filling out the registration form for our class reunion."
Raj's eyes widened as he did a kind of double-take. "You can read things written on your back?"
"Strangest super power ever," Howard murmured.
"That's what I said, too." Natalie poked Howard in the side.
"Ow," Howard said. Then: "Forgive me, Natalie, for not hitting on you. But I do have Bernadette."
"Howard is totally devoted to Bernadette," Raj said with an affirmative nod.
"He's also afraid of her," Leonard said.
"We all are," Penny said.
"I'm not," Monk said.
"Finally!" Penny said, holding her arms out. "Something you're not afraid of. Even though you should be."
Bernadette and Amy, the wives of Howard and Sheldon, respectively, were already at the wedding venue to deal with any last-minute changes. Otherwise, they might show anger about the way they were being talked about.
Clearing his throat, Monk continued. "At first I was worried that Diane and I were only attracted to each other because of sharing a crisis situation from years ago."
"That's what Amy would hypothesize," Sheldon said.
"But it was more than that."
"Yes, it was, Penny. Diane and I shared something else in common: Trudy. Diane was Trudy's roommate in college. And Diane was nice. Just like Trudy."
"And Diane is very lovely," Raj said with a dreamy look. "She has a great smile, too."
"Oh, boy," Howard muttered. "Somebody's got a crush. Will you be doing an imaginary Bollywood dance number with Diane the way you did with Bernadette?"
"I told you that in confidence," Raj hissed.
"Anyway!" Penny said, lifting her now empty glass. "The connection you and Diane had grew into a bond of love."
"Very poetic, Penny," Sheldon said.
"Thanks, sweetie."
"I always hoped you and Natalie would get together," Howard said.
"Yuck! No offense, Mister Monk."
"None taken. I also...yuck."
"In a way," Penny said, "you've found someone to replace Trudy."
Briefly, Natalie placed a hand on Monk's right knee. "Of course, no one could ever really replace Trudy."
Through moist dark eyes, Monk smiled and nodded. "If anyone was going to be next after Trudy, it would be Diane."
"A very logical choice," Sheldon said.
"Oh, Sheldon," Penny sighed. "Only you could put a Mister Spock spin on love."
"Thank you, Penny. That is a high compliment indeed."
Turning to Monk, Penny took both his hands in hers.
"Mister Monk. Adrian," she said softly. "I know losing Trudy was a tremendous loss for you and changed your life in a big way." Here, her eyes moistened as she spoke quietly. "I think it's great you're taking a chance on love again. And I wish you and Diane the very best."
"Thank you, Penny." Monk's own eyes were moist, and his voice was weak, but he smiled.
"Mister Monk is very brave. He's grown a lot." Natalie shook his shoulder.
"I said no more hugs."
"What hug? It's a hand on your shoulder."
"It's a hug."
"Okay. Maybe he hasn't grown that much."
"Sheldon has," Penny said.
In the next moment, Monk was at his wedding being escorted down the aisle by both Penny and Natalie.
"What a lucky guy," Howard murmured.
"Yeah, what a lucky duck," Raj grumbled quietly.
Bernadette and Amy stood next to Raj and Howard.
"Don't worry, Mister Monk," Bernadette said. "Ambrose is on his way in the RV."
"And your dad in his truck," Amy said.
Absently, Monk nodded. For a moment, he thought there was something wrong with all this.
Before he could consider further, Monk suddenly thought back to when Sheldon was framed for murder. In the apartment of Leonard and Penny, he had the whole gang gathered around him as he summarized the "here's-what-happened."
"Whoever the killer was, he or she had to know a great deal about Sheldon," Monk said, pacing a little as he spoke. "That made it look like Penny was involved."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Penny said. "What reason would I have to frame Sheldon?"
"Exactly," Monk said. "There are other people who know a great deal about Sheldon. Sheldon's brother George, for example. But he isn't bright enough to mastermind such a thing."
"I should say not," Sheldon said, pulling his head back a little.
As he narrated, Monk did that slight gesturing-waving thing with his right hand. "There's also Sheldon's twin sister Missy."
