I do not own RWBY.

"...Yang, what are you doing now?"

It was the oddest of sights that Blake had stumbled upon. As she had rounded the corner of the hallway on her way back to her dorm, she had stumbled upon her partner kneeling down with her ear to the wall of JNPR's room. The blonde seemed to have an intense stare on her face, her eyes shut, and a thin, conniving grin on her lips.

Before Blake could say anything else though, Yang brought a single finger to her mouth, a universal sign for her partner to be quiet.

"Do you hear that?" Yang barely whispered.

"Hear what?" Blake's bow twitched. She didn't hear anything.

With her hand, she this time motioned Blake to mimic her movement. Making sure that no one else was in the hallway, she knelt down across from Yang and put her head against the wall with her partner.

"... Yang… I don't think there's anything going on."

"Wait for it…" Yang carefully drawled out. "Wait for-"

"Ahn~"

And there it was.

Blake instantly recoiled from the wall as if it was made of Zwei and shot a scandalized look at her partner.

"Yang-"

"I know." The blonde winked at her. "It's great, right?"

"Yang, how is this great?" Blake shook her head as she raised a hand to her temple. "We're eavesdropping on a particularly private moment. I really don't think we should-"

"Yes… more..."

Again the voice interrupted them. Yang barely held back a snort, starting to pull out her scroll and beginning to fiddle with it. But for some reason, Blake felt that there was something… off about that muffled voice. Her brows furrowed and her bow twitched.

And against one half of her nerves saying she should get out of there and another saying that this somehow seemed similar to one of her books, she decided to stay, putting her ear against the wall again.

Her partner smirked at her. "Had a feeling you'd be curious, pussycat."

Blake growled and shut her eyes, annoyed both by what she was doing as well as how good that particular piece of wordplay was. And coming from Yang, that meant something. "Be quiet for a moment. Something about that voice doesn't seem right."

"I know, right? I mean, I'm pretty sure that's a girl's voice, but at the same time it doesn't seem to be like Nora."

Blake opened her eyes in sudden realization before narrowing them again at Yang. "Wait, what?" Was she seriously stuck debating on who was getting it on behind the door and not the fact that it seemed-

"I mean, think about it," she whispered. "Nora is a hyperactive timebomb that we all know has the hots for Ren. So do you really think that she'd be this quiet if they were banging?"

"Yang-"

Her partner ignored her, lost in her own thoughts. "But then… Jaune's a bit of a spineless guy, not to mention dense. After all this time, poor guy doesn't seem to realize Pyrrha's been trying to jump his bones. Maybe it finally happened…"

Another particular gaze had settled across her partner and once again the alarms went off in Blake's mind. But again this all just seemed so-

"Five lien that it's Ren and Nora."

"Yang, we are not betting on who is sleeping with who."

A suddenly chipper voice called out to them. "We got your text, Yang!" Ruby dashed in through the halls, dragging an exasperated Weiss behind her. "Did you need… Uh…" Ruby furrowed her brow, switching between Blake and Yang who were kneeling on the floor.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing." Blake answered, "Nothing is happening. Yang and I were just going to get cookies and-"

"Cookies?" Ruby's eyes widened. "Iwantcookies!"

Yang, however had different plans. "How about I show you a way to get something even better than cookies," she said, giving a sly smirk to her sister.

"But what could be better than-"

"Yes… YES…"

Ruby froze up. Yang glued her ear back to the wall and Blake could only cover her face in both agony and shame at how the situation was quickly devolving into something worse and worse.

Weiss was the first to speak, a mild redness dusting her cheeks. "Is… Is that what I think it is?" she whispered.

Blake unceremoniously nodded. "She started it." She didn't care that her partner shot her a dirty look.

"I can't believe you," Weiss growled at Yang. Then she blinked and grimaced. "Actually, yeah. Yeah, I can believe this, and somehow I'm not surprised that I do."

She then wheeled towards Blake. "And you!"

What? Blake could feel the anger in her flare up at the heiress, and she lowered her hands, glowering. She was the victim!

"Why didn't you try to stop her sooner? Don't think I didn't see you kneeling by the wall, too."

Blake pointed at the wall behind her. "Well, like I told Yang, something about whatever is going on behind this wall doesn't sound right, and I'm trying to figure it out."

The heiress wasn't buying it. "Oh really?"

She tilted her head forward and wiggled the ears beneath her bow. "Yes, really," she growled back. And as the girl began to think, Blake could see her eyes squinting, trying to see if there was any weight in what she told her. But before she could make a final decision, Ruby spoke up.

"Yang… is there a reason why you're doing this?"

"You'll understand when you're older," the blond casually said, leaning her ear against the wall again. "And maybe when you've lost your v-card."

