POST PUBLISH NOTE:
Please read the full story before you review. I've gotten two reviews so far who are from people who obviously didn't read the full story and were complaining about what was written in the first part of the narrative. Also, please, if you're going to review with questions / disagreements, please create a profile and review with an actual account so that I can address those reviews privately. Biggest pet-peeve is when people anonymously review complaints or questions that can't be answered on FanFiction.
MERRY CHRISTMAS DS_TIFF! This story was written for a FanForum fic exchange.
I hope you enjoy it.
MOST IMPORTANT THING
WRITERFREAK001
Paige sighed as she continued staring at the lifeless Christmas tree in her Centipede office, wishing the festive season would just disappear. For the first time since her father died, she didn't want to deal with Christmas anything, and she really didn't understand how the others could be so cheery when they've lost so much… Granted, every day they worked, she hardened her exterior so that nobody would see past the walls she put in place the night she stormed out of the Scorpion garage. She often found herself forcing smiles when there weren't any feelings behind them… She'd fake her composure, making everyone believe she was happier than she's ever been, but the longer she put on her façade, the worse she felt.
After her breakup with Walter, trying to communicate with her son was harder without the older genius bridging the gap between them. They had been doing so well, but when Paige delivered the hard news that Scorpion had dissolved, that she and Walter broke up, that Walter was the reason for all of it, he began to tune her out because he refused to believe that Walter would cheat on her. He did cheat on her, didn't he?
At least, that was what she told herself for months before she bumped into Florence at the store. At first, when the petite woman tried to get her attention, Paige kept walking, wanting nothing to do with her. She walked faster when Florence picked up her pace, but everything afterward had happened so quickly. Some dirtbag knocked her over and stole her purse, and what does Florence do? She immediately changed her course and sprinted towards the mugger, trampling him to the ground in spite of her tiny form. For saving her purse and knocking out the thief, how could Paige not spare some time to listen to Florence's explanation of everything.
Paige, at first, didn't want to hear anything the woman wanted to say, but the cliché story she had made up in her mind about the relationship between Florence and Walter kept dragging her down so how could Florence make her feel any worse about herself than she already felt?
It was simple, really…
"I know I crossed a line, Paige, and I'm really sorry for overstepping, but I didn't have much time to explain everything that night, and since we've all had time to think things over, I hoped to find you and boldly tell you that you were wrong entirely."
Paige was appalled at Florence's opening statement at first, floored that this woman would one, steal her boyfriend, and two, have the nerve to insult her after doing so… But except for a tense inhale and clenching of the teeth, Paige said nothing and kept her composure as best as she could.
"First," the blonde woman continued as if she didn't notice Paige's subtle reaction, "that whole stupid dream thing." Paige's eyes flickered towards Florence, who obviously could tell the 'dream' was a sore spot for the young mother. "You focused so much on the whole Dream Walter being married to Dream Me issue, that you didn't even examine the dream as a whole…. Now tell me, did you once ask him how the rest of the dream went?"
Through Paige's lack of response, Florence got her answer. "Well, you should have. I only know it because Walter was rambling his whole thought process about debunking the dream of our so-called married life as anything but a romantic one. And as far as I can tell, his explanation of the events in the full dream, hallucination, whatever you want to call it, has nothing to do with me.
"In the dream, when Walter was with me, it was all 'I Love Lucy' Boring 50s Marriage Life, according to Walt, except… he didn't use that reference… He doesn't even know what 'I Love Lucy' is because when I used that title as an example, he corrected me by saying 'No. Not possible. I love Paige.'"
Paige's lips wanted to twitch at that description of Walter's reaction, but she tried so hard not to smile or laugh. She couldn't break her exterior.
"Anyway," Florence continued in a fast-paced babble, "I have a slight more sense of EQ than Walter so even I can tell you that what Walter was describing was an incredibly boring marriage life. Something I, myself, would never take part in. And after our departure in his dream, I'm not present anymore. He told me that the moment I said I was his wife, he knew something was off, and nothing felt right about it at all.
He went through the whole dream, telling me how each of the different members of Scorpion helped him save himself during his inner turmoil, but none of them could save him by themselves. Everyone had to work together, but the team couldn't function without you. If it wasn't for your presence in his mind, Walter might be a vegetable right now." Florence paused, waiting for a reaction from Paige, but the mother remained silent.
"Look," Florence sighed, "I'm no Freud, but I like puzzles so after Walter shared his dream, I analyzed it myself without telling him. He already had to deal with trying to convince you that his dream was harmless, so I didn't want to get involved more than I already was. But I guess I should have because maybe my explanation could have helped ease your mind in the end… as I failed to do that the first time. But, if you ask me, the beginning part of his dream when we were married was… well, it was meaningless. Walter's intelligence is his most important asset and having a head injury is a serious thing for a genius.
