Disclaimer – We do not own Harry Potter or any of his fffrrrreeeaaakkky fffrrriiieeennddss. We do however claim the right of Marcus' toothbrush.

Harry was walking down a hall of Hogwart's school of witchcraft and wizadry under his invisibility cloak when he heard a moan coming from a nearby closet. Upon carefully opening the door he saw Snape and Filch swapping wizard cards while shagging the arses off one another. Mrs Norris was biting Snape's arse. "Give it to me! Right on there kitty!"

Harry being the gentlemen that he is decided to stay and watch. He could feel the erection forming. But it was immediately lost when Dumbledore stepped in naked and started dancing. Just as Dumbledore was approaching his morris dancing slot, Filch, overtaken by lust pounced on the unsuspecting Headmaster and did the funky chicken with him. Upon seeing this Snape was overcome with jealousy and started to break dance. At seeing this, Dumbledore thought that the can-can would be the best option, followed by the hokey cokey. Filch then finished off with a very accurate Micheal Jackson impersonation (crotch grabbing and a lot of 'ooowwwwwwwwssssssss')

Harry, feeling quite ill now decided to go and spy on Marcus Flint undressing and hoping for a chance to suck his teeth. He made his way down to the dungeons and found himself facing a portrait of Snape naked.

"Password?" said the naked Snape provocatively.

Harry, who had beaten the password out of a first year that morning said, "Pokemon". The portrait swung open and Harry stepped inside. The Slytherin common room was very 'green'. Harry made his way up to the seventh year dormitories and stepped inside. He could see Marcus, sprawled on his bed asleep, in his favourite pyjamas (the ones with flying toothbrushes on them). He was cuddled up to a teenage mutant ninja turtle toy. Harry made his way over and caressed his molars. He picked up the toothbrush on the bedside table, and started to gently caress the teeth and then promptly stuck the brush up his nose.

Marcus jerked awake. "Take that side!" he shouted. He had obviously been dreaming about Quidditch. Harry gently brushed the hair out of his eyes using the bogey covered toothbrush.

"Potter" He growled. "What in hells name are you doing in my dormitory?!"

"I… er… was…er.. taking a walk", stuttered Harry.

"And does taking a walk usually consist of sticking a toothbrush up someone's nose?"  said Flint sarcastically.

"It's just… I…. Like… your…nose". said Harry.

"And did I give you permission to abuse it?" said Flint .

"Look, just shut up and take yer kegs down" Shouted Harry

"Why Potter, I never knew you cared"

"I don't, I just wanted some fun", said Harry mischievously.

"Fun?" said Flint, "I'll give you some fun". He pulled out some handcuffs from the bedside drawer.

"Where did you get those?" asked Harry, amazed.

"A gift, from Draco's  father"

Just then a grunt came from the opposite side of the room. Adrian Pucey was rolling over and mumbling something about Snape having big feet. Harry, afraid of being caught by a herd of Slytherins, in their dormitories gave Marcus a quick peck on his frontal incisors, threw the invisibility cloak over himself and ran for the door.

Unfortunately, as he ran into the common room, he ran into something hard. They fell to the floor and it was then that Harry realised he was buried in a mass of blond hair plastered in hair gel.

"Who's there" screamed Draco Malfoy while trying to hide the 'Play girl' magazine he was holding.

"Your worst nightmare" said Harry in a sinister voice.

"What, Pansy, are you naked again" cried Draco in frustration.

"I'm quite fully clothed. Thanks," said Harry.

"Potter, is that-"

Before Draco could finish his sentence the common room door opened and Snape strolled in wearing a red latex skirt and bra.

"Have you finished with my magazine yet Draco? It's just that Flitwick is meeting me in five minutes and I want to get in the mood"

Draco handed Snape the magazine. Harry took this opportunity to bypass Snape and peg it out of the Slytherin common room.