Disclaimer: I do not own Red vs. Blue, or the characters. They are the property of RoosterTeeth, etc.
Notes: Alright, I did it. I wrote a Pastry Train fic. Because of the pairing of Donut x Caboose, I am giving my first slash warning for a Red vs. Blue fic. There is also the usual language warning, and it might also contain some OOC. Enjoy!
Sarge looked around Red base. Only two of his soldiers were there. "Simmons! Where's Donut got to?"
"Don't you remember, Sir? He said something about a slumber party," the maroon armoured sim trooper responded.
"Oh, that's right. The infiltration."
"Infiltration?"
"Why else would he spend the night in Blue base willingly?"
Meanwhile in Blue base...
"How come Caboose gets to have someone, from the other team, spend the night, and I can't invite a girl to the base?" Tucker asked.
"For starters, there aren't any girls here, this Box Canyon is a sausage-fest once again. Second, it's Donut. It's not like he'll kill Caboose in his sleep or anything," Wash responded.
"Dude, that's not what I'm worried about. Don't tell me you haven't caught on yet!"
"Caught on to what?"
"Yep. You're dense." Tucker crossed his arms and let out a sigh. "You know how slumber parties often have just girls? It's so boys won't bang 'em."
"They're both guys, it's not like anything can happen."
"There's only one phrase that comes to mind with Donut. Don't ask, don't tell."
"Huh?"
"Forget it."
In Caboose's bedroom, Caboose and Donut were sitting on the floor and laughing about something. "And then, just when things couldn't get any worse..." Donut continued sharing his anecdote about his team-mates, while Caboose continued laughing.
"Then what happened?" Caboose asked through some chuckles.
"The ropes wouldn't snap, no matter how much Grif tried to force them to. He lost his balance and fell right on top of Simmons! I'd never seen such a funny accidental kiss! Sarge was not impressed, I was sure he was gonna blow!" More laughter.
"Hey! Keep it down in there!" Tucker yelled from outside the room. "We can hear you from outside!"
"Sorry, but we can't help being loud," Donut responded.
Yeah, forget about going to my rock. Thanks for the mental image, Donut. He walked away.
"Now, where was I?" He hugged his knees to his chest and hummed in thought.
"Accidental kiss," Caboose supplied.
"That's right! So, when Sarge came out, he would've slapped at Grif if he had anything. He knew he couldn't shoot him either at risk of getting Simmons as well. He was saying so many words that with some, even I didn't know the definition of them!"
Caboose rolled onto his back, clutching his sides in laughter. "I wish I could've seen that!"
"I know, right? I wish I had a video camera or something!"
"Did you laugh when you saw them?"
"I had to hold mine back, you know how Sarge and Simmons are when it comes to their pride."
Caboose tried stifling his laughs while Donut lay on his stomach, still smiling widely.
"So. Any funny stories?"
"Hmm...oh! I've got one!" Caboose opened his mouth, ready to begin telling his story. He was interrupted by a knock on the door.
"Caboose, Donut, come to the mess hall. I'm sure you're both hungry by now," Wash called through the door.
"Yay! Come on, Private Cupcake! Wash cooks really good!" Caboose cheered as he grabbed the other blond's hand and practically dragged him out of the room.
No, really. Donut was struggling to regain his footing, but it wasn't just because the taller spartan was practically pulling him. It was simply because Caboose was holding his hand.
When the Privates arrived in the tiny mess hall, they saw Wash wearing an apron. It was one of those Kiss the Cook aprons, but DON'T was scrawled above the original text.
The ex-Freelancer was standing by plates filled with different goodies; none were too fancy as he used what they had. "Here you go. I remembered what you two said you liked."
"This looks delicious, Wash!" Donut near-squealed in delight as he eyed the cupcakes, cookies and punch.
"Those are just snacks, though. There's going to be proper food later." He watched them sit down and happily devour the sweets. He was glad all of the extra ingredients had been stored in the bottom of the pantry, it helped for these types of situations.
Two full stomachs, one loud and satisfied burp (Caboose), one giggle-fit (Donut) and one scolding for bad manners (Wash) later, the Privates were back in the bedroom. Donut lay on his stomach, his pillow resting under his arms and his legs kicking back and forth. "So, what was the funny story you were going to tell me?"