"I think… I think his brain was protecting itself from the damage ensued by his fall down the stairs. Ergo, the dream. I couldn't help but compare the events of his dream to the movie, "It's a Wonderful Life," when George Baily wishes he was never born, so Clarence shows him how a world would exist without George. Except, in Walter's dream, he was observing a world without his intelligence. Facts are what he knows, and what he experienced in the dream world was everything but facts. Before he found you in his dream, his mind was racing all over the place. Imagining weird scenarios… different lives of his friends… of himself… of even you…, but when you agreed to help him in the dream, everything else started to make sense again. So… when you think about all of that, it's very obvious that you're the only one that Walter would ever love. Could ever love." Florence shoved her hands into her pocket as Paige stared at the ground, awkwardly.
"So, you're wrong about the cranial affair," Florence continued in a softer tone. "Walter has and always will put you first. Even now…"
"What do you mean by that?" was the first thing that Paige said since Florence began her soliloquy.
Florence shrugged. "I don't know if you know this, but Scorpion – of what was left of it, anyway – has dissolved. When Walter realized he couldn't keep up with Centipede's pace with the lack of manpower, he decided to call it quits, deciding that you and Ralph needed the money more. No matter what you think of him, he still thinks the world of the both of you…" Florence paused for a moment before adding, "Not even a silly crush could change that."
Without another word, Florence walked away, towards her own car, leaving Paige with her head spinning. "I'm such a terrible person…" was all she thought before getting into her car and going home.
Paigepulled open the drawer of her desk and slipped her hand inside to find that small, tattered picture hidden underneath her drawer organizer. It was wallet-size but more special to her than any gift she could ever receive. Since Centipede's conception, whenever she needed a fix to help her feel anything again, she would secretly pull out the small photo of a time she was happiest, a time she thought would last a lifetime, a time she would never forget and always hold close no matter how far her heart had drifted.
The photo was taken sometime last year after Toby and Happy married but before Florence barged into their lives and ruined almost everything. Paige sighed, disgusted with the person she had become. Who was she kidding? Florence didn't ruin their life together. Paige had done that pretty well on her own with or without Florence's presence.
She closed her eyes and ghosted her fingers across the image, the photograph forever burned into her mind's eye. Somehow Toby had captured this picture-perfect moment while she and her two favorite geniuses at the time were in their own little world on the roof, looking at the night sky during one of the team's famous rooftop cookouts. Walter was showing Ralph how to maneuver his new telescope while Paige was complacent, admiring her boys from afar with a happy smile coloring her lips.
To be honest, she couldn't remember when she smiled so freely since then.
"Picture of Ralph?"
Paige jerked out of her temporary reverie and immediately tossed the photo into her drawer only to miss and have it fall on the floor, picture side up in front of Toby's shoes. The shrink quietly bent down and picked it up before taking a look at it.
Paige prepared herself for a reprimand of disappointment from him, but it didn't come. Instead, he silently swiped off a flurry of fuzz from its smooth surface and then lightly smiled as he handed it back to her. She felt ashamed for being caught off guard as she slowly took the photo back before sliding it back underneath her drawer organizer.
Paige was about to open her mouth to say something, anything, to defend herself from ridicule, but Toby spoke instead, and what he said surprised her. "I miss those days too."
He plopped down into a client chair next to her desk and leaned forward slightly as if he purposely wanted to invade her personal space. "And to be honest, I think all of us are in some way."
Paige pursed her lips and swallowed thickly as her eyes stung with creeping tears. "I… I miss him more than I thought I would…," she flared her nose gently and stared down at the calendar on her desk. "And the fact that I blamed him for everything that happened between us has torn my relationship with Ralph… he barely speaks to me anymore. I just…," she composed herself, "I sometimes wish none of this crap ever happened… that we were all still one big, happy family."
Toby nodded slowly, understanding completely. "True, but as you and I both know, that's not the case."
Paige inhaled deeply and nodded swiftly as more tears threaten to fall. She pushed her hair back, and her nose burned as she began to speak again. "I know. I know." Paige bit her lip lightly. "But even if I recognize that I am the reason everything's ruined between us, I… I can't go back there. I can't move backwards."
Toby didn't say anything right away as he gathered his thoughts together. "You know, when I would self-sabotage my relationship with Happy because I couldn't believe good things could happen to a schmuck like me, I really regretted not showing up on our first planned date because Happy, the love of my life, made me own up to my mistakes by mentally torturing me with completely blotting out my existence in her life. If I tried to apologize, she'd walk out on me… If I poured my heart out to her and begged for her forgiveness, she would pound on her sheets of metal as hard as she could to block out my voice. She did every single damned thing she could to shut me off, but I wouldn't let her. I kept pushing and kept pushing, because I was persistent in making things right with her. When she finally did acknowledge my existence, I began to realize that I wasn't the only one self-sabotaging myself.
