DONNA WAS HERE
By
Lacadiva
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Just funning with Harvey and Jessica!
Rating: PG-13.
Summary: Jessica pays a surprise visit to Harvey…but Donna was there. Another Jarvey yearning story, despite the fact that Donna's name is in the title.
For a fluttery gut, listen to The Isley Brothers "Make Me Say It Again" while reading.
She could always lie and say that she was just in the neighborhood. Actually, that wouldn't have been too far from the truth. Proximity to the truth was all any lawyer worth his or her sheepskin needed to win a case. Right?
Jessica knew somewhere in the back of her mind that this little impromptu visit might not be her best idea. She wasn't even sure why she wanted to see him, but some part of her wanted his company. She did in all honesty want his feedback on the settlement, but knew it didn't have to be now, not tonight. It could have waited until the morning.
Yet here she was, stepping off the elevator and heading towards Harvey's penthouse apartment. What did she hope to accomplish? What was her goal?
She wasn't certain, but with each step she formed alternate plans for every possible scenario:
If Harvey was asleep, she would apologize profusely for waking him, leave the file and go.
If he were awake, she would still leave the file, and maybe suggest they talk about the case and end the evening with a bit of a nightcap. A small glass of red wine, maybe a coffee…and she'd do the pouring.
If he were not at home, she'd slide the filed under the door, letting him know what he'd missed.
And if he was glad to see her…
She may have to run.
So why was she standing there, about to knock on his door in the first place if running away from him was possibly part of the scenario?
Call it a momentary lapse of reason – thus began the negotiation in her head. Her heart was heavy. It had been months since she'd heard from Jeff. Maybe she just needed a friend. Maybe she needed something more.
Harvey was easy to talk to. It was easy to be herself around him. She could kick off her Manolo's and have his approval, put her feet up and he'd follow suit. Just sit and listen to jazz and he'd be more than happy to sit quietly next to her, tapping a foot or a finger to the beat and just letting her be…
Careful you don't fall…
Her fist froze before her knuckle could even touch the door. Jessica counted a slow one-two-three in her head first, and then knocked.
"What happened?" she heard Harvey shout on the other side of the door as he made his way across the room to open it, "Did you forget something?"
At least she knew he was awake. Jessica fought the urge to smile and straightened her back. This was her all-business stance, a safer stance. Hard to misinterpret her intentions when she stood just so.
The door opened. Music was playing low. She knew the song. Isley Brothers.
("Oh, I believe you are an angel, all the heave I need to see…")
Harvey was smiling. Or rather, he was smiling the moment he opened the door. It quickly changed. Was the look on his face surprise when he saw Jessica? Or was it disappointment?
"Jessica? What are you doing here?"
It was usually Harvey's habit to step aside and allow her in. Apologize if the place was a mess. Close the door behind her. Offer her a glass of wine.
But he stood in the doorway, keeping it partially closed, as if trying to conceal something from her eyes.
"Aren't you going to ask me in?"
"Sure," he said much too quickly, but didn't move right away. Jessica breezed past him and entered the apartment.
It was a very clear picture of how he'd spent the evening. And it was crystal clear that up until a very short while ago, Harvey was not alone.
She could still smell perfume lingering in the air-conditioned cool of his expansive living area.
"Am I interrupting?" she asked.
"No," he said, again, too quickly.
She took in the scene – messy table, two plates, and the remnants of a shared meal. Two empty bottles. Wine glasses, both empty and spotted with fingerprints.
And one glass was smeared with red coral lip stain. White linen napkin with the same stroke of red coral. She knew that color, had seen it before.
"I am interrupting. This can wait until morning."
Jessica turned to exit, but Harvey had already closed the door and was standing in front of it.
"What did you want?"
"Oh…the merger…the settlement…"
She held up the file, waved it once. "I thought it would be prudent to have a second set of eyes on it. Namely yours. As I said, it can wait until morning."
"If it could wait, Jessica, why'd you bring it by? It's after eleven."
"I…was...in the neighborhood," she said, and mentally kicked herself for blurting out the weak and terrible lie. "I thought you might be up working, and wouldn't mind the interruption. But it looks like caught you at a bad time. I shouldn't have stopped by…"
"I don't mind you stopping by," he said, reaching for the file. "I never mind. Just seems odd."
"What's odd?"
He took the file. "Why are you really here?"
"I told you. To give you the file. You have the file. My job is done. So…who was your dinner guest? Anyone I know?"
"It was Donna."
"Of course it was," she said under her breath, but to Harvey, she asked, "Does that mean all is forgiven between you two?"
"We're working it out."
"Hm…"
Jessica didn't blink. Didn't move or change expression. She gave nothing away. But if anyone had access to what was really going on inside her…
"It was a work-related dinner," he said, undoubtedly hoping to clarify the situation.
Jessica picked up one of the empty wine bottles and smiled.
"I see what you were working on."
