Death Battle

by DeathBattleMan54

Join our hosts Blade, Welcher and Potato as we uncover the facts and do the research to find out who'd win a Death Battle?

Blade: Welcome, to the first ever episode of Death Battle! I'm your host Blade, and alongside me are my various co-hosts.

Welcher: Like me.

Potato: And me.

Blade: So yeah, before we get down dirty, let's just put up some rules first:

1. Non-Canon material will NOT be used.

2. Killing restraints are removed. This applies to characters like Batman.

3. NO outside help or vehicles

4. If you disagree, please explain why. Don't throw a fit, that just makes our life harder.

5. If you have a DB idea for us, Please tell us in the comments and we might just do it!

Potato: Well, that's that. Now on to the show!

Blade: We as humans came a long way from way back then. We used to be apes, and like apes, we were pretty dumb.

Welcher: But today, these two famous video game apes show us that it sucked being a monkey.

Potato: Donkey Kong, leader of the Kongs.

Blade: And Blanka, the Man-Beast from Brazil.

Welcher: They're Blade and Potato, and I'm Welcher.

Potato: And we're here to bring you...a Death Battle.

Donkey Kong:

Blade: Long ago, Donkey Kong was originally Mario's pet. Tired of being his master's slave, he broke free of his cage and kidnapped Mario's first girlfriend, Pauline.

Welcher: DK must've came a LONG way.

Potato: After getting thwarted by Mario three times, he and his son, DK Jr., went to the jungle, and resided on what is now DK Isle. Donkey Kong became Cranky Kong due to his old age, and his son, DK Jr., became Donkey Kong.

Blade: What the fuck? OK, I'm totally confused right now.

Welcher: Blade, it's Super Fucking Mario. What do you expect?

Potato: Moving on, this ape, as you can tell, is one tough cookie.

Blade: The strength he has is something you wouldn't expect from a gorilla wearing a necktie. His strength enables him to achieve impossible feats from being able to shake the earth just by slamming his hands into the ground, to the time where he punched the moon out of orbit.

Welcher: And being a big gorilla means he isn't easy to knock down. DK's taken abuse ranging from point blank explosions to falls from skyscrapers, and he's still kicking.

Potato: But despite this, Donkey Kong is incredibly dumb. Like, so dumb, it's hard to comprehend into words. He'll also throw a tantrum if someone touches his banana hoard without his consent, which happens a lot actually.

Blade: Hey give him some credit, he's survived just as long as Mario has, and he still looks fresh and new.

Show clip of DK's final smash from Brawl.

Donkey Kong:

Weight: 800 lbs.

Height: 8'1''

*Weapons:

-Coconut Gun

-Orange Grenade Launcher

-Magic Bongos

*Feats:

-Punched the Moon out of orbit

-Just by slamming his hands into the ground, he can shake the earth.

-Has gone toe to toe with Mario multiple times

-Has survived all the Smash Bros games

*Flaws:

-Incredibly dumb

-Will go berserk if someone steals his bananas

Blanka:

Welcher: Jimmy Blanka was the last remaining survivor of the Brazil plane crash, where he was forced to live off wild creatures and plants.

Potato: Before Jimmy could hunt such beasts like crocodiles, he had to resort off eels, which gave him electric powers...OK, what the fuck?

Blade: It gets even better, "Due to staying in Brazil for so long, his skin turned a permanent green."

Welcher: Now that's fucking ridiculous!

Potato: Guys, guys, remember, this is coming from the same company that screwed off Mega Man. You shouldn't take them too seriously.

Blade: Good point Potato. Anyway, Blanka is surprisingly agile, being able to zip and hop around the battlefield with ease. Some of his notable attacks include the Beast Roll, in which Blanka rolls like a cannonball towards his opponent at high speeds.

Welcher: The Ground Shaved Roll is basically an upgrade of the Beast Roll that sends Blanka flying like a bullet, same with Lightning Cannonball, except it surrounds the beast man in electricity.

Potato: And the Shout of Earth utilizes Blanka's electricity to its fullest, giving him a sudden outburst of electricity.

Blade: Blanka, despite being the sole representative of Brazil until Laura showed up, his only training is from Dan Hibiki, the worst fighter ever, so it's like not even training at all.

Welcher: But despite these flaws, Blanka combines speed and electricity to create a deadly force to be reckoned with.

Blanka: Seeing you in action is a joke!

Blanka:

Weight: 216 lbs.