"While I didn't think I was good enough to go on a date with a hot chick like Happy, standing her up caused more damage on her than I thought ever could. Through getting to know her better during the summer after Walter's car accident with the cliff, I discovered that Happy didn't just block me out because she was angry with me…. She was scared too… scared that something good could happen to someone like her… We both have our issues, but in the end, we managed to make our relationship work because we eventually realized that the feelings we had felt for each other were far more important to explore than living in our own misery. All along, Happy had been my most important person, and I was Happy's; we just didn't know it at the time."
"And I'm happy for both of you," Paige reassured him with her famous forced smile, "but what does your relationship have anything to do with my past relationship with Walter?"
"You said it yourself. You're the reason everything's different. You blame yourself for your relationship dissolving, and the reason you haven't done anything about it yet even when you're miserable beyond compare, is because you feel as though you deserve to be a nun for wrecking something so good in your life." He paused for a second. "How am I doing so far?"
"All the men in my life leave. My father died. Drew abandoned Ralph, and Tim chose to stay in Turkey regardless of how I felt." Paige inhaled audibly. "I guess when I thought I was seeing signs that Walter was going to leave too, I panicked and wanted to leave first before he had the chance to do it himself. For once, I guess," she sighed, "I didn't want to feel like I was the failure again. I wanted someone else to be…."
"And that's why you said all of those things to Walter even though you didn't mean any of them," Toby replied as if he knew all along.
Paige looked away, ashamed.
"Paige," Toby gently touched her arm, "We all make mistakes. Stupid mistakes. But it's how we learn from them that shapes us into who we are today." When Paige didn't say anything, Toby continued. "Many years ago, you told me Ralph was your most important thing, and to this day, I'm sure that hasn't changed."
Paige shook her head.
"I told you to take care of your most important thing, but what I should have also told you was to also take care of yourself. You have always given Ralph the world even when the two of you barely had anything, and you chose to let Ralph get to know his father because you believed it was the right thing to do… to give Ralph a chance to have some sort of relationship with Drew, even though it was a risk. I'm sure almost every important decision you've ever made revolved around how it would impact Ralph, am I right?"
Paige nodded, still silent as a lamb.
"When you broke up with Walter, aside from all of the reasons your mind listed for why it could be a good thing to leave, did you ever once consider how Ralph might feel?"
And there it was. The number one reason why Paige felt like a failure as a mother and as a human being.
"I didn't," she responded quietly. "Breaking up with Walter was impulsive. I never discussed the possibility of it, and when I was angry with Walter for stupid, illogical reasons, I refused to let Ralph continue to see him. I was out of my mind back then, seething with hurt and anger, and I wanted to emotionally hurt Walter as much as felt hurt by him. I knew breaking up wouldn't be enough; I wanted to cut all ties with him, and the only other way to do that was through Ralph. It was petty and dumb, I know, but I was trying to protect my heart. And in doing so, I drove Ralph away too." Paige quickly wiped away a stray tear. "He won't even speak to me anymore. Did you know that?"
"I suspected, but I wasn't sure." Toby replied honestly. "With all of that being said, my advice to you hasn't changed in the last five years, Paige." Toby stretched his arms. "Now be honest… do you still love Walter?"
She couldn't lie anymore, but the words wouldn't form. Instead, she nodded to confirm Toby's question.
"And do you think Ralph also misses Walter?"
Paige didn't want to admit it to herself, but she had known for a very long time that Ralph frequently disobeyed her and visited Walter despite her orders. She found a bus ticket a few times when she did his laundry, and she only knew one person he would see after taking a city bus unsupervised. "Absolutely."
Toby smiled gently at her answer. "Then which scenario is hurting you and your most important thing more? A life with Walter or a life without?"
It was as if Toby's words had some sort of magical powers and had breathed life into her heart again. The fear she had of ever returning to the garage almost immediately faded, and before she knew it, she was mumbling something incomprehensible while rushing out the door, leaving a pensive Toby alone to dwell on his own faults for leaving the team.
"You did pretty well in there," the lovely voice of Toby's wife called out as she made herself known. She walked up to him and grinned before taking his hat and placing it on top of hers. She carefully sat down on his lap and lightly kissed him, awarding him for his good behavior.
"How long were you listening?" Toby asked as he swiped his finger along Paige's desk before rubbing off the dust.
Happy shrugged with a smirk. "Long enough."
Toby gently threaded his fingers through her thick, curly hair, pulling her face down to his, but before his lips touched hers, she said, "Oh, and if you ever use our personal stories in your couch time chats again, I will kill you."
"No, you won't," he deadpanned before a small smirk touching his lips. "But noted just in case," he added with a chuckle
Happy leaned down to finish what Toby had started, kissing her husband again. Then she directed her attention to the window when they heard Paige's car suddenly roar to life. The red Malibu swerved off of the company driveway and merged into traffic swiftly. "Hopefully, her eagerness to see Walt won't end up getting herself killed in the process," Happy muttered more to herself than to Toby, but the shrink heard, nonetheless.