Ruby crossed her arms, frowning at the accusation. "Yang, I know what a guy's junk looks like, and honestly I don't think I'm at the point where I care yet."

"Ugh, I am so glad that my sister isn't like this," Weiss said, beginning to stomp back into the RWBY dorm.

"Oh come on, Ice Queen," Yang chided, "don't pretend to be such a prude. I'm sure you're curious about the guys just as much as I am at times."

"Is that the only thing in your head sometimes, Yang? Boys?"

Yang smile grew, like she had caught Weiss in a trap. "What about Neptune?"

"I'm sorry I have good taste, unlike you." She crossed her arms in a huff. "Besides, it's still too early to tell."

"Oh hey you girls!"

A sudden chipper voice drew everyone out of their little squabble. Looking down the hall, Nora and Ren came into view, and everyone's eyes seemed to widen.

"Is there a reason why you're all crowded around in the hall like this?"

Much to her own surprise, Blake was the first to speak. "Oh my god." If Ren and Nora were out here, then by process of elimination, that mean that-

"No way." Yang slammed her ears back to the wall, scrunching her eyes together. "Jaune and Pyrrha?"

"God, yes!"

This time Weiss was the one to bury her face in her hand. "I should be happy to officially know that Jaune won't keep bothering me now, but I would have preferred finding out in a different manner."

"Wait. Wait, wait, wait," Nora looked at Yang. "Jauney and Pyrpyr are finally doing it?"

"Has to be. Who else has to the key to your dorm room?" Yang shot a quick look at Blake. "You're the one with the ears, Blakey. Who's on top?"

"Yang, I am not answering that question."

"Actually wait!" the blond didn't even seem to realize her answer, bringing her head to the door again. "... Think he's eating her out?"

Ruby kicked her sister's boot. "Yang, please! I don't need to think about that."

Nora quickly ducked to the side of the wall, giggling to herself. "Oh my gosh, they're finally going at it, Ren!"

The boy took a breath, putting arms across his chest. "I guess it was bound to happen, but I didn't expect to find out this way."

His partner looked back at him. "This is great! We should bust in and take a picture!" To this Ren frowned, but before he could respond Yang cut him off with a smug grin.

"I've got a better plan." She took out her scroll, tapping at the screen a few times. "We make a video, and use it for blackmail."

There was a sharp gasp from the other girl, staring in disbelief. For a moment Blake was hopeful that they were beginning to draw some sort of line, but to her horror a wide smile split across her lips.

"That's the greatest idea ever!" Nora seemed to agree whole heartedly, which was a terrible problem. Stopping Nora was hard. Stopping an excited and determined Nora was out of the question.

If anyone was up for the task, though, Ren fit the bill immediately. "Nora, no."

"But it'll be fun!"

"That doesn't matter," he firmly replied. "What does is the mention of blackmail." He gave a concerned look at the blonde who mentioned the idea. "That's a particularly dangerous line for us to walk, Yang."

She casually waved it off, not even concerned. "Oh, it's nothing serious. We're just gonna poke some fun at why it took them so long to get to it, maybe extort a plate of cookies, stupid stuff."

Ren was about to speak again, but to Blake's horror Ruby shot up with her answer.

"I'm down for free cookies."

So much for her moral compass. Weiss rolled her eyes and began to walk towards her teammate. "Ugh, Ruby, not you too! I will not sit and-"

"Too late!" Yang had prepped her scroll and began to tap away. "It's little sister-approved and she's the team leader, so by law I have to do it." Finally rising from the floor, she reared her body back, aiming to kick down the door.

But a sudden voice stopped her mid-kick.

In fact, the sudden voice stopped everyone.

"Oh, hey, what's going on?"

All eyes quickly snapped towards the hall.

"Is… something amiss? You're all lined up by the side of the wall."

Before them stood the other two teammates of JNPR, Jaune and Pyrrha.

Yang was the first to get her jaw working. "Jaune? Pyrrha? You two? Out here?"

Both of them were dressed in their combat gear and with weapons at their side. "Uh… yeah?" Jaune replied. "We were training in the sparring hall."

Blake turned back to the wall, clear confusion having overridden her previous mortification. "But then… who's going at it in there?"

"Hmm?" Jaune leaned against the side of the hallway, then quickly backed off when another moan cut through, a little red around the ears. "Huh. Well…" he uncomfortably scratched the back of his head, "what do you know."

Pyrrha then leaned, only to back away and put a hand to her lips when a loud moan echoed through wall."Oh my," the surprised words fell from her lips. "There really are people in there, but… how did they get in?" her back stiffened a bit, "And who are they?"

