A/N: What if all the strange events were played for drama in Gravity Falls? Prepare for a heart-rending deconstruction of a beloved cartoon! This is my new series! THIS...IS…
Gravity Falls: The Soap Opera
Chapter One: "I Remember It So You Don't Have To"
Gideon squealed in delight. "Finally, the party is starting!"
Grunkle Stan stared at him in fear. "NO! I AM THE PARTY CHIEF! It's not your birthday!"
Gideon rolled his eyes. "Shut up, old man...because I AM YOUR FATHER!"
They wept and hugged, rejoicing at this family reunion.
Five minutes later…
Dipper felt hungry. "Hey, Mabel, do you think we can persuade Grunkle Stan to go to Smokey Joe's?"
Mabel looked up, an evil grin on her face. "No, Dipper...WE'RE GOING TO A MEXICAN RESTAURANT!"
Dipper screamed. "NOT! Not Taco Bell!"
Mabel shook her head. "No, silly. Arby's."
Dipper died of fear.
The next day…
Grunkle Stan grumped around the Shack. "Kids! If you don't give me back my Stan Bucks right now, I'm going to take this potato chip...AND EAT IT!"
Gideon gasped. "No, please! It's rotten!"
Patrick nodded. "Yup. It's as bad as the Nasty Patty."
Grunkle Stan immediately grabbed one of his guns and shot him in the head. "Get out! This is Gravity Falls, not Spongebob Notgoodanymorepants! Those Kid's Choice Awards were a scam!"
Waddles grunted and started eating Patrick's corpse. "Yum. Tastes like the cold stench of death."
Spongebob started to cry, before also being shot. Bill Cipher appeared, only to start using the bloody sponge as a toothpick.
Grunkle Stan's eyes misted up. "Stanford...Is that you?"
Bill Cipher nodded. "Yes, Stanley. I MISSED YOU, BROTHER!"
They hugged.
THE END
Next Time…
Zach chuckled. "Ah, Dora The Explorer! You make me laugh! And Barney, Caillou, Teletubbies, and Wonder Pets! You amuse me!"
Gideon popped up. "I'm taking over this dreck!" He slit Zach's throat with a garrote wire. "MWUAHAHAHAHA!"
Scrappy-Doo popped up and shot him. "THAT'S FOR KILLING ME OFF IN YOUR SCOOBY-DOO STORY, ZACH! Oh, wait." He stared at the twitching Gideon, shrugged, and shot him several more times. "APRIL FOOLS, JERK! PUPPY PISTOLS!"