Auhtor's Note: This is my first TDA story and I hope you'll like it. I didn't want to make it too angsty but also I wanted it to be realistic. If you like the story, feel free to share since there is not much going on in the TDA part of FanfictionNet. Also leave a review :D

Happy Reading.

Emma was in the weapons room, alone. She was sitting on a chair staring out of the window. Outside she could see all the Blackthorns doing various things. Tavvy was playing with his cars while Dru was reading a book. Mark and Julian were sitting at the picnic table laughing. The twins appeared to be arguing about something but it didn't seem to be serious. Emma longed to be with them but for some reason she couldn't stand up. It was like all the muscles had disappeared from her legs and the only thing that was left were her bones and skin. The legs were there but useless. It was the worst kind of nightmare. The kind of nightmare where you are trapped inside your own body but your heart and mind want to move, want to break free. She couldn't escape it. She tried to shout but to no avail. The ability to speak was gone too and all she could manage was to open her mouth . She couldn't even move her arms, they were just hanging by her side. Panic was flooding her senses and she tried harder to break whatever bond was holding her body.

She woke up.

In the darkness, she reached for her phone on the nightstand. The bright light almost blinded her but as soon as her eyesight adjusted she saw that it was two in the morning. She sighed. It was way too early to go for a run and she was pretty sure she wasn't getting any sleep tonight anymore. After nightmares she used to go to Julian and sleep with him. But Julian wasn't an option anymore since sleeping with Julian meant touching, and touching led to kissing, kissing led to sex and sex fried your brain. Well, not exactly sex but all the complications that came with it. Great, now she was thinking about sex with Julian. She buried her head in her pillow and groaned. She could now kiss any kind of sleep goodbye.

"Why does my life suck so much?" She asked herself.

No one replied. If Julian were here, he would say something funny like: "Because you attract problems like glitter attracts Magnus. Neither him nor you can escape it." She laughed to herself and got up. "I am hilarious." She said. Great, now she was talking to herself. What was next? Parading around in her underwear with antlers on her head. I bet Julian would enjoy it though. She giggled and quickly put on a pair of leggings and went out into the hall. She thought about going to the kitchen but changed her mind and went to the part of the institute where the kid slept. She checked on them. They were all safe and sound and tucked in. And now she had to face reality. She only wanted to check on them because she knew that it would lead her to Julian's room. She decided that she would only open the door and see whether he is in there, close the door and go back to her room. She opened the door and went right towards Julian's bed. Such strong willpower, wow Emma. Julian was there sleeping, his curly hair spread on the pillow, a light blanket covering him. Way to be a creeper Emma. Just go back to your room. Just then she saw that he was lying on a book. This must be very uncomfortable, I'll just... She grabbed the edge of the book to pull it out from under him but then Julian reached out and grabbed her wrist.

"Why are you feeling me up in the middle of the night Emma?" He said without opening his eyes. His voice was husky and it made Emma think about all kinds of inappropriate things. Inappropriate things involving him whispering things into her ear while they were...

"Emma?"

"I am not feeling you up. I am just trying to pull out this book out," she pulled out the book, "there it is. Mission accomplished. I'll just go." She tried to move away but Julian wouldn't let go of her hand.

"Why are you here Emma?" He said, now opening one eye and looking at her.

"Why am I here? Why are you here? Many great philosophers tried to answer that question and..." She looked at him, saw his expression that was bordering on angry and said, "Fine, fine. Don't look at me like that. I had a nightmare, couldn't sleep and here I am being a total creep. Happy?"

"Quite."

"Ass."

"Come here," he said and pulled her down besides him, "you can creep on me from here too." He put an arm around her and pulled her closer to him. He buried his head in the space between her shoulder and jaw. It took all of her willpower not to sigh and put her hand into his hair.

"Julian, we can't." She whispered

"I know."

"Then why are you doing it?"

"Because you're driving me crazy."

The Angel has some twisted kind of humor. Julian kissed her neck and she shivered. Her hand moved automatically to his head and she gripped his hair. His hand was on her hip and as he proceeded to kiss a trail down her neck, his hand gripped her more firmly. In that moment Emma realized that this was going into dangerous territory. She decided that she needed to tell him the truth about why parabatai can't fall in love, otherwise he will proceeded to flirt and tease her. She wanted nothing more than to have that with Julian but some things were not meant to be. And she would never risk Julian's wellbeing just for a relationship that was forbidden in the first place.

"Julian, I have to tell you something."

