Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any of its characters, merchandise, TV rights, ect… (I think you get the point.)

Summery

ONE SHOT – When the girl you've fallen for tells you she's gay, there's only one thing left to do…Ask Naruto Uzumaki for help? (Sasuke/Ino)

Like all of my work this is just something that happened to float through the empty void inside my head. Like it or hate it please R and R as honest opinions are always welcomed, as are random acts of worship.

Lamb: A nice bit of random silliness that came to me while I was thinking about nothing very much, and is yet another screwed up attempt of me trying to write humour.

Muse: And is yet another screwed attempt of Lamb trying to write.

Dedi: I could kill them both, but I won't. This fic is dedicated to Yoruichi 'Ino', to cheer her up cus her trip got cancelled. So Yoruichi 'Ino', this is for you.

Lamb: As always sorry for any bad spelling and if you feel the need to throw things at me please wait until I've hidden behind the sofa kay!?

Muse: On with the fic!

Girls don't like boys, girls like cars and money,
Boys will laugh at girls when they're not funny,
And these girls like these boys like these boys like these girls,
The girls with the bodies like boys with Ferraris,
Girls don't like boys, girls like cars and money,

XX Chromosome

"So let me get this right," Naruto said, scratching his head and looking at his team-mate like he'd sprouted tentacles. "You want me, Naruto Uzumaki, to teach you, Sasuke Uchiha, my jutsu so you can get close to a girl?"

"Can you do it or not Dobe?" The Uchiha asked, trying to keep some control over his temper.

"Course I can…but I won't if you're going to be like that Teme." Vivid blue eyes danced with delight as he watched his best friend swelling like a bullfrog as rage filled him.

"You know what?" Sasuke seethed. "Just forget about it then." But in spite of his words he knew he was caught like a rat in a trap, and worst of all Naruto knew it too.

"Then forget about the girl." The blonde's grin almost split his face in two as he watched his normally icy-cool team-mate getting so worked up over something as trivial as a girl. The proud teen let his shoulders sag in defeat and he fancied he could hear the sound of his ancestors turning in their graves at his pathetic display.

"I'm sorry Naruto," Somehow he managed to get the words out without choking on them. "Please will you help me?"

--

"You did what!?" The blonde haired female's shriek was so piercing that Ino actually winced before she fixed her now sniggering best friend with a baleful glare.

"It's not funny Temari." She sniffed, and for the fifth time in half and hour absentmindedly started to rearrange the flower display that sat on the counter.

"Not funny?" The sand kunoichi was cackling like a witch and was holding onto the counter top to keep from falling off of her stool. "That's probably the most hilarious thing I've heard all year."

"Fine, if you're going to be like that, that's the last time I ever confess anything to you." Sniffing again Ino stuck her nose up in the air and made a show of deliberately looking away from Temari.

"Ok, Ok, I'm sorry Ino." She rested her head in her hands and gave Ino and angelic 'butter wouldn't melt' look, which looked totally out of place on her face. "But you have to admit it's a bit funny."

"I have to do nothing of the sort." The pale blonde snarled out between clenched teeth.

"Really?" Temari said, raising one eyebrow in a coquettish fashion. "Can you tell me what specifically about you blurting out to Sasuke Uchiha, of all people, that you were gay isn't funny?"

Ino could feel the red flush of rage and embarrassment burning across her skin and knew that her cheeks were probably a glowing shade of crimson. And it didn't help that her so-called friend had once again burst into peals of laughter. "I just panicked that's all."

"Yeah," Somehow the other blonde managed to splutter out through her giggles. "The guy you've liked, since…well probably since before you were even born, starts showing an interest in you and you, instead of jumping him on the spot like any normal female…"

"You mean like you would have." Ino interrupted, but was ignored.

"…panic and make an excuse to get out of the situation. And not just any excuse, but a fucking stupid one which will probably have put him off for life." Ino could almost see the sign hanging above her friends head, with big neon letters spelling out the legend 'Are you fucking stupid' and knew it was only Temari's desire to keep the contents of her head privet that was keeping her from say it out loud.

"I just said the first thing that came into my head." She mumbled in a defiant voice, though looking back Ino had to admit is was probably one of the most idiotic things she'd ever done.

"But why that?" The wind wheedling kunoichi looked at her friend through confused dark blue eyes, there were times when she just couldn't understand what went on inside the other teen's head.

"I don't know." The ice blonde shrugged elegantly. "It was just so unexpected, I couldn't get my head straight enough to think and then I saw Sakura..."