Caboose was on his back, right beside Donut. He turned to look at him. "I forget what it was."
"Boo! Come on, Caboose, there must be something you can share!" He pouted.
The golden-blond thought really hard, letting out a loud hum as he tried to grasp that train of thought that had been derailed. "Oh! I remember!"
"Well...spill!"
"Spill what?"
"Tell me the funny story!"
"Oh! Okay! In Blood Gulch, we all had to share a room, right?"
"Yeah, those bases were bullshit."
"Even Sister shared with us, and Church would tie her and Tucker to their beds every night for some reason I don't know why."
"I can guess. Go on."
"We'd all eaten beans that night, and Sister escaped from being tied up. She tried sneaking to Tucker's bed. She was beside it, and then, Tucker's bottom talked."
"Eww!"
"That's what Sister said! But, it was funny seeing Tucker running out of the room really quick!"
"Wouldn't it have been all of you who ran?"
"No, because Tucker knew we were going to kill him! Church said so that anybody who had a talking bottom that night would be killed."
Ah. I bet Church said Whoever farts is dead.
"The room smelled bad for days, and while the rest of us slept outside in a place your team could not see, Tucker was told he had to sleep where his bottom talked. He did not like it at all!" Caboose erupted into full-blown laughter.
Donut blinked, then allowed a small chuckle to escape, just because Caboose was amused. "Anything else funny? Not involving Tucker and not involving farting."
"No, because it is always funny when something happens to Tucker that he does not like."
"Fair enough." He rose to a crouching position. "Wanna play a game?"
"Yeah! I like games! What can we play?"
He put a finger to his chin. "Hmm...something with cards?"
"Okay!"
"Go Fish?"
"Okay!"
"Strip?"
"Okay!" He sat up and moved to take his shirt off.
"No, not yet! We each lose a piece of clothing when we lose the game."
"Okay!" He moved his hands away from the shirt.
Phew! That was close!
They were on their third match. Donut was in his shirt and pants, having already lost his shoes and socks. Caboose had his pants, shoes and socks on, after losing his short in the first round.
It was getting very hard for Donut to focus on the game when Caboose was sitting across from him, topless and unconcerned about it. "Got any sevens?"
"Go fish!"
He drew a card.
Caboose was about to request his next card, but the door opened.
"Hey, Wash said it's almost time to eat so...CABOOSE! WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU TOPLESS?"
"We're playing Strip Go Fish!" he replied cheerfully.
"Can you let Wash know we'll be there after this game? We're almost done," Donut requested.
"Sure. Whatever." He backed out of the room, closing the door after himself.
Wash heard footfalls approaching. "About time, you two, your food's getting cold." He blinked in surprise. "Caboose. Where are your clothes?"
"We're playing Strip Go Fish, and I can't put my clothes back on until we're finished and one of us is not wearing anything," the tall spartan responded.
"Uh-huh. Well, at least you're still wearing your boxers." He turned a questioning glance to Tucker, who simply responded with a shrug and an I told you so expression on his face.
The somewhat stripped Privates sat at the table and dug into their food. "Oh! Wash! Tucker can't eat beans!"
"What?" He turned to Tucker again. "Do they disagree with you?"
Tucker sighed, his dark skin changing shade around his cheeks. "It was one time, Dude. But, Church said I can't have them anymore. It should be fine now since he's not here. Yet!" He quickly added to his comment. Sure, he and Caboose didn't quite like each other, but even he considered making Caboose cry the equivalent of kicking a newborn puppy with three legs. You just don't do it. "He's not here yet."
"One time? Oh." He clued in.
"Seriously, Wash, is today the day you take stupid pills? You've been pretty dense all day."
"I'm fine, okay? Drop it."
Donut continued eating, trying to keep his eyes off of Caboose's hairless chest.
After eating, they were back in the room. They got bored with Go Fish, so they put the cards away. "Let's play Truth or Dare!" Caboose suggested.
"Sure!" That brought him back. He remembered when the Blue team captured him, Caboose played it with him. It may have just been a ploy to get Donut to talk about Red team's secrets, and the rules did say he had to tell if asked. But, he'd enjoyed it. Caboose had been very nice to him. That might've been when his feelings for the golden blond came into existence.