"Can it wait till morning? I am busy right now." He said and started drawing circles on her skin. His thumb occasionally going under the waistband of her leggings. His lips were on the edge of her mouth. Drastic measures must be taken, she thought and kissed him hard with all the passion that she had bottled up in the past few weeks. But she quickly pulled away. Julian's expression after that was quite funny: wide eyes, messy hair and swollen lips. Looking but not seeing anything.

"There you have your kiss. Can we talk now?"

"Sure..." He still seemed too flabbergasted to think clearly.

"I'll give you a moment to collect your thoughts."

"Okay."

After a few moments his expression became serious and he looked at her and saw that she meant business.

"Look, we can't proceed doing this. It is evident that we are attracted to each other. But we simply can't be together that way.."

"Emma.."

"Hear me out. I know the reason why parabatai are forbidden to fall in love. It's not because the Clave is an asshole, which they most certainly are, but it affects our mind too. It will drive us crazy. And I simply can't risk that happening to you. Imagine what it would to your family. What it would do to me."

Shock flashed across his ace and he let his head fall back onto the pillow. Emma watched him and didn't dare say something. She knew it was a lot of to take in. After a few moments, he spoke:

"Emma why didn't you tell me that sooner?" His expression was portraying hurt and disbelief.

"I guess I didn't want you to worry about another thing when you already have so much on your mind." She said and looked at him. There was so much longing in both of their eyes but now that they both knew what they would be risking by being physically together, they seemed to make a silent agreement.

"Is that why you tried dating Mark a few weeks ago?"

"Ugh, don't remind me." Emma said and buried her face into the pillow. A few weeks ago Mark had asked her to be his girlfriend. At the time it seemed like a great idea. She thought it would make Julian detest her. And at first it was working, Julian didn't speak to her and avoided her. Who wouldn't when your lover dumped you for your brother? But then the complications started. True, Mark was the kind of guy she would have dated before she fell in love with Julian. He was like Cameron and the other guys she had been going out. And that was the problem, he wasn't Julian. And it had annoyed her so much, that she replaced Mark's picture with a llama in her phone. Mark didn't really mind, he thought the picture was funny and it was also apparent that he liked Cristina. So there they were, stuck in a relationship they didn't want to be in. They even tried sleeping together, sleeping as in one bed, side by side but that proved to be disastrous too. Not only was she a light sleeper but also Mark was constantly moving during the night. It was unbearable. She was used to lying peacefully next to Julian, not being kicked out of bed every few hours.

"You know," said Julian. "I never really believed you when you said you were dating Mark but I had to accept it. And now that I know why you did it, I have to tell you that you and Mark looked hilarious together."

"What's that supposed to mean?" She shrieked. They were back to joking which relieved her.

"Of course, at that time, it wasn't funny at all to me, but now that I think about it, I must say that I never saw a more awkward couple. Mark never looked at you with desire and neither did you. You were so uncouply-"

"That's not a word."

"Now it is. Where was I? Oh yeah. You two were truly terrible actors. Cristina was the first to figure it out and she told me that I shouldn't believe your actions. I didn't completely believe her but then I started noticing things too. And it eased my pain a little, knowing you were making fools out of yourself." Jules smiled contently at that.

"Jerk. Glad my suffering brought you joy." She lightly punched his shoulders. They were both quiet for a few moments.

"What now?" Emma asked.

"Emma you can't come to my room anymore. Let's just pretend the past few months never happened and I'll... I'll try to be more understanding. You're free to date anyone you like-."

"I swear if I have to add another llama to my contact list; I'm going to cut a-."

"What are you talking about?

"Nothing. Continue."

"As I said, let's forget-"

"How I am supposed to forget that we had sex on the beach. The very beach that is behind our house."

"Would you stop interrupting me?"

"Sorry. Just trying to lighten up the mood since you're obviously breaking up with me... even though we never were officially together but I like to think we were."

Sometimes Julian couldn't follow Emma's train of thought. Then Emma turned to him and hugged him, which took him by surprise.

"Jules I know what you're about to tell me but please don't put it into words," she mumbled into his shirt, " I know what will come and I don't what to think about it. I just want to enjoy the now with you. Let the future bring what it brings but right now just be my friend and parabatai." She smiled up at him.

"That... that was very deep."

"I have my moments." Emma sat up in the bed and looked down at him. "I'll go now. I really can't sleep and I'm hungry," she moved to the door, "Have sweet dreams my Jules... but whatever you do, do not, I repeat, do not think about us tangled up on that beach-"

"Emma!" Julian groaned but she was already out of the door and all he could hear was her quite laughing from the hall.

Julian didn't sleep that night either.

BONUS SCENE: The following morning.

"Emma does this mean we friend-zoned each other?"

"Worse. We parabatai-zoned each other. It's almost as bad as being brother-zoned."

"Damn."