"She'll be okay," Toby replied as they returned their attention back to each other. They suddenly heard a long, protruding honk coming from down the road, causing both to cringe a little. "I think."
Happy scooted down a little and rested her head on Toby's shoulder for a quiet moment. As Toby absentmindedly played with her hair, she couldn't help but say the words that've been on her mind for weeks. "If everything goes all right between Walter and Paige, I think we should reconsider our decision to leave Scorpion… to leave Walter. I miss doing work that had actual meaning, and though I would never admit it to anyone else, I miss being friends with Walt…. He's helped us in a lot of ways, and we were jerks to him… If you don't want to rejoin Scorpion, I completely understand…, but I at least want to be friends with Walter again."
"Yeah," Toby nodded in agreement. "We were putzes for walking out like that…" He kissed Happy's forehead and continued. "I think, despite how things go between Walt and Paige, we should go over there sometime next week and apologize… If things don't go well between the Queen and her King, then maybe we could consider doing some consulting work… It won't be the same as before since back then we were paid as employees, but at least we would be doing something useful during our free time."
"I'm open to doing a heck of a lot more cases than the silly ones we've been taking lately. I don't know if it's because Paige's head has been in the clouds or if she's purposely trying to bore us all away from Centipede, but whatever it is, saving the lives of little kittens is not what I signed up for. I'm totally game for anything other than some of the work we do here."
"Yeah. Same here. I can't psychoanalyze a cat as well as a person." Toby chuckled at the thought as Happy smirked. "But," the shrink's eyebrows waggled, "if you wear that Halloween makeup again, I can sure as hell try."
"If I put on that Halloween cat makeup again," Happy lifted an eyebrow, "you won't have time to psychoanalyze." Happy moved to get off Toby's lap and stretched almost like a cat to prove her point before grabbing her jacket.
Toby's eyes lit up but then glossed over. "Is that a promise?"
Happy shrugged. "You tell me."
Before he could respond, Happy left Toby hot and bothered in his chair and after a moment's realization that she was already making her way to the car, Toby scrambled to his feet and chased after her.
One thing was for sure; it was going to be a very long Christmas Eve for the Curtis and Quinn-Curtis family, and neither husband nor wife were going to have any regrets.
Walter didn't know what he was doing, standing outside of the Dineen threshold with his fist resting on the door. Of course she wouldn't want to see him; what was he thinking?! He had been standing outside the apartment, stock still and ready to knock on the wood to notify the family of two of his presence, but when he actually made it to the door without turning around with his tail between his legs, he couldn't bring himself to venture further.
Doubts plagued his mind ever since he decided to hop into the car and risk wishing the Dineen family a Merry Christmas, hoping Paige would be more willing to listen to his long-rehearsed apology. Regardless of the innocence of it, Walter should have known that going to that convention with Florence was a bad idea. He had never been a fan of lying unless it was only as a means to and end, and because he had lied to Paige about the whole ordeal, he very well might have lost her forever. If he didn't lie, if he simply tried to engage in an open and honest conversation with Paige about the her not wanting to go to the convention, then maybe they wouldn't be where they were today. For weeks, he thought everything was her fault, for telling him that white lying was okay… for not trusting him… for thinking he was an inadequate lover, but when he reviewed everything they did together (or didn't do together) during the months since his head trauma accident leading up to their relationship meltdown, he realized she wasn't wrong in many of her accusations.
He had neglected her during their relationship, not paying attention to her, not wanting to go out with her to watch an old movie, not paying attention to her needs and wants. There were lots of opportunities for them to spend time together, and he would choose to work on menial tasks like programming software instead. Whenever they would go out to dinner, walk on the beach, gaze at the stars… he was always rambling about scientific facts and almost never gave Paige a chance to share her artistic view of the world. If he recalled every single moment they spent together, there were times he had noticed she was getting bored or feeling tired but continued to press on regardless because of the things he found fascinating rather than offering to take her home instead… or to suggest doing something she would want to do.
But the one thing he was most embarrassed about was when she told him he didn't satisfy her… She could have been talking about all of the things he did to ignore her at times, but he wasn't an idiot. When most women use that phrase, it had more to do with the physical part of the relationship, not the other things.
The list could go on, and Walter could think about a million different reasons why he seemed to have tossed Paige to the side while they were dating, but if he could pick one thing, it was that he was afraid of the future… Collins was right, he and Paige were very different people, and he felt like there were times where he didn't recognize the person he had become since dating her. It was as if he was losing himself from the inside out, and he wasn't ready to face that… wasn't ready to lose himself into a relationship… His IQ was too precious of a thing to him for him to lose sight of it so he inevitably pushed her away… and now he was paying heavily for the price of it.