"I dunno." Yang responded, no longer amused at the thought and suddenly cautious over the entire situation. "I mean, I thought it was Ren and Nora at first, but then they showed up. And then we thought it was you two… you know. Going at it."

"So uh… you thought it was us, huh?" Jaune nervously chuckled.

Pyrrha gave Yang a quick smirk. "Well, I suppose I can at least set that record straight." Without sparing a glance at her partner, she quickly brought her hand across Jaune's backside, making him straighten and yelp.

Yang looked at Pyrrha. "... Since when?"

"After the dance."

At first there was no real response, but slowly the blonde boxer gave the girl what Blake hoped was just a subtle nod of approval.

Nora then jumped back into the conversation, refusing to be ignored. "How did you keep this a secret from us?" she ran up to Jaune and began to roughly shake his shoulders. "Where's the goods? Foil wrappers, waking up in bed, clothes thrown everywhere, kissing and touching-"

Blake felt that she should be remorseful for Jaune to suddenly be under the scrutiny of both teams, but she had to admit that she was curious as well. Again, though, Ren proved himself up to the task.

"Not now, Nora, we have a bigger problem on our hands." He dragged her away as Jaune gave a breath of relief.

"But I wanna knoooowwwwwww!"

"Perhaps we can go over that later," Pyrrha interjected before making her way to the dorm door. "I'm sure we'll do our best to answer whatever questions you may have within reason, of course." Readying her spear and shield, she gestured for her partner to follow after. "Now come on, Jaune. We've got a pair of intruders to deal with."

"What? Just us two?"

"We're the only one with our weapons."

"Oh… I guess you have a point." Walking to the opposite sides of the door, Jaune and Pyrrha exchanged no more words while the remaining teammates and RWBY sidled against the wall with them. Another brief cry of embarrassing proportions came from the room as Jaune silently took out his scroll. Counting to three as quietly as he could, he unlocked the door and pushed it aside..

In a blink of an eye, the two dashed in, shields raised, weapons ready, only to see-

"Hmm?"

"Oh?"

Ruby, Yang, and Weiss were the first to peek over the corner of the door and their eyes widened, dashing all previous thoughts away.

"Winter?"

"Uncle Qrow?"

"Oh, hey. What's up, kids?"

This was not what they were expecting. Not at all. Maybe some clothes flung about, nudity, something, but not this.

Not Winter pensively sitting in a chair and Qrow standing in the opposite corner, leaning against the wall, both fully clothed.

Meanwhile another loud moan went through the room.

"Damnit," Qrow snapped. "There's that noise again."

Yang put her head into her palm. "Oh my god, what is going on here?"

Blake turned towards her partner. "I told you something was off," she hissed. She could feel a rise in her chest, enjoying the feeling in knowing that she was right, but it was only temporary as there were other questions they needed to answer.

"Okay, okay, I get it, sorry, jeez." Yang hastily brushed off her comment. "But that still doesn't give us a clear picture of what's going on."

Ruby was the next to speak up, with her mind on a different track compared to the majority of the group. "So…" she fumbled around with her words, attempting to try and be extra tactful. "You're still single then, Uncle Qrow?"

The man scoffed. "Oh please, as if I would give this frozen hag a chance."

"Funny that you think you even have one, you drunk."

Blake felt her ears shiver. Did the room just get… colder? No one else seemed to have noticed though, and Weiss was the next to speak.

"So… you two aren't… you know…"

"Weiss, please," Winter closed her eyes, bringing a hand to her temple, "Not you, too. Don't give me a headache."

"Oh no, please, Mini-Winter, continue," Qrow gave her an exaggerated bow, "Give her the headache. I can just drink and forget you hinted at such a thought in the meantime."

"Hey, we're forgetting what we came here for in the first place." Jaune had put his weapon away and pointed at the adults. "Why are you two in our dorm room?"

"HARDER!"

He tried to keep a straight face and failed, ultimately shrugging his shoulders and sighing. "... And what's with that noise?"

"Well, ol' Jimmy here-"

"That is General Ironwood to you, Qrow."

"-and Ozpin wanted us to investigate this weird noise coming from this room. And we've been trying to figure out what it is for the past thirty minutes or so." He gestured at the group with his elbow. "Wanna join our dumb adventure?"

That appeared to have been the case. With no veritable source of the noise within the room, all parties were at an equal loss and started shuffling around, looking over the shelves and into crannies, all places that Qrow advised they've already searched.

Everyone, that was, but Blake. The noise of the room was still strong, with feet shuffling and voices wondering and-

"You mean you don't wanna date my uncle, Miss Winter?"

"... Weiss, is she always like this?"

"No, but I suppose she has some silly idea in her mind for the moment."