"They really don't look alike," Howard murmured.
"Not at all," Raj said.
"Regardless of what Missy looks like," Monk said loudly and pointedly, "when it come to framing Sheldon, Missy is bright enough and even mean enough."
"I'm glad I didn't go to dinner with her," Howard said.
"Me either," Raj said.
Leonard shrugged. "Missy is okay if you like women who are tall, and perfect." He put his arm around Penny. "I prefer short, blond and perfect."
"Ah," Penny cooed, leaning into him.
"Missy's no murderer," Sheldon insisted. "Besides, she would just punch me in places that hurt a lot."
"Right again, Sheldon," Monk said.
Simultaneously, Sheldon clapped his hands, bounced up and down, and let out a gasping laugh. "Oh, goody! I'm right! I like being right! Give me another one, Mister Monk!"
Here, Monk raised an instructive index finger then pointed to his blond assistant. "Natalie was right about something, too."
"Oh, goody!" Natalie exclaimed, jumping up and down while clapping. "Now I'm like Sheldon!"
"Hardly," Howard grunted quietly.
"Yeah, hardly," Raj said.
The instructive finger slowly went around the room. "Natalie mentioned another case we worked on that was similar."
"Where a mystery writer would commit the murders himself," Natalie piped up. "Then he'd frame other people. In that case, I was framed and so was Mister Monk's former assistant Sharona Fleming."
Monk nodded. "Right, Natalie."
"Goody!"
"In the case involving Sheldon, the killer was a writer of true-life crime."
"So not Richard Castle then," Howard said drily.
"No, Howard. This guy learned about Sheldon through eavesdropping devices, private detectives, and even lip-reading. He even tricked George, Missy and Penny into telling him things."
"And he picks targets who are relatively obscure," Natalie said.
"Hey!" Sheldon objected.
Blinking his dark eyes, Mr. Monk suddenly thought how odd it was: he was at his wedding, and his mind shifted back to when he helped Sheldon and Penny.
There was only one logical explanation.
Monk's theory was confirmed when he looked over at a smiling and radiant Diane. Equally radiant, because he was glowing, was the man next to Diane.
Steve Wagner.
He just stood there, not so much as lifting a hand.
With a voice that was as eerie and calm as his facial expression. Wagner made his pronouncement.
"If I don't get you, Mister Monk, someone else will."
Blinking his eyes again, Mt. Monk shook his head. Things like this—fragmented thoughts, quick shifts in thoughts and locations—in fact, how did he get here? He remembered nothing of his trip to the venue.
Mr. Monk stopped walking down the aisle. As he did, a smiling Diane faded away.
Glumly, Mr. Monk understood. Things like this only happened in a dream.
"We're sorry, Mister Monk," Bernadette said quietly.
"We were just here-"
"In your mind," Amy said.
"-to provide a little peace and comfort during a difficult time," Penny said softly as she, too, began to fade away.
"Now it's time to go back,"Amy said in a kind of monotone. "And regain your mind."
:"To begin to recover, and move toward the future," Sheldon, Howard, Leonard and Raj all spoke in unison just before they vanished.
Mr. Monk was suddenly awake. In the darkness, a figure leaned over him.
"Adrian? I'm Doctor Wagner. For the past six months, you've slept quite a bit, and we've had you in the hospital for a couple of days." He paged through papers on a chart. "In your sleep, you've talked quite a bit about being a detective. Unfortunately, that was all imaginary. Now the real recovery begins."
Just before he slipped back into a half-sleep state, Monk remembered a small part of his dream.
Ambrose in an RV? Ridiculous.
In the two days that followed, Monk managed to stay awake during the day and to sit up. He was still in pain, just not as much. After that two days, he was moved out of the hospital and back into his own apartment. While he'd slept a lot over six months, he was only in the hospital four days. During the last two of those days, he forgot all about the strange lengthy dream he had. This was due mostly to the medication he had been prescribed.
While Monk was able to tolerate being in his apartment; that didn't mean there weren't tears in his eyes, even with the meds. He could not, of course, go back into his bedroom. The absence of Trudy was still too much, and too recent.