"Do I detect a little green in those big brown eyes?"
"Don't be ridiculous, Harvey. Last I heard, however, Donna was still Louis' secretary. You're not trying to make a move, are you? Because I'd prefer not to referee this particular fight."
"We had dinner, because we're friends again. Talking about it, anyway. We took a few hits. We're trying to repair it. That's all. She's still working for Louis, all's right with the world. See? No big deal. Just celebrating our détente."
"You've made your point, Harvey. I got it."
"Great. Now that we've got that squared away, you want tell me why you're really here?"
"I already explained."
"Bull…"
"Good night, Harvey."
"You look bruised."
"I'm not."
"Was it because Donna was here?"
"Please…"
"Was it something I said? Something I didn't say?"
"I'm just a little tired. Which I'm about to remedy by going home. Look over the contract, would you?"
Harvey reached out for her arm. She smartly anticipated his move and retracted her arm, holding it close to herself.
"Hey!" he said, surprised, angry. He'd never seen her like that before. She'd never pulled away from him like that. Ever.
"Hey yourself," Jessica countered.
"For the record, there's nothing happening between us."
"You don't owe me any explanation, Harvey. You're a grown man. You do what you want."
He smiled one of his patented smoldering grins and gave her a look that made her shudder…in a good way.
"I can't always do what I want."
"Then you do what you need."
"Why are you paraphrasing Mick Jagger?"
She could not help but smile. The ridiculousness of the moment, the tension, the stress. The fear of the unknown…and the known…
When she smiled, it was all Harvey could do to not let her know what that smile did to him.
"Look, Harvey," she said, "I don't care about your personal life. I don't care if you see Donna or not. I just came by to…"
"To what?"
She looked at him with those big brown eyes, searching him even as she was searching her own thoughts, desires, hopes...
Time to drop all pretenses. She couldn't hide the fact that her eyes had betrayed her by welling up, that her own better judgment had abandoned her. Just 'fess up, and maybe wipe the slate clean and start all over again.
"It was moment of weakness."
Harvey stepped closer, but kept his hands to himself.
"Weakness? Jessica…you're the strongest person I know. Next to me."
She smiled again. And he nearly gave away with an audible moan the ripples he felt deep in his belly.
"You…" Harvey said, taking a step closer, wagging a finger at her. "You were going to break our pact tonight."
"I wasn't…"
"Don't lie to me."
"I'm not lying."
"C'mon...you were going to break it…"
"Harvey..."
"If Donna hadn't been here…"
"It doesn't matter.
"Look…Donna was here," he said.
Then he touched a spot in the middle of his chest, indicating his heart, just above a shirt button.
"Donna was here, too. But not anymore. She's moved on. So have I."
"To where?"
He took another step closer.
"That depends on where you're sleeping tonight."
She couldn't look in him the face. Then she laughed, shook her head, and moved away, toward the door.
"Such a smooth talker..."
"Admit it...we were about to throw down. Right? Am I Right?"
"I plead the fifth."
"Jessica...stay. Just have a drink with me. Let the evening play itself out…"
"Pump the breaks, Smooth Guy. That's not why I came here."
He looked at her quite seriously now. "Then why did you come, Jessica?"
She thought about it. And took a step closer to share her thought. She wanted to leave him with something to remember…something tantamount to a quick brush of a kiss upon his cheek, but not that. Not yet. Not tonight.
"I have my reasons. You don't need to know them."
"So you're just going to show up, shake my tree and leave, just like that?"
"Always leave them wanting more. That's what my mother always used to say. That's how she snagged my father…"
"Oh, so you admit you're trying to snag me?"
"I plead the fifth…"
"Again with the fifth…?"
Harvey moved closed. She wasn't sure whether she wanted to step back or not.
And then she noticed it…there on his white shirt, just inside the collar on the left side…red coral.
Her first thought was, how very 1950s. Lipstick on the collar. More than enough cause for the dissolution of a relationship back then, at least as far as the old soap operas were concerned. This was not the dark ages. These were far more enlightened times.
Still...
She wondered if Harvey could see the fire in her turn to ice, or light in her eyes grow dull with the realization that he may have lied. She was not about to be next.
And Jessica Pearson would be second to no one.
"Just read the file," she said, with typical Pearson fashion, and headed for the door.
"Since when do you want me crossing your i's and dotting your t's?"
"Since we stand to make over $80 million on this deal. By the way, you may as well toss that shirt in the trash. That stain's never coming out."
Jessica took great pleasure in slamming the door on her exit. How very fifties, she thought as she stepped into the elevator and punched the button hard enough to crack a nail. How very fifties indeed.
Jessica could not sleep. Her brain refused to relax; she was too busy rehashing her evening and all the things she did that were so very wrong. So very un-Jessica.
Never let them know, never let them imagine, and never let them think for a moment that they mean something to you, or you're lost forever.