"Everyone stop," she exclaimed, her eyes glued to the carpet. Knowing that everyone was watching her, she quickly knelt down and put her bows against the ground.

"Uh… Blake?" Her partner asked, "Everything okay?"

Another string of words, this time emotion-filled and drawn-out expletives filled the air. All shuffled around self-consciously except Blake, who had closed her eyes in concentration. A quick smile flitted across her face.

"I knew it." She pulled herself off the floor. "It's coming from downstairs."

"Alright!" Qrow popped off, raising his back from the wall. "Mystery solved. Just a pair of horny second-years. Now let's call it a day and get out of here."

"You're not going to investigate?" Winter shot him a questioning eye. "I find it highly suspect that we'd be hearing the same sounds for almost thirty minutes."

"Makes sense," Qrow returned it with a hard glare of his own. "I don't even think you could last two."

"Hey, don't talk to my sister like that!"

He gave an exasperated sigh. "Ugh, listen to yourself, Mini-Schnee. Do you really want to walk in on a pair of second years going at it?"

Weiss' mouth opened and closed, struggling to fit in something, but she gave in and stomped her way over to Winter.

"Your uncle's a dirtbag, Ruby."

Before his nieces could rise to his defense, though, he began to speak again. "Whatever. Look, we solved the problem, so let's get out of here." Reaching for the door out of the room, his hand grasped the handle and attempted to turn.

Except it refused to budge from its position.

"What the-" he tried to jostle it open, putting a little more force than he had last time. Blake's eyes narrowed. How did the door lock on its own? Dorm doors opened inward, and they could be locked from the inside, so that meant that they had all the power in the world over this one door.

Crack.

At first everyone had their eyes glued to the door, but Blake risked looking down and saw the tearing carpet beneath their feet. Looking closer, she could see that the ground had become lumpy and uneven.

The first thing Blake realized was that the floor was giving away. There was a sudden sense of weightlessness, doom, confusion, loss, and regret in how she would never know how (or if) Kageto and Tamaki would get together after finding out that the latter killed the former's brother in the latest book of Ninjas of Love. And then her aura kicked in, letting her come to a somewhat painfully but ultimately safe rest atop the pile of rubble and bodies that had come to accumulate on the floor beneath them.

Cautioning an upward glance, she felt her eyebrows rise in confusion. Before her was Ozpin, Professor Goodwitch, and-

"S-Sir?"

"Hello Lieutenant Winter."

General Ironwood seated at a table and sharing a pot of tea.

Qrow was the first to recover. "Ozpin? Glynda? What the hell is going on here?"

As if expecting this chain of events, Ozpin reached for the scroll between the three of them and after fiddling around with the screen ("Ah, this one will be perfect.") tapped a button.

"Yes, I want it! I want it now!"

All eyes fell upon the trio as the true nature of the noise was revealed. Ozpin set the scroll down and simply let a smile fall upon his lips. "How nice of you to finally join us." Looking over his shoulder, his smile diminished no less as he looked at Glynda, with Blake swearing that it had even grown a shade wider. "If you'd please, Glynda." With an easy nod, the professor raised her riding crop and the rubble flew back up into place, as if nothing bad had ever happened.

Unfortunately, the rest of them were still on it when they started moving, which meant that as they haphazardly flew into the air, all ten of them, team RWBY, JNPR, and Qrow and Winter, tumbled through the air like leaves. Blake counted herself lucky in that she fell on top of Yang. But Ozpin began to talk once more and their gaze settled upon them again.

"Glynda and I were just talking about the restoration of this school and how you lot seem to have a knack for systematically destroying it. Care to offer your opinions?"

A brief pause echoed through the room, and then chaos descended.

"She started it!"

"I don't even have a semblance, so I can hardly be held responsible for destroying that fountain!"

"It was only the third time!"

Amidst the squabble, none saw the discrete high five Glynda and Ozpin shared.

Ironwood looked over to them with a hearty chuckle. "You two are the worst best friends anyone could ever have."

Only one, however, seemed to have her mind elsewhere. Again. Ruby looked up at Professor Goodwitch, having landed flat on her stomach.

"So… No cookies?"

She raised her black riding crop and gently tapped her on the head. "No cookies for you, Miss Rose."

The girl planted her forehead against the ground before giving off a pathetic whine.

A/N: Hello everyone! Just something stupid and fun I had thought of long ago and finally got my act together to finish. Nothing super deep here, just silly stuff that's meant to bring a chuckle to your face. Hopefully it's all easy to follow though.

Cya for now!

Beta'd by ImSoAwesome

edit: somehow all my italics in the actual story didn't make it through, so I re-italicized them.