Could he really face her after all of those things she said about him?
Could he really want to start over and be friends again (if only friends)?
Walter realized it was too late to salvage their relationship, and though he would always love her… would always be there for Ralph… the risk of repeating the same mistakes over and over again was too high…, and he didn't think he could survive Paige leaving him again. It would hurt far too much.
On their way home, Toby spotted someone he hadn't seen in a very long time and asked his wife to pull the car over. Without preamble, Toby scrambled out of his truck and skipped across the street until he was face to face with Walter Patrick O'Brien, the source of his conversation with Paige earlier in the evening. "Where ya goin', 197?"
Walter's eyes widened with recognition as if he didn't see Toby at first before shoving his hands deep into his pockets and hastily turning to walk in the other direction. Toby, of course, followed. "If you were on your way to see Ralph, he's visiting Drew for the holiday. He'll be back the day after Christmas, though."
Toby's former boss didn't turn around but did stop walking, which was progress if anything. Then, quietly, he asked, "Did she go with him?"
"If by she you mean Paige, then no. She didn't." Toby replied sincerely. "She actually just left the Centipede office. You might catch her if you hurry."
There was a pause before either spoke. Walter finally sighed. "Thank you for the intel, but I don't think she would care to see me, and I don't want to open a can of worms by visiting her." Walter adjusted his footing a little bit and asked, "How is she?"
"Healthwise, she's a little on the malnourished side. I think the stress of how Ralph is treating her is taking a mental and physical toll, even if she's not aware of it yet." Toby thought for a moment, wondering if he should say anything more. Eventually he added, "She misses you, Walter."
"Merry Christmas Toby," was all Walter would say in response, and only after Toby reciprocated, did Walter begin to walk away again.
"Merry Christmas, Walter," Toby said anyway and hopped back over to his truck before climbing into the passenger seat. When Happy started the engine again, all she said was, "Those two better figure themselves out because I can't stand all this cold water, hot water nonsense. Either they're together or they aren't. Plain and simple."
"For Walter and Paige, nothing is ever plain and simple…"
After Walter's run-in with Toby tonight, he climbed back into his car and started for home, wishing he could go back in time and unmake the decision he made that night. Wishing he could unmake a lot of decisions during his relationship with Paige. He regretted not having the courage to knock on Paige's apartment door – even if she wasn't there like he thought she would be. At least he would have had the courage to try.
Once he was home, he didn't feel like entering the garage just yet and decided to go for a walk, needing to clear his head. He had his hands stuffed in his pockets, and he walked aimlessly for several long minutes while trying to sort through the thoughts brewing in his mind, but no matter how far he would walk, it didn't seem like he was going to find any clarity anytime soon. By dinner time, he found himself crossing paths with Kovelsky's and decided to order a coffee for the road. Or, in his case, sidewalk.
After receiving his drink, he started for home and walked slowly, appreciating the silence around him. As he neared the garage some fifteen minutes later, he stopped dead in his tracks and almost dropped his drink when he spotted the very woman he had been avoiding the last seven months standing outside the entrance of the garage. Her forehead rested on the door, and her eyes were closed. She had one of her hands balled into a fist, also resting against the door.
However, Walter couldn't bring himself to make his presence known. And perhaps it was for the best.
For about a minute, she just stood there, leaning against the door before eventually looking up to the sky as if she was seeking spiritual guidance. She then took a step back but kept her fist on the door. Slowly, her knuckles lifted off the brown steel and hesitated. The whole ordeal was beginning to seem very familiar.
Finally, after watching her struggle for almost five more minutes, Walter was too hungry to wait anymore and took a couple more steps towards the entrance. When he accidentally kicked a pebble, the woman whipped around so fast, he almost dropped his coffee again.
Their eyes connected for the first time in months and neither knew what to say to the other. Eventually, Walter broke the silence. "What are you doing here?"
She pressed her lips to a thin line before answering. "Well," she awkwardly curled a strand of hair behind her ear, "I came to see you."
He lifted an eyebrow. "See me? Why?"
He might seem overly cautious, but the last time they held a conversation, she was biting his head off.
Paige clasped her hands together, a nervous habit, and slowly twisted side to side. "Because…," she inhaled and exhaled a deep breath, "well…. Actually, do you mind if we talk somewhere else?"
"Where do you want to go?"
Paige thought for a moment. "The beach?"
Walter slowly nodded. "Okay."
Paige was surprised when Walter actually agreed to go to the beach so they could talk; she thought he would rather stay at the garage where he didn't have to be bothered, but like always, Walter continued to surprise her. To avoid further awkward conversation between one another, once Walter finished his coffee, they agreed to leave separately in case one had to leave before the other. Once they were at the beach, Paige spread out a large blanket she had in her car and took a seat on top of it, subtly encouraging him to do the same.