He did, however, manage to encase Trudy's pillow in plastic to preserve the smell of her. Then it was back to a dazed state.
It barely registered with Mr. Monk when someone else spoke to him in the darkness.
"Adrian? It's me, Leland."
"Hello, Leland."
"Hey, you're talking a little bit. That's great."
"I'm talking."
"I've brought someone who can help you. A nurse."
Someone with a clear New Jersey accent spoke up.
"Hello, Adrian. I'm Sharona Fleming."
"M-m-m-my Sharona," Monk sang weakly. This was the result of the pills.
"Yes, that's right." There was a little laugh in her voice. "I'll be taking care of you and helping you get better. All right?"
"I need all the help I can get." His voice was hoarse, and sad.
A smile slowly formed on Sharona's face. "I think we'll get along just fine."
Adrian Monk, through the tender ministrations of Sharona Fleming, began to recover and get well. So much so that he eventually became a consultant with the police department, assisting with strange and unusual cases.
During that time, Sharona was not always so tender. Sometimes she needed to get tough, practice tough love. Like that time when Adrian took some pills that turned him into an obnoxious person he referred to as "the Monk." Sharona became quite angry when she learned Adrian hadn't immediately told her about the pills. She was, after all, more than just Monk's assistant; she was also his nurse.
But they worked through that. With or without pills (mostly without), Monk distinguished himself as a police consultant; he became San Francisco's most famous detective. He and Sharona worked on many unusual cases together. Besides solving those cases, they resolved any conflicts they had. (And those conflicts were many.) This meant Monk, like a certain lanky physicist in Pasadena, was growing as a person.
As most people do, Sharona moved on with her life. In her case, she moved back East. Monk found a new assistant, Natalie Teeger. His first case with Natalie involved her daughter Julie being mixed up with a fish and a moon rock. There was also talk of helping a murdered caveman named "Oog."
Monk and Natalie ended up as crime-fighting partners. They, too, worked on many unusual cases, including the one involving astronaut Steve Wagner.
Eventually, Monk found the man who murdered his wife Trudy, which resulted in a dramatic showdown in the pouring rain wherein Monk forced "the judge" to dig up the body of a midwife who delivered Trudy's baby girl. Afterward, Monk became friends with Trudy's daughter. This inspired him to look up someone else from Trudy's past: the famous Diane.
After that, there were many possible futures. In one, Monk and Natalie became partners in their own private detective agency. Monk's brother Ambrose traveled around America in his RV with his wife, someone Monk initially referred to as "that hippie biker woman."
This future also involved Monk helping Sheldon and Penny with their little framed-for-murder problem. When Steve Wagner escaped from prison, Monk and his Pasadena friends improvised a wedding in Pasadena.
On the day of that wedding, Leland Stottlemeyer opened the door to the changing room and found an unusual sight: Bernadette standing over an unconscious Steve Wagner.
"He was here to hurt Mister Monk," Bernadette said, her voice more growling than squeaky. "I put a stop to that, buddy."
"Yes, you did," Leland said with a smile. "Good work, Bernie."
"I'd love to study his brain," Amy said, looking down at Wagner.
Leland held up a hand. "That'll have to wait, Amy. I'll take your written statements. Then we'll keep this quiet until after the wedding."
"You bet we will," Bernie said. Then quietly: "You bet we will."
Once he took those written statements, Leland returned to the wedding. When he heard his friend say "I do," Leland smiled, and there may have been a glint of a tear in one eye. It was understandable. His friend had come a long way since that tragic day. He had made a lot of progress, Just like Sheldon standing there in the wedding procession.
Trudy's parents were in the audience that day, and they were very glad to see Adrian and Diane so happy. It was like all was made right. Or at least as right as it could be.
As Monk dodged the rice that was thrown by Penny, Natalie and others (not Sheldon, of course; he bravely shielded his friend from the rice, and birds), one thing was certain: For Adrian and Diane, there were many possible happy and bright futures.