"Oh for the love of Kami!" Temari rolled her eyes while at the same time raising her arms as if begging for divine intervention. "News flash kiddo! He was hitting on you not the other way round and if cotton candy can't get it into her head that Mr. Emotional-range-of-a-teaspoon isn't interested in her, then she's the one with the problem not you."

"I know. I know. It's just that she's still my friend and…" The two broke off as the sound of the bell that hung over the door cut through the air. The pair looked up to see Konoha's Number One Hyperactive, Knucklehead Ninja enter the shop dragging behind him a tall girl with dark hair and fair skin.

"Trust me teme," Naruto said, punching the shoulder of the girl he'd just call a bastard. "This will work."

"Why would I trust a baka like you?" She hissed in reply, her dark eyes flicking from him to the pair of watching blondes and back again.

"Uhh?" Ino said looking back and forth between the bickering pair, they sounded like some old married couple. They also seemed really comfortable together, and Ino couldn't help but wonder who this extraordinary looking girl was and whether or not Hinata knew about Naruto's new playmate.

"Hey Ino-chan. Temari-ch-" The eighteen-year-old caught himself before he could finish, being overly affectionate with that girl was only a good idea if you'd decided to give up the chance of becoming a father. Then suddenly his eyes lit up as he looked at the two girls again. "We're not interrupting anything…are we?"

Burying her face in her hands, Ino missed the sight of Naruto being elbowed in the ribs by his companion, a scowl twisting her striking face. Course Sasuke was going to blab about what happened, she had known that he would, it was only to be expected after all.

"Why? Hoping to catch us making-out or something were you?" Temari said, raising one perfectly plucked eyebrow, the future Hokage quailed under her look, but his companion remained impassive. The blonde couldn't quite shake the feeling that she'd seen the girl somewhere before; there was something strangely familiar about her.

"Uh…well…agh!" Naruto made incoherent babbling noises and with her face still hidden in her hands Ino couldn't help be feel sorry for him, if there was one thing Temari knew how to do it was render people speechless.

"Well sorry to disappoint, but I don't swing that way," Temari had plucked a daffodil from a bucket by the counter and was waving it around to emphasise her point. "And neither it turns out does Ino."

"What!?" The shrike caused all three blondes to turn and stare at the dark haired female. Her pale face was slightly flushed and ebony eyes, dancing with what looked like rage, were fixed on Ino.

"Now just calm dow-" Naruto started, trying to grab hold of her arm, but was cut off when she pulled free, shaking him off with out a second thought.

"Don't tell me what to do." She spat, before rounding on the blonde who was still standing dumb struck behind the counter. "And as for you…You've got to be one of the biggest pains in the ass I have ever had the misfortune to meet. You're selfish, arrogant, vain, headstrong and totally lacking in tact. I really have to ask myself sometimes if you really are a human being or if you're some sort of demon sent from hell to make my life a living nightmare."

"Look, I don't know what you're talking about." Ino said, shocked and just a bit angry about being talked to like that and by a total stranger at that.

"Oh no, of course you don't. Little miss perfect aren't you, Yamanaka? So wrapped up in yourself that you never stop to think about other people, never take into consideration that it might be a good idea if you opened your eyes once in a while and realised that how you act effects those around you. The whole world doesn't revolve around you and it's time that you-" Her angry tirade was abruptly cut off when she was suddenly surrounded by a cloud of smoke.

"Umm…" Naruto looked like a rat cornered in a trap and was shooting nervous glances at the door, while the two blondes were looking confusedly at the cloud of smoke that when it cleared, revealed not the striking dark haired female but rather an enraged Sasuke Uchiha.

Ino stood looking as if someone had just hit her over the head, one minuet some strange girl was dressing her down and the next…Sasuke? How? Why? This could not be happening was the only thought in her head, well not quite the only one. She was also slightly miffed that even as a girl Sasuke looked stunning and had a better figure than she did.

Naruto was flushing a red that was more commonly associated with his girlfriend, his eyes flicking back and forth between the fuming Uchiha and the stunned Yamanaka. Part of him knew that teaching Sasuke his sexy jutsu was only going to end in trouble and when Ino came out of her daze she was going to start yelling. And while she might start by yelling at Sasuke sooner or later she was going to work out who had taught him that particular jutsu and then it would 'goodnight Naruto Uzumaki' Kami help him.

A vein was throbbing in Sasuke's temple, all this work, all this effort and it was for nothing. The girl was messing with his head and it was driving him insane and worse still she was messing with his heart. He could feel the tension rising in the air, building like steam inside a pressure cooker.

Temari's sudden yelp of shock had all three turning their attention to the blonde kunoichi who was holding onto the counter while trying to regain her balance on her stool. Her head was down, her shoulders were shaking and it was obvious to all that she had almost slipped off of her seat.

