A/N: A special story for a special day.
Title inspired by the Jewel song of the same name.
Seth rolled over in bed, his head swirling with unfamiliar thoughts. He swam in them, a strange, oily mess, for a while before he started to open his eyes. As Seth opened his eyes, the thoughts solidified into a realization – a eureka moment of sorts. He sat upright suddenly and shook Dean awake.
"Hey, something just occurred to me," Seth said, looking intently at Dean. "What the fuck am I doing here?"
"What do you mean?" Dean said sleepily.
"I mean, I was thinking about it and, you know, I'm heterosexual, right? Like, I've publicly stated that and I have a girlfriend and you're my friend and all but not like that, but every once in a while I find myself in some unnamed hotel room on some nonexistent date outside space and time doing, well, God knows what with you, and it just doesn't seem right."
Dean scratched his head and looked off into space thoughtfully, as if he was trying to process what Seth was saying. After a moment, his eyes flashed open and he looked around nervously.
"You know, you're right. And that makes this kind of awkward," he said, gesturing toward his obvious nakedness beneath the sheets.
Seth looked down, realizing that he, too, was naked.
"Aw shit!" he said. "My weenis is touching the same sheet that your weenis is touching! That's gross!"
Seth started to wriggle out of the sheet, but immediately thought better of it. He decided instead to gather the sheet around him, trying to have some semblance of modesty, but Dean began to pull the sheet back toward himself.
"What are you doing, man? You're trying to get your weenis all up on mine?" Seth said.
"No, but like, I don't want you looking at me or anything," Dean said.
Seth sighed. "Alright. Um. Look. I'm gonna get out of this bed, and could you just like, promise you won't look at me until I get dressed, okay?"
"Yeah, sure," Dean said, turning his head and placing his hands over his eyes. "Go ahead."
Seth crept slowly out of the bed, scanning around on the floor for his clothes. When he found them scattered about the room, he let out a frustrated growl.
"Seriously?" he said, picking up on article of clothing and eying it with disgust. "Why would I wear, like, a fucking cocktail dress and fishnets? All torn up, even. And what the fuck are these shoes?"
Seth saw Dean quickly peek over through his fingers before turning his head back around. "Those shoes are kinda hot," Dean said.
"What the fuck are you talking about?"
"Not on you. You know. Like on a chick or something."
"I told you not to look over here." Seth shuffled around the room, trying to find any other clothes of his. "Goddammit, why don't I have any other clothes in here?"
"For some reason I wanna say like, this was a one shot, and there was no explanation of how we got here or where any other clothes were or anything like that. I think you just showed up in that." Dean said.
"What does that even mean?"
"I dunno. Just something I heard."
"Whatever," Seth said, awkwardly pulling on the dress he found. He caught a glimpse of his reflection in the mirror. "Jesus Christ, I feel so fucking ridiculous. At least this is better than you seeing my weenis."
"No, man." Dean said. "You look hot."
"Dude, what the fuck?" Seth said.
"I don't even know. It's like the same thing that made me say the one shot thing. I'm confused."
"I gotta get outta here," Seth said.
Seth bolted toward the hotel room door and opened it to reveal a large, swirling purple portal outside. He jumped in and immediately disappeared. Moments later, William Regal flew in and landed on the bed next to Dean with a loud crash.
"Guess it's me and you tonight," Dean said.
"Looks like it," William said.
A/N: Happy April Fool's Day everyone!