When she felt the blanket move a little as he sat down a good six inches away from her, she took a moment to collect herself while watching a pair of birds soar over the ocean waters. The sun was beginning to set, and if this was any other occasion, it might even be considered romantic, but Paige didn't want to press her luck so she shook her thoughts out of her mind and focused on the matter at hand. Unbeknownst to her, Walter, too, had similar thoughts as he tossed a small shell back into the chilly water. It plunged to the bottom with an audible plop, causing Paige to jump a little.
"Sorry," Walter muttered under his breath as if he had not intended for her to hear him.
Sorry… Paige remembered why they were meeting and picked up a round shell. As her fingers rubbed over its smooth surface before tossing it towards the sea, she summoned the courage to finally speak.
"I should be the one who's sorry."
Walter's eyes moved from the sand to her hazel irises, surprised. Paige took note of his reaction as he calmed his features and flickered his eyes toward the beach again. Since he wasn't running away or preparing to tune her out, she considered his silence a good sign to continue.
"I shouldn't have let your connection with Florence get under my skin like it did because I've always known you loved me. There was no question about your feelings towards me because you always made them known any chance you could get. I just… the thought of sharing you with another woman… even if your friendship with her was innocent… unnerved me. It brought up unresolved insecurities with my past two relationships with Drew and Tim, and all I could see was the same repetitive pattern instead of being open to the truth." She picked up a round, smooth pebble and held it in her hand, her heart clenching every second she spoke. Her eyes filled with tears, but she refused to let them fall.
"Before Drew left me and Ralph, before we settled down in Los Angeles, he became fast friends with his team manager, Cora when he was playing for the Cardinals Minor League in St. Louis. Anytime I'd see them together, crack jokes with one another, embrace after a victory, I couldn't help but wonder if there was something more between them. One day, I confronted Drew about it, and he swore she was only a friend, and I believed him. He was good at that… saying anything he wanted and making it believable. I'm the daughter of one of the best con artists out there, and even I couldn't see past his lies. He started coming home less and less, and he'd just tell me he was staying at the minor league dorms because of either late night or early morning practice, and I continued to believe him. It wasn't until after he left that I found out about his affair with Cora. And when a few days turned into a few weeks, and a few weeks turned into months of never coming home, I knew… I just knew he was with her and wasn't coming back. He called to wish Ralph a happy first birthday, but I wouldn't let him say anything to Ralph. When he asked why, I demanded him to tell me the truth, and he outright confirmed the affair, claiming it had been going on since I was pregnant with Ralph.
"And with Tim," she dabbed at her eyes with her fingers, "Though our relationship was short compared to my relationship with Drew, he was always posting Instagram pictures of himself with some other woman in the same unit. I assumed the worst, but like Drew, he denied it, and I believed him. Tim was a trained spy so coming up with a little lie was easy for him. It wasn't until he told me of his deployment extension that he, too, confirmed his affair." Paige pushed her hair back behind her ears and sniffed audibly before continuing.
"So when I noticed your friendship with Florence increasing, how the two of you were able to essentially finish each other's nerd sentences, when you told me about your dream – that she was your wife, I started having the same suspicions. Florence told me nothing was going on and that any relationship with you would be a boring one, so I tried to trust the two of you, not wanting our relationship to end. But when you lied… when you told me that the convention was cancelled, when I found out you went with Florence, I couldn't help but think the absolute worse. And instead of giving you a chance to explain, I threw you into the same category as Drew and Tim and stormed out first because I didn't want to be the one left behind a third time. I couldn't… I needed to be strong for Ralph so before our relationship could crumble on its own, I chose to end it, so I wouldn't feel like such a failure.
And yet…," a tear dripped down her cheek, "I couldn't stop there…, and as a result, I became the kind of person I vowed to never become. I wanted to continue feeling like I won so I started Centipede and took your business away. I wouldn't let Ralph see you, and of course, he hates me for it. I just couldn't stop until I knew you were miserable, and in the process, I lost sight of who I was. I became coldhearted towards everyone and drove the team crazy for weeks. It wasn't until the other day when Sylvester told me I was starting to act like you that I realized how much the situations leading to our breakup had affected me. He told me he didn't want to work for Centipede anymore if I was just going to be like you… and before I knew it, I realized it was Christmas and mostly everyone I knew didn't like me very much."
