Title: The First Time
Category: Het (Modern)
Characters/Pairings: Merlin/Morgana
Rating/Warnings: T for suicide attempt and sexual tension
Summary: after 1,500 years, what will happen if Merlin and Morgana reunite? Has she forgiven hima. Can Merlin take it?
For over a thousand years, the last Dragonlord had let nature take its course on him. His hair had lengthened and turned from black to steel gray to snow white while his face had hardened and wrinkled. The only parts of him that time did not seem to touch was his eyes, joints, and min. Merlin could see just as well as ever and there seemed to be little arthritis in his bones. For those two facts, he was grateful. Sometimes he wished he'd go senile – like he'd seen happen to Gaius, his mother, and countless others. With memory loss he'd forget all of the horrible things he'd done, even though they had always been completed in the name of Camelot. Merlin attempted to repress the memories, but they were still there in the back of his mind taunting him.
Eventually, he tired of looking lie a homeless elderly man, even though that was what he was. Whispering a spell, the years fell away. With the beard dropping from his face, his eyebrows shaped themselves, his hair shrank and darkened, and his skin smoothed. Merlin now looked no younger than twenty-five or twenty-six years of age.
Knowing he'd need to dress in an age appropriate outfit, he went to the closest store and bought a red sweater and jeans. His boots and stocking cap would do just fine. Wearing his new clothes he went to a coffee shop to order a drink with the little money he had left.
As he paid for his coffee, the bell above the door rang. Usually Merlin just ignored such a sound because it was a commonplace noise. However, this time, it made the warlock turn and look. Seeing who entered, made his heart practically stop. His chest constricted and Merlin found he could barely breathe. In a hurry, he turned back around and overpaid the barista for his plain caffeinated coffee. "Keep it," Merlin muttered as the guy tried to give him the change.
In haste, he left the building in hopes Morgana wouldn't see him. But, alas, that would not be the case. "Merlin! Merlin, wait up," Morgana called after him. However, he did not stop; he just kept running and running until he reached a busy street.
He watched as the vehicles drove up and down the roadway. As Merlin stared, he forgot his coffee and just let it drop the sidewalk beneath him. The recollections filled his mind and drummed against his skull. It was painful and actually made him scream out. Repressed tears fell from his sad eyes down his pale cheeks. He realized then and there that Arthur probably was never returning (there was no Albion to come back to, after all) and that he'd stayed alive for naught. He also realized he couldn't live with those memories any longer.
Timing the cars, trucks, and buses, he started forward. There was a break in the traffic (the traffic light had turned red) and so he stopped also.
Standing there, he willed himself to be completely in tune with himself and his surroundings. Merlin wanted his last minutes alive living in the the moment. The warlock couldn't remember the last time he had done that.
Distantly, he heard the whir of bicycle wheels and hiss of roller blades mixing with gas powered vehicles. Horns blared for who knows why. Birds chirped in flight, cats screeched while fighting, dogs woofed at passerby, and some rodents scuttled through garbage bins.
Closer, he heard the buzz of the signal lights; it was low and oddly comforting. People hurried here and there, thus their shoes clicked on the sidewalk. Music blared from open car windows (the tunes blended together, so Merlin couldn't pick out any particular song) and most walkers were chatting on their mobiles.
Within him, he heard the thrum of his heartbeat in his ears. It was slow, deliberate, and strong. His breathing was even, if not a little nasally. Knowing these functions was happening within him became a comfort.
The light changed to green. Merlin didn't move though. He was watching one of the busses heading this way. When it was only a yard from him, Merlin took a deep breath and stride forward.
Fulling expecting to feel the impact of the vehicle, he closed his eyes and braised himself for the hit. However, that never came. Instead, a body collided with his and pushed him out of the way. As the bus zoomed past, Morgana grabbed Merlin's arm and hurried him away from the area.
Neither said anything as they marched down the street. Morgana had not let go of Merlin and Merlin wasn't fighting. Instead, he followed with his head bowed and shoulders hunched. Finally, Morgana stopped and pushed Merlin through the door of some apartment building. Slightly confused, but not wanting to ask, he let her maneuver him into and out of the elevator. Then,she took him to a flat. There, Morgana sat Merlin on the couch.
Crossing her arms, the witch paced. "What were you thinking," she demanded. "Why?"
"Why?" Merlin repeated. "Because, I don't want to live anymore. Arthur's never coming back. I've lost everyone I ever cared about and I've killed so many times..."
The warlock could not continue speaking. He had broken down. Leaning forward, the warlock wrapped his arms around his torso as loud, wet sobs broke from his throat.
"Shhh," Morgana cooed. She sat down beside him and wrapped her arms around him. With tender fingers, the woman stroked his back after leaning his body into hers.
After the tears had finally stopped, Merlin broke away from the content. "I am so sorry, Morgana," he said, but the high priestess cut him off.
"I am not angry anymore. You needn't apologize. I was blinded by anger, hate, and greed. No more, that is all in the past. I learned a lot while in limbo," Morgana said. "Interesting place, to say the least. The people who run it are a bit odd, but truthful. They feel I had more work to do."
Merlin nodded. He was numb inside. He was also confused by the woman's actions. Morgana was being so open and vulnerable. He couldn't remember the last time they had shared in such a manner.
"Come, Merlin, where is that smile of yours? I miss it," Morgana whispered in his ear. "I think I know a way to bring it back."
"Oh," Merlin asked as Morgana removed his hat and jumper. He watched as she straddled him and stroked his arms and chest while kissing Merlin on the neck, cheek, and lips.
As Morgana worked her womanly magic (not related to being a priestess), Merlin undid the buttons of her shirt. For a moment, the two examined each other with smiles on their faces.
Merlin stood and hoisted her into her arms. "There is the smile I longed for," she said as they entered her bedroom. "There is the smile I missed."
Stripping each other's jeans, they explored their nearly nude bodies. First, their fingers grazed over each other's bodies. Barely satisfied, they took their search to another level as they kissed every fleshy spot each one could find.
Falling into bed, Morgana laid on top of Merlin. Her hips drove forward while her fingers dug into the silken sheets. The warlock pulled Morgana to him and he consensually enters so they are united. His own hips thrusted upwards, Merlin felt something he hadn't felt in a long time - pleasure.
"More," the priestess moaned and Merlin is happy to oblige. "Oh yes, yes! That's it. Yes!"
Then, they climax and it's over. Sweaty, flushed, and breathless, the two lie there looking at each other, smiling. "Wow," Merlin whispered.
"You can say that again," Morgana replied. She sat up and draped a blanket around her. "Come, get dressed. I want to show you something." The priestess left the room for her clothes. A few minutes later, she was back in the room and it's Merlin's turn to gather his outfit.
Once he's dressed, they head out the apartment and into the stairwell. Climbing a few flights of stairs, Merlin and Morgana walked out to the edge of the flat roof. Standing there, they looked out on the city as the sun sets.
Merlin looked over at Morgana. He smiled again as he took her hand in his and squeezed. She returned the gaze and the squeeze, then the woman looked back at the city below them. 'Maybe, just maybe, things will be all right,' Merlin mused within his head.