Height: 6'4''

*Attacks:

-Beast Roll

-Electricity

-Ground Shaved Roll

-Lightning Cannonball

-Shout of Earth

*Feats:

-Only survivor of the Brazil plane crash

-Arguably the fastest Street Fighter

*Flaws:

-Lack of proper training

-Dimwitted

-Can become aggressive easily.

The Fight:

Blanka was walking around the jungle looking for something to eat. Suddenly, he saw ripe, juicy, and yellow bananas in a cave, with no one guarding them! This was a dream come true.

Blanka walks into the cave. Without looking, Jimmy takes one of the bananas and chows down on it. He's just about to take another when suddenly...

WHAM!

Blanka was met with a hairy fist to the face, sending the Ape-man flying out of the cave. Blanka gets back up and sees DK, who's incredibly pissed.

There was no turning back.

FIGHT!

The King of Kong charged at Blanka and swung a hairy fist at Blanka, who dodged at the last second. Jimmy quickly hopped on his front legs and performed his iconic attack, rolling like a cannonball towards DK. Donkey Kong is too late to react as he gets hit in the stomach by the attack, sending him flying back.

DK quickly gets back and beats his chest in anger, in which Blanka responds by howling and performing another Beast Roll in hopes of hitting his hairy nemesis.

He wasn't so lucky.

DK jumped over the rolling green and orange cannonball and delivered a swift kick to Blanka's back, sending Blanka toppling forward. Donkey Kong lands on the ground and quickly whips out his Coconut Gun, firing rapid coconuts at the Brazilian Beast.

Blanka got hit by the fruits of labor and stumbled back, holding his aching head in agony. Donkey Kong quickly rushed over to his opponent and delivered a clean punch to Blanka's head, causing Blanka to howl in pain as he was sent flying into a tree, hurting his back. Blanka quickly climbed up the tree and leaped at DK.

DK easily reacted to this by uppercutting Jimmy, causing Blanka's rib cage to crack. Blanka flies up in the air and quickly uses another Beast Roll to get some breathing space from DK.

This time, however, DK was caught off guard as he got hit in the back of his head, causing him to topple head over heels into a bush. Blanka quickly performs a Ground Shaved Roll, taking this opportunity to land another blow on Donkey Kong.

The Kong gets up and was met with a green cannonball to the head, causing Donkey Kong's jaw to break. DK holds his jaw in pain and agony. He wouldn't be eating bananas for weeks. But DK had much bigger problems than food as he felt Blanka's sharp jaws take a stab in his back, causing DK to scream.

DK had enough. He grabbed Blanka by the leg and smashed the green beast into the ground multiple times, causing Blanka's face to meet the green grass multiple times. Blanka quickly used his electricity to get free of DK as you could see DK's skeleton for a brief moment.

But back on track, DK was met with a sharp slash to his stomach, causing DK's trademark red tie to rip off his chest. Blanka swungs another clawed hand at DK, but this time Donkey Kong caught it. DK, now in a furious rage, ripped off Blanka's hand from the socket, causing red to spill all over the ground.

DK tosses Blanka's arm aside and rips off the other arm, causing Blanka to scream wildly, and was armless. Now seizing his opportunity, DK head-butted Blanka, causing the beast man to get stuck in the soil. The Kong then winded up his fist multiple times, so fast it looked like a top.

Before Blanka could scream "Mommy!", DK let it rip, causing Blanka's bones to break, just one split second before his whole body exploded, causing a giant rainstorm of red everywhere.

DK wipes his forehead and beats his chest in triumph. He lived to see his bananas another day.

KO!

-Blade: Damn, that was brutal! Show it again!

Welcher: While Blanka was faster and was arguably smarter, that's where his advantages end. Donkey Kong had Blanka on the ropes the whole match due to clearly outclassing Jimmy in terms of strength and durability.

Potato: Sure, Blanka's electricity could provide some trouble for DK, but Donkey Kong has faced electricity users before, so Blanka's would only momentarily surprise him.

Blade: And when it comes to strength, it's no contest. DK was able to punch the moon out of orbit, and can shake the earth just by pounding his hands. Blanka has never achieved this level of strength before, so he was clearly outclassed.

Welcher: And even though Blanka has survived a plane crash, DK has survived atmospheric re-entry multiple times.

Potato: Looks like Blanka couldn't take the Punch-line.

Blade: The winner is Donkey Kong

NEXT TIME ON DEATH BATTLE...

A ninja in yellow is seen pulling Sub-Zero over with his infamous Kunai screaming "Get over here!"

VS.

A ninja in orange and dark blue is seen fighting Batman, easily besting the Dark Knight.