Paige's teary eyes made contact with Walter's as more tears fell down her cheeks. "I said a lot of things that night towards you that were mean and distasteful and completely untrue, and for that, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not trusting you, for comparing you to my exes when you've never once acted like either of them, and for breaking your heart…" Paige swallowed thickly. "You see, you've been the best part of my life since Ralph, and I wrecked a really good thing by dumping you. And… I miss you, Walter. I miss your laugh, your strange charm, I miss the fact that you love fermented fish, how your mouth curls when you don't like something, how you used to cuddle with me while we were asleep after a long day. I miss us everything we used to be, and everything we could have been. I'm not asking for us to start back where we left off, but… can you find it in yourself to forgive me? I want you in my life again whether it's as friends or… more. If it's too late to be something more than friends, then I'd choose to have you as my friend over not having you in my life at all. And I meant it, Walter. I truly meant it that day when I said you were the love of my life…," she bit her lip. "You still are."
Walter sat there, almost immobilized by her long, heartfelt apology, but it wasn't because he was angry or upset with her. The fact that she still loved him, that there could still be a chance between them was overwhelming. When he realized he hadn't said anything after a minute of silence, he took another few seconds to gather his thoughts before saying, "I forgive you, Paige." His smiled softly as if he had been waiting for this moment for a long time. "But only if you forgive me."
"Forgive you?" Paige wasn't expecting that. Forgive him for what?
Walter nodded. "I appreciate your apology, but I've analyzed everything you said to me that night about our failing relationship, and I have to admit, you weren't wrong…" Walter combed his fingers over his curly hair and sighed. "First of all, though it wasn't apparent at the time, I did subconsciously begin to push you away, but not in the way you thought. Mark Collins was right; we're very different people. You love arts and music and understand emotions like no other; I love math and science and can't seem to always decipher emotions. Whenever you would invite me to go to a concert with you or see a movie, I always seemed to come up with some excuse as to avoid going, or I'd spout out random facts of knowledge that no one else cares about without giving you a chance to share your own thoughts.
"There are many things that I've taken for granted in our relationship, but it was never because of Florence. I need to stress that because, even though I was spending more time with her, it wasn't because of any feelings developed for her… It was just… at times… she was easier to talk to. I could talk about things with her without needing to explain myself, and I could easily keep up with her end of the conversation. I valued her intellect, and that was it. Nothing more on my part.
"I guess… since we're being honest here, what Collins said bothered me more than I thought. Based on my own experience, I was convinced that one day you would leave me because of who I am… because of how boring I might seem… Though I was afraid you'd leave, I didn't… I couldn't lose myself within our relationship. I couldn't not use my intellect because of how important it is to me. It's who I am, and without it, I am nothing. So, I inadvertently pushed you away to salvage my mind, to ensure I would never lose it, but in the process, I pushed you so far that we both began to have doubts about the other. You see, I thought… I thought you were losing interest in me… I never once considered it could be about any attachment to Florence, but because of who I am. I admittedly wasn't the best boyfriend ever, and for that, I'm sorry, too. If only I wasn't so focused on myself, I wouldn't have added doubts to your insecurities." He paused and exhaled a slow breath. "Can you forgive me?"
Paige nodded as she blinked back her tears while wiping away a speck of sand that was near her eye. Boldly, she reached over and gently touched her hand to Walter's, smoothing her thumb over his rough knuckles. She scooted over a little as he turned his hand around and interlaced their fingers together. Slowly, she rested her cheek against his side as he naturally wrapped his arm around her to hold her closer. If it was up to Paige, she would never let him go again.
"Over three years ago, after that mission with the CIA, I saw you reading a book to Ralph," Paige said in a quiet voice. "Back then, I knew there was something between us, even if it wasn't very apparent yet to you…, but at the same time, when Drew was in town, old feelings that were unresolved came back to the surface, and I was wondering how to sort all of my feelings…." She mindlessly squeezed Walter's hand, and he stayed quiet as she spoke. "Toby seemed to have picked up on it and caught me spying on you and Ralph while you were reading to him. My heart soared when I saw how well you connected with Ralph, but I still felt conflicted. Toby helped me figure out how to sort my feelings out for both you and Drew by doing whatever I thought would protect my most important thing – Ralph.
"When we broke up, I never thought about how it would affect Ralph until it was too late. When I told him we weren't together anymore, he took it harder than anyone. Since he thinks like you, he blamed me for our breakup, and because I was still hurt after everything that happened, I banned him from ever seeing you… Obviously, he didn't listen. The longer I tried to keep him away from you, the more he rebelled and pulled away from me. In these last seven months, I've barely spoken to Ralph, and our relationship has regressed to the way it was before we met you." Her eyes found Walter's, and she absentmindedly brought his hand to her lips and lightly kissed his scarred knuckles. "Today, Toby noticed a similar inner turmoil going on inside my mind, and he helped me realize that I needed to let go of my grudge of what happened and focus on how to continue protecting my most important thing. Hurting Ralph by hurting you was the last thing I ever wanted; he's my whole world, and I want to make sure he's happy no matter what. It pains me to see him pull away because of a now-obvious misunderstanding.