"I'll start! Truth or dare?"
"Truth!"
"Do you have a crush?"
He blushed. "Yes. I do. A big one." He cleared his throat. "Truth or dare?"
"Truth."
"Do you like me?" Why the hell did I just ask that?
"Yep!" He nodded happily. "Truth or dare?"
"Truth!"
"Is your hair really that color?"
"The blond? Yep. The lightish-red tints are hair dye. It makes it more strawberry blond."
"I like strawberries!"
"Truth or dare?"
"Dare."
"I dare you to show me your birthmark."
He turned around. "It's the thing on my back."
"Shaped like a heart? Cute!"
"Truth or dare?"
"Dare!"
"I dare you to take off your shirt and pants."
He had to. Why did he just tell me to do that? He removed his lightish-red shirt first, then the black pants. He had a pretty attractive physique. Slender without being thin, muscly without them bulging, and also hairless. (He waxes.) "Truth or dare?"
"Truth."
"How much do you like me?"
Caboose stretched his arms out. "This much!"
"Really?"
"Truth or dare?"
"Truth!"
"Why are you blushing when you look at me?"
"Um..."
"It can't be not true!"
Damn it! "It's because I find you attractive. Truth or dare?"
"Truth."
May as well get this over with... "If I leaned over and kissed you on the lips, what would you do?"
"Hug and kiss you. Truth or dare?"
"Truth."
"Do you really want to kiss me?"
"I do. A lot. It's taking all I have to hold back. Truth or dare?"
"Truth."
"Why would you kiss me back?"
"Because I like you a lot. It feels like what I felt for Sheila. Truth or dare?"
"..." He was trembling, wondering what Caboose would say next. "Truth..."
"Am I the one you have a crush on?"
He could no longer hold back. He leaned over and allowed his lips to meet with Caboose's. He quickly pulled back and breathed "yes" before moving in for another kiss.
Caboose did as he said he would. He reciprocated the kisses and held Donut in his strong arms. He closed his eyes as he started reclining, pulling Donut with him.
Donut pulled back so they could breathe and gazed into the other's bright blue eyes. "Caboose...I love you..."
"Me too, Donut!" He smiled widely. His smile faded. "Something feels funny..."
At first, Donut was a little worried, but then, he felt what Caboose meant. He ground his hips against Caboose's, letting out a slight groan.
Caboose gasped, his cheeks dark. "Now, I feel really good..."
"I'm glad. I want us to feel...uhn...good together."
"Me too! It feels really good and it's with you!"
"Then, shall we feel better?"
Tucker grumbled to himself as he dried the dishes. "It's his turn tonight, why am I doin' them? I swear, it's like Wash favours him or something!" He started putting plates away. "Seriously! He gets a slumber party with Donut, he's allowed in Wash's room...it's not fair, damn it!"
They cuddled together and kissed each other tenderly; both exhausted, both naked and both happy.
Tucker burst into the room. "Damn it, Caboose, it was your turn to WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?"
Wash hurried into the room. "I heard screaming, is everything al...right...?"
"I tried to warn ya, Wash! I told you, didn't I?"
He shook his head and sighed. "Caboose, Donut, clean up after yourselves and keep the noise down. I'm going to bed." He turned to leave. "I'm getting too old for this shit..."
Tucker followed the tired ex-Freelancer. "Wash! They've been fucking! And, that's all you have to say to them?" His frantic yelling could be heard fading down the hallway.
Caboose chuckled as he held Donut close. "Tucker looked so stupid just now."
Donut just let out a sigh and kissed Caboose once more.
The next day...
"Now then, Caboose, you must remember a few important things," Wash informed in a fatherly tone. He felt it necessary to go through a different version of The Talk with Caboose.
"Donut, you're back! Find out anything good about the Blues?" Sarge asked as soon as Donut had returned to base.
"Lots about Caboose, but sorry, can't tell you about that, Sarge."
"I thought you went there for some infiltration!"
"Well, I did do some."
Grif and Simmons exchanged looks, agreeing not to ask. They did not want Donut to tell them all about it.