Harvey was a major complication waiting to turn into a flat out disaster. Why did she continually allow herself these frivolous moments, these flights of fancy? She could not understand herself, her motivation. She was composing a new pact in her mind, and this is how it would read if on paper:
Harvey Specter was verboten.
There were enough complications in her life.
Just as she'd signed the contract in her head and turned over onto her side to sleep at last, her cell rang.
She checked the caller I.D.
Of course.
"What, Harvey?"
"I was going to leave you a message. Why'd you pick up?"
"What's the message?"
"I just finished reading. It's impeccable, just like everything you do."
"Well, it never hurts to be sure. Get some sleep."
"Hey...I need to tell you something."
"Can it wait till morning?"
"Sure, but I've got you on the phone now. You're right about the shirt..."
The lingering silence, the deliberate nature of it gave Jessica pause to wonder if Harvey was trying to provoke her in some way. She would not play along. Let the silence stretch as long as either of them could stand it.
"It's ruined," he said finally. "But you're wrong if you're thinking what I think you're thinking. For the record…in case you were wondering…it was just a hug."
She waited a beat before responding. It was his turn to wait.
"There's no need to explain yourself again."
"Maybe I'm a little sick of being misunderstood, Jessica! Maybe I'm tired of being accused, blamed and held liable every time I make a move. You show up to my home without and invitation, you're liable to catch me living."
"I'm hanging up now."
"Don't you hang up! I want you to listen to me, because this little cat and mouse game is getting old! I take a step toward you, and you yell fire and jump back. You take a step toward me, and then act like it was a huge misunderstanding. The only thing I don't understand is what the hell you want. So why don't you just tell me, Jessica…what the hell do you want?"
Her silence was not deliberate this time. She could not find the words. Harvey had called her out. She sat up, heart racing, beating hard against her chest so loud she could hear it.
"I want you to lower your voice, and remember who we are."
"I know who I am."
"Likewise. And I also know that when we work together, we are a force to be reckoned with. And we need to do everything we can to protect and preserve that force. Sometimes the lines of communication can be crossed…and boundaries…"
"I respect your boundaries!"
"Do you, Harvey?"
"You bet I do! And it's time you started respecting mine."
Jessica took a deep breath to steady her, steady her voice.
"You're right, Harvey."
"Why did you show up tonight, Jessica? Tell me the truth. And don't give me that 'you were in the neighborhood' crap."
"What were we just saying about boundaries?"
"You violated mine. I have a right to know."
She stood, twisting the tension from her neck and shoulders, hoping for relief. Perhaps confession would help. Or it could complicate matters to the point of no return. She had to respond.
"I had a rough day. I just needed a friend."
"That's all?"
"That's all."
Silence again. Jessica bit her lip to keep herself from saying more, from blurting out the truth.
"Why didn't you say so?"
"Remember who we are…"
"Yeah…your firm comes first, always. How can I forget?"
"Our firm, Harvey. You're my partner."
"Listen, about Donna…"
"Let me clarify something for you, Harvey, then I'm hanging up and going back to bed. What you do and who you do it with, on your dime and your time is not my concern, ever. Just do your job. That makes me happy. The moment you stop making me happy, you're history. Are we clear?"
She waited. This silence seemed longer, heavier and darker than the ones before.
"Jessica...Are you as turned on as I am right now?"
"Shut up, Specter, and get off my phone."
"Wait, Jessica…don't hang up. What if I told you I was outside your door…?"
"Please tell me you're not outside my door...!"
"Would you let me in? If I were standing there…"
"After everything I just said…!"
"Yes or no? Would you open the door?"
"Not even."
"Then I'll say good night."
Jessica pressed END CALL. She wanted so badly to throw her phone and smash it against the wall – as if it would teach Harvey a lesson, rather than just smash her expensive tech - but maintained enough self control to merely place the phone on the side table. She sat hard on the edge of the bed and threw her head back, forcing herself to breathe deeply and be calm.
She knew she'd never get to sleep now. She'd be running and re-running the conversation over and over in her head until it split open from pain, confusion, anger and all the requisite effects of loneliness.
Why was Harvey so exasperating, so frustrating, so…
And then she heard something in the living room.
She grabbed her phone, prepared to dial 911 if necessary and made her way cautiously down the hall.
As soon as she turned on the light, she saw the source of the noise.
The file she'd given Harvey had been slid under the door, and was now back in her possession.
"Harvey…"
Jessica eased quietly to the door and leaned in to look through of the peephole. The hall outside her secured door was empty, cold, quietly. No sign of Harvey. He may have been there, but now he was gone.
Just as well, she thought as she scooped up the file, tossed it onto the leather couch near her designer brief case, and headed back to her bedroom.
Tonight, she might have opened the door.
END.
My deep gratitude for reading this. If you're a Jarvey fan, or even if you're not, please review if you were moved in any way. Thank you in advance for your kindness.