"In the last seven months, I haven't been protecting my most important thing… I haven't been a very good mother, and if I ever want to reconnect with my son, Toby helped me realize that I needed to let go of the past and move on with the future. That being said, I want you to know, I came here with no expectations other than to bury the hatchet between us and start over… as friends if you'd like… I just want Ralph to be happy again… and I want to be happy again because Ralph isn't my only most important thing, Walter." Paige closed her eyes and felt Walter lightly squeeze her hand like he always used to do whenever he thought she needed it. "It's taken me so long to realize it, but," she snuggled closer to him, "you're my most important thing too."
"And you have to know that you and Ralph are mine." Walter responded, and she nodded slowly with a warm smile.
A comfortable silence washed over them as they took a few minutes to watch the setting sun splash an array of colors across the sky. Eventually, Paige broke the reticence.
"Now what?" she asked softly as she breathed in Walter's clean, aftershave scent – something else she missed during those long months of separation.
However, Walter didn't answer right away, but finally, he said her name. "Paige?"
Her eyes met his as she realized just how much closer they had actually gotten. His mouth was just mere centimeters in front of hers. She swallowed thickly. "Y-Yes?"
"Is it all right if I kiss you?"
Paige's heart filled with so much love for this man as a colorful smile found her lips. She moved impossibly closer to him until only their breaths mingled in the space between them. Captivated, she smiled. "I thought you'd never ask."
And when their lips touched, it was like the last seven months didn't seem to matter anymore. They were back together in one way or another; anything else that might have been on their minds faded into nothing.
Walter slowly lifted his mouth off Paige's and muttered words of love only she could hear; words that were only meant for her. She kissed him again before and reciprocated, whispering sweet nothings into his ear.
For a third time, their mouths meshed together swiftly and passionately as Paige's fingers weaved into Walter's thick curls.
"Merry Christmas, Walter," Paige mumbled quietly as she popped her lips from his, and she bashfully smiled, dazed from the heat she felt spiraling inside of her.
Walter grinned. "Merry Christmas, Paige."
And with nothing else to say, Paige lowered herself down and kissed Walter again.
"I can't believe you roped me into this," Happy grumbled to her husband as he handed her the binoculars. "I thought we were going home, but no. You wanted to see how everything panned out between Walt and Paige… I mean, why can't we spend Christmas Eve at home by the fire like normal couples?" Despite her protests, she peeked into the binoculars and spotted 197 freaking mauling the waitress in the sand. What the –
"I'm a total genius," Toby beamed proudly as he took the binoculars back. "All they needed was atmosphere and the right nudge. I knew this would work."
"You didn't know anything would work," Happy corrected him. "You just found an opportunity and pulled some strings. There was no way to know that they would end up in a heavy makeout session after their heart to heart. For all you know, it could have blown up in their face – and yours, I might add. You just got a lucky draw, that's all." Happy snatched the binoculars away and stole another peek. "Oh gross!"
"What? Let me see!" Toby reached for the binoculars but Happy held them out of his reach, silently threatening to clobber him if he dared to take them from her hands.
"Let's leave them alone," Happy muttered harshly as she rose to her feet and began to sneak away without being noticed. "Besides," she smirked as Toby followed her, "if you don't come home with me, you won't get a chance to see me wear my new Christmas themed costume."
Toby's eyebrows perked upward as he was suddenly trying to mentally picture Happy in anything else besides that kinky elf costume. He had to ask. "And what, my lovely wife, goddess of my life, protector of my feeble self, would that be?"
Happy shrugged. "We have to go home if you want to find out."
"Can you give me a hint?" Toby scratched his nose innocently as they both began their walk back to the truck.
Happy was silent for a moment. "Okay… It's red, sexy as hell, and shows a lot more skin than the original character."
Toby pressed his lips together as he thought long and hard about what Hap's costume could be. "Hmm… Are you a different elf?"
She shook her head. "Guess again, Santa."
Toby's eyes immediately popped open as a grin grew to his ears. "Holy damn, you're Mrs. Clause."
Happy couldn't help but smirk. "You're catching on…" She started walking away the last few steps of the car. "Oh, and by the way, I bought your costume too. It's in the truck."
Toby sprang towards the parked vehicle and nearly ripped open the door to find his costume. But he frowned and turned his attention back to his wife. "I don't see it, Hap. All I see is a Santa Hat."
A wicked smile found Happy's lips as she climbed into the car and started the engine. "That's all you're going to need."
Toby hopped into the passenger side of the truck. "Well, what are you waiting for, Mrs. Clause! I've got Christmas packages to deliver!"
They never drove home so fast.
WriterFreak001: ANNNNND I hope you enjoyed reading this rather long piece, DS_Tiff! I tried to include most if not all of your elements that you asked for. :) Thanks for giving me this opportunity! I had fun writing it! (And I'm sure you can tell, I've been watching a lot of Hallmark movies lately, lmao).
MERRY CHRISTMAS!