"Temari?" Ino questioned, reaching out a hand to her friend who raised a tear streaked face to look at the Konoha girl, a wide grin almost splitting her face in two.

"He…And then you…cus you said…Naruto…your attention…girl…gay…too funny…." The blonde choked out through uncontrollable giggles, before laying her head on the counter top and giving way to hysterical laughter.

Ino and Sasuke stared at the girl as if she had gone mad; they could see nothing remotely funny about the situation. Naruto could see the funny side, but his chuckle died as two pairs of eyes, one onyx, and one cerulean, glared in his direction. He was used to the glare from Sasuke, the patented Uchiha look that could cold freeze the blood in your veins. But the look Ino was giving him looked powerful enough to bring about death by shrivelling. Gulping silently, he backed away one hand waving frantically behind his back until he felt the security of the door handle under his fingers and bolted from the shop.

"Wimp!" Temari yelled as the door banged shut and sent the bell into a jingling frenzy. The weight of the twin glares of Sasuke and Ino impacted on her like a ten-ton load of rock. Never before in her life had she ever felt like she was simultaneously bursting into flames while freezing to death.

"Uhh, but then again, I think I might be leaving too. So bye." Slipping down for her seat the dark blonde moved swiftly across the floor, daffodil still in hand and opened the door. But Temari being Temari couldn't resist one last parting shot. "Just don't do anything I wouldn't."

The door was closed before Ino could come back with a sufficiently scathing reply. Almost unwillingly, sapphire orbs drifted around the small shop, taking in the bright displays of full brightly coloured blooms before eventually coming to rest on the eighteen-year-old male standing in the centre of the floor. The air was so thick that it could have been sliced with a kunai and the young blonde could feel the weight of it pressing down on her.

A slight flush still coloured Sasuke's pale cheeks and his dark eyes were still intently fixed on the youngest of the Yamanaka clan. But at least he didn't look like he was about to start yelling again, though truth be told he didn't look like he was going to do anything. He simply stood watching Ino, who became more and more fidgety under the intense stare.

It must have only been a few minuets but it felt like hours to Ino. Hours in which her life long crush just stood watching her, his eyes unreadable, as he waited for her to say or do something. Until at last she could take it no longer, and broke the heavy silence that has settled over them.

"Umm…Sasuke?" Ino said hesitantly, waiting until he nodded his head slightly, acknowledging that she had spoken and indicating that she should go on. "Why did you do that?"

"Why d'you think Ino?" The derision was evident in his voice, but there was also something else. Faint as smoke in the wind was the merest hint of apprehension.

"I-I-is it c-cus I…c-c-cus I…" The young blonde took a deep breath and tried to regain control, while mentally cursing herself for stuttering. "Is it because of what I said to you?"

"Hn," It was the patented Uchiha response but the doubt had vanished from onyx orbs. "Can't think of another reason."

"Oh." Ino bit on her bottom lip, her eyes fixed on her hands, which were lying on top of the counter. She could tell by the look in his eyes that Sasuke hadn't done what he had to mock her, but just so he could try and get closer to her even after she had pushed him away. It was a realisation that made her insides feel hot and twitchy, and left her heart beating a frantic tattoo inside her rib cage while it simultaneously tried to leap into her throat.

"Whatever." Sasuke turned on his heel and headed for the door. It had been a stupid plan, he'd known that from the start and it had been even more stupid to let Naruto convince him to go through with it when he wanted to back out.

"Uh, Sasuke." Shocked to hear her voice so close, he spun round and came face to face with the blonde and was a little taken aback to find her so close to him. He had not been aware of her moving and yet she was so close that he could feel the heat radiating from her slender body and see the way the light shifted the colours of her eyes.

Ino's elfin like face was only inches from his own and he could not help but stare at her full lightly glossed lips as she spoke. "Arigotto, Sasuke. No ones ever done anything like that for me before."

She offered him a shy little smile and Sasuke watched fascinated as she leaned towards him and kissed him lightly on the cheek. A small bubble of happiness burst in Sasuke's gut and his heart seemed to leap in his chest at the soft brush if her lips. Without hesitation he drew her in, and before she could pull back he was returning her cheek kiss, then another, then his lips were sliding to her neck, her ear and finally her mouth.

Lamb: Sasuke knows all her bad points and yet he's still prepared to publicly humiliate himself for her.

Muse: You just know that Temari will tell everyone what she saw.

Dedi: No kidding. Well Yoruichi 'Ino', we hope you liked it.

Please R and R I'd love to know what you thought.

Big luv see ya

Lamanth