Ignoring the frantic and saddened beats that banged against her rib cage every time she came here, she exhaled, "Kakashi-sensei."
Sakura leaned back in shock. She swore she heard it, that telltale hum of a response that gave way to the infamous Copy Nin's acknowledgement. Her breath shuddered and she leaned in again, it was most assuredly an insect of some sort. Her sensei was no longer there, no longer with her.
Grazing gentle fingers against the purposeful dents in the stone, Sakura did her best not to grimace. Her sensei was gone. The man she loved even more than Naruto and her father combined was gone.
In a way, this man was her father. He had taught and protected her more than the other man had, anyway. To her, this man was her father, and the one who claimed to be was just a man with a false title. She still remembered all of his gentle touches and caresses. They were in no romantic, but they were no less loving.
Her heart seized and had a spasm in her chest. Sakura traded the fake smile for the realistic frown. No matter how good her defenses had grown to be, no matter how many emotions she had bottled up and forgotten, this man always drew tears from her. She loved him, so it was understandable. She inwardly hated that they couldn't read Icha Icha together, or talk about the missions they weren't supposed to talk about. And she absolutely hated the fact that to the outside world, she had trained herself to remain indifferent to his passing.
Running a hand through her hair, she felt her fingers bump along the cool metal of her hitai-ate. She had only just gotten used to calling it that. The forehead protector that sat in her hair wasn't hers originally, it belonged to a man who had died several months ago, a man who she visited every Thursday.
Which just so happened to be that day.
"Sensei, did I tell you about the last mission I was on? No," She looked into the sky, as if pausing for a thought. "I suppose I couldn't have. It took place a day after we last spoke, and ran into yesterday morning. Or, should I say yesterday's mourning?"
She allowed a dry laugh at her own pathetic joke. Sakura was known for her distasteful and humorless jokes, now. This joke was no different from the others. The only thing that made her jokes so bad was that she freely acknowledged that ninja died, and though her laughs were insincere, they still came after she mocked the dead. The first joke she told of this subject, not surprisingly, came after her sensei's death. It was long forgotten in the archive of demented jokes, by now.
She continued her tale, expressing how she had accidentally let an emotion slip onto her face, but no one had noticed. Much like Kakashi had, Sakura took to wearing a mask to shield her emotions, but her mask wasn't quite as tangible or visible.
"Everyone still thinks I'm an emotionless, heartless, and ruthless harp, so I guess I didn't mess up too bad." Sakura eyed the characters that spelled out his name. "Sasuke is still pestering me. He seems to think that because I misguidedly professed my love as a child, my emotions would stay the same." Another meaningless laugh escaped her throat and wandered passed her lips. "He seems to realize that I have no emotions to show off, anymore."
She kept them locked inside. A dangerous deed, one that would likely hurt her more than help her, but she didn't care. Kakashi-sensei hadn't done this to her, she was well on her way to becoming an emotionless before he died, becoming a shell, much like a clone, except she didn't erupt when provoked.
She offered a lopsided grin to the Memorial Stone, easing to her feet. She made a comment about how great the stone looked, and how it matched his name. It was a sarcastic sneer of a comment, but she was known for those, too.
Turning to the right slightly, her gaze traveled over the orange-clad man striding towards her. Seeing her notice him, he waved, and her scowl deepened. She gave a hasty goodbye to the stone, and sauntered in the direction of her former teammate, only to continue walking when she passed him.
Although he was no stranger to the treatment she offered everyone, Naruto was still always hurt at her now usual cold attitude. She had become jaded, hollow, and he could never have prepared himself enough to see her like that.
"Sakura-chan." He called out, hopping up to her quickly. She didn't even glance at him, just continued to walk in the direction he had come. His head drooped for a moment, but the second passed, and so did his outward hurt. "Let's go to-"
"No. And it's Haruno-chan." She cut him off. Moving her head in his direction, she gave him a quick glare before turning to face in front of her, again. "I don't want ramen, I don't want to meet up with the 'Old Team Seven' at Ichiraku, and I don't want to talk."
His determination hadn't wavered in the least, much to her chagrin. He took her by the arm, and exclaimed, "I'm not calling you that..And come on, it'll be fun, I promise!"
She was about to make a remark about how his promises were always empty and meant nothing to her, when she remembered she wasn't speaking to the boy's moody best friend. She jerked her arm from his grip, and within seconds, a cloud of smoke marked her exit. Naruto narrowed his eyes at the wisps as they moved skywards, but he knew better than to chase after her by now.
When she arrived into her apartment, Sakura placed her hitai-ate on the table the second the knot was loosened. Settling in a chair, she brought her hands to her lips, curling them in a familiar way. Had she taken a moment to analyze what she looked like, she would have realized, with much angst, that she resembled the raven-haired boy she was once pined after.
Through the blinds, she saw that the day was slipping, the sun diving beneath the horizon. Perhaps a year ago she would have felt bad for turning Naruto down so coldly, and she might have even gone in spite of herself.
But she was not the girl she was a year ago. And she was not doing anything she didn't want to do for the satisfaction of making others besides herself happy, and she was not going to meet up with people she didn't liked, which included anyone who breathed. Naruto, Sasuke, and Sai included.
Letting out a weighted sigh, Sakura leaned back in her chair and began to remove the emotions she had always displayed on Thursdays.